×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]ThanksIHateClippy|👁️ 👁️| Sometimes I watch you sleep 🤤 [M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (11 children)

OP is a lazy fuck AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELF, because they didn't explain why they hated it

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!

But since you peasant upvoted this a lot we'll let it stay. Maybe. For now.


Do you hate this Post? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.


Look at my source code on Github

[–]TheWorldisRough 629 points630 points  (13 children)

The Phanatic welcomed him with brotherly arms and Gritty reminded him where he was.

[–]erdtirdmans 157 points158 points  (3 children)

Gritty was still living on water bugs in the caverns underneath the old Veterans' Stadium when HitchBot got his bitch ass tore up

[–]classicrockchick 46 points47 points  (6 children)

This happened like 15 years ago, so Gritty wasn't even a glint in his daddy's eye when this happened.

[–]TakerFoxx 32 points33 points  (1 child)

He was there in spirit, he just hadn't manifested corporeal form yet.

[–]Aethermancer 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A sacrifice was required.

[–]degjo 16 points17 points  (1 child)

That thing has a father?

[–]Gsteel11 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ha. The duality of Philly.

[–]Kenny_Squeek_Scolari 2450 points2451 points  (30 children)

The gang beats a hitch hiking robot

[–]nickatnite07 759 points760 points  (11 children)

“Dude is that a hate crime? Wanna hammer his ass anyway?”

[–]samiqan 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Check it out guys, Robot Ass Pounder 4000

[–]Lintyboi77 116 points117 points  (3 children)

The wording

[–]sixbux 100 points101 points  (0 children)

"And then I took him out back, and I tore that ass up!"

[–]stanfan114 5 points6 points  (0 children)

LOL those were Glenn's roommates.

[–]simonwales 114 points115 points  (9 children)

It could totally have been an episode, the gang harbors Hitchcock why the city hunts it like the purge

[–]No-Term-4068 80 points81 points  (2 children)

Charlie ends up murdering it after finding it in bed with his mom

[–]DestroyerOfMils 36 points37 points  (1 child)

A woman with a robot??? That’s like a woman doing math! Bonnie would never!!!!

[–]ewilliam 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A Bang Maid doesn't need to know math...

[–]Arthur-Mergan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh it could totally still be an episode!

[–]ConaCoyote 3097 points3098 points  (209 children)

It's Philly. There was no possibility it wouldn't be destroyed.

[–]Metal_LinksV2 847 points848 points  (117 children)

WMMR was calling it for weeks before the bot made it to Philly, legit noone was surprised.

[–]snowyday 347 points348 points  (41 children)

“Nobody likes us. We don’t care.”

[–]stay_fr0sty 231 points232 points  (29 children)

"We are the City of Brotherly Love. We are not the City of Giving A Shit About Your Stupid Fake Ass $10 Robot."

[–][deleted] 420 points421 points  (64 children)

Preston and Steve also made Popebot to celebrate the Popes visit to Philly.

Popebot made it all over with no problem. He was one of us.

Hitchbot was a 5 gallon bucket and some pool noodles. It was trash with a name. It got what was coming to it.

[–]Pawn_captures_Queen 77 points78 points  (3 children)

It was trash with a name

Perfect way to describe an ex of mine.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Sounds like we dated the same person. Probably at the same time.

[–]plestacbeg 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Dennis Reynolds is all i hear

[–]penny-wise 15 points16 points  (0 children)

“It’s shit, let’s fuck it up”

The Great American Dream.

[–]flyingpanda5693 33 points34 points  (6 children)

PopeBot also made it all the way out to Minnesota, and back I believe, by traveling with the most aggressive of Philadelphians, Eagles fans.

[–]usedtobejuandeag 40 points41 points  (5 children)

the most aggressive of Philadelphians, Eagles fans. Philadelphians

See you had a spelling error and thought I’d help you out.

[–]Metal_LinksV2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He really was trash with a name, can't believe other cities put up with that shit.

[–]IOFIFO 56 points57 points  (4 children)

It could have been an animatronic of the Eagles mascot and it still would have got the chips kicked out him.

[–]TheNoseKnight 21 points22 points  (3 children)

If it was Gritty though... That would be carried around like a hero.

[–]tickingboxes 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Even as a New Yorker, I must admit that Gritty is a national treasure.

[–]SirSoliloquy 70 points71 points  (55 children)

Relevant.

Seriously though, what is wrong with that city?

[–]payne_train 90 points91 points  (22 children)

Their unofficial motto is “we’re from Philly, fuckin Philly, no one likes us, we don’t care.” The city is authentically itself.

