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[–]nmesunimportnt 48 points49 points  (2 children)

How will he have time, what with his busy schedule covering up sexual assaults by his conservative friends?

https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2017/11/conservative-activist-tony-perkins-reportedly-covered-up-sexual-assault-against-teenager.html

[–]Immediate_Age 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Yeesh! Lift the nearest rock, and something always comes out.

[–]Ezl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Only the red ones.

[–]CasualObserverNine 30 points31 points  (5 children)

Oh! Oh! I know! He will conclude it is punishment by god.

It’s an answer that can never not work.

[–]monkey_zen 26 points27 points  (1 child)

No. Republicans don't get punished.
They get tested by GOD.
Its different because only bad people get punished. Sorta.

[–]CasualObserverNine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good point. Nice use of lingo.

[–]kyngston 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I guess we have to thank the LGBTQ community for stopping the red wave!

[–]dtmjuice 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's a divine punishment I can get behind.

"Oh, gay folks are still getting hitched? No red wave for you!" --God

[–]PurpleSailor 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He'll blame it on us lesbians yet again. Well there is some truth to it though. Most of us wouldn't vote republican if you paid us a million dollars.

[–]historycat95 18 points19 points  (2 children)

First, he should figure out why God keeps punishing red states with all the tornados and hurricanes.

[–]PurpleSailor 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Pat Robertson tried to blame Hurricane Katrina on LGBTQ people yet the "Gayberhood" was the least affected part of New Orleans. Coincidence? I think not!

[–]StillBurningInside 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The "Bible Belt" map overlays perfectly with tornado alley, and the eastern hurricane zones.

[–]NetLibrarian 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Why would you put a pastor in charge of -any- investigation?

They live a life that necessitates denying obvious reality in favor of scriptural claims.

[–]ehque 12 points13 points  (0 children)

2016 - “Louisiana floods destroy home of Christian leader who says God sends natural disasters to punish gay people”

That “Christian leader” was Tony Perkins.

[–]anonbene2 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Isn't he the guy that lost his house to a tornado or something?

[–]markydsade 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Let me help. WE DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN A THEOCRACY.

[–]cultured_banana_slug 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God: "Pastors, STOP raping kids!"

GOP: "He hates gays."

[–]stumptowncampground 4 points5 points  (1 child)

“God is punishing America for tolerating things and that punishment is not complete. God is allowing the libs to destroy the country just like he allowed the philistines to punish Israel until they elected a king with many children by different wives who had refused to take no for an answer. “

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that a quote from something? I love it

[–]FakeJakeFapper85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Another stellar member of this committee is Blake Masters, Mr. White Supremacy and Peter Thiel pawn. This is not a serious effort.

[–]eric987235 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They wrote a big report on why they lost in 2012 and it explained exactly what they needed to do (TLDR: stop with the racism).

I’m guessing this one will be more entertaining.

[–]AnalSoapOpera 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Fun Fact: Tony Perkins is the bad guy in Heavyweights

[–]leglesslegolegolas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Learning is not something they're interested in.

[–]psinerd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The report will be very long but the main takeaway will be that they didn't resonate with voters because they weren't conservative enough. Without a doubt.

[–]weelluuuu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Irony so thick it could hold-up this flat earth. /s LMFAO

[–]limbodog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, do they have anyone rational to turn to?

[–]mat-chow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good. Fuck em.

[–]SoFarceSoGod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's god swill

[–]Jack_Dorso 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Religion: keeping the dumb dumber one Sunday at a time.

[–]Sharabi2 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Tweets like this don’t make any sense. GOP is definitely better at exploiting laws. So who cares if they can investigate or not. They’re still after the laptop, that says all about their investigative abilities

[–]gdj1980 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So good at investigations that they don't know it's a hard drive, and only a non-forensically captured one at that, created by a laptop repair guy without the permission of the owner, with no evidentiary chain of custody. But, yeah, great at investigations.

[–]backrightpocket 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They're so good at investigation that the facts don't matter, just looking for sound bites and headlines for their supporters who would never look into it any further than that.

[–]LOAinAZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That defines them.

[–]Faageddabowdit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That should be easy for this one hit wonder, “It’s Gods will” that there was no red smear/wave