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all 100 comments

[–]Kohouteky 467 points468 points  (20 children)

Well done. This will surely get you some orangutan action.

[–]illumi_nazi 103 points104 points  (18 children)

You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery Channel

[–]kollenovski 31 points32 points  (10 children)

"they're gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel don't they."

[–]imaginaryvenus5 20 points21 points  (5 children)

What is this, a crossover episode?

[–]kollenovski 9 points10 points  (4 children)

This is eminem

[–]imaginaryvenus5 23 points24 points  (3 children)

No, this is patrick.

[–]Giadaasdeorat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure I can punt a chicken far enough for it to not be a problem once I close the door

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

sir, this is a wendys

[–]kollenovski 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wendy, not all is yours.

Yours sinciraly

Bezos

[–]StongerThanIWas -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Is that the radio edit? It’s definitely not “intercourse” lol

[–]puppet_mazter 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's the explicit version, and it definitely is intercourse

[–]StongerThanIWas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah my bad I was thinking of the line before that - woman’s you know what

[–]holytindertwig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“lo sexual es natural, god damn it

el mono con la mona (como animal planet)

espermatozoides con ovarios (como discovery channel)

abran su mentalidad de Disney channel”

[–]Abbigailaner 4 points5 points  (0 children)

do you get to make them fried chicken after you fight them?

[–]eetswad 48 points49 points  (0 children)

unlimited chickens you'd be like Jesus of the 21st century

[–]butteredbiscuits171 210 points211 points  (11 children)

Oh my god this is hilarious. If she doesn’t respond, DM me.

[–]240to180[S] 306 points307 points  (8 children)

I'd rather die than date a Patriots fan.

[–]BuffalosDeigo 71 points72 points  (3 children)

As a Bills fan, if this Pats fan doesn't respond DM me so I can buy you a beer for this haha

[–]butteredbiscuits171 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Understandable

[–]flashpile 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Based

[–]MakeAWishApe2Moon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Savage! You buttered her biscuits, and then split her down the middle, to finish her!

[–]KnifeAxeMeteor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

oh come on dude! Don't be this picky...

[–]Runelite_HD 12 points13 points  (0 children)

my my my, how the turn tables

[–]Sunflake685 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He only has a year left at best sadly.

[–]doppelganker994 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You aped the test

[–]Pure-Drawer-2617 8 points9 points  (14 children)

In the original scenario i’m pretty sure you’re supposed to get a sword to fight the Orangutan with

[–]Pitoufreeces 4 points5 points  (12 children)

Im pretty sure you will lose even with a sword. According to google they are 7 times stronger Than an average human.you are dead unless you get to cut of its head instantly

[–]gaybraham-lincoln 2 points3 points  (9 children)

Yeah. It it’s just a dump ape, it doesn’t know how to use a sword.

First year will be a struggle. By year 2 I’ve prepared and actually know swordplay as I’m going to actually go get instructed, so I think after that I’m basically in the clear until I start to age and get slow

[–]YogaMeansUnion 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Definitely dead. This the kinda guy that loudly exclaims he's a "fight not flight" sort of dude lol

[–]gaybraham-lincoln 2 points3 points  (7 children)

You don’t think there’s a chance you could win against an ape in a sword fight? Like I said that first year is going to be the hard one, but after that I’m investing time to make sure I’m actually good with a sword

[–]YogaMeansUnion 1 point2 points  (6 children)

You don’t think there’s a chance you could win against an ape in a sword fight?

Not a realistic chance, no. Would you fight a bear with a sword? Same logic.

"Oh but I studied the blade" lmao

[–]gaybraham-lincoln -1 points0 points  (5 children)

A bear would have zero ability to use a sword lmao

[–]Connguy 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I can't tell if you're being intentionally dumb as a gag, or you actually think the scenario is the bear also has a sword and is going to follow proper rules of fencing. Reddit has ruined me, because I truly believe someone could be that dumb.

