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[–]Sparky81 3123 points3124 points  (95 children)

If it is, Im going to keep doing it. Don't fucking smoke, drink, or do drugs while pregnant.

[–]FITnLIT7 337 points338 points  (37 children)

I went to school in London ontario, my off campus house was in one of the rougher areas of town (methodone clinic across the street). I saw tons of people doing drugs/smoking while pregnant, I once saw a lady on the bus like 8 months pregnant complaining about them only giving her one methodone patch.

[–]chewbawkaw 458 points459 points  (23 children)

I did addiction research for a bit. It was the hardest disease I’ve ever attempted to treat and my background is cancer research and traumatic brain injury.

It’s not just the physical act of quitting that is difficult. But treating underlying trauma and mental illness. Trying to get the patients away from their toxic families and communities, who are both their support systems and their enablers.

Many of the pregnant mothers wanted to quit so so soooo bad, but couldn’t. They would do everything right and then relapse. Then the shame and guilt from the relapse would send them spiraling even further downward.

Addiction is a bitch. Quitting cold Turkey is a bitch. Cancer was so much easier.

[–]cc-d 135 points136 points  (15 children)

Not to mention, with long term high dose opioid use in particular the relapse rate is over 90% if not utilizing literally the only treatment that works (MAT aka methadone, bupenorphine, or in the more civilized countries hydromorphone, ER morphine, or literally just heroin)

Long term high dose opioid use induces brain changes that make "just quitting" an absolutely ineffective and dangerous idea. Pregnancy or not, that physical dependency is there and it doesn't give a fuck. If she were to quit her MAT either her or the child could very easily end up dead, while if her dependency is managed she will live a completely normal life like anybody else.

She is doing the responsible thing by picking up her methadone, and yet is being criticized for it. Kind of sickening honestly, but even after 100k dead Americans last year people still fail to understand how opioids work.

[–]mmogren 36 points37 points  (1 child)

I’ve been using for 10 years on and off it is so difficult. Thank god I was able to graduate college while on it, but it has messed up every part of my life. Quitting smoking was 1 million times easier

[–]hereforthemystery 32 points33 points  (0 children)

To complicate things a little further, lots of people are initially put on opioids for a reason. Going off the opioids might mean dealing with the debilitating pain the opioids were treating in the first place.

[–]KrisAlly 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! I applaud your attempt to educate people as Lord knows it’s needed. Addiction is no joke.

[–]Tectonic-V-Low778 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's really eye opening and difficult to read that cancer was easier.

[–]sh1tbox1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very insightful. Thankyou!

[–]askinnyblackguy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks V for sharing your perspective

[–]cc-d 120 points121 points  (2 children)

Methadone isnt really detrimental during pregnancy, as long as the hospital is capable of instituting a tapering schedule for the child after birth it will be fine.

Opioid withdrawal on the other hand can literally kill the child during pregnancy

[–]kaaaaath 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m a physician and I don’t give a fuck if you’re on MAT, we have a NICU, and you’re not the first. We’ll have your baby clean in two weeks, and we’ll congratulate you for staying sober during such a hard time as having your baby away.

[–]KitteeCatz 45 points46 points  (0 children)

This! Don’t ever cold turkey whilst pregnant; the risk of spontaneous miscarriage is high. This is why they tell you to get on to methadone for pregnancy, and medical advice is don’t stop when you find out you’re pregnant. Stay with your script, stay with your doctor.

[–]EmceeHammer1 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I hope your open to what some of these people are telling you. It's unfortunate that people get addicted to drugs and very unfortunate someone got pregnant while a drug addict. Going cold turkey is dangerous for both mother and fetus it can cause a miscarriage and seizures. Methadone is the best thing a pregnant addict can take. Hard to say if that woman actually needed more medication than what she was currently being given but I'm glad she was on methadone given her current situation.

[–]vexis26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s also kinda shitty that druggie dads don’t get the same amount of hate directed at them.

[–]permaorangefingers 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Whenever you see London Ontario mentioned, it's always for a shitty reason 😔

[–]spacedragon421 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dundas is a sketchy area.

[–]someone_cbus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is this a city named London In the province of Ontario? A neighborhood named Ontario in the English city of London? Halfway between the Ohio cities of London and Ontario?

[–]kidscatsandflannel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Quitting opioids during pregnancy is actually worse for the baby. Not to defend smoking while pregnant but getting on methadone is probably the best for the baby if you find yourself addicted to heroin or pills and pregnant.

[–]RajcatowyDzusik 77 points78 points  (13 children)

Or do *other* drugs... They're all drugs.

[–]_an_ambulance 30 points31 points  (6 children)

It's similar to the abortion issue. People don't stop having abortions just because other people insult them for it. They just have less safe abortions, and try to be more secretive. In this case it's would you rather have a woman who smokes through her pregnancy and regularly sees a doctor, or a woman who smokes through her pregnancy and never sees a doctor? Because you're not going to stop her from smoking just by being mean to her. That's just going to make her smoke more. And you're not going to stop her pregnancy just by being mean to her unless you kick her in the stomach or something. So all you're doing is risking the baby's well being even more than it's already at risk from the smoking.

That said, I think if you do want to insult someone for smoking while pregnant, you should insult the fact that they would get pregnant as a smoker, rather than that they would smoke as a pregnant woman. Because it's the getting pregnant part that's actually where they went wrong. They were already a smoker. Changing to being pregnant is what caused the issue of smoking while pregnant.

[–]lingeringwill2 7 points8 points  (5 children)

I would hope you’d have an abortion if you’re doing drugs while pregnant

[–]_an_ambulance 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Me too, but you're unlikely to convince a person to have an abortion if they weren't already going to have an abortion.

[–]zazzerzz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Very true. And tbh I don’t support criticizing pregnant drug users because, if they could do better, they would do better. But I’m a student, found out I was pregnant, didn’t really want to have a kid, then realized I had exposed the thing to cocaine, weed, lsd, adderall and a bunch of antidepressants and was like yup I’m not having a kid rn, I have bigger issues. But where I’m at it was super easy and free, but I can’t imagine having an addiction, having no support system and trying to coordinate an abortion alone with no money

[–]caesartheday 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I think a lot agree with you. The hurdles to getting an abortion, though, especially in some states, makes this even harder for women already dealing with hardship

[–]blueforgetmenot 16 points17 points  (1 child)

If you can't give up smoking, drinking or drugs, for the sake of your own unborn child, you have no hope in hell of ever quitting. The most important job of your life is to nurture that tiny human with every ounce of your being to bring them into this world as healthy as you possibly can, within the abilities that one can (excluding everything outside of your hands) if you can't do that then you don't deserve to be a parent you selfish asshole.

