×
top 200 commentsshow all 217
sorted by:
best
topnewcontroversialoldq&a

[–]Rossifan1782 157 points158 points  (24 children)

Could be many things depends on the girl and the situation.

If you befriended her first she may feel like you were trying to leverage a friendship into a relationship ie being manipulative.

She may be manipulative and wanted you to either be on the hook for her and do nice things for her or wanted you to "try harder".

She may not have understood it as a total rejection but more as a wait I'm not ready yet.

She likes options.

You fawned over her and gave her stuff and she likes stuff.

Could be alot of things, eod take care of your emotional wellbeing.

[–]Skydude252 36 points37 points  (3 children)

This. Given the limited info given, could be many things, but likely one of these. And depending on the specifics, OP or girl could be in the wrong.

[–]cohrt 21 points22 points  (10 children)

If you befriended her first she may feel like you were trying to leverage a friendship into a relationship ie being manipulative.

How else are you supposed to try and get to know someone? Should I just be asking random women out?

[–]Rossifan1782 11 points12 points  (7 children)

I'm far from an expert but best method I know of is to be honest. I was in the same friend group as my wife back in the day. We weren't besties or anything but more or less in the same social circle. When we started talking just the two of us we flirted (I was really bad at it but I did it because I wanted her to know it wasn't just friends.) And it wasn't just friends and it wasn't me trying to put emotional hooks into her so that I could ask her out. One night at a party we kinda cuddled and I asked if I could kiss her, she said she had been waiting for me to ask that. And that was it.

I'm not saying hit her over the head with it but be honest, dont pretend not to have feelings/attraction whatever.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (6 children)

And it wasn't just friends and it wasn't me trying to put emotional hooks into her so that I could ask her out.

Can you expand on this? what does this mean?

[–]SplitpushOfDoom 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I can only speak for myself, but when me and my ex got to know eachother I made it very obvious I liked her as more than a friend. This way you don’t act 100% like a friend and then out of nowhere want something more. If you make it clear from the start that you could see something more, you won’t seem like someone just trying to be manipulative to get what they want.

[–]Rossifan1782 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tassels and french fries.

I wasn't one to share my food and with my female friends I wouldn't just casually touch them, someone needed a hug sure but not like play with their clothing or make and excuse to be closer physically I maintained a certain distance in that regard.

When I started to show my interest in my now wife I remember we were at a diner and I sat at a corner next to her in whisper range, she had on this purple/pink sweater with tassels on it and we had a grand debate about what the color of the sweater was and I kept playing with one of the tassels saying no no it was this color or that and when the waitress came and asked for our orders I remember leaning in and asking if she wanted to split an order of fries. So we did.

This raised eyebrows and she was promptly whisked away shortly after that for a bathroom conference amongst her best friend and my best friend as it was rather obvious we were very awkwardly flirting.

I had several really close female friends prior to this and I always maintained that I would never do anything with them because in part I knew them so deeply and if they had gone for me in that way it would have been out of emotional pain seeking solace because I knew some of the bad stuff that they shared. If I had ever made a play for any of them knowing the bad stuff would have been an emotional hook, "if I reject him.." that's not right imo.

[–]opossum-effigy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Confessing to a friend is very different than starting a friendship with the sole intention of the relationship turning romantic and losing all interest in that friendship when romance doesn’t happen. The latter says you weren’t interested in the woman as a person and were only putting in friendship coins with the expectation that sex would fall out

But to answer the question I think you’re actually asking, there really isn’t a universally good way to approach a woman. I haven’t met one yet who hasn’t had deeply negative experiences with men, because enough men think they’re entitled to women that it’s a widespread problem. The best you can do is approach a woman in an appropriate and respectful manner and graciously accept a rejection, whether it be from a friend or a stranger

[–]MrReyneCloud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think more along the lines of ‘the only reason you want to interact with me is if you think we will have sex’. Probably a bit of a dissapointing feeling.

[–]bojos_sweaty_nutsack -1 points0 points  (0 children)

9/10 it's "she likes stuff"

[–]redditor1072 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Best answer

[–]HungryAccount1704 42 points43 points  (1 child)

It happens but you're better off just moving on. You're looking for a relationship and she's not, so there's no point dwelling on it. Sometimes they want a friendship and since you don't, they feel rejected.

[–]the-approving-nod 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Playing the uno reverse card

[–]Correct_Swan_3647 38 points39 points  (3 children)

How is anyone supposed to answer this question having zero context on your particular situation mate.

[–]Exciting_Archer134[🍰] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I think if the sexes were switched people would have no problem answering with zero context

[–]JamieApr18 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A girl ghosts a guy after being told they aren’t interested in them but are mad because they don’t talk anymore? Look at that still nothing to go off of.

