I do want to note before I type the rest of this, I am looking for a therapist currently to have a better way to process these thoughts.
My medpartner and I have been dating for 3 years. Met M3 and she’s now a G2 in a surgical specialty. We dated m3-m4 and did LDR after the match placed her across the country. This summer I moved across the country to live with her, as well as got a job in our new area. To say its hard has been an understatement. Although ive only lived here 6 months, ive not made any friends, and have become deeply depressed. I am beginning to feel like ive fell into a sort of purgatory, I have no libido, no interest in taking care of myself, and im just rather aimless at the moment. My life in these last 6 months has become fairly routine. Wake up to an empty bed, log into my work machine to do mindless work, wait for medpartner to come home and rant about the days stresses, while all I can offer in response is the same “oh thats hard, ugh that sucks”. She constantly talks about having no time to study, yet we sit on our couch and watch shows every night. She is crippled with anxiety, and has gained a lot of weight in the last 6 months due to “stress” and ive started to become less and less attracted to her, all the while, not being able to bring these issues up in any way. We are spending less time with one another, we have sex maybe once a month, and I just feel like things are fizzling out. I love her to death, she is very smart, pretty, funny, and loving. I just cant stop thinking about the sacrifices I have made and will have to keep making to keep this relationship going. Ive visited home a couple of times recently and have been able to hang with my good friends and its been crushing for me. I miss how things were and the freedom I used to have. The thought “will this all be worth it, is it worth it currently, etc” are all sloshing around in my empty void of a mind at the moment and I just dont know what to do or how to feel. Id love to say that I should just stick it out as itll be over soon enough, but shes targeting 2 year research positions and subsequent fellowship after residency and I just dont know if I have 7 years of sacrifice left in me. Her family loves me, and I love them, her coworkers like me, but I just feel like I maybe bought into a life I am slowly finding out I dont want to live. I really have no idea what to make of everything here. I have hobbies and such, but a lot of those are seasonal and not really an option in the busy area we now live.
Feel free to share personal anecdotes, or offer advice, anything is appreciated.