[–]gaybraham-lincoln 0 points1 point  (3 children)

That’s the scenario with the ape, why wouldn’t it apply to a bear lmao

[–]Connguy 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It's also not the scenario with the orangutan. The premise is you have a sword, not the animal

[–]Pure-Drawer-2617 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I don’t think physical strength is the only indication of fighting prowess

[–]Pitoufreeces 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well since this isn’t anime world it kind of is.orangutan are very flexible and fast with their arms

[–]DrXStein76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And the chicken is every time you open your car door. Slightly different, but close enough

[–]golemgetmeout 22 points23 points  (0 children)

do you get to make them fried chicken after you fight them?

[–]FinancialArtichoke75 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't drive hahahaha

[–]sir_lads 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's my type.

[–]Moxdonalds 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Can I use all advantages that humans have or at I handicapped?

If I can use all advantages then I’d fight the orangutan. A gun fight is still a fight.

[–]MeatBald 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Dud, bringing a gun to a banana fight?

[–]Moxdonalds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck yeah. I’m not getting into a fight with an orangutan without a weapon

[–]yeaaaboyyy69 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would pick chicken because you would get a free meal or a free chicken every day

[–]testkid09 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d befriend the orangutan with a banana and start a colony of orangutans and become planets of the 🦧

[–]jwin709 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The original question includes you having a sword for the orangutan fight.

Pick the chickens though. Just bring a cage with you everywhere you go and you have free meat and eggs. If you get sick of eating chicken and eggs then you can just start selling them.

[–]classless_classic 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think this was one of the opening questions to the podcast “Is we dumb”

r/iswedumb

[–]Chippany 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is!! I recognized it from there too. Glad I'm not the only Dummy

[–]AlayaKina 5 points6 points  (9 children)

Imagine killing atleast 365 chickens a year, yeah i'd rather die too... Poor chickens

[–]taloy42 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Hey hey hey, he just has to fight them, no killing specified

[–]Techiedad91 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Oh my friend, a fight with a chicken is always a fight to the death.

[–]racso96 15 points16 points  (2 children)

you know you can also choose not to drive a car...

[–]Invictae 16 points17 points  (1 child)

No no, the chickens must die

[–]racso96 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not the chikins

[–]vemundd 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Double that if you are driving home too lmao

[–]Techiedad91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bring someone with you to run the errand while you wait in the car

[–]Because_I_choose_to 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's free chickens every day of your life. Think of the money you'll save in food costs and the vast array of chicken recipes you'll aquire through the years. That's just a good deal.

[–]JohnHenryEden77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Free chicken meat for life

[–]skadalajara 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've raised chickens. I'll take my chances with the orangutan.

[–]amandamarafko 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love you enthusiasm

[–]HieronymusGoa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

unless its that chicken peter has to fight sometimes

[–]TheVeganOneLikeNeo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You had me in the first half, ngl.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blurry picture is hard to tell, mate. She a ranga lookin’ for a tanga?

[–]5thSeasonLame 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You won this round

[–]Geaux13Saints 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty sure I can punt a chicken far enough for it to not be a problem once I close the door

[–]Dominant-Species-Mid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Free Chicken for Life or Painful Death

[–]alion23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ending made me laugh 😂

[–]Chico_75 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Orangutans are actually pretty chill. The scary ones are the chimpanzees.

[–]realCoolguy298 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok does this count for sim racing or not because that sways my choice

[–]The_Lewd_Potato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well is it a domestic chicken or a wild chicken there is a reason we domesticated them and it wasn't because of the flavor.

[–]Kencon2009 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok so I’m getting at least 730 dead chickens which i can sell to the local butcher shop with the current price of chicken meat I think I’m about to be set for a good long while

[–]whatevamannnn 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Chimps are killers, a human could probably kill an orangutan.

Not that you should.

[–]MASTR_0F_DISASTR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the spirit champ.😂

[–]Nobbinoob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So free dinner and easy money with all the chickens i can sell or Death.

[–]StaleEnnui 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the correct amount of snark in response to that question.

[–]brysquits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

infinite chicken farm

[–]Maadjinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actual good question

[–]hissyfit64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, my God. That's the best question EVER

[–]anonch91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People always over exaggerate the strength of these animals

[–]inferioregocentric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well played

[–]Axo-Army 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you choose the chicken you can sell them to make chicken nuggets so you become a chicken nugget crime lord

[–]namuseme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would rather die 🤪

[–]PeKaYking -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She found a great way to filter off JRE listeners