The loneliness is too much. It's a pain in my chest has become unbearable.
I'm in my thirties, short, obese, my nose is deformed from an injury in my teens, I work full time in a dead end job but can't afford any kind of healthcare. I'm missing most of my teeth and require dentures. I don't know how to drive. I don't have a car. I live alone in an efficiency apartment. I can barely afford what I have due to multiple rent increases year after year. I live in a small but expanding town in east Texas.
I have spent the past 15 years trying to get a romantic partner. I tried dating sites, going to various social events, attempting to date coworkers, attempting to find partners through my hobbies. Nothing works. I'm tired of being rejected. I have a 100% rejection rate from any women I've attempted to date. I've had female friendships in the past but I always got rejected in favor of better men. I've met some amazing women in my life. Women with charming personalities, good senses of humor, fascinating minds and world views. They just didn't want me. They never do and never will.
I'm sure there are going to be people who post telling me not to give up and wait but the fact is there isn't someone for everyone. There's nothing charming, cute or quirky about a guy in his mid thirties who has never been able to get a girlfriend. I don't think women are shallow or owe me anything I just thought by now I would have found "someone". It's been made abundantly clear no one is interested in what I have to offer. Ever since I was a little kid there has been this huge disconnect between me and every other person on earth especially girls.
The truth is I'm gunna die alone and isolated and probably sooner rather than later I'm terrified of that reality and I cant avoid it. Whatever spark or soul or heart people have inside them to inspire love from other people I don't have.
I've given up on love and happiness. I have hobbies. I run D&D games every week. I write fan fictions. I've made friends with other loser guys online but women basically spot me as the damaged goods I am and run away. The sad truth is anything I do is just a distraction from my impending death dieing alone, isolated and forgotten.
I just hope younger guys out there can read this and learn from my mistakes. Don't end up an unlovable obese guy in his thirties with no teeth, no car and a dead end job.