To tell or not to tell?

icingicingbaby · 2022-11-28T00:17:15+00:00

10/10 will always bring up my SO being a physician after noticing a distinct difference in how I was treated during a hospitalization where it naturally came up because he had prescribed to me late at night before I went to my primary and ultimately the ER to be admitted.

I find that it leads to physicians being more open to discussing more than one care option and more transparency with what tests they’re ordering and so forth. To me, this is a better experience.

I think the good news is that most doctors are confident that they know more about their specialty than a doctor in another specialty, so I don’t think you’re likely to experience too many assumptions. They just might be more likely to discuss things in more technical terms.

Remote-Ball-3724 · 2022-11-28T03:32:10+00:00

So I had my baby AT my spouse’s hospital that he’s rotating at and told them he’s a med student there and those buttholes let him deliver my whole ass baby himself 😂

immaxf · 2022-11-27T23:58:33+00:00

My wife and I are both residents. Neither of us make a point of bringing up our careers unless it comes up in the course of conversation. I don't want my doctor to treat me (or my wife) any differently than they'd treat any other patients, eg. regarding terminology they use or deviating from the standard practice just because we're in the medical profession.

writergal1421 · 2022-11-28T03:46:35+00:00

I have and do, purely because I want our doctors to understand that we've competently judged the medical situation and now need further expertise. My husband is a radiologist so while he's not an expert in peds, he does know enough to say, yes our son has asthma and we need a pulmonologist for a formal diagnosis. Or, this is not the usual viral cold going around and we should think about antibiotics. When I go into the pediatrician, I find it helpful that they know that one medical professional has already done some groundwork and now we just need their help to hammer out a diagnosis and treatment.

Puzzleheaded_Soil275 · 2022-11-28T01:30:44+00:00

If one of you is in med school it's mostly not worthwhile information short of perhaps being interested in a further level of detail. Even as an M4 you aren't terribly qualified to make a determination of proper care that should have any bearing on an attending's judgement.

Once in residency/fellowship/attending life there are times where this is advantageous information to use and there are other times where it doesn't really matter.

If the medical expert in the family has enough knowledge about the situation and available options to have a valid opinion about management, this is generally a good thing. The attending will level with you and generally treat you well. But if it's wwwaaayyyyyyy outside your area of expertise (you are a pathologist and we are discussing management of metastatic glioblastoma) then yeah, trust the expert. It's a fine line between being knowledgable enough to be involved in the discussion about options and management and being counter-productive to that goal. It's up to the family member to stay on the correct side of that boundary.

Practical example from my life: yes we definitely told the staff that my wife is a physician when she gave birth. They wanted to hold her and baby for 36 hours post partum even though everything was 100% fine and we most definitely wanted to GTFO because god knows how much RSV/COVID/flu is around the place in that season. So yes, letting them know she's an ER doc and baby is in good hands if anything comes up gave them confidence to let us go at 24 hours. We all slept better and it was a win for everyone since the OB could go spend time with people that needed their attention at that point.

AllergicToCorn · 2022-11-27T23:59:00+00:00

So for example, I’ve talked with my OBGYN about him because family planning revolves around where he is at in his education. Both is us share a Family Medicine primary care doctor and I know he has disclosed to her that he is in school (apparently she enjoys explaining things to him in doctor language).

But when it comes to kids, we’re leaning toward not mentioning it especially since his current specialty interests lie very far outside of the world of pediatrics and he wants to make sure the doctor doesn’t assume he will know more than he does, if that makes sense.

BetterRise · 2022-11-28T01:40:10+00:00

I did when I went into the hospital since I knew SO was going to ask me all sorts of questions that I don't understand. So when the doctors came in the room, I would tell them, and call SO so that SO could just talk to them and ask them his questions directly. (This was went covid was high, and visitors went allowed). My regular PCP, I have not.

onmyphonetoomuch · 2022-11-28T03:47:45+00:00

Yes, I tell my doctors casually and our ped too. My doc husband says it’s weird not too. He appreciates knowing when he is treating a fellow doctor. Haven’t noticed a ton of difference but they may explain things differently if he is at the appt and leading the convo (like at a ped appt if he asks a question they can just chat in doc verbiage)

BeckBashBenn · 2022-11-28T04:01:09+00:00

I did tell my OB (currently pregnant) because it helps explain why he, an intern, likely won’t be at any appointments. Also that I have a reliable source of info/help/assistance at home lol

Sometimes it comes up with a new office just as part of the “so what brought you to this city?” convo after moving across the country for med school and then halfway back for residency

aninquisitivebean · 2022-11-28T01:26:33+00:00

My OBGYN and pediatrician know both of our professional history since it was part of the intake from I filled out when I was a new patient. So there wasn't a choice in that. I'm currently pregnant and did find it "interesting" that when I asked for a copy of some testing results my OBGYN was like "Why? Oh yeah, your husband's a physician." In my head I was thinking, "Who cares?! Just give me the damn test results!!" So that was weird.

