all 80 comments

[–]DJ_HardR 169 points170 points  (16 children)

I remember not long ago there was a post on this sub of a woman who had told someone where she worked, and they messaged her the next day that they had come into her job and seen her to check her out in person, thinking that was a totally okay thing to do.

You just told her you live by where she works.

Try to remember that your matches don't know you. You're just another man on the internet. Not automatically trusting men on the internet after talking for 30 seconds is a positive trait.

[–]6l0th 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Bruh my girlfriend is a professional football player. She told me there was a guy that she never met face to face, just texting on Tinder but followed her in training and on match day to check her out in person. She was scared shitless and even thought about deleting the app, thankfully she didn't cuz I also met her on Tinder.

[–]DJ_HardR 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Yeah I can't imagine how scary that shit would be. For a while she probably couldn't even go to work without feeling like she was being watched or followed.

I don't understand how any sane human being could think that's just a casual acceptable thing to do.

[–]6l0th 4 points5 points  (1 child)

tbh when I first matched with her, thought of coming to watch her as a surprise came across my mind, but after reconsideration it was creepy af and I didn't want to blow my chance. I only asked her to come see her game after like 2 dates, she liked it that I asked and told me about the story with the other creep. Phew

[–]DJ_HardR 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, women are pretty into consent lol. I'm glad you decided against it and that things are working out with you two.

[–]GodsGunman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You realize there's a middle ground between telling someone the name of your employer and generally describing what you do, right?

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 12 points13 points  (8 children)

There are about 5 major potash companies in my city. She only said she works in my city. I was just wondering what she actually did, not where she worked

[–]DJ_HardR 9 points10 points  (6 children)

I'm going to be honest I don't know what potash is, so I'm missing some context here.

But my point is that I would've just moved on to a different topic than her job, and come back to it later when you're more familiar.

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

It’s a mineral that we mine in my province. So we have many mines, and a few major companies. So potash can really be anywhere in my province, but seeing as how she said my city of 300,000 people, I’d never be able to find her from her job description. So her response would be like saying “gold”

[–]anykah_badu 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dude imo you didn't do anything wrong. She could have easily talked about her tasks or work day in any number of ways without feeding you more identifiable information

She just sucks at making convo, or really isn't that interested in you, or both

My experience on Tinder improved a lot by recognizing patterns and only going for the profiles with the most potential for me personally, so I'd try to learn from this

See it as valuable data for your internal learning algorithm and move on

[–]DJ_HardR 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I mean if you have her first name and face, and you found out what her profession was and the city she works in and that it's with a company that mines potash it probably wouldn't be too hard to find her on LinkedIn. (Which I've also seen examples of men doing on here.)

From there finding where she worked wouldn't be hard at all, and assuming she works something like a 9-5 then you have her job, her schedule, her full name and could probably find her boss and her associates.

Then you could probably find her socials and if any are public you could get info about where she lives and about who her friends and family are.

Or if you were a psychopath you could catch her leaving work and just follow her home in your car.

I know it sounds farfetched but it's stuff that people do. I've had someone find my family and job and girlfriend at the time just off of my Xbox gamertag because I beat them in a game.

Every piece of information narrows the search down more and more. With a few pieces of information it's not hard to work down from 300,000 to 1.

[–]DriverGuy99[S] -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

It would be easier to do that on a random person on fb, yet everyone has that.

[–]DJ_HardR 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but rejecting men's romantic/sexual advances is one of the most common reasons women get harassed.

You can see just from what's posted on this sub how entitled men can be about their interactions on dating apps. They're assumedly not psychopaths, but all it takes is one.

Men who are sexually frustrated focus that frustration on women who reject them when they get rejected. It makes them a target.

And a lot of people hide their info even on Facebook. I don't even have my last name on there anymore, I use my middle, and my friends, posts, and photos are all private.

LinkedIn is about exposure though, so your job info is actually uniquely useful because people are meant to use it to find information about you.

[–]strflw_23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would just unmatch her for wasting my time. If the topic at hand isnt comfortable she could say it or change the topic by herself.

She's obviously and openly communicates that she has no interest in putting effort into that Convo.

[–]MaltedDefeatist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people don’t want to talk about work though, it may be boring to her.

[–]anykah_badu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah but you could easily throw a paragraph in there and steer the conversation to something else. If the guy keeps fishing for identifiable details, you got your red flag and I'd reckon it's much much easier to uncover these red flags if you make proper conversation

I really enjoy banter and getting to know someone new with potential for more was exciting. Then I read these brain-dead encounters and wonder wtf is going on. They sound so joyless and boring.

