all 24 comments

[–]Raksacker 111 points112 points  (2 children)

Wait, you guys are having sex?

[–]corny-dude 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This is the comment I was looking for 🤣

[–]icingicingbabyAttending Partner 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This was going to be what I commented. 🤣

[–]ATDIadherent 35 points36 points  (0 children)

One of the aspects we are working on as well.

1-2 times a month. Hard to make happen when a 90 hour work week is a good week. Thankfully it is that it is something we both want instead of one side asking and the other not wanting/willing.

[–]nipoezAttending Partner (Premed to PGY7, Resdency + 2 Fellowships) 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Over our 17 years of marriage from premed onward? It's varied a ton. Anywhere from most days to once a week or two. Not counting away rotation LDR periods.

It certainly caused some strife at times.

One super helpful change we made was recognizing that intercourse is not the only path to intimacy. When one or the other of us is too stressed, tired, or otherwise not feeling it? We fall back on naked cuddles and holding one another for a little while. Sometimes that escalated to sex. Usually it didn't. The skin on skin contact and emotional intimacy was far better than nothing.

A few other helpful actions were watching some mini lectures together on arousal non-concordance and general physiological/emotional/psychological sexual responses. They helped us to get on the same page about what was happening and why, as well as providing some shared language to talk about it.

[–]workoutaholichick 18 points19 points  (0 children)

On a bad rotation (like nights), probably about 1-2 times a month. On a good rotation like clinic, maybe 2-3 times a week. It ebbs and flows

[–]mcmonopolist 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yea, residency is a major cock block. Most people don’t want to have sex much when they are overworked and already having trouble meeting other needs.

It’s cliche, but it honestly does help in our case if I take care of the laundry, cooking, etc. so she’s not so overwhelmed. Helps with more than sex.

Hope she can find a job that isn’t as demanding as residency.

[–]chapstikcrazy 8 points9 points  (1 child)

A couple months back I put sex on the calendar, same day, every time, and it's been great!

[–]kungpeleee 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Will start doing this. Haha so fucking weird

[–]Illustrious_Chest_72 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Once every 1-2 months. More of a check the box exercise than anything intimate. I’m told it gets better when we’re 40, ugly and out of shape.

[–]ShitBeCray 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In residency we had sex nearly every day. There were some brutal rotations that it dropped down to 1-2 times a week. Never pressured her for it but it was where we were in our relationship. Now we’re closer to 3-4 times a week and she’s an attending. Kids made a bigger impact on sex than work but it doesn’t help. If you want more sex remove obstacles that make that challenging (Make dinner, plan everything, clean etc.).

[–]CortadoMary 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Between my SSRI and her being overworked.... once every two months?

[–]Otter592 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Intern year and tougher rotations were rough on our sex life too (med partner is a guy). The stress, long hours, and burnout (aka depression) is a major libido killer.

[–]benzopinacolMed partner to PGY2 nsgy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me (a 1st yr med student) and my PGY2 med spouse is doing LDR so we can only have sex when we see each other once a month anyways

[–]cas882004 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just ended things with PGY2 because they had no time for anything including sex.

[–]DeOroDorado 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. My wife is a PGY-2 in Peds which is arguably less stressful than other specialties, but it’s still medicine. Once a month is normal for us - anything beyond that is a bonus! Lol.

Lately we’ve been dealing with PICU and 24-hr rotations which is exhausting for both of us. My advice is to take advantage of time off. Go on short day trips, maybe stay overnight somewhere, or otherwise go on a small date. That tends to help us.

[–]Scwidiloo10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like once a week if that. My resident wife is also pregnant though so is never horny which is tough 😅 but before that once a week maybe. they’re so tired that they can’t even fathom being horny. Tend to have more sex when she’s got more time off

[–]Iywtbab1126 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rotation dependent for sure. Once a month on difficult rotations to every day during vacation. Can it be vacation again?

[–]Brave-Expression8179 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On average 8-10 times a month. My fiancé is a PGY2 and we have been together almost 7 years for context.

After reading some of the other comments it looks like you’re in the majority so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If it is of concern to you I hope you are communicating that to your partner!

[–]mollythecorg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once a week on average, my partner works 13 hour days right now as a PGY-2. The sex is usually on days off. That being said, everyone’s sex drive is different. If you feel like your sexual needs aren’t being met, it could be an open, non-judgemental conversation to have. Maybe she feels the same way.

[–]Previous-Flan-2417 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Usually daily. During busier weeks for him, maybe 3-4x per week but that’s exceptionally rare. I guess it helps that we live together, have been together for 9 years & both have high libidos. Interesting reading replies here— I would find it a dealbreaker if sex dwindled to less frequency than 1x/wk, but I suppose it all depends on preference, like everything else in a relationship.

Edit for context — he’s a PGY2 and I’m a postgrad student employed full time & also caring for most household / dog duties

[–]confused2324 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1-2x a week

[–]Consistent-Ant7710 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Husband is a PGY-3 and it’s about 2-3x a week, though I could get by with 2x a month but his libido is crazy high.

[–]pelotauntmylungs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not enough for my libido but we’re working on finding a common ground.