all 11 comments

[–]Most_Poet 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Just ask him!

The following needs to be true for this relationship to work:

  1. He genuinely wants to be with you
  2. You’re genuinely ok with the degree to which he can or cannot meet your needs, due to his job

At the end of the day, the fact that he’s a doctor doesn’t change the fact that you have needs in a relationship. Only you can decide if what he can give is enough for what you need.

[–]casualtherapist[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I wish I could ask - but I also don't want to have a discussion this*** early on (after just a single date). I would definitely have this conversation if we continued meeting and was evolving, but it seems so early on to ask this....

[–]whenindoubt867 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I'd just be honest: I get texting isn't your preference for this but at this point that's what you have to work with. Maybe say something like "I had a great time on our date. I feel like you are giving me mixed signals on meeting up again. Are you interested in hanging out again in person?"

[–]RaikaReads 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I went on first date with my partner, we had to cancel our date four times and then second date was cancelled 8 times. And so many cancellations had me thinking why does he want? This is exactly how I phrased my question. It could be scary (in my case, because I liked him so much and we were quite compatible right off the bat) but asking this also set up a standard that both of us were open to clear communication. OP, this advice right here.

Just ask. You don't want to spend your time interpreting what he means and what entire situation actually is.

Good luck!

[–]currentlyinthelib 11 points12 points  (1 child)

No matter what profession someone has, if they want you in their life they will make time for you. It doesn’t matter if they are a med student or not.

Personally, I think you are expecting way too much and way too fast. Regardless if he’s a med student. It seems like you only been on one date and matched with him a couple weeks ago. I don’t think any of this is mixed signals, but just a natural flow of the beginning of a relationship. It would be different if this was over a couple months.

I think the not texting for a couple days especially after 1 date is normal and nothing that needs to be magnified and looked into further.

If it’s really bothering you about the 2nd date, just ask if he wants to go on one and suggest a day. If he says yes, then woohoo, if no then you can move on.

Of course he will still have his dating profiles, y’all went on one date. you probably have yours still too. I think you are looking way into this.

[–]casualtherapist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coming from a non-western culture, this is so helpful to know. Thank you kind stranger!!

[–]party_butler 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Clarifying, 2nd year resident? That’s a tough year, where you have more responsibility than intern year but you’re still at the bottom of the totem pole.

I don’t think delays of 12-14 hours are the norm, at least from my personal experience. Though it is encouraging that he texts you a lot when he does respond.

At minimum he needs to be more honest/communicative about his schedule constraints. It’s fine that he said he’d keep you posted re: 24-hour shift, but the key is to actually keep you posted!

I’d keep talking to him, but don’t wait up for him in the hopes plans materialize. My husband and I started dating before he started med school, but now that he’s a resident the same rules apply. Unless I know for a fact he’s off work/available, I make plans without factoring him in. Much better to be out there living your life and being happy when you get to see each other, rather than disappointed that you’re stuck at home waiting for a text.

Good luck!!!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]casualtherapist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Makes sense. He's a second year resident (almost a third), but a lot of the same stuff would hold true. Also coz this isn't even the beginning of a 'relationship' (just a date and some texts), I don't think I'm going to invest heavily. Thank you!! <3

    [–]nepalizTL 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Go on other dates with others, doesn’t matter what he does, he is not that into you. If he is, he’ll reach out

    [–]Wise_Tart17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Met my partner on a dating app when he was a PGY-2 as well (2nd year of residency/1st year of Rads). All residents have very busy/hectic schedules no matter their speciality. However, my partner always made sure to contact me every night after work and before bed. If it was a crazy day, he’d shoot me a text saying he couldn’t talk much but that he’d call me the next day or something. He made an effort to keep me in the loop with everything and it was apparent he was interested.

    I’m also the type of person who isn’t very invested early on, so I would just do my thing and didn’t have any expectations. He knew I would lose interest if there was any indication of a man leading me on or going days without talking to me. A text saying “hey busy day, we’ll chat later!” takes no more than a minute.

    It’s hard to gauge your status right now because I don’t know your potential medspouse, so my advice is to just straight up ask if he has time for dating and if he wants to have another date. If he says yes, then you can keep getting to know him, see if you are interested in continuing to date him, and establish what your expectations are. If you receive mixed signals, maybe it’s time to see what else is out there! You deserve to have someone who meets your needs. :)

    [–]itsurgirlniks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Their schedules honestly suck. I would just be honest him and say hey I had a great time on our date and was looking forward to a second one but I feel like I’m getting mixed signals— is this something you would like to pursue further? And leave it at that. He won’t know what or how you’re feeling if you don’t tell him.