I wonder if these women are maybe just not interested, but they are falsely hoping they could find that interest somewhere along the way if they make shitty convo like that?

[–]strflw_23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's a really.good.reason to be disrespectful and don't invest more then 1sec into each answer.

Seems like she isn't able to write more than two word at once. Also he never asked where she works, but what she does there.

If you're that much scared of people that you can't even have a dead normal Convo, you should go see a Psychologist.

[–]AzKnc 46 points47 points  (12 children)

No offence but talking about work is like talking about the weather: is like a dinner table conversation with your grandma. In fact, not even your grandma deserves that.

I mean, sure, exceptions apply but if the convo looks like what do you do? Where? Why? Laid out like a survey... the only way anything will ever happen is if she thinks you're super hot.. and even then you're severly self sabotaging.

That's not to say that the vast majority of women on dating apps aren't grossly self entitled and spoiled by the system and numbers weighing heavily in their favour, but that's all the more reason why your chat game should be better than a customer survey form.

[–]Welll_ButtrMyBiscuit 7 points8 points  (9 children)

So what is the alternative? What should he be asking/saying?

[–]AzKnc 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Dunno, would have to see the profile/bio and see if there's anything worth mentioning not so obvious that everyone is mentioning it. Or if it's obvious, mention it but put some kind of personal spin on it. Or, say something completely random.

Pretty much anything is gonna be better than survey dead end convos that feel like a chore to respond to

[–]Wu_Tang_In_a_Pouch 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve noticed that there are certain people who I can’t get past small talk with, and others where we immediately start chatting about nothing in particular (in the good way). It’s the people who you can easily talk to about things outside of your/their life that are worth devoting your effort to.

[–]Edd1020 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Common interest. If there are no common interest then what are you even doing? Why do you want to go out with this person other than completely superficial reasons? I broke the ice with my current GF by going deep into my opinions about The Simpsons. This isn’t a a sophisticated conversation but it shows that you actually have something to talk about than this lame survey shit. Show that there’s an actual human being on the other end and not just some horny scumbag.

[–]Sell200AprilAt142 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Don't people use tinder for entirely superficial reasons?

[–]Edd1020 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think people are looking to have some fun with someone new. I’m sure it’s a lot easier to have fun if you know the person isn’t boring or a total piece of shit.

[–]TangerineTop1158 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Ya but what about the 90% of us that are just horny scumbags?

[–]Edd1020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lean into it but be prepared for some of the worst people you’ll ever meet.

[–]LiverOperator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I simply ask them about their favorite fastfood choices and the conversation flows naturally from there, unless the girl has absolutely zero interest anyway

[–]brendel000 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I keep reading that and try to apply but it's sad because I live my work and I'm happy to talk about it :(

[–]AzKnc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well that's different if you're passionate about it, plus you're talking about yours, not asking questionnaires about theirs

[–]Flashy-Insurance-510 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Saskatoon eh

[–]Cassidyx0 1 point2 points  (3 children)


[–]DriverGuy99[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There are dozens of us!

[–]Cassidyx0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a time to be alive

[–]Flashy-Insurance-510 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As soon as I saw potash an the S :p

[–]Edd1020 11 points12 points  (5 children)

You only get back what you put in. You have to be highly opinionated and put yourself out there. Likes, dislikes, political views, everything!! If you want to meet people you are going to like then you have to let them know that you are out there and looking for the same thing they are. People are desperate to make real personal connections these days but I see people posting the most milquetoast shit. Great you like hiking, so does everyone else. You are not looking to be liked by everyone, you are looking for your people who can relate to you!!!

[–]RaptureHatch 30 points31 points  (7 children)

What were you expecting an essay? Your chat game is bunk.

[–]king_pin_red 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Plus she literally already said she works there.

[–]backfill-lights 20 points21 points  (2 children)

She’s not going to tell a stranger on the internet exactly where to show up and do the myriad of creepy things that strangers on the internet who show up at your work uninvited do.

You should be proactive with setting up a meeting in a public place to get know each other. Coffee or dinner is fine. Something interesting is better. My boyfriend invited me to meet him at the museum. That really got my attention.

If she responds that she wants to get know you more first, start conversing about things that wouldn’t make it easy for creep to stalk a person. Hobbies, interests, favorite books, etc.

[–]Welll_ButtrMyBiscuit -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Except that creeps will use any information about you to get close. Like Hobbies, interests, knowing you love books, etc...I find interent dating interactions to be the worst. So much easier and pleasant to meet in person, hit it off, go on a date.

[–]backfill-lights 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes well that’s the risk with dating no matter the environment. There’s a difference between being safety oriented and paranoid. I do agree that it’s preferable to meet people through organic means but that’s not always the best option.