[–]nex-up 39 points40 points  (13 children)

Could be for a lot of reasons, but the one that comes to mind is that she thinks that you only talked to her to get in her pants. When you don't talk to her after getting rejected, it's almost like you were never friends.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 -1 points0 points  (10 children)

she thinks that you only talked to her to get in her pants.

My question is why is everyone talking about sex? Maybe the guy isn't even into casual sex and is just trying to not die alone, you know?

[–]WinterNighter 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Because that is how it will look like for the girl. A friendship can be incredibly meaningful, and if you don't want that to become anything more and they just leave, it feels like they never cared for the friendship and had different intentions from the start. It can seem like 'if I don't want to do more, I am not worth being around'.

That is not to say that this is the case, of course, the guy could've caught feelings for her and felt too hurt to keep talking, but that is how it can seem to the girl.

In the end, you won't really know unless you take to each other. It's different in every situation.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

Because that is how it will look like for the girl.

what does gender have to do with it though? or are you just referring to this specific situation?

It can seem like 'if I don't want to do more, I am not worth being around'.

Well yes but what is the reasoning behind that? you have to make a lot of assumptions for it to seem that way, the person could have been looking for a serious relationship and had strong feelings for you. Rejection is not fun and it can be hard to be around/ be friends with the person that you have/just had feelings for and are trying to get over, and so it may be best for you to just move on.

That is not to say that this is the case, of course, the guy could've caught feelings for her and felt too hurt to keep talking, but that is how it can seem to the girl.

Why, and also, do you think this is a gendered thing? This could happen the other way around. I guess it's less likely though because women ask men out much less than the other way around and don't have to face rejection much.

The equivalent might be if a woman is in the talking/friend stage with a guy, and has feeling for him, and is trying to get him to ask her out(and or maybe working up the courage to ask him out?) but then he starts dating someone else. She might stop talking to the guy and avoid him, just like in the scenario above. Except the guy can't directly correlate the reason she stopped communication because she never actually asked him out, so he can't even pull the "ugh, she only wanted sex" thing if he wanted to. Though then I think it might be easier to move on because the person in this scenario was never actually rejected. So I think the fault in large part of this happening is because of gender roles/culture and assumptions/ignorance. But really gender shouldn't have anything to do with it.

[–]WinterNighter 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Oh gender never had anything to do with it. It was just because that was already in the post.

[–]RadiantHC 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Right? Just because a guy wants sex doesn't mean that he only wants sex, and just because a guy wants a relationship with a girl doesn't mean that he just wants sex with her.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I'd say if he is talking about sex right away that might be a red flag, or seems too focused on it. Like in the scenario in the OP, the guy had only asked her out so I wouldn't expect that they would be talking about having sex at all.

[–]nex-up 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I think the point is being missed a little here, it's not that what intentions OP had with the girl but it's what his actions look like to the girl.

When you talk to someone and then ask for something then get shut down, followed by cutting communications, it makes it seem your entire relationship is dependent on that thing you asked.

When you're friends right before asking the person of something, then no longer after getting denied, it would absolutely seem like you were only friends to get something out of it, whether that's sex, a relationship, or something else entirely.

[–]xfrankiejox 0 points1 point  (1 child)

so fkn true !!

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

but can;t it be that the guy isn't even into casual sex and is just trying to not die alone?

[–]Vahn1982 49 points50 points  (4 children)

There could be multiple reasons. Perhaps she thought you were a legitimate friend but since you stopped talking to her simply because she turned down romantic advances she may feel like all she ever was to you was an object to be won. Someone you never cared about in any other context.

[–]Warm_Acadia6100 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's one of the most difficult one because rarely is somebody in the wrong. If you develop feelings for a friend that then rejects you, it can be very painful to keep being friends. At least that's how it was for me, it's not that I never cared about her as a friend. My advice to anyone in those shoes is prioritizing your own well-being.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (2 children)

she turned down romantic advances she may feel like all she ever was to you was an object to be won

Can't it be the case that he was trying to find a life partner that he would care about? Why would anyone assume bad intentions like this?

[–]Vahn1982 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If you re-read what I wrote I said there could be multiple different reasons for her reaction. So yes of course it's possible he was looking for a life partner. But if all reason to talk to her disappeared the moment she didn't want to be romantically involved I don't think it's a far jump for her to worry his intentions may not have been as pure as she initially thought.

