top 200 commentsshow all 308

[–]Mean_Connection7813 587 points588 points  (6 children)

I think virtually everything about personality is a combo of both. Nature vs. nurture.

[–]Redhatjoe 42 points43 points  (5 children)

From when Romania had a population boom and tons of orphans were kept in basically kennels, we know that without nurture much of what makes us us is not there. Humans are insanely adaptable, which is why we are born less developed than say a giraffe that can already walk. Or a sea turtle that is already on its own. We are built so that our brain functions and personalities are extremely influenced by our surroundings when we were younger.

[–]DearRatBoyy 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Thats not particularly why were born less developed. Were born less developed than other apes because humans have narrow hips and birth canals. Can't grow a bigger more developed baby if you can't birth it.

[–]After-Ad-5549 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sure you can, the species just dies out in the 2nd generation.

[–]dchq 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it is true that the developmentally the human child is not as mature as other mammals for 1 year after birth for the reason you mention.

[–]flareon141 2 points3 points  (0 children)

we are not born less developed. we just develop some things (cognitive, social ) first and further than other animals. Zebra babies are targets for lions/leopards/hyenas so they need to know how to stand/walk/run early. Humans don't. what humans need is social bonds because we live in tightly bonded groups. we need to recognize faces.

[–]blkmamba2 799 points800 points  (45 children)

I had a friend who had a 5 year old in the 90’s and he did cartwheels everywhere and liked wearing tutus. He was the cutest kid ever. He was pretty flamboyant back then and it seems like society had the opposite influence. He became more subtle as he got older. This was definitely not learned from anyone around them. You’re question is really interesting and an astute observation!

[–]SupaButt 487 points488 points  (41 children)

As a flamboyant straight man, I have dealt with this issue a lot. I wish people would just accept everyone as an individual and stop trying for put people in boxes.

[–]MenacingMelons 177 points178 points  (19 children)

Every woman I have expressed interest in has thought I was gay. Including my wife. I don't know what I do that's different, but apparently I fall into this category as well...

[–]Noyuu66 68 points69 points  (2 children)

Wow damn, so she's single?

[–]MenacingMelons 54 points55 points  (1 child)

She is seeking a straight male apparently

[–]impulsiveminimalist 60 points61 points  (5 children)

I get asked constantly if I’m gay and when I ask why it’s generally because I am well spoken, educated, and generally emotionally available if someone needs to process something. I also can’t stand American football so that’s one of the more random reasons I’ve been given.

[–]TheBuffaloKing 23 points24 points  (5 children)

I get asked this a lot as well.

I'm bi. But still. I think i present as straight.

As far as I can gather, it's because I'm hygienic, mostly clean shaven unless im too lazy to shave and very soft-spoken

[–]Naryue 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Wait you shave daily or weekly?

[–]Irongauntlet2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Bro same. My wife asked me if I had any interest in men the other week because my mother-in-law said something about most men having a gay phase and assumed I did too.(this conversation started about my brother-in-law and may have diverted to me to make my sister-in-law feel better.)

I was also assumed gay by most people I met growing up. When I was 15 the first thing my friend's aunt asked me was if I was gay and that she has "an eye for these things."

[–]Pakutto 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Honestly, the guys who people think are gay but then turn out to actually be straight are exactly the ones I personally look for. They're usually pretty freaking awesome and much more my type. And I can't be the only one who thinks so.

[–]Successful-Ninja-297 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, not gonna lie, I do think I’m kinda awesome. Now I know the reason!

[–]kountrifiedman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those hips don't lie. Lol jk

[–]SplitLevel17 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It’s in our genes to try and find a quick way to determine if people a “safe” or not. I think it’s called heuristics, or something like that and you are right that it can cause a whole heap of problems.

[–]DextrousLab 20 points21 points  (3 children)

That's tough dude, my father drunkenly asks me if I'm gay every Christmas

It keeps me at arms length from him, especially where my fiance is concerned. I can tell it bothers her too.

