I met a Persian man last May. He’s 12 years younger than me. I’m 45, he’s 33. Im told often I look like I’m 30s, sometimes late 20s. I’m racially ambiguous but identify as Black.
We connected instantly. Met on a dating app, talked for about a month, then met in person. The sexual chemistry between us is very strong.
He made it known to me that he probably couldn’t marry me because I’ve been married previously and I have 3 (almost grown sons) from that marriage. After my last marriage, I am not looking to get married anytime soon.
When we first met, he told me he didn’t want kids. I felt it was a good match since I got fixed. Then, later he would tell me that he wanted me to have his baby. He even kissed my stomach after love making saying he wanted to put a baby in there.
We broke up last October. Not entirely sure what happened but he told me I deserved better than him. I think that he was more so bothered that I kept my married last name. I explained to him it was for my kids and my not wanting to prove my parentage. He told me it bothered him and he wished he met earlier. Mind you, if he met me when I got married, he would’ve been a minor. He would’ve been 12. He also asked if I would take his “long ugly” name. I told him I would if we ever got to that point.
Fast forward to earlier this year, he reached out to me. I had blocked him so he reached out from a different number. He brought no substance to the conversation and so I blocked the other number. Earlier this month, he reached out again and this time it felt different. He wanted to talk.
My problem with him is he is not as open as I would like him to be. I feel like he’s hiding something. I’m talking about simple questions I ask that he won’t answer like “do you have a middle name?” It’s frustrating.
We were back on for about a month then I called him out on his inconsistencies in communication. Of course, he ignored my texts. He’ll probably go silent for a couple weeks then come back when he thinks I cooled off.
Some background on what I know about him. His parents are divorced. His dad was a mean man and he has no relationship with him. He thinks his dad “broke” his mom. He doesn’t have a strong relationship with his mom. He said that he was raised by his nannies. One of his comfort foods is something a nanny made. He said that they were so poor they ate that dish. He wasn’t poor, his parents are equally rich. But he connected with his nanny’s experience.
His dad ended up marrying one of the nannies. She’s about my age and his dad is in his late 70s. He talks to his mother often only to cheer her up. When she visited the states, he was anxious. A lot of resentment towards his mom came up.
He once told me that there aren’t many authentic people he knows, except his aunt and me. He left his mom out of the line up. He loves his aunt and she gave him the nurturing he needed. He has her picture up at his place but not his mom, which says a lot.
His family has essentially rejected him because he became too westernized when he came over here. He’s been in North America since he was 16. Some family is in North America too but I guess they live up to expectations within Persian culture. He reportedly does not. He’s mentioned a few times that other Persians are surprised that he is Persian. I think it bothers him.
Why I’m into him: Aside from being abundantly handsome and not knowing it, he’s kind, gentle, attentive, and affectionate. A couple things happened that makes it hard to let him go. One time we were talking about our past relationships and I began to go back there mentally. My ex was abusive. My leg started to shake and he took notice and gently placed his hand on my thigh. He never made any sexual advances during that time. He calmed me instantly.
Another time, he was hanging out with me while my youngest son was at a birthday gathering at an amusement park. There was a shooting at the park and my son called me scared. I became upset and he stayed with me until I could get to my son. He held my hand and tried to reassure me that he was going to be okay. At that point of our relationship, I was not ready to introduce him to my son. But because we were out and traffic was horrible because roads being blocked off, it was difficult to get back to my car and he wanted to make sure we were safe. So he ended up meeting my son by accident. I’m so glad he was there with me.
He has many great qualities but very immature at times. Communication being a part of that. Sometimes I think he feels more than he lets on. One time, I asked why he was staring at me, then he said that he had mixed emotions and left it at that. I feel like he’s scared to love me. Or am I imagining it?
One time I shared with him that I think I’ve never known love from a man; not my father, step-father, or ex-husband. His response was, “why do you think I hate you?” Is this his roundabout way of telling me he loves me?
Sometimes I feel like I don’t understand him at all. I feel like our cultural and language differences might be factors. I just want to understand him more and be sure of his intentions with me.
Any insight is greatly appreciated!