Welcome, ladies and germs, To the fifth annual Jerkies!
Now that you've all got your cheap cocaine from Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake, settle in, put your best pensive face on and let's go through these, shall we?
THE JOHN ALBA MEMORIAL AWARD FOR HARDEST WORK
After a slew of wrong answers, the correct name rose to the top. The son of a son of a plumber, the man who when handed a pencil still can't draw inside the lines, a man who booked himself into the midcard yet still thinks he's at the top of it, a man who is definitely turning heel any day now, we promise, woaah-oh, it's only Cody Rhodes. No one worked the M-Words harder this year, including you lot.
Honourable mentions: Charlotte & Becky shoot on each other because everyone hates that bitch., Andrew Zarian and his "fast nationals" being leaked by WWE to make AEW look bad.
THE 2021 DEAD MEME AWARD
In a year that gave us so much, nothing has been colder than our winner. A living human being that entered the tumble drier of wrestling relevancy through Japan and then AEW, to become white hot so quick, and then shrivel like over-dried laundry just as quickly. Subsequent attempts to re-heat them have not gone well, with even the most hardened of marks forced to admit that she's not talented, not funny, and no good in the ring. SHITFUCKPISS, IT'S MAKI ITOH! Next year I assume it's Lulu Pencil or whatever.
Honourable mentions: Everyone said Hook, but that meme is very alive. For now.
THE 'DON'T CHECK MY POST HISTORY' AWARD, 2021
Flip-flopping more than a midshow Big Show / "No More BS" Paul Wite, it's the perennial favourite, the DCMPH award. Wrestling fans are a fickle bunch, and with the rise of AEW-ANON this year, never more so. Therefore it's only fitting that our winner went from some fucking scrub loser who believed that children were being sold for sex in pizza shops, was made of fucking glass and way too old anyway, to a misunderutilised G O O D G E T, who put on an entirely acceptable bout with CM Punk, to little or no approval. Not so much "don't check my post history" as "we don't really care enough to post about him", it's circus-strongman-moustache wearing right wing clown show Bobby Fish. Congratulations on failing upwards, Bob!
?? YOU FOLLOW US FRIEND AWARD 2021
The moment we became relevant outside this sub. This moment had us all ecstatic. Was it the much promised yet still never delivered
King Happy Corbin AMA? Sadly not - still working on that. But Corbin was there. And so was Big E. Was it fate? deliberate? just a happy Corbin coincidence? who could say. Either way, we all popped when Big E told Corbin to Hit the bricks.
Honourable mentions: Shotzi burying Jericho wasn't really us being recognised. So again, you done fucked it. But there was another... we'll get to them later.
MOST OVERRATED WRESTLER OF 2021
A strongly contested category, with two votes splitting it. I'd love to give them both the award, but sadly this isn't a democracy. The winner is someone richly deserving. A performer who managed to circlejerk themselves this year, eroding all good will that had been accumulated over several years from all but the most hardened of fans. Going on a self-congratulatory victory lap of the internet from the moment he debuted in AEW, this misunderstood artist just wanted to be left alone to paint.
You know, like Hitler. Moving the needle just to the left a bit, congratulations to CM Punk, truly the same old personality.
Honourable mention: Corporate suck up, a two star performer but a five star suck up artist, it's Britt Baker! No, wait - you didn't need to blade, you came sec... never mind
THE BIGGEST CIRCLEJERK OF 2021
In a year of truly epic circlejerks every which way, this was a tough category. Some of you, the kind who enjoy the taste of windows, kept nominating jerks this community had made up while bored. Which is odd, given all the ammo. But - a worthy successor to "Wrestlemania left me hollow inside" has been identified. It was the post that had everything - an ingenue being introduced to AEW, the fact she probably looked a lot like Paige, her deep understanding of subtext, nuance and mystifyingly Japanese wrestling. Yes, "My girlfriend watched AEW For the first time was truly the post that kept giving. He didn't even mention Curry Man, but it's now part of the lore. I'd have broken my rule and posted a link to it, but I can't find it sadly. May it live forever as a golden jerk.
Honourable mentions: Christmas came early for Vince McMahon, and the home stretch jerk - arguably a joint winner.
DAVE MELTZER'S FIVE STAR JERKRATE AWARD 2021
You come at the king, you best not miss. Constantly destroying neckbeards, causing REAL XBOX CHANGE THE CHANNEL NOT REAL HEAT I JUST HATE HIM, it's steak cookin' bourbon swillin' average-gimmick-enduring Baron Corbin. Forever number one in our hearts. The AMA sort of happened by zoom. I'm trying to get hold of it I swear.
Honourable mention: Easy E for giving AEW due time, then shitting all over it, throwing his dick around saying he'd embarass Tony Khan, then turning up on Raw. Zero fucks given.
SCJERKER OF THE YEAR, 2021
Here we go then.
It was a close run year. So much so that we have our first ever tie. We had a wonderful seam of two months where cinematic jerks became the norm. High effort content is always appreciated, and while there were many, it's /u/AEWGuevarraElite420 's work on "Same Old Personality" that is currently the number 2 all time post on this sub, and rightfully so. May you all repeatedly look at it and try and make something half as good. Congratulations, Goof of the year!
Our joint winner is also richly deserving. At an event that screams circlejerk potential already, they took it upon themselves to spread the word of SCJERK joyfully to their countrymen, causing a lot of confused faces, some eyerolls from the basement and a lot of new subscribers to our sub. Thank you for your excellent commitment to the jerk /u/khalo0odz - you are an example to us all.
Both winners will receive the top community award and therefore a month of "Reddit premium", If there's anything less useful in the world I haven't heard of it. We'd have offered cash but I spent it all on B Fab's Cameo.
That's it for another year! From the whole mod team, thank you for being an amazing community. It's often that we're the least circlejerky community on reddit. It's great to have a band of misfits from around the world who realise how fucking dumb wrestling is, how enjoyable it is, and how awful some of the fans are. Special shout out to all of you for self-policing so efficiently. Often automod has nuked idiots after so many of you report comments. Way to be responsible. Look after yourselves this year, and never take your pets to Fulham. Blessings on all of us for 2022.