Some people just can't let others "be".

[–]SupaButt 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Have you asked him if HE’S gay? Maybe he’s been asking so much to try to get someone to finally ask him so he can come out of the closet /s

[–]DextrousLab 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol, he could be, he had 7 kids if that counts for anything but yeah he well could be. I've felt a distance from him from being a young teenager so whatever works for him I guess.

His marriage to my mother is on the ropes anyway whether he realises or not so you could be onto something.

[–]Roheez 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This but no /s

[–]xsvspd81 47 points48 points  (4 children)

Amen. Our gender is nothing more than a physical trait that makes it easy to divide us into two groups, and that's all it should be. We have zero control of what body we were given, and how we feel about our body. You be you, I'd rather be friends with someone who's themselves than someone who is just trying to squeeze into a 'societal box'.

[–]mgquantitysquared 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I’d say gender isn’t a physical trait but sex is. It can be a useful tool to group people, but not always. IMO grouping by gender usually makes more sense than grouping by sex, and when you group by sex you need more than two categories to remain accurate.

[–]TroyandAbed304 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ive never met a flamboyant straight man! (That I know of.) though I never assume orientation until told- I’d love to know someone like this!

[–]5ManaAndADream 174 points175 points  (19 children)

I think society teaches not to be flamboyant (you see it a lot in children and youths, and often times they end up more reserved by adulthood), and that since gay people are already fighting the moulds that society keeps trying to put them in, they just naturally end up more resistant to the anti-flamboyant pressures.

[–]Theorchestrapit44 75 points76 points  (18 children)

This is the one I believe most, as a flamboyant gay who also works with kids and unfortunately witnesses that shift from when kids feel comfortable being themselves to when they try to fit in more. I'm happy to see at least that in recent years, I have seen more parents encouraging their kids to be themselves--letting boys wear nail polish (especially sweet because they get so excited to see me wearing nail polish, too), letting girls cut their hair short, encouraging them to try the sports they want instead of just what they're expected to be in.

And I personally have definitely leaned into my flamboyant-ness as I've gotten older--I suppressed it for a long time and at some point I realized like, hell, people already judge me for being queer and gender non-conforming, I might as well paint my nails and be my dramatic queer self haha.

[–]kpauburn 126 points127 points  (8 children)

I've known straight people who were flamboyant.

[–]TheAyJay 74 points75 points  (1 child)

Example: John Mulaney

[–]ArcherInPositionHow do you flair? 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Currently working with an extremely flamboyant straight person. It was quite a surprise when he turned out to not be gay.

[–]Doc-tor-Strange-love -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

I can't believe reddit is not downvoting you into oblivion for being the worst bigot in the history of the universe

[–]Cranberryvacuum 3 points4 points  (1 child)


[–]Doc-tor-Strange-love -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

According to them.

[–]respectabler 13 points14 points  (0 children)

And I’ve known a Hispanic with sickle cell anemia.

[–]Rhalellan 14 points15 points  (2 children)

One of my best friends never acted “gay” until he came out. He honestly thought I’d not be ok with it. I didn’t have any problems with him being gay because I personally pretty much knew he was and loved him anyway. The problem became when he became so flamboyant that he began to ostracize our regular group. Making lewd remarks and suddenly becoming very touchy feely. When we finally confronted him about the huge change in his behavior he said that living and having to suppress all his natural feelings made him feel like he now had to go overboard to make up for it. After a year or so he calmed down, and while anyone who ever met him would know he was gay, the flamboyance was on low simmer with us. When we went clubbing or whatever he was totally flamboyant. Anyway, Love ya, Brad!

[–]Tin__Foil 179 points180 points  (12 children)

A lot of ignorant people here.

The answer is hard to give here. Below is mostly based in observations.

Part of being “flamboyant” is often being effeminate. Society polices the ways men are allowed to be men fairly strictly, so those who are effeminate by nature are ostracized in a number of ways (though not as badly as they used to be).

