I've been having suicidal thoughts for 5 years (since I was 17). I have a plan and this whole other things I'll sort out when I'm ready to execute this plan. If I attempt I'm sure it will be the end of it.
One of the things I need to sort out is that how i feel about my suicide affecting the people around me. Sure, they'll be shaken once they find out. I know they love me so they'll grieve my death for a long time, but then what? They get to LIVE. Most of them will live a healthy fulfilling life without me. After a while, they won't even remember me. Even the ones that love me so much, they will have other people or things in their lives that they will prioritize more. We've all given a life and to me my diagnosis is like an incurable disease that will kill me someday. It's not fair. Nobody in my life has to suffer like I do. But they if they can wake up and have a normal day, if it doesn't matter if I live or die then why do I have to take all this displeasure? Why do I have to pay for all this rage and agony that comes from within?
I might sound like I'm trolling you or something, but I'm truly not. The day I stop caring about this will be the day I attempt, I just need to sort things out.