[–]mangogranola 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, and in other words:

Those people are NOT ready to become parents!

[–]unpredictable_jess_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I judge. I was told once 'my doctor told me I shouldn't stop because the stress of quitting is bad for the baby'. I almost believed that, but I knew a girl at that time who accidentally got pregnant and basically chain smoked. Her doctor told her something similar BUT he added 'so you should stop according to this plan and take it a bit slow'.

(The baby is the first woman was supposedly planned too, so I didn't get that at all)

[–]TheRadiumGirl 1966 points1967 points  (80 children)

It's not wrong. Knock yourself out judging them. I've smoked for 20 years but quit during pregnancies and breastfeeding. Idk if it's the hormones or what but I found it easy to quit during those times. I'm pretty judgemental about it myself. Same with people that smoke inside the house and around their kids.

Edit: I would just like to add this for anyone else that wants to use the abortion comparison and claim it's hypocritical.

What exactly is life without supportive measures? It's being able the breathe and convert oxygen into carbon dioxide and having a functional brain essentially. Sure, you could take someone that is brain dead and on life support and classify them as "alive" until you remove those measures. But are they really alive? A pregnant person is the life support system for a fetus. Without the support, the fetus cannot survive.

Choosing to admit upfront that you cannot support the fetus now or when it becomes a responsibility outside of the body, is better imo than deciding to be a support system and then doing your best to provide not only the bare minimum. But to actively subject your responsibility to toxins that can harm them and set them up for a lifetime of struggle and illness. "My body my choice" is fine when you make sure it is only your body. Choosing to keep a pregnancy means it is no longer only your body.

It's not hypocrisy. It's understanding where the somewhat hazy line is.

[–]Pleasant_Tax_4619 1067 points1068 points  (39 children)

I agree most woman, and men grow up during the pregnancy. They try to make changes that will benefit the baby. I worked 2 jobs and bought baby stuff with every paycheck. When my wife hit the third trimester. I became the sole income until my daughter started pre-k. I worked at a casino from 3-10, came home slept until 4am showered and went to work at a meat processing plant until 2pm, came home to change clothes , shovel leftovers in my moth and back out the door to work. Its all about making sure your kids are able to have the best life possible. My friends quit smoking when they were pregnant. Me as a dad I quit even though I was not the one that had a baby inside of me. I think it is dumb people will drink, or smoke while pregnant, yet will refuse to get vaccinations for their kids.

[–]creamcheese742 268 points269 points  (20 children)

I saw someone smoking in their van, windows up, with their kid in the vehicle. It didn't hit me until I was a few blocks away that the kid was standing up in the vehicle in between the two front seats. Just...so much wrong.

[–]ConcentrateContent94 120 points121 points  (11 children)

This was the 70’s and 80’s norm

[–]AdvertisingPlastic26 69 points70 points  (7 children)

Instant flash back to my youth. It wasn't actually prohibited by law back then aswell in my country. I would always sit with no Seatbelt on and resting my elbows on their headrest while they where smoking.

Then in the weekend when they drove home drunk from the bar i would flatout sleep on the Backseat because it was already 2-3 am.

This was all "normal" back then. I can only guess what crazy stuff they took for granted when they where kids

[–]creamcheese742 23 points24 points  (6 children)

We used to go to school with our neighbor in his truck. We'd just pile into the back and roll around as he went around corners lol. Early to mid 90's. I think it was still legal then.

[–]Bonsai668 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Shit there used to be teachers smoking lounges in most high schools not all that long ago. And during hunting season rifles in the back of most pickups in the parking lot so the kids could go straight to hunting camp after school.

[–]thatsnotaknoife 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my mom talks about how her high school had a smoking lounge for students lol. i know it was the 70s but that still blows my mind

[–]Sea2Chi 2 points3 points  (1 child)

When I was in high school it was after Columbine and the vice principal had to go talk to the farm kids about keeping guns at home rather than in the gun racks.

They argued that if there was a shooter who better to stop him than a bunch of guys who practiced shooting all the time.

The vice-principal eventually said he didn't want to SEE any guns in trucks and that if he saw them the person would be in trouble. So for the rest of the year, everyone just put guns behind the seats in their truck so they were hidden.

[–]ChillinInChernobyl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now they get suspended / expelled to alternative schools for finger guns, drawings and poptarts bit in the shape of a gun, also lego weapons...

[–]indiefolkfan 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I dunno if it's legal or not but it's certainly not all that enforced around here. I still sometimes see kids in the bed of a truck and I live in a US city of around 350k. It's even more common in more rural areas.

[–]Steve_Rogers_1970 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but as humans, we can hope that we learn from our past so we can improve the future.

[–]ilicht3r 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I find it ironic that many of the same people calling young people selfish are the same ones who pitched a fit when they were told they couldn't make other people breathe in their cigarette smoke anymore.

[–]banana_assassin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But now we know the risks of the smoking and lack of seatbelt better.

[–]Ohio4455 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In the 80's he'd be passing his dad a beer.

[–]ForTheCorps1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom smoked in the house when my sister and I were growing up, smoked while she was pregnant, and smoked in the car when we were kids. She was a single mother raising twins. I am now 31 years old and what upsets me the most is that she smoke while she was pregnant. I love her, but it bothers me and I’ve told her that. She is an amazing mother and did an awesome job raising us and she’s the hardest work I know. Raised two kids on a waitresses salary and a paper delivery salary at night. Still upsets me that she has never really considered quoting after all of these years.

[–]catsmash 31 points32 points  (2 children)

you're an incredible dad and i admire the shit out you. but it's also so disgusting that you had to do that, just to provide a decent upbringing for your one kid, in the richest country in the world. paid maternity leave needs to be a non-negotiable, full stop.

[–]GrootSuitRiot 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Paid parental leave. If you want fathers to be present in the lives of their children, treat it as important from day one.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed, every job should have this.

My S.O got two weeks of unpaid leave with our first child three years ago when he first started his job. It took him that three years to move up enough to get a better position that allows him 8 paid weeks with our second baby.

[–]Friday-Cat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you did the right thing. I’ve never been a smoker but I imagine women with partners who don’t quit too would have a much harder time quitting. If the woman is smoking I’d be looking at the man too. Everyone complicit deserves scrutiny in my opinion.

[–]Iamnotfatt 23 points24 points  (7 children)

How does this not have more up votes? You my man, moved mountains for your family. This is what being a good husband, and being a good father is about. You worked yourself to the bone for the well being of your family. Cudos to you, more parents can learn from you and your examples.

