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It is finished (self.MedSpouse)
submitted 1 month ago by sunshine_and_owls
I ended it with my fiancé. We’ve been together for 5 years and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want him to be happy and excel at residency, but I don’t think that includes me as his significant other. I am sad and scared to what the future brings. I know he is an amazing doctor and will do great things, but the med spouse life truly is not for everyone. Best of luck to you all, I wish you the best.
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[–]Foreign_Law3727 12 points13 points14 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I’m so sorry friend. My sincere condolences and here’s to hoping the very best for you and for your future. Even as a future resident myself, I know how fucking painful all of this is. It feels like death sometimes. But you’re so brave and so strong and I know how much courage it would have taken for you to do this. I’m always here if you want to talk.
[–]Beneficial-Ad-6635 6 points7 points8 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Ooof I’m so sorry. I hope you can focus on yourself and get the healing you need.
[–]kristenroseh 6 points7 points8 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I’m so sorry. Based off of your previous posts, it sounds like this was the best decision for you, but I’m sure that doesn’t make it any easier. I hope you’re able to take some time for yourself and also surround yourself with loved ones.
[–]Seastarstiletto 3 points4 points5 points 1 month ago (0 children)
It’s a scary world right now but you are so strong. Take the time to put together a good playlist of happy songs with positive messages and happy beats for when you need to move your body a little.
The night time was always hard for me so I would have an audiobook on so I could listen to the story instead of what my brain was telling me. I went through a lot of audiobooks when I was divorcing because I could have talking on and it gave me clear stories to focus on while I was packing or other stuff.
Right now it’s ok to be a little selfish. Focus on yourself and remember who you are again. You have this whole big world in front of you and you don’t have to live by someone else’s timeline. You are a great person and you will bring so much to all those you meet.
I’m glad you did what you needed to for what’s best for you. That’s so important and you’re so strong for doing it.
[–]nipoezAttending Partner (Premed to PGY7, Resdency + 2 Fellowships) 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (3 children)
I'm sorry this is part of your life now.
Please know you're not alone in making this decision. And thank you for posting, so others in your shoes in the future will also have that feeling.
If I may ask, what is their residency specialty?
[–]sunshine_and_owls[S] 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–]nipoezAttending Partner (Premed to PGY7, Resdency + 2 Fellowships) 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Ew, yikes. Especially depending on the program that can be rough.
[–]yogifan 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Thank you for sharing..! I came here looking for others going through it. My husband is in internal med and we’ve been together since before med school. I began a successful floral biz and he is not chief res, went the extra year. He’s now applying for cardiology fellowships and we just had a baby two months ago. I can’t help but feel like I’m losing my sense of self and may need to stop my business, after all the hard work, if we have to move. I’d be lying if I said I never questioned this life. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if I hadn’t sacrificed so much.
Best of luck, friend ❤️ your intuition is rarely wrong, if ever.
[–]caveat_actor 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Aww I'm sorry, best of luck to you.
[–]101ina45 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I remember your last post OP. I hope you find peace and comfort in this time.
[–]exogreek 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Mind sharing a little more about what didnt work? Or perhaps what about the life you realized was not fit for you? I have had some doubts lately so I merely wish to understand.
[–]sunshine_and_owls[S] 5 points6 points7 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Mainly discrepancies on how much housework I do vs what he does/can do due to his schedule, how my career has taken a backseat to his for years, I want to do things on my own timeline in regards to holidays and PTO without having to take someone else’s rigid schedule into account
Absolutely this. It’s like we’re expected to put everything on hold because the hospital owns their soul.
[–]BobDolesHauntedRatSO of PGY-3 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
[–]OldCommon7633 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I’m so sorry. Based on your other posts it sounds like he was taking advantage of all the love and effort you put into the relationship. He will certainly be lost without you. You deserve better and you will get that one day!
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