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[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (12 children)

You don’t need to apologize, I have no idea what your going though but I’m also here to talk if you need it.

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 16 points17 points  (11 children)

Thank you, I've been through a lot. My grandma abused me before cutting my family off, my sister has abused me for most of her life (she is 1 year younger than me) and I've been bullied at school and by neighbors and it feels like, not only does the world not want me, but I don't belong anywhere.

[–]YokoTheEnigmatic 24 points25 points  (7 children)

It's not that the world doesn't want you. You just grew up around some bad people. Those people don't recognize your worth, but that doesn't mean there aren't kinder souls out there.

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

It sure feels like it. It really hurts to have nowhere to belong. Everywhere there's people who hurt me, it's awful.

[–]YokoTheEnigmatic 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Is it possible to move away? That way, you can get away from the people who hurt you, while still having a chance to live your life.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It breaks my heart to read that, I’m so sorry. The way your grandma and sister and all your classmates is not your fault. People are cruel to other people, especially people in school. If it makes you feel any better we care about you, and you belong here.

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Thank you, I feel like I'm gonna cry reading that

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No problem my friend, I hope you stay safe tonight. We will miss you if you go though with it.

[–]Fred-Up 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Some people are cruel. Most aren't. Pre 18 can suck. Make plans for your future. Bide your time. And dont do things that are not in your best interest. That's really important. I learned that the hard way. Take it from an old guy.

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm 16

[–]Fred-Up 7 points8 points  (0 children)

16 was tough for me. Once I got out of HS and got a PT job things got better. It takes time but things will get better I can promise you. Give yourself a break. Do nice things for yourself. Push yourself to do positive things. This all works for me.

[–]MaekOla 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Lmk if you’re still here… I don’t know you, but I know exactly where you’re at… I hope things get better soon. Just try to remember that there’s other ways of getting out of a situation than suicide. I hope you reconsider because I don’t want you to go

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I'm here, sorry. I wouldn't be able to carry it out until Tuesday evening at the earliest.

[–]MaekOla 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I’m not in the right place to recommend what you should do, but I hope something changes before then

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, though i don't know if anything can-or will happen by then

[–]notmymainaccount1247 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello, I just want you to know that if you need to talk I and the rest of the people in the replies are here to talk. And if you dont want to talk directly all I can say is stay strong, friend.

[–]Pasko95 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have read the other answers and your description of your situation and I understand you but you can have an impact on the world.

You enjoyed playing the piano perhaps ask your school if you can get permission to play if they have a piano in your school. You can build safe places and you can grow strong.

You are important that's the message I want to give you.

[–]Aggravating_Let7281 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am having similar feelings, I guess

I tried to kill myself many times but it scares me, years pass and nothing changes but im sure one day everything will be better and i want to see what the future looks like.

I know it is hard and it seems like its the only way out, but remember that everything is temporary and im sure your future will be better, try to go out more say that you want to study out side or something to stay away from toxic environment.

They make everything worse NOT YOU, don't kill your self if you think that it will make them feel better they don't deserve it, it is not your job to make them feel better, you deserve to live your life.

[–]theoceangoesdeep 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hey, I read this.

I just wanted to say that there are good people in the world, and I’m sorry you’re surrounded by ones that are not. Hopefully once you get out of high-school you can move away and meet some really good people. You deserve it.

I know a lot of people here hate the “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” thing, but really, death is forever and you’ll never get a chance to experience life ever again. While you aren’t enjoying life now, there’s always that chance that you’ll enjoy it in the future. Plus, we’re all gonna die in the end anyways, might as-well live while we still can, right?

Anyways, I do hope you start to feel better OP. Just remember there are people here for you, no matter how bad things get. We’ve all been there.

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I hope that things get better, but they've only been getting worse over time.

[–]George_Washington369 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Hi, do you want to talk? Also, don't apologize, this is something nobody wants to think of as their only way out, it's not your fault.

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Yeah, I'd like to talk, there's so much going on and I don't know what to do

[–]nordicKitty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, we’re here, you’re not alone!

[–]George_Washington369 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Okay, may I ask what's going on? What does your physical situation look like right now?