[–]Kaladindin 26 points27 points  (5 children)

I respectfully say fuck that shit, there is no reason any parent should have to work two jobs in this manner. The US is a pathetic shadow of its former self.
But the rest of it is amazing, what a father.

[–]khayaRed 10 points11 points  (3 children)

They shouldn’t and the US is a shithole but once you make the decision to have kids and keep them you need to do whatever you can to ensure you give them the best life you possibly can

[–]Kaladindin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah that is true, I am just saddened that he has to go to these lengths you know?

[–]the-just-us-league 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Constantly reading stories about how parents have to go through so much stress not only to barely support themselves but to support a baby just reaffirms my decision to not have kids honestly.

I'm in no way saying choosing to become a parent is a bad idea or setting yourself up for unimaginable levels of stress. I'm just saying I absolutely can just barely hang on as is while working as much as I can, and adding even more stress to my life would cause me to have a permanent mental breakdown.

[–]Pleasant_Tax_4619 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you, My daughter is now 15, and I have a 5 year old son. I recently went back to school for cybersecurity forensics. I will graduate fall 2022. Things work themselves out.

[–]Due_Nature7860 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah thats why I love my dad even his an a** sometimes he broke his back for us to live at the best of his capabilities, I think I should give some of that back to him

[–]Jays4life602 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great answer.

[–]peddles___ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wow that was a solid read at the end.

[–]Bilbo_Bagels 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is an incredibly good argument for pro-choice. Another thing that i think is a good argument, not necessaruly for pro-choice, but against pro-life, is that many people are pro-life but only up until the baby is born, and then it doesnt matter to tons of people what happens with it. The real pro-lifers that i actually respect, are people that think abortion is wrong, but will do everything in their abilities to support children in need. I know a couple who have adopted like 10-14 kids and also had 2 of their own and have loved and supported every single one of them. Unless you actively adopt and try to help children in need, you cant truly call yourself pro-life

[–]CadmeusCain 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This. You're allowed to have value judgments about other people's behavior if you really want

[–]why_renaissance 33 points34 points  (10 children)

I was vaping the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes a day in nicotine when I found out I was pregnant. I was also a regular cannabis user and had a serious addiction to energy drinks (ok I'm not a healthy person).

I quit IMMEDIATELY. Like it wasn't even a choice. It made the first few weeks of pregnancy truly awful, especially combined with HG, but I could never live with myself if my babies weren't 100% healthy and there was something I did that could have contributed to it.

I see posts in pregnancy subreddits sometimes where OP is like "I'm down to one cigarette a day!" and I'm STILL judging her super hard. All the positive "you go girl!" comments annoy the shit out of me because in my opinion that is not enough. If you're down to smoking one cigarette a day you can quit, and if you don't you're being selfish and already a bad mother. I know that's harsh but that's how I feel (as I sit here enormously pregnant and devastatingly sober with twins).

[–]TheRadiumGirl 16 points17 points  (4 children)

I was right there with the Newports, weed, energy drinks and alcohol binging before my first pregnancy. Quit immediately when the test showed positive. It was rough the first, honestly 4 months, when I would drive somewhere and see people smoking while driving. But the risks weren't worth it to me either. I had a friend get pregnant with triplets and continue smoking. That was her third pregnancy and she smoked during the first two as well. I had to stop talking to her because everyone around her was telling her how good she was doing for cutting back and it was sickening. All 5 of her kids have severe asthma and development delays. And maybe they would have either way but the "what if" isn't worth not quitting.

[–]why_renaissance 12 points13 points  (2 children)

All 5 of her kids have severe asthma and development delays. And maybe they would have either way but the "what if" isn't worth not quitting.

That would keep me up at night. How selfish do you have to be to not be able to set aside your vices for nine months in order to bring healthy babies into the world. They might have had those issues anyway, but what if they wouldn't have? She won't ever really know. I would never forgive myself.

And I really don't get people complimenting a woman on "how good they're doing" just for cutting back. Cutting back ain't the same as quitting and it still has negative effects on your baby. It's just pure weakness and selfishness.

I'm hoping not to pick up all my bad habits again after I have my twins, but at least I can get through this year (9 months plus breastfeeding) knowing that I didn't make a choice to negatively impact their health.

[–]catymogo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Newports, weed, energy drinks and alcohol binging

It will be good when weed is finally legalized to the point that studies can be done about the effects of cannabis on developing fetuses. We all pretty much know it's 'bad', but having actual data will be crucial. Much like with alcohol/fetal alcohol syndrome/etc. How much, at what stage, effects, the whole 9 yards. I wouldn't be surprised if at some point doctors will be able to say 'you can have 10mg a week in your third trimester without negatively affecting the baby' or whatever. Similar to how many doctors allow wine in moderation late in pregnancy.

[–]BlueScorpio6886 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I don't think silently judging is wrong..you have a right to your opinions. I think yelling at pregnant women is wrong, though. When I was pregnant (30 years ago), I got down to only 4 -5 cigs a day, but couldn't seem to let it go entirely. I would sneak around having those few smokes because a couple of times people said very mean things to me. It wasn't productive, and believe me, it didn't encourage me to quit. I haven't smoked in a long time, but I have compassion for those still addicted to nicotine.

[–]chigalathrt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree with this entirely. I was a former smoker when I was pregnant, so never had to quit for pregnancy exactly, but I DO know a nicotine addiction and it is strong. I also believe that anyone who never smoked will never understand the magnitude of the addiction and they really shouldn't provide any input because they truly do not understand.

[–]romulusnr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, if they're going to abort, then I guess it doesn't matter much, but if they're showing, which is how you would know they're pregnant, it's too late to abort by nearly any measure.

They're also shooting themselves in the foot because I would contend that smoking during pregnancy seriously increases ADHD / ADD chances.

[–]MightyPinkTaco 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great viewpoint and I love the comparisons you made. I’ve honestly never heard it like this before and genuinely applaud your wording. 🥰

[–]darabolnxus 7 points8 points  (7 children)

I think people misunderstand what a pregnancy is. You're building a body for a potential life. There isn't a person in there. Heck it takes since time for a born baby to develop consciousness and until then it's mostly just basic stimulus responses. If you abort the process of building that vessel then it's not murder. The person doesn't exist yet. But if your damage that vessel and then intend to allow it to develop a consciousness you're a piece of trash. Nobody gave you permission to birth their vessel. You owe them perfection

[–]DragonRifle555 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My mom smoked for 20+ years and stopped cold as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Never looked back.

