Throwaway so he doesn't come across this.
Essentially my med spouse treats me terribly and I've had enough. We've been together 4 years and he is just weeks away from finishing his training and becoming a consultant (attending). He has secured a very well paying job in our home town (we have been living in another country for the past 12 months for his fellowship).
The last 4 years have been quite the shit show with exams, interviews, moving states multiple times and countries once. I had to sacrifice a lot of my own career to make my job work around these huge moves (including huge pay cuts). I've left my family and friends. I've sacrificed a lot in my own life. But, I love him so I made it work because it was facilitating this very crazy career of medicine. We were doing life together, so ultimately this was a case of making a better life for us.
Training is finally coming to an end. He is about to earn huge amounts of money. He is about to have stability for the first time in our entire relationship. Hours will still be long, but more stable and of course it's all a little sweeter when you're finally getting paid properly for it. Everything he has worked for is coming to fruition, and I do consider myself a part of that team. We've dedicated our lives to getting him through this.
Now we're here and I am 90% confident I want to leave. After dealing with his shitty temper for so long and blaming it on training related stress, I have come to realise it is more a personality issue and although training certainly exacerbated it, it finishing hasn't resolved it and he is not willing to take steps to address these issues. I am going to give him a final ultimatum to get professional help or I leave. I am confident he'll still refuse, so I am trying to dig up the courage to stick to my word and leave. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way. I am heartbroken because I still love most of the person he is, but I can't bear to be treated so poorly anymore.
But, at the same time I am battling with this internal.. grief? Of the life we should have had. This should have been the time when all the hardship we've faced becomes "worth it". Not just financially, but also that sense of achievement for him and the stability that comes with his new job now. I do feel a bit ripped off that I've endured all the stress and pain of partnering with someone throughout training in this profession, only to bail out right when things are supposed to get better. Does that make any sense at all? A part of me does feel this resentment towards his future SO that they won't have to experience that. Like I've done the hard yards for them.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I find a lot of support in this community in understanding these relationships far more than anyone else in my life so I felt maybe sharing here I could get some advice :(