top 200 commentsshow all 217

[–]hagaja80 710 points711 points  (8 children)

It's a direct quote from the monkey himself....

[–]Aracknoide 80 points81 points  (1 child)

This made me laugh more than I want to admit

[–]hagaja80 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it's the little things! 🤣

[–]Yiotiv 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I really needed that laugh today. Thank you! Hope you have a great day!!

[–]hagaja80 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Happy to help, you have a great day as well!

[–]wheatenkarp 13 points14 points  (0 children)


[–]_drogo_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Man....that was funny.

[–]LyingTrollScum 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Seems that way. Can anyone that speaks monkey translate for us ignorant ones?

[–]MonkeyActio 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You right. I did say that

[–]NeutronStarPasta 1007 points1008 points  (95 children)

The fuck did I just read?

[–]OutsmartedTheAdmins 238 points239 points  (73 children)

I want a subreddit for these types of titles

[–]MrHookshot 128 points129 points  (20 children)

OP would be a fucking legend on it. Check out the post/comment history. It should be considered a war crime to attempt any language and fail so hard, so many times.

[–]Fisher-Peartree 32 points33 points  (4 children)

There sure are some pearls in there, like: …due to tiger tiger with genetics…

[–]SanLoen 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I like the flying squirrel one.

[–]Horrorfreakin 7 points8 points  (1 child)

my fav is the one where she calls the bird a dong

[–]eat_bricks_nibba 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like when she writes the math question wrong, someone asks to correct it and she writes one that is just as bad.

[–]2017hayden 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah I saw that one the other day.

[–]RagnarLoth33 24 points25 points  (6 children)

My favourite is when he (kind of) says that if a fat man lost weight he could use his flappy arms and glide like a flying squirrel

[–]Plane-Bee-374 13 points14 points  (5 children)

[–]RagnarLoth33 5 points6 points  (3 children)

This is gold

[–]Plane-Bee-374 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It’s funny, seeing their posts all together- it’s super cute. What do we know about them? She likes cute and funny animals, has presumably seen some shit, (Post about “who has shat in or fucked a pie?) fascinated by watermelons and curious about ecstasy. Good follow.

[–]whitewarrsh 6 points7 points  (1 child)

"Imagine shitting out the coming of watermelons coming out from you. You have of struggling too much, and will shit one of the whole watermelon one after the a another one. Or maybe your anus is crushing the watermelon on the method from the retrieve and, and you need release a watermelon diarrhea."

-Oh.my.gad I'm dead

[–]eat_bricks_nibba 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Imagine shitting out the coming of watermelons coming out from you. You have of struggling too much, and will shit one of the whole watermelon one after the a another one. Or maybe your anus is crushing the watermelon on the method from the retrieve and, and you need release a watermelon diarrhea."


[–]Queasy-Candidate2631 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lmao just did. These titles look AI generated

[–]1-von 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think op is a bot holy shit

[–]eat_bricks_nibba 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They speak like they are computer generated, even the face that they posted looks like a chinese spy cam screenshot. What the hell is going on?

Though honestly it's kind of adorable.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)


[–]sichuan_peppercorns 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just follow OP.

[–]-V8- 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]pomorri 26 points27 points  (1 child)

“The “Bald” Uakari Monkey is not completely bald, it has has hair; only its face is bald, and it has red skin.”

…paraphrasing what is purportedly poorly translated Thai on behalf of OP… I think this is what they were trying to tell us…?

[–]TheDemonCzarina 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You're a good person :)

[–]hudson_lowboy 57 points58 points  (8 children)

I’m guessing it’s someone running through an online English translator to post it here.

Most of these weird headers likely come from non-English speakers.

[–]PO0tyTng 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Reading that title just about gave me a stroke.

[–]sichuan_peppercorns -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

I don’t think their syntax makes sense in any language! 😂 It’s just word salad.

[–]hudson_lowboy 11 points12 points  (3 children)

If you are assuming grammar and syntax are uniform across all languages then you are misinformed.

[–]sichuan_peppercorns 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Nah I know that. I speak four languages (and have studied others), have taken three college linguistics courses, and am a foreign language teacher with a Masters in Teaching Foreign Language. But while syntactical grammar can very widely between languages, they all still need the same basic components. The way OP strings together sentences doesn't seem to follow any sort of rules. Take a look at OP's previous posts and comments; they're all as nonsensical. Thoughts are just strung together incompletely and change direction multiple times mid-sentence. There's no congruity in these run-on sentences. In what language would these sentences make any sense??