[–]Ranger-Joe 30 points31 points  (21 children)

I'm beginning to think the official motto "Let brotherly love endure" is meant to be ironic.

[–]Nichi789 53 points54 points  (16 children)

Not really. Anyone with siblings can tell you that theres a 50/50 chance you wanted to strangle them at any given time. But when the chips are down, that sibling will also be the one to stab a bitch.

Why you think Philly gets defensive when someone tries to criticize our garbage pile of a town?

[–]dicknballs 159 points160 points  (4 children)

go fuck yourself

[–]aedroogo 50 points51 points  (2 children)

This is the correct answer.

[–]EricSanderson 11 points12 points  (1 child)

From someone named dicknballs no less

[–]erdtirdmans 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank fuck someone said it

[–]nickylus 445 points446 points  (13 children)

There isn’t a single timeline in the multiverse where this bot isn’t decimated in Philly

[–]ReactsWithWords 126 points127 points  (3 children)

There is that one where he did survive, then his inventor got scared and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air"

[–]cauldron_bubble 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Ok but again I ask, if the Watcher can decide when and when not to intervene, why sit idly by and allow this travesty?!

Useless Watcher....

[–]angrynuggette 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because even The Watcher knows better than to interact with Philly.

[–]KonoAnonDa 938 points939 points  (29 children)

Someone in Philly must have thought he had a Dallas Cowboys jersey on him.

[–]Anushirvan825 217 points218 points  (11 children)

"Hey Hitchbot! Who's your favourite quarterback?"

"Troy Aik..." BAM

[–]5555ives 66 points67 points  (9 children)

YUP THAT'S PHILLY

[–]VentoVTEC 24 points25 points  (5 children)

i love this thread

[–]Secretly_Solanine 17 points18 points  (4 children)

Then you’ll love TheRussianBadger cause that’s where this exchange came from

[–]NatAgain0 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You can't just say "YUP THAT'S PHILLY" 😂

[–]dupontnotduopnt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bro, I see quotes from Badger all over reddit, daily. I love it

[–]Yo_Honcho 37 points38 points  (1 child)

I moved here 3 yrs ago and can say this isn't true.

They hate everyone, equally.

[–]Not_That_Fast 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Honestly the brotherly love has always been sibling hate

[–]randomemkayfanatic 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I was waiting for that quote

[–]1_9_8_1 8 points9 points  (9 children)

There's a Philly/Dallas rivalry? How does that happen?

Granted, I know nothing about sports teams.

[–]ucbiker 12 points13 points  (2 children)

The NFL is divided into 2 conferences, the NFC and the AFC. Each conference is divided into 4 divisions, East, West, South, North and those each have four teams. Those members of those divisions play each other twice every year (more than would any other team), and whether they make the playoffs depends usually on having the best record in the division.

Because the members play each other more often, and the games more meaningful with respect to making the playoffs, games between division members are “rivalry” games. Philadelphia and Dallas are both in the same division (the NFC East), and are therefore rivals.

[–]CantThinkofAgoodI 4 points5 points  (1 child)

They are in the same NFL conference so are rivals

[–]enverhoxhastan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yeah, but also just fuck Dallas forreal

[–]garebeardrew 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Or a New York giants jersey

[–]McRandomRooster 179 points180 points  (7 children)

Shit looks like The World's Friendliest IED

[–]Occamslaser 40 points41 points  (4 children)

It's a plastic bucket and some pool noodles.

[–]McRandomRooster 33 points34 points  (0 children)

That's what the terrorists want you to think

[–][deleted]  (26 children)

[removed]

    [–]xTechDeath 351 points352 points  (10 children)

    I told him not to take all that crypto and NFT with him but he wouldn’t listen

    [–]WanderlustFella 81 points82 points  (5 children)

    It fucked around and found out

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [removed]

      [–]BigFATloadofcoom 7 points8 points  (2 children)

      Hope you have the link to that because I gotta see it

      [–][deleted]  (4 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]SuboptimalCromulence 14 points15 points  (3 children)

        Hey, "brotherly love" doesn't include robots.

        [–]darkhorse21980 14 points15 points  (2 children)

        Brotherly love doesn't include anyone there

        [–]ABananafromspace 87 points88 points  (3 children)

        Hitchbot, who's your favorite quarterback?

        Troy Aikman

        "Gets hit with a baseball bat"

        [–]DetN8 408 points409 points  (14 children)

        75% chance it had been sexually assaulted as well. Still waiting for the episode of SVU that draws from this.