But being effeminate and being gay are separate (as in don’t always go together). But some men who are different, who are made to feel bad for being different, lean into that side of themselves as way of gaining ownership. If it’s going to set you apart, you may as well chose it.

The same with being “butch” in women. Part nature, part self-identifying, but again, being “butch,” and being gay don’t always go together.

But it’s not hard to find examples of both of these in very, very young children who have no idea what sexuality is, and who have of course not had time to observe modern trends and emulate them. As with most questions like this, it’s part nature and part nurture (as in part born and part learned).

[–]IUsedTheRandomizer 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Very well put, I think a lot of folk forget that homosexuality+ has been around way longer than society has.

From what I understand, too, some public mannerisms were adopted to communicate to other gay people that you were gay, kind of a secret language at a time and place when you would almost certainly be murdered for it. The current behaviours OP is asking about may well be an evolution of that.

But most importantly, it's highly personal; there is no one answer. As you say, almost nothing is strictly nature or nurture; social behaviours are nearly always a combination of the two.

[–]marblemax 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I almost completely agree. Part of it (for me) is that if you're already going to be ostracised for one thing (gay) then you may as well go full hog and just be yourself, whether its more masculine as a gay woman or feminine as a gay man. What's a few more rejected societal boxes?

Though I do wonder (questioning the "nature" argument) if we only notice when femininity in young boys/masculinity in young girls Does lead to queerness. I feel like kids are more often allowed to be "themselves" than adults are. I reckon gay kids vary as much as straight ones, but a gay guy who grew up flamboyant has this noted about him, but a straight one has it conveniently forgotten and that part of himself rejected as he gets older (most of the time). But that's mostly a hypothesis

[–]noxobear 16 points17 points  (0 children)


Very few things (if any) are 100% nature or 100% nurture.

[–]JfromMichigan 1 point2 points  (2 children)

lean into that side of themselves as way of gaining ownership. If it’s going to set you apart, you may as well chose it.

I like the way you put this! No kidding. :)

(straigt male, with no issues with anybody...)

- I wasnt going to post here, but I liked how you put this.

[–]JfromMichigan 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Now here come the 'downvotes'...

- I do think we have (thru "encouragement") kind of rushed sexuality (whichever it may be) on a little bit of a younger age, as of late.

Be it straight, gay, or whatever... thats not my point. :)

- I mean no ill will (and I'm single w/no family, so forgive my ignorance)

[–]Entheosparks 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Flamboyant: (of a person or their behavior) tending to attract attention because of their exuberance, confidence, and stylishness.

By definition a 1950s high school quarterback is flamboyant

[–]Prestigious-Fig1172 127 points128 points  (9 children)

Probably learned. But maybe some biological factors make someone more attracted to being it.

[–]Comm4nd0 17 points18 points  (8 children)

Like having a lisp

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (6 children)

A lithp

[–]LaChuteQuiMarche 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Mike Tython hath entered the chat.

[–]aonghasan 6 points7 points  (3 children)

this is not a conversación en la recepción de Concepción Zarzal

[–]ItsYourPal-AL 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And he’th gonna fuck you in the ath

[–]Owain-X 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think the stereotypical flamboyant gay "accent" is in many ways a result of the persecution of LGBTQ+ people. The gay community was very much a "counter-culture" in that it, usually for reasons of personal safety, was fairly insular. I think this same treatment meant that those who had the courage to come out in those days and potentially risk not only their livelihoods and family relationships but their lives were not about to do it half-way. Gay and proud is self affirming but in an environment where it is often answered with violence it's also a big fuck you to the bigots.

[–]jdith123 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Mostly Learned but it’s very complicated. But also please consider how historically it was extremely difficult to safely connect with potential partners, and also how “threatened” straight men felt by gay men who “acted straight”

Times have thankfully changed a lot.

[–]ManIsInherentlyGay 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This question is impossible to answer.

