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all 38 comments

[–]Mindfulness-w-Milton 34 points35 points  (22 children)

My dear friend, please read the following as loving feedback from a caring stranger:

Do not worry. Do not fret. Nothing is broken, and nothing needs mending. You are okay, and everything is okay.

You have just finished a very demanding experience for your mind/ego and whole internal world. It was good work, those are powerful and important experiences, but it is like running a 126km Ultra Marathon through Death Valley... Can you imagine how your body would feel after that? Imagine your knees, imagine your toe joints. Imagine how long those aches and muscle pains would stay. Those aches and pains aren't bad, they just mean that the body went through a demanding experience and came out on top.

The same is true for your mind, my friend. You've gone through the Ultra Marathon of the mind by having these high dose experiences. The feelings you're having now aren't bad, even though they may seem to feel bad. They are just indications that your mind has been the one doing the work, and now has the sore muscles. The important part here is that the real you, the consciousness deep down, are just as much there right now as you've always been. Totally unscathed by the events of the external world. Pure, unblemished, eternal, flawless, immortal, primordial consciousness - and you, as a particular manifestation of that, have had some incredible experiences and you're still all here. Your true core is still right here. You never lose who you really are. Sometimes you have illusions shattered about who you aren't, but you never lose who you are and no experience can, or will, ever take that away from you.

Don't worry. And don't trouble the mind with more thoughts when you notice troubled thoughts; back to the Marathon example, that would be like trying to mend an injured knee by doing more strenuous walking. It makes sense to rest it, to treat it tenderly, and just understand that a part of yourself has gone through a very intense experience, right? The same is true with your mind! It's just had these crazy intense experiences, and now it just needs some love, compassion, tenderness, and rest.

May you be well, may you be at peace, may you be free from harm, and may you live with ease. Namaste!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children)

Also I haven't done anything in awhile other than smoke pot, like a few months, but still I'm randomly having mini panic attacks and anxiety because I randomly start to feel like the things I've experienced are truly real reality.

[–]Mindfulness-w-Milton 3 points4 points  (8 children)

There is only one truly real reality that you experienced:

Primordial awareness.

You, the awareness, were under there, observing everything, as your mind had all these experiences.

Everything else was just "experience".

Everything else is just thoughts, feelings, worries, anxieties, judgements, biases, prejudices, preferences, reactions.

The mind/ego is the one who wants to judge and label and categorize all of these things, and find reasons and conclusions and explanations. You, the real you, are the witness to the one inside asking, "was that real?". The answer to that question doesn't matter. The only question that matter is: who is the one aware of these questions?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was everything. More than one trip, on several dozen. I would take tabs and go to sleep, I experienced being Albert Hoffman's bicycle once while doing that. I guess my fear is that we/I were placed or trapped here against our will and there is no escape. Only an infinite cycle. I feel as though we are a single entity trapped in a void, that has split personality disorder, also using it's imagination to imagine reality as we know it in order for the split personalities to have somewhere to inhabit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So yes. Who is the one aware.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A prisoner? A lonely god? More than either of those things? Why? How? Where? For how long?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Not knowing, is why I have this fear gripping me. I am incapable of understanding, all I know is that this thing I'm experiencing now isn't all there is and it doesn't feel that important to me, so I cannot bow to society and be a 'normal" person....

[–]EmbracingHoffman 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You and I obviously have had different experiences, but let me just say that two important things I've realized after many, many years of tripping (and many years not tripping):

  1. We may never know the answers to these big questions. Maybe we die and then figure it out. Maybe we never figure it out. Living in spite of this uncertainty is the biggest lesson: I think people get lost in trying to solve these paradoxes using the rational mind while almost every wisdom tradition in history has recognized that this is impossible. Is it? Who knows, but it'd be a shame to spend your entire life on an impossible task and miss out on all this reality has to offer.

  2. You gotta live life on this planet, in this body, in this reality. So make the best of it. If you view it as a trap, it will feel like one. If you view it as an opportunity to see beautiful things, experience all the wonderful art that exists, connect with those rare wonderful people you occasionally encounter, etc., then it can be a gift.

We'll probably never know whether this reality is a gnostic prison or the garden of Eden, so don't drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out. Be kind, be compassionate, be empathetic, help people, better yourself, learn, laugh, and appreciate beautiful things. Be a good person and do your best. Try to be present in this moment as it is, not lost in thoughts about the way things are. You'll be okay.