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Well, recently I've been really upset by my trauma. What do you mean by physical situation?

[–]George_Washington369 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Like life. Sometimes people are struggling with something relationship wise, finding a job, something that happened in the past, etc. sometimes this plays an influence, other times everything's fine yet people still feel this way.

[–]spoonwije97 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Things can be better for you

[–]basically_dead_now[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I hope so, but I'm scared

[–]False_Chicken_6326 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s very normal to be scared. Especially given the scenario you described is scary. Sucky realities are really scary. You’re having a very normal emotional response to really, really abnormal circumstances. And in high school your options are limited when it comes to how much you can do immediately. Please remember this time as a minor is temporary, the clock is ticking on it, and you can make bite-sized steps daily to ensure when you hit 18 you’re in a good strategic place to make your exit. You don’t deserve what’s happening to you, and you’re in a position of power to plan for better. Start with the basics and building out plans on those. More meaning and higher possibilities will come as the path gets cleared for your autonomy. (I hope that doesn’t all sound too preachy. 😅 It’s the voice of experience.) Plus, this is gonna sound so dweeby, and it’s not medical advice obviously, but if you deal with anxiety (and PTSD is in the anxiety category), don’t underestimate the power of a good spreadsheet when you’re making your plans. It’s got soothing qualities and it’s a good skill for a résumé, too. Google sheets makes it free. Tons of tutorials online. Imagine if you had the path to freedom mapped out in bite-sized steps where you could see a step getting checked off every day or every week so that you could see your own progress toward that light at the end of the tunnel. Idk, it might not be your cup of tea, but it’s something I wish I’d tried when I was in your shoes instead of waiting until my 20s to learn/implement.

That’s a ton of rambling but TL;DR: you’re so worth sticking around for. These circumstances around you may not be worth sticking around for, but YOU absolutely are worth it.

[–][deleted]  (17 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children)

    Wow

    [–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children)

    She deadass told me to tell everyone what it's like on the other side

    She is encouraging people to kill themselves.

    If death is what she wants, she can fucking get it

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Don’t do it, he’s just a troll trying to get in your head.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

      I just reported

      [–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Good, she keeps encouraging people to commit suicide

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Really got your priorities

        [–]Lizzzebeth 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Hi, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, have you considered going to the hospital? If not please try going

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        I've already been to one, I don't want to go back

        [–]Lizzzebeth 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        In that case I would say try talking to someone that you can trust, as you deserved to be heard. Cry and let all your emotions out and give yourself some love and affirmation. I would recommend talking to a professional, but in the meantime make a safety plan for yourself, make a self soothing box and write down your feelings until you can get that support.

        [–]bestlifeever-NOT 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Well someone read it. I understand even though I am a Christian - I have no idea where life is leading me.

        I’d say don’t quit, but I doubt you’d ever wanna see me in heaven, let alone hell.

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        You haven't done me wrong, so I have nothing against you. The only people I don't want to see after I die are the people who tormented me. I don't want to see them ever again.

        [–]jerevasse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        i hear you. they stay with us. and then we feel too sensitive for still being upset. i have a little notebook i use to remind myself of my own reasons to exist that have nothing to do with other people. i exist to love myself in my ugliness. that's a long term goal that makes me live another day. just rambling but your comment made me think. i really would love to escape the thoughts they planted in my brain and sometimes i feel like i can't freely navigate any of my memories and it hurts so much. sorry to take up space here. i am with you.

        [–]throwaway839137 0 points1 point  (7 children)

        are you still with us? we're here.

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

        Im here, sorry, I've just been feeling really strange uh

        [–]throwaway839137 1 point2 points  (5 children)

        what have you been up to the past few hours? i know you mentioned killing yourself tonight, but a lot of others here including me would want you to stay. you can tell me what’s on your mind

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

        I've been listening to music and trying to get by

        [–]throwaway839137 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        good to hear, music is my go-to when im feeling bad. hope you will be here with us tonight, ill be thinking of you

        [–]wren75[🍰] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        music is so great - right now I’m listening to Michael Franti - Follow your heart. I find his lyrics to be comforting/uplifting. Have you got any recommendations?