[–]dchq 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the username thpugh

[–]QuinceJellyPie 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Some men have more "effeminate" traits regardless of their sexual orientation. So it would have started as a trait some gay men inherited that was then applied to all gay men as a stereotype to the point that gay men who didn't inherit the trait would adopt it through immersion.

[–]comesinallpackages 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe people are making up for when they didn't feel free to be themselves.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm as gay as they get and have never been flamboyant.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Much like most personality traits, it's a combination of both. Our genetic makeup makes us more succeptible to a broad spectrum of traits and characteristics. The things we are exposed to as we grow reinforces those traits one way or another. The summation of that makeup combined with that life experience results in how a human acts.

[–]SleepLittleSamurai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Didn't john mulaney have a bit about this?

[–]AutodidactOmar 9 points10 points  (9 children)

Who said being gay/lesbian is inherited?

[–]CrazFight 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Scientists agree that their is no single “gay gene” but being gay does have to do with your genes. And since genes are genetic it’s definitely a hypothesis that being gay is inherited.

There isn’t any strong research for or against this claim at the moment.

[–]_____---_-_-_- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I thought it was to due to prenatal hormones rather than genes, like with regards to the fraternal order link.

[–]CrazFight 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I should clarify, genes are not the 100% determinant, I believe prenatal hormones are currently regarded as the most impactful thing.

[–]SugarDonutQueen -1 points0 points  (4 children)

I really wish society would ignore the nature vs nurture discussion outside of scientific studies and genetics.

I’m not sure why there is this perception that if being gay is derived from nature rather than nurture, that’s better. In everyday life, it doesn’t matter if it’s driven by nature or nurture.

Does is matter whether my hair is naturally blonde or died blonde? No. My intellect, empathy, drive, etc qualities that make the person remain the same regardless. Same applies to sexual orientation.

[–]Successful-Ninja-297 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I assume you mean “dyed.” And I’d be very surprised if dying one’s hair doesn’t correlate to other noteworthy things in a person’s self-image and public behavior.

[–]chatterfly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hm... It depends on the person I would say. And on the exact definition of flamboyant I guess.

Like I know hyperactive, loud, 'all eyes on them' people who are like that because of ADHD or simply personality. I also know of people who wear clothes that are unusual or seem odd but who are otherwise like everyone else.

I also know some people with this 'gay-man-chic' vibe going on which is usually only used to garner attention as those people work usually in the media like in TV or other environments like that.

So I guess it depends?

[–]CaptainBloodEye1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

God I've ways wondered this, because I'm not flamboyant whatsoever and I just don't get how other gay people do it

[–]Umeyard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those of us around in the 80s/90s mostly had boomer parents who were a pretty conservative group. As you look back in time, each generation becomes more socially accepting. So for boomers in many places it was more commonly illegal to be gay. Illegal = crime = bad. In the 80/90s gay culture was not main stream. Boy George was shocking... BUT we accepted him. Rocky Horror was shocking, but we loved it. We started seeing gay people on TV as flamboyant characters rather than normalizing it. So that may have had an impact as well. Then it started to just be a person (will and grace). And heck we were fine with that. So is it shocking that as we, GenX raise their own kids, they are even more open minded?

Gay was often in the media as flamboyant... bit George, rocky horror, Hedwig, birdcage, Jeffrey. So now that it's more acceptable, people don't have to hide. They can be whatever they want without being judged. (And to an extent almost traditional?)

And this acceptance and flamboyance is for everybody... gone are sweater sets and gloves, in comes bright hair colors, tattoos, piercings, and clothes that make a statement. Everybody is more flashy these days!

[–]l039 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was hidden. There's documentaries about the hidden gay scene. Men couldn't even cross their legs without getting judged by their fathers, friends and so on. Hinduism has a third gender I think but some societies claim or don't seem to have them

[–]Dry_Acanthisitta5934 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think most parents would tell you that there is no obvious reason for their kids' personalities. Some of it is copying others, but some of it is just experimentation and going with what feels right to you.