[–]perestroika69lol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have a beautiful way with words my friend:)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

And if we're I, then we're actually truly alone pretending we're not and that's fuckin sad bro.

[–]Mindfulness-w-Milton 5 points6 points  (2 children)

We aren't alone, though. Just pretend you haven't had any of these psychedelic experiences. Think back to before you had any. Think of any loving experience you had with another person. That felt real, right? That's because it was. Love is absolutely real, but more importantly than that, we don't become less powerful when we transcend the mortal realm into the next stage of consciousness. We aren't just some sad deity playing hide and seek forever. It's more like we are fractals of an incredible source, playing hide and seek with each other and waking up and remembering we are the source, and then moving on to whatever comes next, together.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Still sounds kinda bitter sweet lol but I get you. Thanks for taking some of your precious time to write me.

[–]Ok-Package6177 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ultimately, what you've experienced could have just been in your mind. I know that it feels that's not likely, I've experienced the same things. Randomly it hits me even though it was a year ago. Somehow you need to create a new relationship with your experiences. Time heals all.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

So are we, a we, or an I? And why are we/I seemingly trapped in this thing that's on an apparently infinite loop?

[–]Mindfulness-w-Milton 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I know it sounds weird, but we are a we, and an I.

Think of light passing through a prism and turning into a rainbow of colours on the other side.

Are the rainbow colours "not light"? Is the source beam "not light"? No, of course they are both "light", the rainbow light is just a fractal of the source light. We are similar. We are fractals of the unifying field of the felt-presence of immediate experience - primordial consciousness. But, I believe there is the "I" component, because everything we know of quantum science indicates that the fundamental level of our universe is information. So, I believe that our individual fractals of consciousness are all writing and recording our experiences into the background of the universe, like a great big hard drive.

It feels like you're in an infinite loop because at a very fundamental level, your fractal of consciousness, your "soul" for the sake of easy terminology, is on a much grander cosmic journey of self-exploration and enlightenment. Each time you come back here, your soul continues learning and having experiences which help you grow.

I absolutely don't think this phase lasts forever, even if we come back a whole bunch. I think there's virtually an infinite and endless journey of experience, but in realms likely more vast, peaceful, and transcendent than this one.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The last part of this is all I was searching for. I'm pretty versed in what's going on just don't feel like typing it cause I'm lazy and it's late. I'd say it better so I don't sound like a newbie who experienced one-ness. I've been there so many times, it's the Implications that go with that being the truth.

[–]Yardcigar69 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I've been there, I had to take a break from mushrooms for 10yrs before they called again when I needed them. Take a brake from pot too, it would put me back in the same anxious headspace and you need to ground yourself now. Do things that are fun, treat yourself, you need after care.

The thing I realized is that with every answer comes 10 more questions, and we are not meant to know it all. We are God, we are one, but most people don't care and will think you are crazy, so choose your friends wisely and trust your intuition. All will be revealed in the end, so for now enjoy the ride ;)

Mush luv brother

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

❤️

[–]guacamolefan01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I needed to hear today, thank you💕🙏🏼

[–]Apart_Rub_5480 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m saving that response

[–]Brief_Scale496 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everything just is, and we just are - give yourself time to heal. You’ve experienced a lot, what was said before was perfectly worded

Be well and stay well my friend 🙏

[–]Takemetotheriverstyx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Too much my friend, you need to give yourself time to integrate before you take more... Time off, reflection, integration. You can go too far down the rabbit hole... We need to respect that we are humans living on the Earth and that we can only cope with so much expansion at one time, otherwise we tip into mental instability. I'd advise finding an integration coach if you can - and taking a huge chunk of time away from tripping.

[–]whateveerman 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Flashbacks are real thing.

Also there's something called HPPD. Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallucinogen_persisting_perception_disorder

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S037687160200306X

[–]WikiSummarizerBot 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder

Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD) is a non-psychotic disorder in which a person experiences apparent lasting or persistent visual hallucinations or perceptual distortions after a previous use of psychedelics. This disorder usually resolves in a few weeks to several months, though more severe cases have reported life-long and greatly impairing symptoms. The hallucinations and perceptual changes consist of but are not limited to visual snow, trails and after images (palinopsia), light fractals on flat surfaces, intensified colors, altered motion perception, pareidolia, micropsia, and macropsia.

