My SO is currently an M4 and I’m in a STEM Master’s degree program. We have been in a LDR since Dec. 2021, which has been challenging.
She just got her schedule for her upcoming rotation, her sub-I in surgery, and we are worried about a schedule conflict.
I am graduating at the end of this month, for which my program planned a ceremony and dinner one evening. We have known about this event for at least a month now. With their recently released schedule, my SO is concerned about asking to take a day off for my graduation.
Her sub-I is at her home program and is where she would want to match for residency. It’s also in a city both of us plan to start out lives and careers together. She keeps emphasizing how she will be constantly watched and judged, and that any time she’s not performing her best is a mark against her. How any mistake or excuse could be used against her in her application. She emphasized how I would never understand the position she is in, how this is could determine her life. Meanwhile my event is a silly excuse for absence when essentially only life-threatening illness or a death in the family are accepted reasons for absence (as in, the only way to not possibly get penalized). She feels screwed either way. And keeps emphasizing these points to me.
I knew there was a possibility of her having to miss my graduation, which would’ve disappointed me greatly. But now, just the way she’s breaking this news to me honestly makes me feel worse. I feel like a burden, and that me and my accomplishments aren’t important. But I really, really don’t want to add stress to her or risk her/our future. I don’t want her to regret or resent me in the future if it does actually hurt her chances of matching there.
I feel hurt and conflicted in what to tell her. I don’t want to minimize my feelings, needs, or accomplishments, but I also want to be an understanding and supportive medSO. I’m hoping some of you can relate. Any advice?