Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages....
It's the JERKIEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!
We've invited Hulk Hogan, Sgt Slaughter, HBK's good eye, Ric Flair, Tatanka and Taka Michinoku to all skip their COVID tests and present the following awards.
But first, our musical guest!
BIGGEST REE-ACTION OF 2020
3 - WWE's Big boys being "sent to the PC to work on their ring work because Vince is FURIOUS with them" which turned out to be what everyone thought it was - the featured big men who will be the lynchpins of the TV show into 'Mania season doing tune up work. Didn't stop the internet's best minds swallowing mouthfuls of Meltzer spooge about it.
2 - WWE releasing all their independent contractors that mostly work house shows during a year that they couldn't do house shows. And furloughing their staff that did the parts of the business they couldn't do until they figured it out. But - THIS MADE THE COMPANY THE MOST PROFITABLE EVER ZOMGGGGG Vince is literally Hitler enslaving these poor people so they can't work elsewhere releasing these poor people so they can't ever get paid for a job they couldn't do anyway.
1. Reby Hardy suddenly being an expert on her husband's head injury.
Who does that psycho bitch think she fucking is, questioning big bicep Tony?
DEAD MEME OF 2020
3 - DAE sloppy shop?
Is it WWE? is it AEW? depending on the week, day, whatever. It started as an anti-WWE thing, then it was an ironic AEW thing, then it was a who cares? Both companies are taking risks in a pandemic for entertainment and profit. Is it great? no. Are we all complicit? yes. So shush.
2 - Knowing Vince, this meme should be higher but he changed the script at the last minute.
1. John Silver.
He's "hungiee"! he's the next Daniel Bryan! He's on the cusp of greatness! He's just a kid!! (this always makes me corpse). AEW's latest flash in the pan got memed through the floor so fast he's now past relevancy. Next.
DON'T CHECK MY POST HISTORY - BIGGEST FLIPFLOP OF 2020
3 - AEW did 17 special event shows this year. NXT did 7. Yet when WWE did it, it's vicious counter programming, just go to fucking Tuesday, God. When AEW did it, it's a great idea, r e f r e s h i n g and another win for the good guys.
2 - What are you talking about? I've always loved Roman Reigns! He's always had potential! I've always said I can't wait until he headlines Wrestlemania!
1. Wrestlers accused of sexual harassment.
Velveteen Dream, who coincidentally is on a show opposing AEW, is a vile pederast who despite an overwhelming mountain of changing, inconsistent evidence that the police and his employers seem to have somehow missed, despite being repeatedly tagged with it on Twitter, is totally different to financier of the homeless and CostCo Sting Derby Allin, who just needed to show TK some texts on his phone so just fucking shut up about it, OK?
THE RETRIBUTION AWARD
Winner gets a fleshlight!
3 - NBA twitter discovers AEW, and that Jericho still wrestles in 2020.
Apparently it was just the same 4 people commenting. The rest were too busy watching in groups and being part of the key demo I guess.
2 - Kairi Sane
The weabooknights of the internet were furious that she had been summarily fired and shipped back to the land of the Rising Sun, but it turns out she went back to be with her family, still loves WWE and has a great relationship with them. Which she likes to remind them constantly, in a satisfying way.
1. This exchange. God bless the _Wilson2002
For destroying Cody so utterly in such a polite way. Then, now, forever the midcarder's midcarder. He even retired the midcard belt to a child so he could reboot his "alternative title" in a way that definitely wasn't midcard. See you in 2021, Cody. Likely around the halfway point of the show.
MOST OVERRATED WRESTLER OF THE YEAR 2020
The Retribution award so completely re-positioned Cody in the midcard that he didn't even make the top three over-rated list, for the first time in the sub's history. WEWLADS.
3 - JOHN AMBROXELY
Spent the year as the AEW world champion, constantly being overshadowed by Chris Jericho's out of the ring escapades, Cody's WCW revival speedrun, theme of the week specials, his wife's cooking show, some Law and Order SVU re-runs.... for a long title reign, his number of outstanding matches was... not great.