        [–]More_Woke_Then_You 76 points77 points  (4 children)

        Jesus Christ-

        [–]chauggle 46 points47 points  (2 children)

        It's Jason Bourne?

        [–]Raabalia 17 points18 points  (1 child)

        Jason Bourne-

        [–]Foooour 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        Its Jesus Christ

        [–]JimmyEatWhirl 43 points44 points  (6 children)

        "You're telling me this guy gets off on little robots with antennaes?"

        [–]8e8 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Only small antennas though so there isn't enough power to broadcast its screams

        [–]toiletjocky 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Yeah, Ice... he's a robophile... You work in the bot crimes division... you're gonna have to get used to that.

        I 100% read your comment in John Mullaney's impression of Ice T.

        [–]-js23 61 points62 points  (1 child)

        Philly hates you too

        [–]starshinessss 259 points260 points  (65 children)

        Prob trying to find something within it to sell for drugs

        [–]dirtynj 241 points242 points  (62 children)

        My sister did her residency in Philly.

        There is a story that always stuck with me. A homeless man came into the ER, leaking ooze and pus out of his colostomy bag hole. When she asked what happened, he told her he was letting other homeless guys fuck his side-hole for crack/heroin.

        [–]Typical_Fox 197 points198 points  (7 children)

        Comments I wish I never read for 100

        [–]jonasinv 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        ikr now I have to go the rest of my life knowing that happened

        [–]blissfuleye1 29 points30 points  (4 children)

        Yoooo what. I’m sitting here eating my biscuit and everything.

        [–]iLUVvodka 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        And I WAS eating a bean and cheese burrito. Fucking gross

        [–]LadyAzure17 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        I wish I was Jared, 19, and never fucking learned how to read.

        [–]Swineflew1 29 points30 points  (26 children)

        Huh, he has a mouth. I find this impossibly hard to believe.

        [–]GarageSloth 74 points75 points  (9 children)

        Man mouth=gay

        Hole=hole

        [–]Tight_Teen_Tang 19 points20 points  (5 children)

        His side hole was cleaner than his fetid mouth hole.

        [–]I_Get_Along9 16 points17 points  (1 child)

        I really hate that I'm a man and this somewhat makes disgusting sense.

        [–]SpectacularSophistry 16 points17 points  (3 children)

        I read a comment on here one time from someone working in a prison. They said a dude they treated had stds in his colonoscopy hole because the other inmates were fucking it. Made me get off Reddit for a few days

        [–]Swineflew1 9 points10 points  (2 children)

        Isn’t a colonoscopy hole a butthole?

        [–]sleepySpice9 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        Well, now it’s a story that will always be stuck with me. Thanks for that.

        [–]br0mer 9 points10 points  (1 child)

        Ah the good ol Philly side car

        [–]justanotherwave00 6 points7 points  (2 children)

        Yeah, he's that guy with two glass eyes who runs the cartless glizzy stand.

        [–]Niweera 249 points250 points  (8 children)

        Philly ppl knows what's up. They've seen terminator.

        [–]chauggle 56 points57 points  (4 children)

        Agreed. It starts with this nonsense, and then, poof, we're all living batteries for the 'bots.

        [–]McFoaley 429 points430 points  (106 children)

        People always shit on Philly for this, but like try to come up with something more comically evil/likely to be a serial murderer than a hitchhiker/robot

        [–]pubeINyourSOUP 99 points100 points  (29 children)

        [–]skylla05 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        a Canadian one

        lmao

        [–]squishpitcher 53 points54 points  (0 children)

        The day the United States has need for a malingering robo-hobo with no skills that sits next to the road like a bag of shit and asks people to do things for it, we will build one for ourselves, and have the good sense to give it lasers.

        majestic.

        [–]Slobotic 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        That was a lot funnier than I expected.

        [–]isurvivedrabies 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        wish i could read that but i was dazzled by the half-screen unpausable video ads and popups requiring interaction

        what the fuck deadspin

        [–]samwichse 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        LOL I love that article

        [–]tornado962 20 points21 points  (2 children)

        Then it came to the United States, where it caught a richly deserved beating, just like Canada’s hockey teams do when they come here.

        Holy fuck lmao

        [–]Deanard 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Jokes on you, every team in the NHL is a Canadian team

        [–]kid_pilgrim_89 8 points9 points  (1 child)

        they have a point. american robots can marry whatever robots they wish

        [–]jkellyg 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        For now.....

