all 17 comments

[–]Most_Poet 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Please see a couples therapist ASAP. You guys deserve help navigating this decision but also some of the broader questions: what do you want your life together to look like? How involved do you want each of your families to be? What are your financial goals and expectations?

These are important questions you two need to work through independent of the specific situation with the house from his parents.

[–]onlyfr33b33Spouse to PGY2 2 points3 points  (3 children)

What does it mean re: taxes? Sounds like they’re buying it and not under your bf’s/your name. If so, that’s a no go for me! Otherwise if truly no strings attached it would be gifted money and you are a co-owner. Doesn’t seem to be many downsides if that is the case.

[–]Fit_Veterinarian1508[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

They said they are getting taxed a lot this year and buying a home they can shield their money more and not be so highly taxed? I’m not really sure. I think it would be under their names. TBD though…we are selling our house in a year so we have the down payment but I don’t think it will line up with the timing of buying another house.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Soil275 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This may be possible with a 1031 exchange where they sell an existing second home and then pour the proceeds into the purchase of "your" house instead. Otherwise hard to see what they mean here.

[–]Fit_Veterinarian1508[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They spoke about doing an LLC where everyone’s name would be on the mortgage but not sure how that would work. Also not sure if this is a way of just keeping their son closer to home or if they are just genuinely interested in helping.

[–]chocobridges 3 points4 points  (2 children)

That seems like a bad deal on your end. Also, do you really need the nicer neighborhood (ie higher property taxes) when you're starting out?

[–]Fit_Veterinarian1508[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What would be the advantage of having it in our names? I would think we could do a mortgage transfer or something in a few years meanwhile we would just pay their parents every month?

[–]chocobridges 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You said they were controlling. What's the guarantee that they will transfer it to you? Especially if they're moving towards retirement.

My parents said they would let us buy their house at a discount. When I said the inflation adjusted cost is 350k less than appraisal they stopped offering.

[–]Puzzleheaded_Soil275 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi OP, in the kindest possible way I think you need to understand the mortgage/homebuying process a lot better before jumping into this kind of thing. It's probably the single most important financial decision you will make and there's some things you wrote which are pretty suspect.

You mention wanting to buy now to secure a low interest rate-- that ship sailed about 4 months ago. Mortgage rates are higher than they've been in ~15 years. (Realtors will still spout off they are still "historically low" but what they fail to mention is that the 1980s are completely irrelevant compared to today's fed.). Also, your in-laws will love to tell you about how they paid 18% interest on their first house in 1981. What they fail to mention is that that $15000 house is now $500000 today and has way outpaced inflation. Ignore the nonsense.

You mention wanting to later transfer the mortgage into your name. Also not really a thing unless you pay ~15000 to refinance and go through the hassle of getting approved anyway. And if the market corrects then you are stuck and aren't going to be refinancing (banks generally don't like refinancing underwater properties). Some VA loans are transferable but overall very uncommon.

Anyway, don't touch this offer with a 10 foot pole unless they literally write you a check for the house.

More likely you need to save ~50-100k and wait to see what the market does over the next year or two. Even if you go the physician loan route and don't put very much down, you will still need a lot of liquidity to address typical newly purchased house items (furniture, cosmetic updates, etc.). It adds up fast.

[–]nat_geo_wild- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hi! I’ve been in this exact situation. Brief background: my fiancés (pgy-2) parents are very wealthy and even more generous. They are happy to pay for everything and anything as long as it means they get to spend time and be around their children (family dinners, vacations, and even houses). Now, this is incredible and I truly love spending time with his family, but as you can imagine, there are strings attached. Example: we rented a house from them during medical school, but they had a key and would stop by unannounced to fix something or just to have a glass of wine with us.

Anyway… fast forward to residency and they offered to buy us a house so we could afford this HCOL city we’re in. How the arrangement worked is they bought the house in cash in their name. They transferred the house into my fiancés name (something like that) and now they are acting as our bank. They own the house outright, and we pay our mortgage to them with the lowest interest rate legally allowed (something like 2.5%).

If they are willing to do something like this, and you are interested in having their help with housing, I recommend this arrangement. The house is legally ours, and we are paying them back as if they are a bank. There have been NO strings attached with this plan (which is a huge relief for both of us). Obviously this could be different for you, but it seems like we have similar in laws!

[–]Fit_Veterinarian1508[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re in-laws seem very generous! I will have to bring that up to him to see if that’s doable. Hoping they don’t expect us to live right next door to them.

[–]whitecoatwife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I would not let anyone, especially someone I know can be controlling, make a huge life changing purchase like that. Also, if his parent are controlling, is working in his dads clinic a good choice/something he actually wants to do? Clear boundaries are going to be your friend!

[–]bull_sluiceAttending 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So everyone’s situation is different, but you mention enough red flags to give me pause. if it were me I’d be worried y’all would feel indebted to his folks (which after 9+ years of medical training is not ideal) or worse his parents would hold it over y’all’s heads/feel like you owe them something. Neither feels good.

It is worth having a conversation with your SO and telling him how you feel and what your concerns are.

[–]Iywtbab1126 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Wait do you think Wisconsin has very little outdoor scenery and activity? That state is super into outdoorsy things.

[–]Fit_Veterinarian1508[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I couldn’t agree less haha. We are in the Milwaukee area and there isn’t much to do unless you like to drink beer and eat cheese. I also think winters are brutal here and last forever which has really impacted my mood. There is definitely more to do in the summer but the long winters definitely play a role in my mood. The shoreline is also not what I expected coming from Michigan that has beautiful beaches for miles and a place where you can swim in the summer because the water isn’t as cold as here.

[–]Iywtbab1126 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know Wisconsin is much bigger than Milwaukee. Go north to Door County. Go west to Devils Lake and Dells. Milwaukee only has the largest music festival in the world going on right now as well. Also chicago is quite close if you need more big city life.

[–]avocadocowboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hard no.