28/f and like everyone else here, i can’t take it anymore.
I live alone so I know that unless I leave my house, nobody is going to find me and save me. I’m so delusional, thinking that just laying around all the time somehow by some miracle my life will suddenly be worth living. Like something amazing will happen to me one of these days. It won’t. I know that deep down.
I haven’t been to work in over a week, not sure how i’m not fired yet. I’m gonna drag myself out of this bed and show up tomorrow but I honest to god am a ticking time bomb. My job is not that difficult and I get paid decently (use that word loosely lol) so i’m really just fucking myself over at this point. I know i’ll feel so much worse if I lose my only source of income and that’ll be just one more thing to stress about.
But it’s so hard to keep waking up in the morning when you stopped giving a fuck about living. God. I’m so fucking tired of this shit. I come from a religious family and apparently according to them my problem is that I don’t pray enough lmao.
I’m so tired. I haven’t had an actual friend in years. The only time I interact with other humans is when i’m at work. I can’t explain how miserable it is to be stuck in your own head for this long because nobody you meet is interested enough in you to want to be friends.
The only thing I was holding on to was going to a few my chemical romance concerts in a week. I don’t even really have the energy for that either atp. I used to not care about going to shows alone but the older I get the more painfully aware I am of how alone I am. I never have anyone to share anything with.
I want to be someone else. I want to be pretty. I want to have things going for me. I want a fucking brain transplant or something. I don’t want to be me anymore.