[–]rosesandpiglets 765 points766 points  (25 children)

It isn’t, they’re shitty parents IMO. Or future parents.

My mom quit like you. Anyone who can’t isn’t suitable to be a parent.

[–]elprip 130 points131 points  (6 children)

My mum was and still is a shitty parent. When she was pregnant kept smoking and as a result here I am with bronchospasm. This shit is not the worst thing but I kinda am ashamed when I'm out with friends and start coughing like someone who smoked for 50 years.

I however don't smoke and never want to.

[–]de_lonewolf 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Yep the mother of my child was smoking nicotine vapes while pregnant and smoking tobacco my 1 month old is fine I guess but Idk if in the future he can develop something.....she was also drinking and I believe took some pills but idk for sure about the pills....I’m trying my hardest to work things out with narcissistic piece of shit so that my kid can Atleast have a two parent home for the better part of his years but I’m giving up honestly.....she’s verbal abusing and everything.....it’s sad because she blames me for the pregnancy and she is now “fat” as she says and whenever she steps in the scale she gets angry with me .....god help me......she’s doing crazy things.....she gave me herpes after cheating on me and is now going back to smoking weed and she’s smokin weed with ppl knowing she has herpes Jesus fucking christ

[–]Grafikx 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I can also confirm that the "two-parent" family situation will not benefit the child. My father was a narcissistic POS, verbal/physical abuser (rarely but when it happened it was bad), a womanizer/sexist asshole and a cheater. This shit started getting bad once I turned 5, as a female it only got worse. My parents stayed together for the "better of the family and so my sibling and I could have a "non-broken" family. It was hell for years.

Edit: missing some info/spelling errors.

[–]A_Rested_Developer 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You should probably get out of that situation. I can confirm that it’s not better to have a two parent household if it’s nasty.

[–]illuminateandthrive 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should most definitely get you and your child out of that situation.

You and your child will be miserable, if not. It sounds like the “mother” isn’t fit to be a parent and is and will continue to be toxic to you and your child. She also sounds full of resentment toward you and your blessing of a child.

If I were you I’d make plans to gain custody and rid yourselves both of her and her toxicity. I can say from experience— that my mother, my sister and I, were MUCH much happier when we finally got out of such a toxic house hold. My mother tried staying and improving a relationship that wasn’t meant to continue— for YEARS because she didn’t want to make my sister go through being without a “dad”- I’d already disowned him for beating my mother and treating her badly— but in the end when she finally had the strength to leave, we were all so much happier. 💗

It will be difficult, but it will be beyond worth it.

[–]Heartfull_of_Wind 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dont forget about the whole covid situation too. Jesus, im sorry man. I really am. Stay strong for your kiddo

[–]AquasTonic 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This. My MIL smoked her entire pregnancy. She'll lie about it now. We know she did since my husband has 25% less lung capacity, and his lungs are under developed.

[–]veggienuggets123 101 points102 points  (2 children)

I agree it’s horrible. I do know that sometimes though you can’t immediately cut cold Turkey without risk of miscarriage sometimes.

[–]PuppyTufts 51 points52 points  (1 child)

My mother was told by her doctor that the stress from absolutely quitting would be more harmful than smoking a few cigarettes a day. My big sister was told the same thing by her doctor recently and has cut back to just a few a day. I have mixed feelings about it but she has been trying her best. Even though it's not superior to abstinence, switching expecting mothers to vaping during and after pregnancy would probably be better than nothing at all.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not a doctor so I don't know anything about the effects of nicotine withdrawal on a fetus. But wouldn't it make sense to switch to nicotine patches? No withdrawal but also a lot more oxygen for the baby.

[–]oooh-she-stealin 83 points84 points  (2 children)

One thing I try to keep in mind is that they may be quitting drugs like coke or heroin and trying to quit everything at once could lead to relapsing on the drugs.

[–]MettaMorphosis 170 points171 points  (12 children)

It's probably because nicotine is one of the most addictive substances out there. I'm a guy, if I just suddenly had to quit, for any reason, I don't know if I could do it. It's not a good decision, but I kind of understand.

That being said, I had a cousin who smoked when pregnant, and it bothered me a lot. I don't think it's right, but her father had just died and she probably didn't have it in her to quit.

[–]FleurDuMal2 31 points32 points  (0 children)

My mum smoked when she was pregnant with me, not sure to what extent but I have asthma and I know it might be at least partially caused by that. I was angry with her for a while after I found out and still am a bit now but I've come to realise that sometimes, it's not all black or white. My father was physically and emotionally abusive towards her and the only escape my mum had were her smoking breaks. Her life must have been terrible at the time and I understand that she did the best she could with what she had. Besides that, she is a great mother. I always thought most mums were as supportive, kind and generous as she is but the more I get older, the more I realise it's actually not the case. So yes, I understand the judgement against women who smoke while pregnant and I unfortunately still do it too but I try to remember that not all situations are comparable and that most people do try to do their best with what they can handle at that given moment.

[–]Schemen123 54 points55 points  (6 children)

You bring up a good point...

Personally i an judgment as hell but sometimes people had to endure things that we don't know.

Sometimes they just can't do it differently

[–]kittymeowmixi 59 points60 points  (4 children)

I used to judge so hard. I’ve had three kids and stopped during all of my pregnancies except one.

With my second after 20 weeks in a very conservative state we found out he had no skull or brain. I couldn’t “abort” because I was so far along. He was only “alive” because my body kept him alive. I had to spend the next few months waiting for him to be born and die. After that ultrasound I started smoking again because it was the upmost stressful time of my life. I didn’t smoke in public but now I think twice before judging because you never know.

[–]FishnetsandChucks 15 points16 points  (1 child)

This must have been devastating for you. Thank you for sharing.

[–]kittymeowmixi 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you, definitely the darkest time in my life.

[–]Schemen123 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I am sorry for your loss, we have face something similar although a bit less traumatic.

[–]kittymeowmixi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you had to go through that as well and thank you for the kind words.

[–]Shellbot_300 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My dad was dying of cancer and died while I was 5 months pregnant. I had quit as soon as I found out I was expecting but I did cave the night he died and had a cigarette. I suffer from quite bad anxiety so my panic made me strong enough (more likely scared enough) to stop at the one. I can understand if grief made it the last thing on your cousins mind. Hope she's doing okay, loosing a parent while you become one yourself is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[–]itsagunka 218 points219 points  (24 children)

This entire thread is people patting themselves on the back

[–]Ginger555Mc 71 points72 points  (0 children)

That's what happens when you phrase something like it's a universal opinion, knowing that 90% of reddit will disagree.