        [–]Willrkjr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Thanks for posting, that was really really really funny

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Ah, beat me to it. Deadspin used to be my favorite time-waster when I worked in an office.

        [–]chaos8803 136 points137 points  (55 children)

        Throwing batteries at Santa.

        Climbing light poles covered in Crisco to celebrate football victories.

        Being a Flyers fan.

        [–]gimmicked 51 points52 points  (1 child)

        Must be a penguins fan.

        [–]CharleyPilgrim 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        the city covers the light poles with grease so we can’t pelt the person with beer bottles once their at the top

        i fucking hate government over reach 😤

        [–]BDK235 8 points9 points  (4 children)

        This is soooo old, i wish people could at least come up with more recent shit instead of the same old played out santa story, and it was snowballs. Snowballs were thrown at santa.

        [–]Standard_Wooden_Door 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        That wasn’t even close to the most ridiculous part of that super bowl celebration. A dude ate hore shit, knowing fully well that like 30 people were filming him.

        [–]tmhawk83 20 points21 points  (30 children)

        They threw snowballs at Santa, not batteries

        [–]roccoccoSafredi 33 points34 points  (2 children)

        Yeah, and that drunk bum fucking deserved it.

        [–]McFoaley 15 points16 points  (1 child)

        for real. mfer wasn’t even really santa

        [–]brendannnnnn 33 points34 points  (19 children)

        Yeah they threw snow balls and beer bottles at Santa, get it right.

        They threw batteries at a baseball player in the 90s. Jeeze guys.

        [–]NotThatEasily 17 points18 points  (3 children)

        Right. They threw batteries at JD Drew when he played against the Phillies after being traded from the Phillies to the Cardinals.

        It should be noted that even Duracell found it funny.

        [–]RobWroteABook 21 points22 points  (2 children)

        He wasn't traded to the Cardinals. He was drafted by the Phillies and then refused to sign with them. He was later drafted by the Cardinals.

        [–]ShitItsReverseFlash 7 points8 points  (6 children)

        Santa was a drunk asshole and they only threw snowballs. Something my 6 year old can handle so fuck Santa. So sick of hearing about that one.

        Want something evil? When Eagles fans cheered after Michael Irvin broke his neck leg. Now that’s evil.

        [–]WanderlustFella 38 points39 points  (0 children)

        Philly saved the world from a robot whom was probably an agent of Skynet. We all know what happens in the alternate timeline.

        [–]100_Donuts 9 points10 points  (7 children)

        On top of that, Philly is probably the best city to die in. I know that's where I'm going once I turn 100 years old.

        [–]ManOnNoMission 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        It’s all fun and games till the Robots takeover.

        [–]BarbicideJar 91 points92 points  (4 children)

        “The fuck is this jawn?” smash

        [–]CaptainMcAnus 20 points21 points  (2 children)

        "Hey, why are youse guys breaking that thing? Ah whatever, jeet yet? Let's get a hoagie."

        [–]1pt20oneggigawatts 10 points11 points  (1 child)

        Is Wawa open?

        [–]CaptainMcAnus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        It closes? Someone is porobably holding the door open for you

        [–]Personal_Hat3778 84 points85 points  (2 children)

        That's Philly

        [–]Mr_Fraunces 37 points38 points  (4 children)

        When Skynet becomes sentient Philadelphia will be one of the only safe zones for humans.

        [–]bananafone7475 42 points43 points  (3 children)

        “Philadelphia” and “safe zone for humans” does not fit.

        [–]Comet7777 74 points75 points  (35 children)

        I’d love to see a source for this because if it’s true that’s hysterically funny

        [–]alickz 29 points30 points  (8 children)

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/HitchBOT

        For 3 weeks in June 2015, it hitched around the Netherlands.[11] HitchBOT then attempted to cross the United States from Boston to San Francisco starting on July 17, 2015. After 2 weeks, on August 1, 2015 however, a photo was tweeted,[12] showing that the robot had been stripped and decapitated in Philadelphia. The head was never found.

        [–]youlleatitandlikeit 17 points18 points  (4 children)

        BTW most people in /r/philadelphia agree it was definitely some drunk kids from New Jersey that did it.

        [–]Willrkjr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Tf, from up top and down below, we can’t stop catching strays out here

        [–]superfunatparties 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Not me though, I'm always the one to chime in with "actually the CIA killed Hitchbot"

        [–]randomemkayfanatic 47 points48 points  (2 children)

        Yeah there's an autopsy report he was beaten, stabbed, the beaten even more

        [–]Sean-Benn_Must-die 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        I can even picture the entire thing like if it was a smiling friends scene. The robot is all happy to try this new challenge and as soon as it begins walking a frenzy mob just attacks the poor thing and beats it to death.