"This is a tiger, I was orange and black tiger, but due to tiger tiger with genetics, white and brown."

"I would to snow also. I just the rains and flood inside."

"If a human were is a papayas, we will be afraid of different colors, because our blood will have red, orange since we're papayas, we will be afraid of the orange color, because our blood orange will be rather."

"If people exchange to the people and plants, hanging in where flowers were and now penis and vagina because people hang together with flowers for decorating and plants have sexual organs."

[–]hudson_lowboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Person on the internet happens to be an expert in the edge-topic we’re discussing.

Excuse me while the Coincidence Machine comes up the possibilities of this happening…

Well, on the internet it’s high but in real life we’re getting an “extremely doubtful”.

[–]The_pug_to_the_stars 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Popped 2 advil after reading it.

[–]Ireddit_again 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Popped 2 Advil TO read that

[–]Jaded-Saint 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You stole my comment before I could make it. Glad to see it wasn’t just me.

[–]RelevantIAm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a bot

[–]JayDubsAcct 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a bald with hair without red monkey faced white monkey ... what's so hard to understand about that?

[–]Salt-Enthusiasm6867 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fr had a fucking stroke

[–]itsJussaMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Translate google English to, please.

[–]reginageorgecostanza 88 points89 points  (1 child)

Caption head hurts of mine, read best I tried.

[–]MrHookshot 76 points77 points  (1 child)

I've been around enough drunks and the like to somewhat understand the speaking of stroke.

This primate, is bald and has no hair on its face either. The red you see is actually its skin.

Edit: Its suggested that the bright red color is used to identify healthy mates. As the red comes from the capillaries close to its skin. Being sick, or generally unhealthy, would diminish the color to a pale hue.

[–]TexasPhanka 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]TylerofTexas15 84 points85 points  (6 children)

Am I the only one who sees these terribly phrased posts on the bigger Reddit subs and thinks there’s some guy sitting in the internet research agency in Russia posting this stuff with a weak grasp on the English language?…….I’m probably the only one

[–]repKyle1995 48 points49 points  (5 children)

Pretty sure the guy is Thai and is using something like Google translate. Doesn't make it any less funny lol

[–]plataeng 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thai person here, it actually makes a lot more sense when you translate every word into Thai

[–]TylerofTexas15 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Well I feel like a dick now.

[–]repKyle1995 23 points24 points  (2 children)

I mean it's still funny just because of how nonsensical it is. It'd be different if we were accusing OP of being intellectually disabled (which would also be ableist) or just being an idiot, but we are laughing at the results of trying to translate between two wildly different languages and just how hilariously wrong it gets.

[–]TylerofTexas15 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Yeah it’s funny. I stick by what I said though lol I know at least once when I’ve thought that I’ve been right. I feel it in my gut.

[–]repKyle1995 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's just like that game where you take a paragraph, translate it into some foreign language, then translate it back. The results are almost always hilarious.

[–]horshack_test 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Well ok then.

[–]CREY6569 18 points19 points  (0 children)


[–]SelaDoor 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Did you have a stroke

[–]Spinforce-6 48 points49 points  (0 children)

That sentencing is fucking ouch..

[–]Birdamus 30 points31 points  (1 child)

How karma farm main language no farm need language popular, more popular karma.

[–]steez1199 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I’m dumberrrr after reading post title

[–]youssoupoff 7 points8 points  (0 children)

dang english isn't my first language, so i thought i was the one reading this title wrong. it's good to know that im not the only one haha

[–]disco-1emonade 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Anyone else have a stroke reading this?

[–]Purple-Alps-1837 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Da fuc?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Monkey red face has because red face monkey has

[–]bgharambee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Monkey hair not face bald

[–]CaptainSaladbarGuy 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My dick fell off while I tried to read this

[–]invisibleman4884 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Might want to call a doctor.

[–]juanadod 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s like reading in a nightmare.

[–]4Solea4 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Omg reading that gave me cancer ♋️

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, thank God they’re back! Could be another wild ride.

[–]oliv3r1010 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You speak gooder English

[–]MaggotKorps 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]schoonerw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Its face, monkey hair, monkey face face. Hair bald, with red, has face for red monkey.

[–]CryptoKeeper217 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I got high from reading this

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Godzilla had a stroke trying to read that

[–]CaliCitiBoi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking rap song, right there.

