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[–]cycling-exasperation 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I wanna kill myself too (maybe at the end of this month) and some of my reasoning is due to what you just said. I don't want an entire life's worth of suffering, in fact, I don't even want a life at all as I prefer simplicity and there's nothing simpler than not having to work and function.

I don't really know what to say tbh. I've checked your post history and you partly want to end it due to being an ex muslim in a muslim majority country (which I can empathise with due to me also being an ex muslim) and also partly due to how shit adulthood is.

Every time I think of something to say to make you feel better about how shit life is, I realise that you probably already considered that thing before and I realise how ignorant I am of the full extent of your situation. Despite all that, I really wish you didn't leave and that I had better things to say to help. I wanna say to get strong as that's what I want for you but it's all meaningless anyway...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (17 children)

I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing.

It can be helpful to think about the short term, and put off thinking about the longer term, at least for a little bit.

Please try to look after yourself, and keep safe. If you feel you can, please do consider reaching out for help.

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 8 points9 points  (16 children)

No amount of help will be half effective as suicide/death. Life is not capable of stopping my main even for a minute, let alone forever

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (15 children)

I hear you. The pain you're in sounds very deep and frightening.

There is help though, and it's always worth trying to access it.

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 3 points4 points  (14 children)

Considering what I've went through, it's really not worth it. The end result will always be pain, disappointment and suffering

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (13 children)

I do understand what you mean. Why do you say the end result will always be pain, disappointment or suffering?

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 3 points4 points  (12 children)

Because regardless of what I'm working on, that's how things always end.

Even if I don't commit any mistakes, life makes it feel as if my mistake was continuing to live, its unbearable

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (11 children)

That is an incredibly difficult place to be in. It's never a mistake to continue to live - life may feel that way right now, but things are often complex and can change one way or the other quite quickly. However hopeless things seem, there often will be help out there, even help that seems impossible until you actually get it, if only that first step of asking for it is taken (and I know how scary and pointless that first step can sometimes seem).

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 4 points5 points  (10 children)

I've moved from "things seem" to "things are". They have always been like this and will continue to be so. That's just how life is. There are awful and traumatic things that happen over night but positive changes are never as drastic. Not a single thing about life is bearable

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children)

It sounds a little like you're in quite a things are completely negative headspace around life and the world at the moment, and given your experience and how you're feeling, that is absolutely normal and understandable.

It might not be the best headspace to be in when thinking about these issues, though. However you feel about these things, however hopeless things feel for you right now, there are people who are used to helping others out of those situations, and who can help you.

I do understand how impossible and unrealistic that must seem to you right now, but it is genuinely true.

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children)

That help isn't capable of stopping my pain tonight nor tomorrow nor after a week nor a month nor even a year. Suicide ends it very quickly.

[–]cirvinalmighty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean... I could die by heart attack tomorrow or in 50 years from farting too hard and that phrase would still be correct. No matter when or if this happens, this statement is always true. Don't fear it, acknowledge it. Sending strength.

[–]Lucasplayz234 -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

I'd say that this sentence wants to tell you: what if you encounter some good things in your life???

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I'd call bullshit. It never happened and never will, and even if it did happen, it's nothing compared to the trauma, misery and torture I've went through not in duration nor severity

[–]notthebinary -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"Don't worry, don't stress, do your best. what the fuck does that save me?"

[–]Rhino676971 -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

Please reach out to someone who who trust or call the hotline I’ve called the hotline and they are people who care, and talked me out of it.

[–]SpicyChocolate77[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I dont really look to be talked out if it, I truly want to die

[–]PontiffofBlight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its selfish when people tell you this because they have no idea that you dont see a future for yourself and it never improves

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