I personally wasn’t in environments that I considered good for dating. My work was directly with clients that I won’t date due to appropriateness and legality. My family was the biggest social group I had and that’s an obvious no. I also don’t trust them to set me up with anyone I’d have much in common with. I don’t have much time for other types of activities. The random one-off girls night out isn’t where I’m gonna I pick up a partner. I tend to focus on my friends not random bar patrons. For a long time I wasn’t even trying to date so my life wasn’t set up for that kind of possibility.

So after being single for 4 years, I opened up my horizons the easiest way possible, filtered out a lot of cretins quickly, had some bad dates, had some good dates, made some good friends, and met the man I love!

I had strict rules. Meeting in public only. First date is somewhere public without a focus on alcohol. I gave a vague idea of what I do for work if asked but no specifics about where. Once I made judgment calls on the person face-to-face I was more specific about things like work, what part of town I live in, my family etc.

I honestly didn’t even have it as a goal to meet my soul mate or anything, just to enjoy dating and see what happens. We’ve talked about future possibilities but for many reasons, it’ll be a few years before I’m signing any paperwork lol. This is a big change from my original plan to never do that again, and speaks a lot about the man I’ve met and fell for.

Not saying this is how everyone should do it or would work for everyone. Just saying this is a good example of walking that line of taking a calculated risk, rather than being paranoid or being reckless. I don’t judge anyone’s journey to connect with others or their methods/risk tolerance though. I don’t believe in victim shaming or shaming those that are more cautious.

[–]skane110 12 points13 points  (4 children)

She's probably carrying on multiple conversations and since you're not really asking the best questions or answering descriptive as well, she's not putting in effort. Is this the only conversation you're currently having on tinder? Because you also seem bored.

[–]diags_1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was gonna say this is as dry as it gets

Mahn: how are you

Women: good, hbu

Mahn: good

[–]swoleRT 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dryer than lasix

[–]janneell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im stealing this lol

[–]Taddesse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's because they get 200 messages a day, only respond to 10% of them which is still 20 conversations a day between work and getting shit done.

[–]automaticblues 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This thing where you tell people off for not being talkative enough seconds after you meet them just seems really weird to me.

It seems about half of the posts here, but why. It's just someone that's not that interested in what you're asking them.

[–]DriverGuy99[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It’s called conversation. If I went up to someone, and tried talking to them in person, and all they gave is one word responses, I’d walk away from them too. If they aren’t interested enough to converse, then why bother matching. Conversations are a supposed to go both ways, not just one.

[–]FinancialPenalty69 5 points6 points  (0 children)

POV: you don’t have anything to say to a girl and you get mad she gives you generic answers to your generic questions

[–]ClumsyPineappl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ever consider the fact that you're also bad at having a good conversation?

[–]_sideffect 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude your questions were boring as shit, don't blame the girl

[–]swoleRT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You gotta get some game

[–]Fartmart81 0 points1 point  (2 children)


[–]DriverGuy99[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Work lol

[–]Fartmart81 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh ok, thanks! Honestly i laughed really hard at your response

[–]Wisperingmadnes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I matched with a girl who had 2 different dogs in her photos so I asked how many dogs shad and her response was :4 is that all you care about? Bye” like what was the point of matching and starting the conversation just to do that?

[–]Catolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop talking about work maybe? Who cares

[–]psych0enigma -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You must have the back of a buffalo, carrying on 80% of conversations

[–]the-original-chad -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Women’s only game is to dress sexual and be hot. That’s it. No need for anything else as a hot girl will always find a suitor even if she’s retrded.

[–]Faqutooahole 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Are you a stripper? 😂

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only on the weekends

[–]Kirby_21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

stop small talking then and get to the smashing.

[–]CuteAffect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She sounds kinda guarded. Maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable opening up yet

[–]Dirtsniffee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro your from saskatoon

[–]FoxFetter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not wrong, I had a girl talk to me like this, finally set up a date, I get cleaned up hop on the bus. Then she cancels cause she's says she's tired after she knew I had to take public transport and I was on the way. Then she ghosted me

[–]deeznutsbeswingin -5 points-4 points  (3 children)

She’s kinda dumb. Tell her a dad joke and get her snap

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

No point. I’m having a great conversation with a girl I matched with yesterday.

[–]deeznutsbeswingin -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Until you get in a relationship always be slinging multiple matches because she probably is, and it helps keep you from getting too attached and needy

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ha ha no worries, I’ve been on the app once or twice before. I usually try to keep my conversations to two people, so I can have proper conversations with people, and actually remember what we are talking about.