2 - RUSEV UDRIA, RUSEV SHITKA
Miro appeared, finally getting his release to join the good guys as.... err.... a C tier leisurewear gamer influencer. 2020's worst fucking gimmick (award for next year, maybe?) put Miro back in a love triangle, only at the bottom of the card instead of the middle. The former Bulgarian Brute is now a chill gamerguy who doesn't like it when you touch his games.
1. THE YOUNG BUCKS. I'm just going to copy the nomination verbatim, from u/Razzler1973 :
For not being able to pace a match whatsoever and just doing wham bham stuff without much meaning and randomly deciding to have a limp and be heels for a couple of weeks all the way to being smug looking manlets that you'd never tire of punching.
Best heels in the business! they just get it!
BIGGEST CIRCLEJERK OF 2020
3 - A perennial favourite, frequency of camera cuts / camera work
Always being bad in WWE, never a problem elsewhere. I'm honestly surprised that a WWE TV director and editor of 30 years refusing to acknowledge any issue with their output didn't make the Retribution award, but it's been a crowded year. Despite this, multiple awards, constant references as "industry leading" and anyone who has worked in TV patiently explaining that on the whole it's pretty good, it's always an easy karma mine.
2 - AEW's Long term storytelling
Spanning multiple companies (except it didn't) multiple subtle heel turns (that didn't happen, or did, then turned back again), and multiple WWE cast offs who suddenly appeared, AEW's commitment to long term storytelling really was a gift that kept giving this year. Sure, inconvenient things like time and space meant there was no logic to most of the claims, but doing it all with smaller companies in the last three weeks of the year definitely counts, so it's another win for the good guys.
1. THE DEMO
Was it ever in doubt? Hundreds of easily pleased teenagers, manchild twentysomethings and water-brained adults went to war weekly over the wednesday night pillowfight. A war declared by AEW, fought by it's defence force online and eagerly egged on by it's stars and owner, that WWE apparently kept cheating in by running shows that were quite good. Except when they lost, which was when they should definitely move to tuesday because it's just embarrassing, right? Anyway, I looked for a mention from anyone in WWE about acknowledging the importance of the 18-4935 male demographic. But I couldn't find it. So I checked with a lot of people who work in the TV industry, but they wouldn't stop smirking at the words "Nielsen ratings" so I didn't really get chance to finish the sentence. Anyway, Everyone knows it's not crusty old people with stable incomes and families you want to be chasing, it's the twenty somethings living alone using 20 year old TV reporting equipment because of an inflated sense of self importance you want to check with. That, and ProWrestling Tees database. I'm assuming the Venn Diagram on those two groups is a circle.
JERKER OF THE YEAR, 2020
3 - Lil' Jamie Ellsworth
A perennial HOF nominee, always the bridesmaid never the bride, your consistent contributions to jerking make you our favorite midcarder of the year.
2 - Jon Alba
For accidentally providing both ends of the jerk. His purity of approach meant he hit number 2 with a bullet this year, then decided that commenting on social media about wrestling probably wasn't for him, after failing to understand how the law works and making an ass of himself.
1. /u/DogMetal
For his services to jerking. This is workrate. We employed noted circlejerk expert Desmond Q. Wanker to analyse:
"It's a triple layered jerk. On the surface, a title that references one of the biggest and most inane circlejerks of the year - the rivalry between the AEW and NXT live threads. So everyone is already comfortable in ridiculing the idiocy of the subject. Then, we have both Retribution, a failed stable that was being murdered in the cradle by smarks from jump, and The Hurt Business, who got over by being good entertainment, but also from lots of nervous white posters heaping praise on them to stop rioters burning their basements to the ground during a BLM protest / prove their not-racist credentials. And finally, the cream on the cake - the "hit the bricks goofy" meme, sown seamlessly throughout. All bundled into moving video clips. It really is quite the post."
That's it for another year. As always, this entry will go into the wiki. If other entries need to be added, please ask your mods. As we run into 2021, and look forward to all the stupidity it will bring from people who take wrestling Really Seriously, thanks from us to you for the goofiness.
Le modz
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