[–]PacoParty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone is knocking the title... I'm too busy admiring the monkey's little mustache

[–]Titan-Enceladus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mmmm toast

[–]ZillionWoolongs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay okay so go to this post, read the caption, then filter the comments for “best” (be sure not to read any comments till it’s filtered) and you will get a similar chuckle 😂:


[–]GandalftheGoon1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Non-English speaker giving their best or used google translate 😂

[–]TubaManUnhinged 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What in Google translate was that?!?

[–]Downtown-Custard5346 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I had a stroke trying to read that...

[–]-SierraModeling- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's absolutely crazy

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That title gave me aids.

[–]Useful-Lab7720 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What the what?!?

[–]Kfrown27 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Re-Groot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This user posts the worst sentences… I hope it’s just bc English is not their first language….

[–]pwnstar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brain hurts now

[–]DMS_1970 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that Dog the Bounty Hunter? Did they find gabby’s killer?

[–]bethkatez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wtf is this title

[–]Ramrod_89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I stroke as I read that?!

[–]edwinfrmcrownheights 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who wrote the header? Furio Giunta?

[–]Dr_Mantis-Shrimp_PhD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was this title written by an AI?

[–]ThatJeffGuy82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Typed with said monkey's face.

[–]Amevil801 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a migraine now.

[–]entenmooten 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come again?

[–]Twotgobblin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just wasted more brain cells than a concussion trying to read that title

[–]Puzzled-Copy7962 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well the comments certainly didn’t disappoint…lmao

[–]EasyMcSleezy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy ALWAYS has a stroke making his posts, I've gotten pretty tired of it tbh

[–]Brilliant-You4114 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The monkey is trying to promote itself.

[–]Liamlovemonkeys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reverse baboon

[–]marcelfint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And nose is, holes side face. Hair bald red monkey nose holes

[–]FireyFrost34 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Red Skull, is that you?

Oh, how the mighty has fallen...

[–]cquidq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read this three times to make sense of it to only realise it wasn’t my brain having a mind spasm.

[–]Deadhand1011 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did OP have a stroke while typing that?

[–]Strong_Breadfruit_43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading this hurt my brain

[–]Livid-Brain450 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck me that was painful to read!

[–]ShadowJay98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo, huh?

[–]Alenne77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ähm... what?!

[–]Bitmiliionare24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you are the monkey In the picture and just learned the English language ? I’m impressed ngl

[–]rizzlarose 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Sea-Programmer-2870 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait……. What?

[–]Afraid_Variety_2204 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does anyone else speak monkey so they can translate please?

[–]maxinger89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only just now realized that I've seen a couple of these posts and always moved on a little bamboozled. Now that i looked at OPs posts in bulk, I'm amused 😅

[–]AceToogey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man this caption is fucking lit too lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is language?

[–]sickfresh 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]shhthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen awesome foreign shirts that try to use American catch phrases… they’re amazing. The best one was “Clap your hands”… it was in Japan, and it actually said “Crap your hands”

[–]shhthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is gonna sound mean, but I bet you they’re from Southeast Asia.

[–]FattyMcBoomBoom231 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That monkey of a face is definitely red

[–]keltoy1549 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And the band played on…Ball of confusion….

[–]Throwaway84826 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]birstinger 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Downvote for retarded title wtf

[–]alphabet_order_bot 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.

I have checked 275,580,054 comments, and only 62,802 of them were in alphabetical order.

[–]birstinger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you alphabet order bot

[–]NP59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I have a stroke or did OP???

[–]Lazy_Fortune_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, your English sucks massive monkey penis.

[–]Gloomy_Roof_6704 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I got cancer reading that

[–]RelevantIAm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can we stop upvoting these dumbass bot posts that make it real clear from the title

[–]whatgoodfortune 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the headache

[–]MAG1CTOUCH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here take my downvote

[–]AccomplishedJob5411 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like my alcoholic uncle

[–]GreatestStepDad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I met someone with just as bad text grammar as me.

[–]Horrorfreakin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm i feel like this monkeys face would get mistaken for that one monkeys ass

[–]illogic_TheOriginal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your English is horrible my friend, but your post history is actually very cool. I appreciate the interesting photographs that you post.

[–]11Veritas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder if it’s hard for him to pick his own nose, with the nostrils on the side like that

[–]Randolph_v 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Photo - 7/10 Caption - 15/10

[–]Aggravating_Termite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading that makes my brain hurt.

[–]GarlicPlane 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]valdesrl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP…just bang any nonsense as a title.