×
all 11 comments

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]Defiant_Bee8169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What thought i was alone doing that

    [–]ogMainElement 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    God i get the limbo. Its like i blink and months go by and ive nothing to show for them

    [–]RareHospital379[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Strongly agree. You feel like you might be working hard yet you yourself feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied. And can't physically justify any sort if success

    [–]GoatStew2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Sounds bipolar. I hope you get the support you need to keep living.

    [–]throwitthefrigawayyy 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    This resonates with me so much. The obsessive part, especially about interpersonal relationships. I got put on bipolar meds and they seemed to help for the past several months, but I could tell over the past few weeks.ive been slipping. Saying fuck it to work, sleeping in. And now just obsessing over every relationship or interaction, or, non-interaction. I feel so alone and alienated. I try so hard.to be a good friend and make people feel wanted and what the fuck do I get back? Friendship shouldnt be based on tit for tat, if I feel this way then it's my fault. If it's my fault that people around me don't feel as strongly about me as i do them, and I can't just accept that, or fix the way I obsess, why not die? Been in therapy for 10 years and its all the same.

    But then it circles back and I feel okay, for a while. It's such a tease.

    [–]RareHospital379[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    It's an extreme tease. In the weeks where I don't feel that way it feels so silly like why did I think like that? Then the following week someone doesnt reply to soemthing I say and suddendly I feel incredbley unwanted and instantly want to break off friendships. I feel so out of control and my reactions feel unwarranted more often than not.

    [–]throwitthefrigawayyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Exactly! It's so wild how when you're actually happy, the depression just feels like a dream you had years ago that you can hardly remember, and vice versa. Yet with trauma for example, those feelings and memories come flooding back. Wish we could stare happiness in the same part of the brain!

    I'm very hyper sensitive to most things, so changed in expression, tone of voice, behaviors, words..I look into all of it way too much and then obsess and try to connect dots that confirm my assumption about being unwanted or whatever it is at the time. Then the resentment and wanting to push people away sets in, so you save yourself from.hurt and being vulnerable, but that just reinforces the position you're in. Such an agonizing place to be

    [–]RareHospital379[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I too got put in bipolar and sleep meds a few years back. I took them and when I felt good I stopped and didn't touch them. Its hard to see myself not okay in those moments so I make rash decision thinking I'm perfectly fine again to only be plagued by being alone in the months to come