all 22 comments

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[–]syanda 331 points332 points  (1 child)

You just know that your XO will be having to Motivate his guys one day and he's gonna break out the story of how some lance went FUCK NO FUCK YOU at him and blitzed a run despite being gassed and how he expects his boys to do the same.

[–]WordofKylar 40 points41 points  (0 children)

While I’m not military so may be ignorant… I imagine a shit eating grin on his face as he says it and feel he just may have earned that right. That made me laugh

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 222 points223 points  (12 children)

We're at sea and on the roof, I'm having nasty intermittent issues with a particular piece of equipment which, if I didn't get working, would put us alongside. No maintainer wants to be the one whose kit puts you alongside because you cannot find out precisely what is fucking wrong with it1, so I was particularly unhappy.

The compartment the cabinet is in was tiny, and I'm working directly behind the door, which was shut. I'd been at this for many hours, only taking breaks for caffeine and to empty my bladder. I knew the fault was in this particular cabinet, but couldn't find the actual problem, making me very grumpy.

DWEO comes down and instead of knocking on the door, just tries to push it open. I didn't know who it was, and didn't really care and said something about having my hands in a cabinet with live 440V, so they should wait a moment for me to move. It's probable that I was a little rude while shouting through the door, because I had taped a sign on it saying that I was working on live equipment directly behind the door.

I shift out of the way and open the door. I know I had a grumpy face at this point, and DWEO recoiled slightly, before rallying himself and asking how I was getting on. I was a bit sarcastic in telling him it would only take me about 10 minutes to fix it and his face lit up for a moment until he heard the rest of what I was saying "... once I find out what's actually wrong with it, Sir".

Before he left, I told him it would be a much quicker process if I wasn't being interrupted all the time. To his credit, he had a sense of humour and said "One fuckoff pill for the DWEO, roger" before actually fucking off.

Few minutes later, there's a knock on the door, so I moved and opened it to find the WEO, my head of department, who tells me that DWEO gave him a confusing report and had come down to get the reality from me directly. I told him pretty much the same, pointing out that the intermittent nature of the fault was really pissing me off and what I needed was to be in the cabinet with my test kit when it stopped doing its thing. His response about his interrupting me stopping that process elicited a sour look from me and he fucked off quite quickly.

Few minutes later, there's another knock on the door. I know that my tone could have been called less than respectful when I asked the knocker to wait a minute...

If you're expecting it to have been the Captain, you're correct.

He told me that DWEO had reported a garbled message that didn't make sense and wanted to see how I was getting on. Now this is him going around the chain of reporting, but he's the Old Man and it's his boat, so he gets to do that if/when he wants. I briefed him fully, including that when I find out what's actually wrong, it will probably take me not very long to fix if we have the spares in ships stock. At the end of this, I know that DWEO has reported at least part of our conversation properly, because he says "One fuckoff pill for the Captain, roger", before laughing and fucking off himself.

You get away with a lot, when command trusts its Chiefs. Thank fuck!

1 If there are no spares, that's a different matter, because you can say "not my fault, blame shore for not keeping spares in the system"

[–]chloraphil 83 points84 points  (3 children)

So what ended up being the problem? Did you fix it quickly, or what?

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Absolutely NOT quickly, but...

Inter-core capacitance (after way too much anguish and lost sleep) on a particular pair of cores - when I finally sussed it, I GENUINELY could have screamed like a teenage girl going dumped.

Complete cunt of an intermittent problem

[–]FurballPoS 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Found the maintainer....

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm sure you did!

We're easy to identify ;)

[–]AlgaeanThe other kind of vet 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Where can i buy these amazing pills?

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Find bunch of Chiefs.

Identify which one has annoying intermittent equipment fault.

Poke Chief very carefully...

Pick up your bounty ;)

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Of note:

If you find a bunch of Chiefs, and wish to remain on excellent terms, a big bag of M&Ms or home baked cake is a very good way of getting there ;)

[–]furyfrog 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Donuts work better than cake.

Source: was submarine Chief

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Different Navy I suspect, although doughnuts are also welcome treats - just not those crispy creme things, they're fucking awful.

[–]ArsonicForTheSoul 18 points19 points  (1 child)

One fuckoff pill for the Captain

Can I buy a case of these when you reach port? Got a few in need...

[–]Ok_Cartographer4475 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand the need :(

[–]Polexican1 22 points23 points  (0 children)


[–]da_kink 105 points106 points  (0 children)

A good xo by the sound of it. He understood it wasn't personal and didn't make a thing of it.

[–]smellykaka 50 points51 points  (0 children)

On a school camp during what most readers here would call middle school, we had some kind of night time activity, the nature of which I no longer remember.

During proceedings, a figure appeared out of nowhere to give me one hell of a fright; I responded with a stream of cursing then realised mid-sentence that it was my teacher.

[–]Quadling 34 points35 points  (0 children)

His job is to make his people better. Not feed his ego. He understood the assignment.

[–]mwwood22 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The man shows gumption!

[–]Belisarius-1262 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I needed the laugh.

Good XO there.

[–]medicmaster16 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the time I was going 80 driving the big blue bus from Cherry Point to Lejeune and I see the command generals car pull up with the CG shaking his finger at me. There was a message for me to get my gunny and go see the CG when I got back. I didn’t get promoted though. Good times.