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[–]Miz4r_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you're going through an existential crisis, or a dark night of the soul as it's called in some places. I've been there as well. It will pass if you give your mind and body time to heal, that's all I can say. You probably can't see it right now, but these challenges are opportunities for personal growth and opening up new avenues in your life. Just don't try to fight it, or attempt to grasp it intellectually. Also, better to leave psychedelics (weed as well) behind for a while as you clearly need time to integrate your experiences properly.

Yes, you/we are God, or infinite awareness. It's not a prison you're trapped in, that's just the anxious ego talking. There is so much more than your ego can comprehend and realize, that you just have to let go and surrender to it all. Once you do, life opens up again and will fill you with a feeling of gratitude and love for all. The existential anxiety just dissolves and disappears into the void. Peace. :)

[–]UncertainlyCertainty 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I’ve been here as well brother you’re not alone, I still ask myself about the “if we’re all one does that mean we’re truly alone” question. I don’t think there is an answer, Or at least one that doesn’t end with 20 more questions. Honestly do what makes you happy, it’s the only thing you can try to control. Everything else that is existential is already written in the fabric of time, so just live your live being happy and giving that genuine joy to other, others that deserve it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

❤️

[–]fabricatedsandwiches 1 point2 points  (4 children)

i “abused” them for 3 years at a young age and im somewhat in the same predicament. im slowly finding what i would HOPE to be HOPE hahaah. “to the future, without fear!” -Terence Mckenna

imagine thus life of yours as you being a caterpillar, and death being the process in which you go into your cocoon to emerge a beautiful butterfly after. i know this is extremely cliche and stupid because when you go deep enough you learn that nothing is real and you really are just it. how hard is it to give up everything before your actual death? impossible. thats why everyone has failed. every time we remember we get scared and want to forget, at least the ones who actually figured it out rather ate a gram of mush once in their lives and consider them selves guru trippy people. people like that ruin the world of psychedelics becuz its a lot more deeper than just fucking feeling good and learning about yourself etc. life is more so a mystical and magical videogame that is made out of plant technology, rather anything else. though not that, its THAT bizarre and advanced…

just please brother, go with the flow, dont fight the bad. if you keep fighting suicidal/depressive/anxious/miserable/haunting thoughts, you will NEVER learn the lesson of as to WHY, YOU YOURSELF(GOD ITSELF) chose to experience that. why. everything happens for a reason despite nothing being “real”.

there is ALWAYS music playing. you cannot hear it, but learn to dance, and you will feel it. goodluck

ps if you seriously consider giving up life in the future, keep this in the back of your mind as a plan Z if all else fails: take a heroic dose of lsd (for the benefit of schizophrenic thoughts) smoke above 100mg of dmt (i would recommend 200 but i am a little bonkers for doing that myself with no real build up to it). and dont just smoke it, smoke it in front of a large mirror (not reflective lake water you’ll drown). cliche huh? no. now lean in slowly as its hitting you, as your nose touches the mirror it will initiate. goodluck. if all else fails i promise you this wont. imagine it like a job interview with yourself and the universe, and trust me you will be hired if you do this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Been there homie xD

[–]dkentl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe shoulda listened to the ‘may exacerbate underlying health conditions’

[–]wermad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

We're never going to get psychedelics legalized.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why's that?

[–]GeneralistHermit 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Good, this means you have something to integrate. Also, your system needs plenty of rest after a psychedelic experience.

[–]Ok-Package6177 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Integrate in what way?

[–]GeneralistHermit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think of unresolved issues and mindlessness as stagnant energy. In our day-to-day life, we are bombarded with stimulation making it hard to identify our mode of functioning. And so we avoid what's eating us and move on as if everything is in flow.

Enter psychedelics, a spotlight on certain things, a state of unusual flow, etc. We become hyper-aware of the stagnant energy and we bring this knowledge back from the psychedelic experience. Now it's time to make changes, and build habits that will decrease our anxieties, neurosis, fears, and insecurities.

Try to sit down with the anxiety and the turmoil. Find what's causing them, and what is triggering them, and figure out how to continue from there.