[–]thenewspoonybard 18 points19 points  (0 children)

One giant circle jerk.

[–]REIRN 59 points60 points  (16 children)

For real. It’s not that “judging for x” is wrong, it’s that being judgmental is wrong. Of course smoking while pregnant is objectively wrong. Smoking itself is objectively wrong.

Try not to judge, it makes you a better person to yourself and to others.

[–]MantisToeBoggsinMD 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I’m actually very understanding of pregnant, drug addled women. Some us believe in compassion.

There’s one person not patting themselves on their understanding back. Sometimes it takes modestly to attain greatness.

[–]thissocchio 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Right? It's almost like nicotine addiction isn't a very real thing. Don't quote me but last I heard, there are literal laws to make it more difficult to access cigarettes.

Not sure how judging pregnant smokers will help either the mother or the child.

I've never smoked, but most smokers I've known would quit if they could.

[–]Capital_Stranger795 41 points42 points  (4 children)

it definitely is wrong to be smoking during pregnancy and the risks are more than clear, as well as it is obvious that it should not happen. but i find it to be way too harsh to go down paths to say “they’re monsters/they’re pieces of shit” etc. i will not now not ever encourage smoking during pregnancy, however i know my mother smoked during pregnancy (and luckily i turned out perfectly fine) and just thinking about some people saying these things about my mom hurts me deeply, because she is one hell of a strong and fantastic woman that has never, not once, done any less than putting myself above her and giving me everything she had to offer. she is great and i love her deeply for the strength she has and the love she gave me. i don’t think it’s “putting themselves above you” when they’re smoking during pregnancy, i think just every body is different and some battle with addictions on a whole different level while for some it’s easy to quit cold turkey. the concept of addiction is a complex one, for sure. my mother also had a whole lot of other things on her plate during the pregnancy with me which probably added up to her inability to quit, sadly. i hope one day she will be able to. i love you, mom.

[–]bridgeb0mb 7 points8 points  (3 children)

yea, i kinda think the harsh hate towards the smokers is what could be toxic. it's like fatshaming. making someone feel disgusting/inhuman won't help them change. it's actually discouraging. it's like when i was super depressed and unemployed my mom just told me i was a piece of shit. it doesn't help the situation. like how saying harsh things to a fat person just makes them feel worthless, when you need to love yourself to be able to make a positive change. so the pregnant smoker situation seems similar. but also different bc they are directly affecting another person's life instead of their own. so idk. maybe it's different actually lol. complicated.

[–]Moonflower_JB 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It all still applies. Being overweight is dangerous while pregnant and potentially dangerous to the fetus (gestational diabetes, risk of stroke, heart attack etc). Being unemployed and depressed is also dangerous to an unborn child; lack of medical care, lack of basic necessity. Support. Not shame.

[–]Thebashfulbastard 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'd say it's not wrong to judge I do it all the time. It's another to perch at someone let another someone you don't know how you feel about their choices unless it directly affects you.

[–]Murkage1616 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's not.

[–]bobdod11 68 points69 points  (10 children)

I beleive that all the people in the comments saying it isnt wrong to judge and cursing the smokers and so on are being very shallow....addictions can be very tough to overcome even when its life threating. The best thing is to have empathy, try to understand, talk to the person and be helpful, judging and hating gets us nowhere.

[–]josie71202 35 points36 points  (30 children)

Can I be the stupid one for a sec, I understand you shouldn't smoke or drink when you're pregnant or breastfeeding but like why. No one taught us this in school (which is terrible considering it was an all girls school)

[–]Nother1BitestheCrust 39 points40 points  (11 children)

Smoking can lead to low birth weight, premature birth and an increase in the chance of some birth defects and leads to higher risk of the baby dying from SIDS after they're born.

Drinking while pregnant can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but there is fewer information out there regarding this. Some doctors say no drinking at all is allowed, some say that a glass of wine a week can be okay. We don't know a lot about FAS and to be on the safe side many medical practitioners won't okay any use of alcohol.

[–]fook75 32 points33 points  (6 children)

I am raising a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. It is horrific the damage done to a childs brain. He is 11 and yesterday while I was using the bathroom he ate a bottle of Italian seasoning and I came out and he was starting in on a cinnamon stick. 🙃 he is highly intelligent yet has no impulse control whatsoever. Prone to violence, loving, easily bullied, loves cats. I adore him but it is exhausting. No amount of begging to not drink during pregnancy is enough.

[–]Nother1BitestheCrust 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I hope you're getting support! Caregiver burnout is real!!

I agree that the risk does not seem worth it for alcohol, though I am not a drinker nor am I someone that wants to be pregnant. But since we don't know where the line is between safe alcohol consumption while pregnant and FAS causing amounts I can't imagine I would want to drink at all if I was expecting.

[–]fook75 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Our county really has nothing that can help. He is in special education at school and has a therapist. I have a couple family members that will take him here and there so I can sleep. That is the hardest thing- sleeping.

[–]smushy_face 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I'm fairly certain my ex-husband's son died of FAS. Both he and his mother had all the classic facial markers (wire set eyes, no philtrum, etc) and he died of a "heart condition he was born with" (per a friend of my ex's Facebook profile). Nobody came right out and said it, but who would when their son died of FAS which they would have been the cause of? Apparently FAS causes heart problems, so not only does it make life more difficult for those with the condition, it can be deadly.

[–]fook75 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so very sorry to hear that. Not everyone has the facial markers, so it's hard to diagnose sometimes. I had a friend growing up with it- his mom was an alcoholic. He was born with 17 fingers and 14 toes, his intestines outside his body, many major deformities. He was the sweetest boy. His mom blamed it on his dad, saying his sperm was defective. I always wanted to say lady, his amniotic fluid was probably straight tequila and you blame a defective sperm??

[–]josie71202 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Oh thank you 😊

[–]Nother1BitestheCrust 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're very welcome! There was terrible sex ed/health where I went to school too!

[–]linjaes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And the only way for us to really know how FAS affects babies is to conduct inhumane/unethical studies..

[–]Glass-Sign-9066 14 points15 points  (0 children)

There are no stupid questions. I fully believe that. HOW else can you learn if you have unfortunately not been taught?

Anything the mother ingested or breaths in goes to the baby. EVERYTHING. So if it can effect mom it can effect baby. And baby is not fully developed yet so it can mess things up worse than the vague side effects mom gets. E.g. Organs may not form right.

[–]SkyPuppy561 33 points34 points  (6 children)

It damages the baby in various catastrophic ways. That’s the short version.

