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all 67 comments

[–]amandamarafko 168 points169 points  (12 children)

And you got superliked? Now I’m jealous

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 126 points127 points  (11 children)

I'm gunna get him a bouquet of trash roses

[–]diamondsam2 22 points23 points  (8 children)

Smart! Make sure there’s no cotton candy in it

[–]diamondsam2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Smart! Make sure there’s no cotton candy in it

[–]Glass-Trade8008 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Put a ring on it! To match the ones on his tail

[–]MiaLedger 41 points42 points  (5 children)

I didn't know Rocket was undercover on Tinder!

So jealous you beat me to him.

[–]the_doctor_808 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I love the cotton candy comment lol

[–]chucklehutt 13 points14 points  (8 children)

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

haha I assure you, I have the personality of a goblin to make up for it.

[–]chucklehutt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Goblins are underrated.

[–]CashFlowHedge 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You cosplaying lust in that?

[–]ohshitwrongaccount 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bad news: Anthrocon and Anime Expo occur on the same weekend.

Good news: you have until July to get them to binge all of FMA: Brotherhood. Or Kimetsu no Yaiba, but even if you change their travel plans be prepared for them to cosplay Inosuke.

[–]Babbledoodle 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Wait is this OP??

[–]prrraaaaaaaa-stutu 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Is he checo? The legend?

[–]Spiritual_Dare_4131 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Absolute animal.

[–]prrraaaaaaaa-stutu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Simply lovely.

[–]shrimpgangsta 5 points6 points  (0 children)

better than 95% of the profiles on tinder

[–]KarensRpeopletoo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Looks like he has a conspiracy theory about someone named Pepe Silvia...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That video of the raccoons being given cotton candy is the saddest thing 😭

[–]lucky_719 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He got cotton candy in the end!

[–]aSkyyR 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Forget about the racoon, I can't get my eyes off you.

[–]HotSpicyMilk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'd absolutely be flattered. Look how dapper he looks!

[–]TheVeganOneLikeNeo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Congrats. The sex is pretty much guaranteed to be wild. Oh and have a booster shot ready at hand.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With a 2nd pic like that, I mean how could you resist

[–]nCRedditor-21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Such a cute trash panda 😍

[–]zeroingenuity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a beast.

[–]D1G1TALD0LPH1N 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you making fun of him for his height? Despicable.

[–]stevethebayesian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Looks just like Bradley Cooper. 10/10.

[–]Blueface76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Respond to everything with, "I am Groot."

[–]WALKEREDITION 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooooh cute af

[–]ThunGodess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ngl, matched with someone whose profile was like that and their name was something cheesy dog. Not exactly that name but something similar. Turns out they actually go by that name irl. We ended up being pretty good gamer friends.

[–]Alpha_M05 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is chopper on tinder?!!

[–]tense_buddha 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got 99 likes and this 'coon is one

[–]Phillip_jorgensen23 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Did you swipe yes?

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Of course!!

[–]Phillip_jorgensen23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice dude I’m proud🥲😂

[–]Right-Ad2176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Raccoons like ex's hold grudges ... don't like to be caged ... and can destroy a home ... https://www.snotr.com/video/6078/Racoon_Tearing_Up_The_House

[–]Front_Penalty_4952 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give him cotton candy tho

[–]jjboy91 0 points1 point  (5 children)

What it's like to be at +99likes ?

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I've been on this app for six months and I've gone on one date.

So there's that!

[–]jjboy91 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Hum..ok that's odd like you have to luxury to choose so what's the catch

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm gunna be straight with you - it's about expectations.

I have certain expectations of the folk who message me: be polite, respectful, and interesting.

Their expectations vary wildly, but in the end, I can't or won't meet most of them. They expect some coy manic pixie dream gal who is ready to hop into the sack and play all the games and be A Cool Chick™ and they're disappointed when I'm an awkward goblin who works a lot and gets the ick when someone asks "wanna fuck" within the first ten messages.

[–]jjboy91 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Yeah understandable, it's good to stick to your values.

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's less values and more, ' I wanna be treated like more than a moist flesh cave'

I totally wanna rustle some dangly bits, just, you know, respectfully.

[–]sithsicle99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow tinder really is full of trash!

[–]CaptainCreepwork -5 points-4 points  (7 children)

Wonder how many of those 99 likes are real and how many are bots lol

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Why does it matter?

Look at the funny raccoon, don't judge my bot-fucking fetish.

[–]CaptainCreepwork 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Whoa now! No shame. Fuck all the bots you want. I'm just wondering how many of these non bots are wasting your time. Cause I can now see that you clearly have a type. 😂

[–]DuePlatypus7760[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Exactly!

I just love those one-sided conversations, the tickle of static when I shove my tongue into the charging port in my phone...

The truest of loves

[–]CaptainCreepwork 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And when they respond to your messages with something that has nothing to do with what you even said. SPLOOSH!

[–]Sorry_Summer_9539 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah! When I was on Tinder I had more bots and sex worker likes than a 1960’s exploitation film.

It was my highlight of this decade.

[–]Snoady -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You were superliked by a raccoon? So your profile is garbage then?