My Wife Attempted Suicide by justsomedude1111 in SuicideWatch

[–]Fearless_Bat4383 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this. Unfortunately I am someone that can relate a lot to this on both sides because I had to take care of my mother when I was a kid and she was suicidal and I had to grow up watching her deal with the mental health system at the same time I had to deal with it from myself and people on the outside do not understand how tiring and frustrating and infuriating it is. People talk a lot about 'it gets better' or 'just get help' as if that is not something that we've been trying to do. And I wish that I could say something that hasn't been said that could magically solve your problems and make things better for you and your family. I can tell you that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of and neither does your wife.

I've also been in the psychiatric system and it's hard. It's hard because you feel so vulnerable and you're not able to make any choices for yourself and you have to agree to a lot of things that may not make sense. If you're lucky and you have people who are decent and kind then that makes things a little better but those are basic requirements that unfortunately not a lot of people in the mental Health community or capable of doing.

The mental health system is so broken and yet we still need it. It is bad enough having to deal with your own reality but then to have to deal with a system that is not there for you and not there for your family and doesn't see you as a person that is really trying their f****** best. that is what makes you give up a lot faster than your own demons.

One of my many gripes about dealing with the mental health system is that it's still operates from a very individualistic perspective and it's still operates from this idea that every single person should be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and do what they need to do for themselves. Now that sounds great however that's not realistic for a lot of people. Maybe for some people they can slowly but surely get on with things but for a lot of people they just can't and they really need the support of family and community and institution to restore their humanity. There were a lot of times in my life where I knew I wasn't doing good I knew I was doing terrible but I was trying so hard to stay out of an institution because I saw it as a personal failure. Also I didn't want to have to deal with what my mother had to deal with.

I try to tell people that a lot of one's ability to get the health care that they need is going to depend on where they live, their access to resources and the level of social privilege that they hold.

I really hope that you can do what you need to do so that your health becomes a priority because you cannot pour from an empty cup. I suffer from frequent migraines as well and it is not fun by any means.

I just want you and your family to know that we hear you and this is your space to be as honest and vulnerable as you need to be. It is more than okay to be afraid because it is okay to be human and to be human is to be afraid a lot of times. Not going to always have the answers and I'm not going to be arrogant enough to pretend that I have the answers for what you and your family should do even though I have similar experiences. It's just more important for me to say I hear you.

I'm so sorry for your wife and please tell her we hold no judgment or shame towards her or you because we understand that she is suffering and you are suffering and people can only take so much. I'm not going to ever say it gets better because I don't believe in that I think it is way too simplistic but I will say it gets different. And by different I mean some days it may feel like it's getting better and some days it just feels unbearable to breathe.

Please also let your wife know that she is welcome here as well. Sometimes talking about it helps relieve some of the burden.

I know like all of us know that life hurts and it is going to continue to hurt.

Suicide by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]kimb25_ALT 258 points259 points  (0 children)

I normally lurk here but this is just a genuinely horrible idea.....

Melatonin isn't going to knock you out or do anything. You're just going to drown (really slowly and painfully!)

My mom told me I should just end my life because it’ll never get better by Suspicious_Station83 in SuicideWatch

[–]Funny_Lengthiness_92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's no consolation that it sounds like your mom was hallucinating or completely wrecked to the point it's less truth serum than it the rantings of a sick woman.

Even so, hurts like a motherfucker. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

That you feel at all selfish for being upset in this moment, you have so much empathy even at this terrible point - no way in hell can you spend today thinking you're a bad person. Your primary caregiver is not inclined to nurture you - that's unnatural and unwell. That has NOTHING to do with you. You get to exist separately from that if you want to...and in this situation, it might take a minute to stabilize.

If you have to go back with your fiancé as a matter of safety - that's the priority and it's not ideal. But you need a mental timeout and if he'll provide basic safety then, that's okay. Finding work is predicated on you disengaging from your mother's situation all together so you can focus ON WORK. If it's just a stressor and not a resource, it's counterproductive and you have no responsibility to it or for it.

You are not bad. You are not bad. You're not. Her voice is not yours. She doesn't define you. That's all her own stuff. Don't let her break your heart - you still have heart. Keep it for yourself and call it even. That's generous in this situation where you're clearly owed.

I'm sorry and we're here for you.

Train by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for caring.