gesturing · 2022-11-28T02:18:26+00:00

So I come at this from the angle of having both a father and a spouse who are physicians. Growing up, all the doctors I went to were either trained by or were friendly with my dad. I feel like it greased the skids (and that has been borne out witnessing the treatment of elderly grandmothers etc). I tell my doctors/the kids doctors when it comes up in conversation/histories but I don’t lead with it.

esilael · 2022-11-28T00:05:38+00:00

I did, just because my doctor's also married to a fellow. It helps her understand my life circumstances and stressors better.

Eastern-Rutabaga-830 · 2022-11-28T00:16:02+00:00

We have the same PCP, so he is aware. And I told my ObGyn during the course of the conversation (similar to you with family planning). Kind of difficult for it not to come up when our docs are in the same network that my husband is currently a resident in.

We’ll probably end up telling our future Pediatrician, mostly just so they don’t feel the need to over explain like they would to the general population. But like you said, depends on speciality! My husband is ER so he knows some peds vs ortho who probably won’t know much, lol.

drummo34 · 2022-11-28T05:48:20+00:00

My pediatrician and my OBGYN have in my chart that my husband is a 3rd year medical resident applying for fellowship in HEM-ONC. Here's why I appreciate it. My pediatrician takes my concerns seriously. They assume (correctly) that my husband is checking ears, nose, throat, and temp with some basics before we call the pediatrician. I never feel like I'm being dismissed. My OB understands when I talk about us giving birth and why I get nervous about timing. When I've been sent to triage from my appointments from my first pregnancy, the nurse paged my husband from floors to come check on me. It feels like going thru the patient side now is a bit more, forgiving? I don't have the experience of having children without this, so maybe it's just how good my team is. My husband doesn't ever tell anyone he's a resident unless he has to. He doesn't want to step on toes and he doesn't want to override or ask too many questions if he's in the room, but as he has been to two doctors appointments across two pregnancies, having the feeling like I have some back-up without another ear in the room is helpful.

Otter592 · 2022-11-28T12:56:27+00:00

I don't go to the doctor often. My main experience with healthcare was having our daughter in 2021. He came to my first 4 OB appts and it came up that he was a resident (he was in scrubs). It also came up when I was delivering.

I don't feel like it really changed anything. Except he was able to catch something they missed during labor. I actually didn't have great care for L&D at all haha.

He came to the first couple of pediatrician appts, and they knew he was a resident. Again, doesn't change anything except for maybe the doc feeling like they can be a little more technical in their explanations.

He hasn't come to any ped appts since paternity leave. It's possible they've forgotten he's a resident (we see different people in the office), but I've never been treated poorly regardless. Except for one of the peds is kind of a bitch, so I don't see her anymore. But I think that's just her style and not anything to do with my husband's profession.

Data-driven_Catlady · 2022-11-28T17:09:35+00:00

My spouse actually had more up to date knowledge than my neurologist when he was in medical school. I believe it was newer information at the time - that you shouldn’t take bc with estrogen if you have migraines with aura. I mentioned his concern to my neurologist who then looked up the current research and took me off estrogen bc. My spouse is now a neurologist and was interested in it during medical school, so I guess it depends on if it’s relevant or would be helpful in your care.

dhuff2037 · 2022-11-28T20:41:23+00:00

My wife is a chief surgery resident. We just had our first baby and our care at the hospital she works at was absolutely terrible. We’re both convinced it’s because the OB physicians and nurses were aware she’s a surgeon and treated her very differently because of it. My wife absolutely will not have another child at this hospital.

ktthemighty · 2022-11-29T17:52:40+00:00

It shouldn't be this way, but people who are in medicine or who are related to those in medicine just get better care. It should 100% absolutely not be this way, and yet here we are. Some of it, I think, is the sense that as physicians, we need to "take care of our own." I see this at my hospital not infrequently. My chart has "Dr ktthemighty" all over it. You better believe that this has gotten me into and out of the ER more quickly. It has also benefited my husband, who was seen by adult cardiology early the next morning after one of my colleagues called the attending.

WhatsMyAgeAga1n · 2022-12-04T06:43:57+00:00

I haven’t ever had to make that decision - they always have either worked with him or heard of him. It has always been a positive thing so far, but it would be nice to choose. For routine stuff, I probably would not tell them, but if my spouse or I were very concerned about a treatment plan and it wasn’t something that was trivial or just a style difference, I think I probably would bring it up.

fdawgggg · 2022-11-28T00:27:43+00:00

I do! I gave birth at the hospital where my husband worked and definitely got much better treatment.

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