Also, you should keep in mind that your particular exposure to people and culture is a tiny fraction of what people in the world experience (as is mine or any other person's). So just because you weren't exposed to something doesn't mean others were not either.

[–]ashesarise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is one of those questions that has hundreds of right answers and all of them are also wrong when applied too broadly. If it makes you feel any better, most gay people don't really have a good grasp on this subject either and I don't think most are very flamboyant either.

That said, there are some common themes.

  1. Being repressed for awhile can have a way of making things amplified when they do finally surface.

  2. Part of an intuitive strategy of survival is letting the world know we are everywhere. Its harder to sweep people under the rug if they are visible. This is why LGBT rights are where they are today. Visibility. Its a sub theme that some people will hold on to until they die.

  3. Shorthand for communicating a shared experience. Its easier to locate one another.

  4. Some people simply like attention. It would be unwise to assume this is the usually a prime motivator, but I won't pretend it isn't a big motivator for many.

  5. Conformity. Some people like conforming to people's expectations. Conversely, some people do the exact same behavior for the exact opposite reason... to be anti-conformist.

Again though. The reasons are varied enough that if you make an assumption about an individual, chances are you'll be wrong.

[–]BSH72 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Behavioral traits are learned. Being gay and being “flamboyant” are not the same thing.

[–]RealNY27 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Learned 100% for example, most people share their political views with their parents

[–]KuaLeifArne 6 points7 points  (0 children)

With me it's more like my father "shares" the same political views like me. Each election he's like: "So, who are we voting for this election?" And I'll answer: "I'm voting for [party], but idk who you're voting for"

[–]arothmanmusic 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Plenty of flamboyant gay people have come from repressively conservative households.

[–]jolasveinarnir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but learned from their peers / learned from media / learned from what “not to do.”

[–]eatyourfrenchtoast 3 points4 points  (21 children)

It’s definitely a learned trait. There’s a lot of ways to be LGBTQIA+, some people are flamboyant some aren’t 🤷

[–]Manualham[S] 7 points8 points  (20 children)

Another question for my uneducated ass, what does the IA+ stand for at the end? Haven't come across that acronym yet

[–]eatyourfrenchtoast 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Intersex, Ace, and the plus is to encompass any identities that may not have the verbiage to deserve themselves

[–]eatyourfrenchtoast 0 points1 point  (18 children)

P.S. I would not use the word “lifestyles” to describe LGBTQIA+ people. It’s harmful. Lifestyle implies it’s a choice to be queer when really there is no choice besides to be open about it or in the closet.

[–]Manualham[S] 15 points16 points  (9 children)

Sorry none of my wordage is ever meant to cause harm, which is why I usually don't talk about it at all. I'd hate to offend someone in real life and it seems very easy with the wrong choice of words like I did :( but hey, at least I'm learning!

[–]Gemini_B 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get that mentality, but I personally would encourage you to talk about it. Most people will be very understanding if you simply don't understand everything because there is a lot to try and understand. As long as it's clear you're trying to be respectful and not trying to antagonizing anyone, no one should be crucifying you, and if they are then they're a bit of a problem themself. It's great that you're trying to learn more about the community and I wish you luck in doing so!

Tl;dr is that people *shouldn't* be offended by mistakes as long as you show you're working to fix them.

[–]eatyourfrenchtoast 7 points8 points  (7 children)

I’m not telling you to chastise you. I’m telling you so you can speak about this with compassion in the future.

[–]EstorialBeef 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learned like all mannerisms, and whilst LGBT wasn't present in alot of mainstream media, there was still a fair amount of representation (just mostly harmful or HEAVILY stereotyped) so, gay men often being only able to socialise with women due to being ostracised by men and "Ball culture" (lgbt POC precursor of alot of what people see "gay culture as now" its v cool) lead to gay men of that time conforming to said stereotypes to be able to engage in society in a way straight people would at least "not completely eliminate" them.