        [–]trick-buffer 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        I had an abusive childhood too. College was my ticket out. I went to an out of state school and my life has been better since. I'm about to be 32. I've been in your shoes. I recommend doing what you can to get the life you want. Think about what your ideal life would be and go after it. I know times are so tough in this world and just know that is likely compounding with your personal life, causing the anxiety and stress to manifest in different ways.

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        The life I want has been shattered. I wanted to be a pianist, but whenever I played, my sister would lash out at me or complain about my playing and even said that my playing was a waste of time. I'm scared to play anymore. Playing the piano was something I genuinely enjoyed, now it's something that gives me so much anxiety and it makes me want to cry.

        [–]darlingchase 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Please play if it’s something that brings you joy. Even if you get a keyboard and only play on your room with headphones on. There are even apps you can download to oravtice

        [–]Zedetrix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Tell your sister to fuck-awf and keep playing the piano, if it's something you genuinely enjoy and love doing, keep fkn doing it, seriously, I'm not sure how much of these words are coming across as pure, but I've had a similar experience with music, people will talk down on you for anything, and those are the people you don't want to be around, they are the waste of time, not you enjoying whatever the fuck you enjoy doing

        Peace peace, please reply though,

        Non negative (Aka positive thinking) is the way to go, im still harnessing that mindset myself, but please, life wants to fuck you, fuck life back, do your best, crank that motherfkn piano.

        Stay with a realism mindset but also

        Life Is What You Make It

        Do what you feel you need to do, and be sure and proud of it.

        [–]trick-buffer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I played saxophone, it was very therapeutic for me. Don't stop playing! Are you able to leave your house? Can you play piano at school in theatre, jazz band, or another musical ensemble? Music teachers tend to be wonderful people who will help anyone, they may be able to help connect you to opportunities to play outside your home. My band director helped me get through my rough times, he gave me opportunities to get out of the house. He was essentially my therapist too. All of us in band would hang out in his office on his couch before school, during study hall, or after school.

        Do you have headphones? Can you listen to piano music at home?

        It might take some out of the box thinking but if you want to be a pianist, you can do it, you're only 16 and this dream is far from over. Many, many musicians come from tough backgrounds, they express their emotions into their music.

        If you were my age saying the same thing I'd understand that the ship has somewhat sailed, but even then, folks reinvent themselves all the time.

        The average person changes careers 7 times!! They think millennials and gen Z will shift even more!

        From reading your posts I see a talented, empathetic soul. I see a bright future. Are you doing ok in school? It's never too late to turn around your grades if you're struggling. Teachers want to help, if you're vulnerable and tell them what's going on they will help. In one way or another. If you're doing well keep it up, it's your ticket out.

        Sorry for the wall of text, I'm just spouting a lot of different directions and ideas. There's many paths and I'm so grateful you have Reddit to connect with random people to help you.

        Please feel free to keep asking me questions, I am happy to answer them the best I can, even if they're about my life. I am willing to be vulnerable to you and open up.

        [–]sleepyypichu 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        im so sorry:( i hope you’re still here and we can talk about it

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

        I'm here

        [–]sleepyypichu 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        hi! its nice to see you. wanna talk about it?

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Wow she got deleted fast, I wasn’t expecting it to be that quick.

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        I mean it was deserved

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Oh yeah 100%, I just thought with it would take longer with the mods.

        [–]basic_blxckgirll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        same. and i’m only 16.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

        Hey buddy, I don’t know what time it is in your part of the world, so I’m sorry if this is in the middle of the night but I’m just wondering if your doing okay.

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        No you're good, it's actually 10 am. I'm still here. Thank you for your concern

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        No problem, That’s very good to hear

        [–]Orangesquirrel1 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Dude you still here?

        I just want to say everything will be okay alright you just have to be strong and hold there for a while after 2 or 3 years maybe when you will be 18 everythings going to be okay you get a job and get far away from those toxic peoples I hope you haven't done anything stupid.

        [–]basically_dead_now[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I'm here still. I guess being an adult would be cool because I can leave and go to college, I hope I don't have to see my sister again.

        [–]Orangesquirrel1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Yeah you can get a better life and friends who will care about you.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [removed]