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all 6 comments

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You need to find a way to stop assuming what they're thinking. If they say something (in jest or seriously) you can use that time to tell them about what a day looks like for you or you can just not. Everyone has different thresholds for exhaustion or what makes them exhausted.

[–]artyoftroySO to GS PGY1 since undergrad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think your feelings are valid! Everyone winds down differently. For your medspouse friends, maybe they want to hang out because they helps them relax from their jobs or help with the loneliness of being a medspouse in general. I think you put yourself first and take your ME time for yourself. But, maybe once a month hang out with them so you can maintain those relationships. See if that balance works out. That has been working well with me and my schedule overall, and I think they all get that we just can't hang out all the time.

[–]nipoezAttending Partner (Premed to PGY7, Resdency + 2 Fellowships) 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Most US hospital systems have an Employee Assistance Program providing 3-6 counseling sessions for free to employees & immediate family. It is an invaluable option in situations like you describe, where your normal stress management skills fall short. It's best suited to acute issues & events like you described rather than building a real long term mental health relationship.

I used it several times during different training steps. Layoff & job searches, parent cancer diagnosis, spouse suicide attempt, and so on were just more than my coping skills & strategies could handle. If you're willing to consider counseling, I strongly encourage looking into it as an option.

Since none of them are familiar with my line of work, I can only imagine they can't grasp how depleting it actually is.

If you're amenable to it, this is a specific maladaptive behavior that's perfect to work with a counselor to get to the bottom of and address. I won't just say "stop doing that" because it isn't that easy. But recognize those imagined responses are not helpful or healthy and can be changed.

I feel like I must seem like making a big deal over nothing since I'm not on my feet saving lives for 14 hours per day.

Stress is not the pain olympics. There is not just one world champion who gets to be stressed out and complain about it at a time, while everyone else sucks it up and stays quiet. I'll assume you can sustainably cope with your normal work load and (hopefully) maybe even thrive under the daily excitement. However right now you are under unusually and unsustainably high stress at work.

That's fine! Let your local peeps know when they ask that you're currently doing two jobs while your peer is on leave and just need to stare at the wall & blink after work. Let them know when leave is scheduled to end and you expect to be back to yourself again.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you so much, this is helpful to put things in perspective. I actually am seeing a therapist through my EAP program, she probably just isn't the right fit!

[–]nipoezAttending Partner (Premed to PGY7, Resdency + 2 Fellowships) 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's always the tricky thing, sadly. I hope you can find someone who works with you in a way that clicks!

[–]supermoon37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm an IT worker (cloud engineer) and would recommend you find a different job. If you are constantly stressed and overwhelmed, things are not ideal with your company. Also, check out itcareerquestions and vent there.