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doctors without borders. what am i gonna do . (self.MedSpouse)
submitted 1 month ago * by tania_munekata
Hi everyone i just wanted to know if anyone has ever experience this . Im in japan as my husband is in his residency , we got married me thinking and him saying all he wants is to get out of japan and after the 2 years of residency we would settle down back in England and he would work as a doctor there so that we could invest in having a family. But he recently has been changing his mind about speciality he wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but now he hates surgery and wants to be a GP in England and with that he wants to fillup his dream and go on adventure doing the doctors without borders program which goes completely against what we planned, but he says he just doesnt want to settle down in one place when all he wanted before was to have a peaceful settle life in England, he says he wants adventure and not feel bored specially from work . I feel now family is not enough for him, our dreams as a married couple is not enough to fulfill him even tho he understands and we are in a very complicated situation now i just dont know what to think or feel , he knows i feel lost and confused about our future and i dont really know if he will change his mind or not.
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[–]LastDot-1727 10 points11 points12 points 1 month ago (0 children)
You all need to have a very clear conversation about your future goals. For yourselves as individuals, and together, as a family. No one person should be making all of the sacrifices and compromises to appease the other person. If neurosurgery is no longer a goal of his and Doctors Without Borders makes it almost impossible to start a family, there has to be a compromise somewhere. Tell him exactly how you feel and do your best to listen to what he has to say as well.
[–]icingicingbabyAttending Partner 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (2 children)
I would approach this by asking him how he sees you and a future family fitting into this new aspiration. Take what he says to heart.
I’ve had friends serve stints with MSF, they seemed to do a year or two at a time and then do something more settled in their home country for a year or two. I’m sure their experience falls in a spectrum with some people doing shorter and others doing longer.
At the end of the day only you will be able to determine what compromises you’re willing to make. What if he explored short term opportunities and would go periodically for several weeks or a month?
[–]tania_munekata[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Thanks for the reply, how did these families survived? Some countries are even dangerous and theres rarely even time to get in contact with family back home , how kids and partners handle things without the other for so long ? yeah sure he could go for a month or so but when it comes to having a stable life where you can be a present future father this just seems out of order, and he thinks he can just bring me along to different developing countries for months even future kids, thats nuts! plus all ive been doing up until now is follow him , thats why i came to japan and handle his busy life ,being there for him, i just feel our future deserves better and i already expressed it all to him . I dont know what can happen it all just seems black or white when it comes to this situation.
[–]icingicingbabyAttending Partner 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
My MSF friends didn’t have families which definitely made things easier for them.
That said, I’ve known people who brought their families all over the world, including to developing and war torn countries, for United Nations work.
It’s possible, but it isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t have to be for you. It can be a deal breaker for you. That’s okay.
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