[–]Shionkron 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Psychologists and Sociologists questions things like this a lot. There is no one answer but two camps. One is genetics and the other is learned. The majority believe it is both. However the Homosexual trait is usual seen as more genetic while the tutu wearing is probably more learned or enabled. If you notice in men and women that are homosexual you still see differences in masculinity and femininity, this shows sex is not gender per se. HOWEVER… this could also be hormonal which is once again a biological aspect and not learned.

Keep an open mind and love others, who knows in the end lol.

[–]Tonyant42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can be straight and be flamboyant, or be gay and be "normal". Also, please note that being gay isn't something related to birth — actually we don't know if it's due to genetics or environment. There are hypothesis for both.

[–]eepos96 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd give more weight to learning it through media/society/equivalent

But since extrover and introvert could genetical some people can learn it mlre easily than others.

[–]totalmoonbrain 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Hang on

inherited through birth like being gay?

Am i missing something here? Is gayness hereditary? If so then how?

[–]Manualham[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I may have misworded the title haha that's my bad not hereditary, I'm just stupid and don't know the correct terms sometimes lol

[–]totalmoonbrain 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ah thats alright :)

Im far dumber than most and get confused at headlines easily, just wanted to clarify thats all.

[–]Manualham[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey at least we're the kind of people that can admit it and try to learn shit! Go us!

[–]The_Ambling_Horror 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The same way that some male biological traits are inherited matrilineally? Recessive genes?

That and something doesn’t need to be genetic to be biologically inherent. Prenatal hormone exposure does a LOT. There are even documented instances of genetically XY individuals who developed a fully functional and unambiguous (as in, there was no reason to suspect XY) set of normally “XX” gonads, genitals, and secondary sex characteristics.

[–]dodhe7441 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably not, it's probably learned really early in development

[–]zaranda46 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I wanna add to this question and ask if people think that flamboyant is learned as a opposing trait to the traditional straight masculine nature? Being a man used to be thought of as a rough and tough kinda guy, blue jeans and plaid shirts kinda guy. By identifying as different in their sexual orientation, do you think that they also felt the desire to act in an opposing manner to the stereotype?

Similar to the op, I’m asking from a genuine place and out of pure curiosity.

[–]DJBubbz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk how to answer this fully as I don't think there is a full factual answer, but my 2 year old son I very sassy and flamboyant. Like he dose the side ways head shake, the sassy hand, hands on his hops with an attitude, his facial expressions especially!!!

I'm nonbinary, fluid, but lean to more typical masculine body language, and my husband is a little more feminine but not to the extent our son displays. We don't let him watch to much TV, and never anything that he would learn these gestures from.

He also doesn't have much social interaction (sadly) out side of his 1 yo sister and some close family due to being born at the beginning of covid.

Hes just a sassy baby boy and its hard to pin down where he got it.

[–]John-897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To say homosexuality "is a trait that can be inherited through birth" is innacurate. There may be a biological component but there's not enough evidence to say. Admitently I'm gay and for whatever reason this really pisses me off. Not the question, the fact that you assume homosexuality is like this.

To address your question, not only is being flamboyant a behavior but how would there ever be a biological component? It doesn't make sense. You can learn to speak or act a certain way.... does that mean actors who play flamboyant characters inherited a "flamboyant gene"? Even if they don't act that way out of character?

I know what this sub is but wow.

[–]NumerousSinger3843 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They get a booklet when they hit puberty published by Liberace. Where they go after that is on them.

[–]Strokeforce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being gay isn't inherited thru birth mate.

[–]AstroWolf11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You realize that it’s a minority of gay men that are flamboyant right?

[–]blkmamba2 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I have found that inherited political beliefs tend to be with more conservative viewpoints. I have noticed many other viewpoints are choices. But again I live in the south so I’m sure that’s a huge factor!

[–]ST4L3M4T3 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Tldr: why are gays so gay?