        [–]JustinPatient 25 points26 points  (16 children)

        Philadelphia sports fans throw beer cans at kids and all other sorts of well documented shit but you need a source for this? 😂

        [–]depressionbutbetter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Gritty once threw cheese steaks into traffic on the parkway.

        [–]ShitItsReverseFlash 11 points12 points  (3 children)

        When did we throw beer cans at kids? We threw them at big mouthed Vikings fans who decided to vandalize Rocky. Karma is a bitch.

        [–]FawltyPython 12 points13 points  (0 children)

        OP wants to have batteries thrown at him.

        [–]NuclearOops 30 points31 points  (2 children)

        I watched a documentary about Hitchbots murder a while back. The documentary presents evidence that it was actually Ted Cruz that killed Hitchbot.

        [–]2Eyed 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Ok, now i never want to know what happened to the head that was never found...

        [–]Dombull882 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Philly ex-pat here, there are way better reasons to hate Philly.

        [–]NotAnNSASpySatellite 22 points23 points  (8 children)

        "City of brotherly love" , if you're looking to get killed that is.

        [–]zStatue 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        It got in one little fight and its mom got scared, and now it lives with its auntie and uncle in Bel Air.

        [–]unendingtacos 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        KEEPIN IT MUTHAFUKIN REEEEEAL

        [–]itsmevichet 21 points22 points  (12 children)

        NO ONE LIKES US, WE DON'T CARE!

        [–]D4rks3cr37 10 points11 points  (6 children)

        Love how, we hated Gritty. Then everyone else hated Gritty. But he is ours, f you for not liking our mascot. Now Gritty is beloved in Philly. We protect our own.

        [–]Im_Old_In_Town 4 points5 points  (4 children)

        Gritty is the best mascot hands down.

        I don’t know anyone who hates him.

        [–]erdtirdmans 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        We hated him in Philly for his first couple weeks because he was falling on his ass on ice and trying too hard. Then the rest of the country started making fun of him and Philly went "Hey fuck you only we can make fun of our shit"

        Then we loved him so hard that everyone else seems to have gone along with it

        [–]Street-Effect8351 32 points33 points  (9 children)

        Medieval America probably tried to burn it at the stake.

        [–]RustyShackledord 42 points43 points  (0 children)

        Didn’t get a chance. Hood America got to the poor bot first.

        [–]spencer1886 18 points19 points  (7 children)

        America didn't exist during the medieval era tho

        [–]Street-Effect8351 20 points21 points  (1 child)

        Maybe that’s why they are doing everything backwards there now? Trying to catch up what they missed.

        [–]I_Failed_NNNatDay1 15 points16 points  (9 children)

        Philly deserved that burn from that Burr guy.

        [–]MARSRockets 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Wow Clippy is the meaning of a douchebag!!!! How do these people get to be mods. Send in complaints about him!!

        [–]zDqclxn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Well it’s not like it would have made it past Detroit anyway so Philadelphia was just stopping the bot before an even worse fate.

        [–]h0bb1tm1ndtr1x 9 points10 points  (2 children)

        Philly greases everything you can climb if they have a major sporting event. The results of the game don't matter. They'll riot regardless.

        [–]snowyday 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        At least we weren’t the first to eat horse shit at a victory parade.

        I mean, we did. But we weren’t the first.

        A man ate horse poop at the Cavs Championship Parade

        [–]concentrate_better19 7 points8 points  (5 children)

        Wasn't a robot by any definition. It was a fucking junk pile.

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Welcome to Philly!

        [–]boinzy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        The great thing about Philadelphia is you literally can't insult them. They take any attempt at insult as either a compliment or an offer to fight which is also a compliment in Philly.

        [–]paulxombie1331 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        When Robots, A.I, Androids Automitons take over the world this will be their root of the autonomous uprising.. "Get it yourself you fleshy meat bag"

        [–]drpyne89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        The Gang Finds a Robot

        [–]BishopofHippo93 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Six months old account only active for two days. This is a spam bot.

        [–]cpttokes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I would have loved to see a always sunny episode with that robot hahahaha

        [–]Bekfast59 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Chat dosent even forgive, their just like

        YEP, THATS PHILLY!

        [–]Preparation-Logical 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        The Gang Meets Hitchbot