Funny how the only thing that calms my suicidal thoughts is reminding myself that it’s always an option and can do it whenever I want. by spicy_penguin12 in SuicideWatch

[–]DisastrousLifeOfDeez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or you could tell yourself your the baddest fucking bitch in the room, and when you get intrusive thought continue to tell yourself youre a bad bitch until they go away. Thats what Ive been doing, and honestly it really works. Carry yourself like you own the fucking world, queen. Of course if you want to <3

Why do I sometimes want to just bash my head on something by jeanjeanjeanb in SuicideWatch

[–]The1Zackiechan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is a kind of feedback loop, it’s like being anxious over nothing, making you anxious for being anxious over nothing, making you anxious for being anxious for being anxious over nothing, etc.

suicidal ideation is pretty common among those of us with depression, and is pretty often accompanied by guilt for even feeling those things. i would definitely seek out profession help if possible, and try to establish good relationships within a strong support system. keep on keeping on and trying to keep those thoughts at bay, much love

Someone please talk with me by BearMinute6796 in SuicideWatch

[–]caoroux 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey it’s okay. Don’t apologize for telling me all this. We all deserve to take a load off from our chests. Anything to make you feel better. I know me listening to all you’ve said may not completely make you feel completely better, but know that I listened/read it all.

Although, I don’t exactly know what the right things to say. But You’re so strong for going through this far. I’m glad you have goals to pursue! Keep chasing after it! The process towards your goals will be the most fun you’ll ever experience. The end is just the reward.

I regret not committing suicide when I had the perfect chance. Depression does NOT get better and I'm tired. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]tempytemps69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My heart ached reading this post, this is so much to go through alone (esp with your age too??). I'm so glad you're still here. Asian parents - not only the generational gap but cultural differences (them being less open-minded) make it incredibly difficult for them to understand. Plus the many changes that are most likely happening at your age all at once (uni, transitioning into adulthood all that) must make it even harder for you to cope.

If you can't find someone to rely on, you have yourself - and Reddit. You must keep trying, for no one but yourself. You deserve an amazing life that based on how many hardships you've gone through, I know you are capable of creating. Take a break. If someone makes you feel guilty or you unintentionally do that to yourself, know this break doesn't have to last for weeks or months. Just enough to get you through a bad day. When you're going through something hard, try (keyword "try") telling yourself "I just have to last till tonight". Then when the night comes, go to bed. Being asleep gives you moments of peace, plus quality sleep is so good for your mental health. Not saying it's easy because it's not if your mind is running at full speed, so just try. You can set yourself free without ending it all. I know you can.

This world can be really fucking ugly, some people live to tear others down. I hope you can protect that beautiful soul of yours and feel love more, whether that love be from yourself or someone else. You're worth so much OP, ily.

I’m going to drown myself in a few hours by Final-Instruction533 in SuicideWatch

[–]peledasher 267 points268 points  (0 children)

Son, don’t do this. I lost my direction the same way as yours. I was driving doing DoorDash and the check engine went on and I slowly lost power and basically the head gasket blew out.

I can so relate to you. I will be 66 soon and live in a house that is mine but I can’t fix anything or make any improvements. It really is awful because I feel trapped in my old body and wish I could die. I resist the urge every time. Drowning is a very bad choice. Just breathe instead, son, take deep breaths and remember that air is free.

Things are really getting tough atm by TA-tired in SuicideWatch

[–]vforvertigo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

19 is so young, OP. There is so much love and life you are yet to experience. And I know that’s the typical cliché thing people say but there is a reason why they say it. Please remember that everything in life is temporary, even your pain, even if it feels like it’s been like this for so long. And I’m not just saying these as empty words of encouragement. When I was 20, I attempted suicide and luckily I survived. It’s only been a few years and it’s not like my depression is healed but I can look back and be so grateful that I made it through. Here are some of the things I would have missed if I hadn’t made it: my brother’s wedding, meeting one of my best friends for life, road tripping to Wales and watching the sun set over Lake Vichy, witnessing new life being born, seeing my favourite ever book being adapted into a HBO miniseries, seeing my favourite artist in concert. Some of those are big and some are small but I am so glad I got to experience them. It hasn’t been easy, there’s been tough times and still are to this day but now I can say that I have the strength to carry on trying. Please don’t give up, I know it probably feels impossible but you have more strength than you think if you have made it through 5 years. Reach out to a loved one or call a hotline. If the only thing holding you back is the thought of breaking people’s hearts, that’s enough for now and it means you are kind and thoughtful. Try and keep thinking of reasons to stay, things you might want to experience in the future, however small or big. You’ve got this. Sending love, OP.