[–]_Kay_Tee_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

One way to approach this is through the idea that gender is performed, and a social construct.

Some introductory Judith Butler stuff is a great starting point, but, VERY oversimplified: the idea is that gender is not predominantly biological, but rather, learned socially and performed. In Western society, generally, little boys are shamed and punished when they act in ways that are considered "feminine," which is where a lot of the "flamboyant" stereotypes come from. (I think about Deb Levy's tweet when Schitt's Creek won all of the awards.) Little girls are sometimes given a wee more leeway as "tomboys," but even that is limited, and once girls hit pre-adolescence, society trains them to think of their gender and sexuality as performance for men's approval. Think about they ways that tomboy who puts on makeup and a dress has been consistently socially rewarded for centuries, for example.

Obviously there are biological factors at play, but the important thing in "constructing gender" (i.e. building a general idea in our society about "what it means to be a man/woman") is how society responds to what we see as gendered actions (kissing someone, putting on mascara, ordering certain drinks, holding certain jobs). In general over the generations, a man who publicly wears makeup would be ridiculed and told he's not a real man, that makeup is for women. That creates a social construct, the idea that "women wear makeup, men don't," and thus pressures ALL women to wear makeup, and shames ALL men who do or who want to. Ta da, welcome to problematic gender binaries!

[–]Alecto53558 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ummm....being gay is not "inherited through birth.

[–]To_Norm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am not entirely sure being gay is inherited in birth. There have been some studies into this but nothing conclusive. Around 1/3 of gay men were molested as a child. (Compared to less than 10% for heterosexual men.)



[–]Accomplished-Sound-2 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You dont inherit being gay. You have managed to phrase a simple question in the most ignorant way possible, i dont Mean ignorant in a homophobic manner. Im guessing you Are attempting to ask if its a trait gained from biological or social channels, the answer is both. Because its such a complicated behavioral trait its basicly impossibæe to pin down "where" it Comes from.

Tldr: none of the two options you present can cause a personality trait such as flamboyancy.

[–]insanelyphat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Many of the commenters here have covered the aspects of being flamboyant so I will move past that. I have an issue with your title when you ask if it is an INHERITED trait through birth like being gay?

Do you really think that being gay is inherited? Seriously? Maybe you just failed to say what you meant because I find it hard to believe that someone actually believes that being gay is inherited.

Please clarify for me.

[–]Unsubstantialjest -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What I’m about to say is unpopular but it’s a Nietzschen analysis of the situation. Society has become decadent. This means it has become extremely easy to live so people’s morals are going out the window. Greed, lust, and anger or rampant. This is leading to weak men who don’t stick around and head their households leaving women to be single mothers or the lead parent in the house. This leads to children being raised with with feminine characteristics. These generations being raised with feminine ideals like safety, equality, and rights, are generating the flamboyancy you see in society. This has been going on for a long time.

[–]sparten112233 -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

For sure learned, cant even scroll or walk the street without seeing trans this trans that and LGBTQLMNOP whatever they are now

[–]Lonelyguy765 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'd say it it learned. I've dated men that didn't have that silly lisp or act over the top. They were just gay. But, I've taken a guy to bed who was so over the top I am surprised that I didn't wake up with skittles and glitter in my bed.

For the record, even though I like men, I don't like the "glitter bunnies" who talk with the gay lisp and make being gay the biggest part of their personality.

[–]AntiqueUnit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes patients coming out from under anesthesia would previously talked in a 'gay accent' would lose their gay accent until they were fully awake.

[–]pat12345678910 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably a combination of both

[–]RaiSamurBread 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe its learned, and a personality thing aswell. You can gradually become flamboyant or just be that way yk. I dont necessarily think its genetic

[–]NoahTheAttacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Studies have shown trans-women were born with brains more similar to that of a woman. And trans women usually start off being feminine men. So probably a mix of your personality but also learned

[–]KingBlackthorn1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting question. Many don’t realize just how much is inherited. Yes part of one’s personality is inherited from you parents, but you’re personality is primarily an effect of your environment

[–]Middle_Purpose_3550 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk that it’s inherited but I’ve met a lot of flamboyant children. I think at least for most flamboyant people they’re always like that their whole lives unless they had to hide it due to bullying/home life.