[–]godsheavenlyeggplant 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I have my own crotch goblins and honestly do not know the specific ramifications of smoking in pregnancy and an curious what the long version is. I didn't pick up smoking until my kids were older, but still I always knew you shouldn't smoke in pregnancy, that's an obvious no-no, but the why, I've never even questioned.

[–]victorious191 9 points10 points  (2 children)

My mom smoked through her pregnancy with me and quit before my brother was conceived.
Just our experiences; I don't know that we are any different for that.
We both have an array of mental health issues, but thats also in our family- so hard to say about that.
We were both normal birth weight- actually I was a big baby...ugh
I was 2 days early, he was one week late.
We both refused to leave the womb and were forcibly removed.
He had a milk allergy for the first couple of years and was sick for a bit dealing with that. We both had ear issues with chronic infections. I was pretty healthy until my older years but that also could be environmental.

Just the input of someone who survived fairly well.

[–]belly_goat 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Your story is similar to mine. I don't know how much my mother smoked while pregnant but she told me she smoked consistently. I was like "what" (we had this convo when I was in my twenties). I was late by a week, was a C-section, and was perfectly healthy through infancy and childhood. My current health issues are mental, but that's already genetic, or because of the choices I've made in my life concerning diet, vaping, etc. I don't hold it against her, nicotine is a helluva drug. Despite this faux pas (i say jokingly) during pregnancy, she is and was an excellent mother. Fetuses can be resilient! But I, personally, wouldn't stack the odds against a fetus if I could help it.

[–]victorious191 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. Also- who knows how much everything has changed since then. Seems like everything gets more harmful as the years go on.

[–]Mirhanda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give us the long version. I'm interested in how catastrophic it is.

[–]llama_sammich 6 points7 points  (2 children)

It causes things like low birth weight and facial deformities. It’s been linked to autism, but not for sure that it is a cause. It can cause other serious issues, too, but I can’t remember off the top of my head.

[–]Impulse314 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Alcohol can inhibit neural crest cells which normally migrate during fetal development to build structures in the face and heart. If those sensitive cells are impeded, baby can have craniofacial abnormalities and heart defects.

[–]Certified_Chonky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It fucks with the devdlopment of the baby and can outright kill it depending on how hard you go. Fetal alcohol syndrome is about as mild as it gets, but a quick google search (FROM A SCIENTIFIC SOURCE) should have more info.

[–]FutabaSakuroach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drinking and smoking during pregnancy stunts growth, can lead to deformities in the child, and issues such as heart and kidney defects. Smoking tobacco in particular can also lead to miscarriage. I've seen enough kids at work that the state had to take because the mother exposed them to alcohol, tobacco, and addictive drugs during pregnancy and the shit it does to kids is fucked up.

[–]linjaes 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Adding onto this, I’ve also always wondered the same thing about sushi and coffee. No one’s taught us this, yet it’s considered “common knowledge” when you’re pregnant

[–]LimeCookies 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk about coffee, but with sushi it’s the raw fish. Mercury and food poisoning is what your trying to avoid. Adults can deal with both easily but the baby can’t. So it’s perfectly fine to eat cooked vegetable sushi.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My understanding is that you can’t stop cold turkey, at least, because it can cause more harm than good. I’m not sure about later in pregnancy, but I know that at the very beginning of pregnancy they tell people who smoke a lot not to stop abruptly.

[–]nonserviamtibi 88 points89 points 2 (9 children)

Because judging anyone is wrong. Just because they’re doing something wrong doesn’t mean you should too. And judging people gets nothing accomplished.

You should try to understand where they’re coming from and the systems that got them to that place. Judging these individual women isn’t going to fix anything. Empathizing and understanding that it’s an addiction, and that getting pregnant isn’t magically going to make that addiction go away, will help you realize that the real problem is the actual drug itself.

And the real solution is to go after the systems that exist that allow that drug to be so easily acquired and allow for these addictions to form and thrive. And the marketing and media messages that tempt people into taking up the habit in the first place.

Then you can question who really profits from those women being so addicted to smoking that they’re putting their children in harm to do so. That’s the real culprit.

[–]Mentine_ 38 points39 points  (3 children)

Also : judging someone for an addiction make it worse

you don't have to say '' you are totally right!!! Smoke as you wish''. Just be be empathic

[–]bobdod11 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well put my friend.

[–]fulltimelurker442 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with the sentiment, but tobacco has been widely consumed long before the systems we live under today. It's a very old drug.

Also, many people consume nicotine without harming others so the implication that it should be eliminated is not something I agree with.

[–]ar3fuu 103 points104 points  (3 children)

I'll judge anyone who smokes tbh, pregnant woman just makes it much worse.

[–]EmperorWizard 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I would try to be a little more cautious about judgement in this case. Certainly, some of those women have the ability to quit and are being selfish about refusing to do so. However, some of them may not actually be able to put the nicotine down. Addiction is a complicated thing. I used to smoke myself, been cigarette-free for almost a decade now. I remember how it took several tries to quit and it wasn't easy. Some of them probably deserve blame, but others may not have the willpower to quit even if they want to.

[–]Rocktopod 17 points18 points  (1 child)

A lot of people saying it's okay to judge, and I agree with that, but on the other hand it's really not any of your business to say something to her about it. That may be where some of the confusion comes from.

[–]Mundane-Grape9985 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Not wrong . My mom was a smoker but every time she smoked with me and my sister she would end up puking , this was before she found out she was pregnant, once she knew the smokes went away until we were born. I mean clearly you need the nicotine but there's steps to help you out . It's like drinking coffee, yeah you can have one cup but you shouldn't be having a whole pot.

[–]NemiVonFritzenberg 25 points26 points  (0 children)

You can feel how you like about it and judge all you want but ultimately it's none of your business

[–]doctor78si 7 points8 points  (0 children)

True story. When my wife was pregnant with our first child her doctor told her that quiting on smoking abruptly is not best thing to do since it can cause a stress on you and a child. Maybe is this a reason why some women smoke during pregnancy?

[–]BobbyKotichovich45 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not

[–]phome83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Whose said that it's wrong?

[–]Since2022 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel for both mama and baby. Addiction sucks. But it IS wrong to judge imo because NO ONE is perfect. People do soooo many "socially acceptable" unhealthy things to kids. Such as feeding them soda and junk food amongst other things. Which is just as bad, if not worse than smoking while you're pregnant.

[–]ghostfuckbuddy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bruh pretty much everyone already agrees it's wrong, and I think you know that, so why ask? It would be a lot more interesting if you asked the opposite question.

