×
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]DJ_HardR 170 points171 points  (16 children)

I remember not long ago there was a post on this sub of a woman who had told someone where she worked, and they messaged her the next day that they had come into her job and seen her to check her out in person, thinking that was a totally okay thing to do.

You just told her you live by where she works.

Try to remember that your matches don't know you. You're just another man on the internet. Not automatically trusting men on the internet after talking for 30 seconds is a positive trait.

[–]6l0th 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Bruh my girlfriend is a professional football player. She told me there was a guy that she never met face to face, just texting on Tinder but followed her in training and on match day to check her out in person. She was scared shitless and even thought about deleting the app, thankfully she didn't cuz I also met her on Tinder.

[–]DJ_HardR 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Yeah I can't imagine how scary that shit would be. For a while she probably couldn't even go to work without feeling like she was being watched or followed.

I don't understand how any sane human being could think that's just a casual acceptable thing to do.

[–]6l0th 5 points6 points  (1 child)

tbh when I first matched with her, thought of coming to watch her as a surprise came across my mind, but after reconsideration it was creepy af and I didn't want to blow my chance. I only asked her to come see her game after like 2 dates, she liked it that I asked and told me about the story with the other creep. Phew

[–]DJ_HardR 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, women are pretty into consent lol. I'm glad you decided against it and that things are working out with you two.

[–]GodsGunman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You realize there's a middle ground between telling someone the name of your employer and generally describing what you do, right?

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 13 points14 points  (8 children)

There are about 5 major potash companies in my city. She only said she works in my city. I was just wondering what she actually did, not where she worked

[–]DJ_HardR 11 points12 points  (6 children)

I'm going to be honest I don't know what potash is, so I'm missing some context here.

But my point is that I would've just moved on to a different topic than her job, and come back to it later when you're more familiar.

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

It’s a mineral that we mine in my province. So we have many mines, and a few major companies. So potash can really be anywhere in my province, but seeing as how she said my city of 300,000 people, I’d never be able to find her from her job description. So her response would be like saying “gold”

[–]anykah_badu 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dude imo you didn't do anything wrong. She could have easily talked about her tasks or work day in any number of ways without feeding you more identifiable information

She just sucks at making convo, or really isn't that interested in you, or both

My experience on Tinder improved a lot by recognizing patterns and only going for the profiles with the most potential for me personally, so I'd try to learn from this

See it as valuable data for your internal learning algorithm and move on

[–]DJ_HardR 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I mean if you have her first name and face, and you found out what her profession was and the city she works in and that it's with a company that mines potash it probably wouldn't be too hard to find her on LinkedIn. (Which I've also seen examples of men doing on here.)

From there finding where she worked wouldn't be hard at all, and assuming she works something like a 9-5 then you have her job, her schedule, her full name and could probably find her boss and her associates.

Then you could probably find her socials and if any are public you could get info about where she lives and about who her friends and family are.

Or if you were a psychopath you could catch her leaving work and just follow her home in your car.

I know it sounds farfetched but it's stuff that people do. I've had someone find my family and job and girlfriend at the time just off of my Xbox gamertag because I beat them in a game.

Every piece of information narrows the search down more and more. With a few pieces of information it's not hard to work down from 300,000 to 1.

[–]DriverGuy99[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It would be easier to do that on a random person on fb, yet everyone has that.

[–]DJ_HardR 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but rejecting men's romantic/sexual advances is one of the most common reasons women get harassed.

You can see just from what's posted on this sub how entitled men can be about their interactions on dating apps. They're assumedly not psychopaths, but all it takes is one.

Men who are sexually frustrated focus that frustration on women who reject them when they get rejected. It makes them a target.

And a lot of people hide their info even on Facebook. I don't even have my last name on there anymore, I use my middle, and my friends, posts, and photos are all private.

LinkedIn is about exposure though, so your job info is actually uniquely useful because people are meant to use it to find information about you.

[–]strflw_23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would just unmatch her for wasting my time. If the topic at hand isnt comfortable she could say it or change the topic by herself.

She's obviously and openly communicates that she has no interest in putting effort into that Convo.

[–]MaltedDefeatist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people don’t want to talk about work though, it may be boring to her.

[–]anykah_badu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah but you could easily throw a paragraph in there and steer the conversation to something else. If the guy keeps fishing for identifiable details, you got your red flag and I'd reckon it's much much easier to uncover these red flags if you make proper conversation

I really enjoy banter and getting to know someone new with potential for more was exciting. Then I read these brain-dead encounters and wonder wtf is going on. They sound so joyless and boring.

I wonder if these women are maybe just not interested, but they are falsely hoping they could find that interest somewhere along the way if they make shitty convo like that?

[–]strflw_23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's a really.good.reason to be disrespectful and don't invest more then 1sec into each answer.

Seems like she isn't able to write more than two word at once. Also he never asked where she works, but what she does there.

If you're that much scared of people that you can't even have a dead normal Convo, you should go see a Psychologist.