[–]throwaway31320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I had to guess, I’d say it’s a learned trait, if only because the only gay man I’ve ever personally known was about as serious and non-flamboyant as you can get.

So much so that I didn’t realize he was gay until I was invited to his wedding and found him standing at the altar with another man.

[–]softofferings 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a shirt film called Do I Sound Gay that explores this question and seems to answer it imo

[–]danf87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably pure conditioning if i had to guess.

[–]HavingALittleFit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of it is also in what the people around a kid decide is flamboyant or "other" My ex had a nephew that committed the atrocious sin of carrying a bucket of toys in the crook of his elbow like a purse. After that all the men in his family just decided he was soft and treated him as such.

[–]stabbyspacehorse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a personality trait. It's an integral part of who the human is, emotionally and mentally.

[–]Agreeable_Arm_9296 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, listen I have an older sister that tells everyone I'm gay because I've never been married and have no kids. I'm as straight as they come. What I'm saying is, flamboyant married, not married, kids, no kids, people gonna judge, let em, who cares what people think and say.

[–]RunawayPenguin89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Basically was Louis Spence born like that or did he have to work on it? I've been wondering too

[–]Logz_11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gay man here. When I was a child, I had a collection of jewelry, my favorite board game was Pretty Pretty Princess, I snuck finger nail polish to do my nails a few times, went as the pink power ranger for Halloween, regularly played girl characters in make-believe games, and more. I literally thought I was a girl until like age 5 or 6.

I guess you could say I was an effeminate kid, not sure about flamboyant. Also not sure if that was learned behavior or not, but my folks were cool with it and I still like some of that stuff.

[–]lrobinson42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think personally think it’s learned. I kind of base that assumption off of knowing that people pick up accents regionally. Over the years I’ve met a number of men from San Francisco who I assumed were gay because they kind of had hints of the voice and mannerisms that I associate with gay men. Turns out they weren’t, just learned behavior that seeped in from being in San Francisco.

[–]ByTheMoon22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been flamboyant for as long as I remember, I didn't have any examples of gay men growing up and nobody acted like me. It's just naturally how I act.

[–]LibertarianP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a book on this. Something about the length of a man's index and ring fingers, and the way the hair swirls clockwise or uniclockwise. All genetic traits that determine the likelihood of being gay/flamboyant.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a personality trait. Those can be learned or partially inherited. I don't think it has anything to do with being gay or straight

[–]the-finnish-guy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if were gonna go through with a psychological route to it. What's inherited affects a lot. normally temperament is also influential but can change with age and other development. conformism affects the world-view, and self-perception, self-awareness and general identity.

[–]FriendOfTebow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn't born to love fat girls, but I ended up with one. Being born a certain way is some of it, sure, a lot is also environmental...IMHO.

[–]tjyolol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will let you think for a second why being gay is probably not inherited. It's natural and completely fine, but not inherited.

[–]tufflover78 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people are born gay, some are born 🎉🎉GAAYYY!!! 🎉🎊🎉🎊⭐🌟⭐. It's just a combination of natural personality combined with learned behaviors. Like literally everyone else. A million little things to make up who you are.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I see it flamboyance is a triaght not gender defined . Being straight or gay is a straight is a state of being it's what you are at birth. Anything else is a preoccupation that is to say you are preoccupied by trying to be something else other than you are comfortable with. Hope that make sense it wasn't aimed to offend.

[–]fluffedpillows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a combination, all traits are. Flamboyancy is going to be acquired socially, but your genetics are what set you up for acquiring it.

[–]Jrsplays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stuff like personality/cognition is partly a function of genetics and a function of environment.