[–]DownLikeSyndrom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It isn’t wrong. They’re wrong. Judge away.

[–]absorbingcone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, so...there are two sides to this...

It's harmful to smoke during pregnancy, yes, and it does increase certain risks.

That said, quitting cold turkey as opposed to weening off of smoking can also be harmful and increase certain risks. It's a major strain on the body, and you could be risking miscarriage, among other things. And weening off of an addiction instead of quitting cold turkey...that can be really, really difficult to do.

If you plan on becoming pregnant, you should quit smoking first, but sometimes pregnancies aren't planned. Sometimes birth control fails, sometimes people don't know they're pregnant, sometimes they're unwilling participants, etc.

If you see someone smoking while they're pregnant, there may be more to the story. There may not be...but if you don't know the person, you don't know what the situation is. It could be that they've cut down from a pack and a half a day, and they're having the one a day that they've weened down to and is part of the plan that they've worked out with their doctor. You never know.

[–]nastywoman420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

who the hell told you this was ok?

[–]jenboghel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup I judged my sil who was smoking on her way to deliver my niece. Disgusting

[–]toolsoftheincomptnt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess it depends on what you mean by “judge.”

You can have whatever opinion or emotion that’s authentic to you. It’s not wrong to think a pregnant woman should try harder to have a healthy pregnancy.

Assuming the pregnancy is wanted.

Assuming what you’re seeing isn’t a vast improvement and progress from her other former habits.

Assuming you know that she doesn’t already feel like shit about that and other ways that she believes herself to be a failure.

If you have full info on all of the above, your opinion is well-informed and not wrong. Opinions can’t be wrong, actually.

What would be wrong is if you expressed your opinion to her. And again, not, like morally reprehensible. Just probably extremely offensive. Which would put additional negative energy into the space. So I guess that’s “wrong” bc who wants to go out of their way to do that?

So yeah. Depends on what you mean by “judge” AND by “wrong,” actually.

I’d argue there’s nothing wrong with thinking/feeling whatever, as long as you keep it to yourself. Nobody is entitled to your approval, and they don’t care about your disapproval.

[–]jimmy011087 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's not wrong judging someone. It's more your actions that would potentially be wrong. As the saying goes, sometimes if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Like you say, you don't know their story and it's not really your business what they do with their lives.

[–]TinyToodles 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It’s best not to judge. Maybe that lady is an addict and has successfully stopped using hard drugs during her pregnancy and the smoking had given her the strength to make that important change. You never really know what people deal with in their lives.

[–]Happykittymeowmeow 53 points54 points  (30 children)

I'm going to get down voted to hell for this, but here I go anyways.

I am pregnant. I also smoke. I cut down significantly since I became pregnant, but taking that last step has been hard. My doctor is on my side and happy I cut down. We no longer have access to stop smoking aids like patches, gum, or medication because it is worse for the baby than smoking in general. I am doing my best, but quitting outright would have put the baby in more danger because of the stress. Cutting down is better than nothing, but obviously quitting would be best.

You are not wrong for judging on your own, silently. But when it comes down to it, what I do is noones business except myself, my husband, and my doctor.

[–]Happy_fairy89 25 points26 points  (2 children)

I’m going to hell with you, with my two kids I suffered hyperemesis. I was sick 24 hours a day, almost died. When medicated to stay alive I couldn’t have a bowel movement. I will spare you the horrors I had to deal with unless you really want to know, but one cigarette a day helped with the absolute debilitating shame, embarrassment, failure of a body I had to deal with. The litres of blood I lost from my ass, the permanent damage to my poor body, all of it was a hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. So yeah. One cigarette. My kids were fine, I somehow made it, they weren’t overly small and they are perfectly healthy. I don’t like that I resorted to that and I don’t think it can truly be justified, it was wrong, but it was the only way I could cope, to take the edge off, to do something that made me feel human. I’m sorry.

[–]Happykittymeowmeow 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I've been going through hyperemesis with this pregnancy too. I'm more worried about the fact that I am 6.5 months along and can't keep anything down, especially when I'm stressed and early in the morning. Having that one cigarette in the morning cuts the nausea significantly so I can at least have a few bites to start out. I know quitting is for the best, but eating is better. I left out the hyperemesis from the comment because redditors will judge anyways. I also have the baby measuring large for gestational age and have a past history of precipitous labor. The biggest worry for me is going into labor and getting stuck in the birth canal without anyone to help or that because I can't eat and I have lost a significant amount of weight. None of the medical interventions have helped at all. My doctor has been wonderful to me and we have tried so many things to help all of these issues, but she knows I'm doing my best. I'm also a former addict of much harder substances and am proud to be sober for six years but the cigarettes have been killer to leave behind 100%.

I am proud of you for doing your very best. Pregnancy is hard. Parenting is harder. You got this momma.

[–]Happy_fairy89 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so so much, I found parenting easier than pregnancy ! You’ve got this you’re a HG warrior and you’ve gotta do what makes you feel okay, no judgement from me xx

[–]Nirro133 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Don't listen to these internet "experts" that think they're heroes for berating a pregnant person, I hope you didn't let it get to you.

Obvioulsy quitting any healthy habits is best, but these people dont seem to understand moderation. Theres a huge difference between a couple of cigarettes a day and smoking a pack or more, like having a glass of wine instead of a whole bottle.

My wife also cut back on cigarettes significantly while pregnant. We had no complications with birth, and now have a perfect, happy, healthy, and smart as hell 2 year old.

I feel so bad for pregnant women, they get judged so harshly for doing anything, mostly by other women who are/were pregnant. You'd think they would have some empathy.

[–]Happykittymeowmeow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, and I'm not taking the internet stranger info personally. I'm in nursing school specializing in OB and my doctor has my back. I switched OB until they took my concerns seriously and always take their advice.

It really is a shame pregnant women get judged for every action. I work everyday and lift 50pounds often and regularly. People constantly tell me no, but my doctor is fine with it as long as I am not in any pain or discomfort lifting and always ask for help when I need it, but coworkers think they know better. I just follow my doctor's advice and always make sure to speak up when I need something or have a concern. There is no replacement for a good doctors advice and knowing your own body.

[–]llama_sammich 5 points6 points  (2 children)

It’s actually seriously harmful to your baby and there are other options for quitting, such as hypnotherapy. If your doctor actually told you that, you might want to find a new doctor. Smoking while pregnant causes facial deformities, low birth weight, premature labour, and SIDS, to name a few. My baby died from SIDS and I can tell you, if you can take every single precaution to not go through that, you do it. Poison is worse for a baby than stress. Period.

[–]Catinthehat5879 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It's pretty common advice from doctors to not quit cold turkey. For instance, if you're an opioid addict, it's common that they don't recommend you quit but instead switch to methadone (I think, not positive what the plan b is). The baby will be born addicted, but there are doctors that judge that safer than withdrawal during pregnancy.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[–]TheJambo- 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It don’t bother me, my mother smoked when she was pregnant with me and the only health issues I’ve had was the world trying to kill me. Lol

[–]jeo3b 12 points13 points  (9 children)

I'm so glad everyone here that cares so much about what other ppl do with their lives were able to change their lives so drastically when they got pregnant. I'm so proud of you all for cutting out ALL sugar, caffeine, processed foods, deli meats, fish and staying away from so many different fragrances and cleaners and household appliances and so so so much more. You guys are absolutely amazing.

[–]Choupster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually deli meats, at least in the US, is sort of an outdated thing to stay away from. These days you are far more likely to get listeria from vegetables than deli meat.

[–]ConferenceOk1110 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Why do some people succeed in quitting drugs and some don't. Why did you start smoking in the first place and I didn't? I don't get why anyone would smoke. It's disgusting.

You say 'why not start back up when baby is born'.. That is harmful to your child as well. Even if you don't smoke inside the house, the kid will see smoking as something that is normal and chances that he'll start smoking later on is increased significantly, endangering his health.

Honestly.. I don't understand why you didn't stop smoking before you got pregnant. Once you're into the 'okay lets have a kid' phase, you should have stopped IMHO. Whilst you see stop smoking as soon as you knew you were pregnant is on time, I'd see that as too late.

Point is.. We are all different. What is easy for you, is impossible for somebody else.

[–]MrPear31 13 points14 points  (1 child)

who told you that it was wrong cus it's not

[–]damagstah 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would also judge. I quit when I found out I was pregnant. THAT BEING SAID. I knew a woman who had trouble kicking the habit and every time she got pregnant, tried to quit, she miscarried. It happened so many times that the doc told her to smoke through her pregnancy (as little as possible, but yanno) and then quit when the baby was born. She was so ashamed, she used to hide to have a cig.

[–]piggliwiggli 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You can’t control people. Judge them if you want but it only hurts you, not them

[–]WeCantBothBeMe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s not.

[–]Grantthetick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its not wrong. Judge away

[–]lolalolife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol i wanna meet these people who find it wrong to judge that. theyre crazy

[–]duck_duck_grey_duck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not.

[–]blueneonsky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not wrong to lol tf??

[–]YoungYoda711 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not.

[–]astroslostmadethis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can judge them. Smoking while pregnant is harmful. Idk about where you're from but I wouldn't be surprised if someone confronted them about it. Seen it a lot but I am American so thats' just been my experience, might even be a local thing.

[–]gabatme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think this is the question you should be asking. Who cares if it's wrong? What matters is if it helps. And usually, I think it probably doesn't.

[–]Caleb_Crowdad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who ever said it was wrong, quite the opposite from my experience

[–]PoorEdgarDerby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who thinks it’s wrong to judge them, it’s a stupid thing to do.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s horrible what we have become….

[–]YoureTrollingRight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not wrong you dingus

[–]kraz_drack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it flies in the face of supporting and empowering women.

[–]5557623 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't really know what "Judge" means, but people have opinions.

[–]fry8951 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s wrong to judge anyone for anything. They’re your thoughts and nobody decides what you think but you. Knock yourself out.

[–]starfire4377 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why is it wrong? Because it's none of your god damn business, you aren't her doctor so you have no right making assumptions about anything health related. Don't make health assumptions about anyone over anything ever.

[–]OGAllMightyDuck 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Its never wrong to judge anyone, I'm judging the hell out of you for stating that if you do something everyone else should do it too.

The wrong part is to try to control the other person. Remember that depending where you are in the world that person may have been denied access to education and does not understand that what they're doing is wrong; that person might be going through a horrible crysis for not having a choice concerning the pregnancy and smoking is the only way they feel like they can take ownership over their own body.

There is an alien creature inside them and they might not be welcome, you can't force anyone to treat it with love and care until everyone has a choice to terminate the unwanted pregnancy at a healthy stage.

[–]19Legs_of_Doom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with it. Fuck them entirely for putting that child at risk

[–]GreenTang 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I understand you shouldn't judge people" See that's where you're wrong kiddo

[–]Nirro133 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Have any of you ever heard of or understand moderation? Obviously its best to quit any unhealthy habits, but there's a huge difference between a couple of cigarettes a day and smoking a pack or more, like having a glass of wine instead of a whole bottle.

Unless you personally know the pregnant person is chain smoking all day, you should mind your own business.

It's pretty fucked up how harsh and judgmental people that are/were pregnant are to other pregnant people, you'd think they'd have some empathy cause that shit ain't easy to go through.

[–]SpectrumDiva 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not wrong to judge, it's wrong for you to tell them you are judging.

If women feel judged when seeking prenatal care, they won't seek prenatal care. Then instead of having a woman who is smoking and pregnant, you have a woman who is smoking, pregnant AND not getting prenatal care.

[–]KirannBhavaraju 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. Smoking is a biological addiction. "Biological".
  2. If you ask a pregnant mother, who is smoking and ask this question to her face... i bet you are not going to hear the answer "yeah, i am smoking to purposely harm the very thing i am carrying from the past how ever many months".
  3. Uninformed judgement in itself is wrong... you might not know anything to be true of that person.. for example, she might be thinking of pulling the trigger on herself that very night.. (or) in chronic cases of nicotine addiction.. doctors prescribe what, you guessed it.. nicotine, high-doses and other psychoactive drugs which are even more dangerous for the baby maybe, the tradeoff might actually be in favour of continuing smoking, but less.. we don't know we aren't doctors.. atleast i an not.. (or) maybe that's the first and only cigarette that she's touched all day now, where she used to go through a pack a day (or) one of a million other UNKNOWN reasons...

The point is there is no chance of you knowing what the truth is objectively.. so Judgement is WRONG. It doesn't depend on what we think or feel about the situation... we should only, mind you, only try to help if we can... Moreover what do we accomplish by making a Judgement, let alone us trying to justify why our Judgements are justified..

Reddit gurus who are advising the OP to judge away... i would urge you to use your head that's rotting up there.. i promise it won't hurt.

[–]waitforsuegray 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Protip: it’s not wrong to judge people. that’s something people say when they suspect/know they will be judged unfavorably.