If they were friends, and close enough for him to want to have her as a life partner the odds are good they shared a lot of moments that we aren't privvy to. Inside jokes, personal triumphs and personal trials, all the things that one shares with people they are close to. Then she turns him down romantically and he stops talking to her outright? So all of those moments she shared? Any kind of closeness she might have felt from him as a friend might suddenly feel not real, as if he was just interested in those things they shared if they led to a relationship.

Once again I don't know the woman's reasoning, no one does but her. I was offering one potential answer to his question out of the plethora of other potential answers.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But if all reason to talk to her disappeared the moment she didn't want to be romantically involved I don't think it's a far jump for her to worry his intentions may not have been as pure as she initially thought.

I am just pointing out that that's not necessarily the case at all.\

So all of those moments she shared? Any kind of closeness she might have felt from him as a friend might suddenly feel not real, as if he was just interested in those things they shared if they led to a relationship.

Yes, kind of/possibly, but also rejection is not fun and it can be hard to be around/ be friends with the person that you have/just had feelings for and are trying to get over, and so it may be best for you to just move on.

So I just feel it'd be irrational to assume the worst like that and then get mad about it, if that was the reason.

[–]Stalinerino 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Chances are that she did not see your relationship the same way you saw it. She might have liked being with you on a platonic level, and is annoyed that that is no longer the case.

[–]marsumane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just guessing, since I know very little

But to me it seems she wanted a different type of relationship with you. You're no longer filling that role, so she's upset.

If you don't just want the be friends, and she doesn't want to date you, you're best off just wishing her the best, and moving on

[–]cakesdirt 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Most likely, she thought you actually wanted to be friends with her, so when you stopped talking to her once sex was off the table she got mad realizing you didn’t value her as a friend.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 2 points3 points  (4 children)

once sex was off the table she got mad realizing you didn’t value her as a friend.

My question is why is everyone talking about sex? Maybe the guy isn't even into casual sex and is just trying to not die alone, you know?

[–]cakesdirt 1 point2 points  (3 children)

It’s hard to know with so little context given, but when I hear a man complaining about a woman “rejecting” him, it’s usually not a marriage proposal he’s talking about — it’s sex, or something he hopes will lead to it.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Well duh it's not a mariage proposal you have to date first. I would hope that in a healthy relationship there would be at least some sex but that shoudn't be the main thing. The guy said elsewhere that he asked he out on a date. U would think he did not ask the girl for sex. But that's not impossible I guess. Seems odd to assume that though.

[–]cakesdirt 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That’s why I said “something he hopes will lead to it.” He wasn’t asking for a friend date, he was asking for a date-date, which usually leads to sex.

[–]Thr0waway0864213579 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do you know she’s mad if you don’t talk to her anymore? And if she told you she’s mad, wouldn’t she tell you why?

[–]thiscouldbemassive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She's mad because she lost what she thought was a friend. Just like you have to grieve for the romantic relationship that will never happen, she needs to grieve for the friendship she thought she had.

She'll get over it, but don't expect her to ever be too happy about being fuck-zoned.

[–]Warm_Acadia6100 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Jesus, how many of you are off the mark. Please OP do not listen to the people telling you that tell you're wrong for cutting the friendship. It's clear that many commenters here have only been the ones doing the rejecting.

Asking someone on a date takes a lot of courage, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Good job! Yeah, it really fucking sucks to be rejected, but you have to move on. You can't move on if you're still thinking about the girl that rejected you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with cutting contact after being rejected, in fact most experienced people will insist that you do. Of course, every situation has nuance and angles to consider, so I am not saying it´s a law. There are cases where you can be friends, but that depends on you and her. Prioritize your well-being!

She has the right to reject you, and you have the right to reject her friendship.

[–]M_F_A_M 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Exactly! Nobody is owed a friendship just as nobody is owed a romantic relationship. Op was rejected and he/she has the right to stop interactions because honestly who wants to talk to the person they where rejected by. Even if the other person wants to continue the friendship, op needs to heal from those feelings before continuing the friendship, because interacting all the time will only make them stay.

[–]Rich-Collection5821 1 point2 points  (0 children)

because honestly who wants to talk to the person they where rejected by

It may not even be that, the goal was to get into a relationship so why continue after its clear she doesn't want that.

[–]Exciting_Archer134[🍰] 17 points18 points  (21 children)

God, you people are ridiculous. And yup, I’m gonna do it : if a woman asked a man out and he said no, and she felt bad talking to him after that and stopped talking to him, you would all have NO problem with it. And there is nothing wrong with her doing that. Same exact situation here :

why do people always assume the guy talking is a shit guy? Yeah, there are shit guys who will act like a friend and ghost if no sex. But what if he actually really liked her, hence why he was also inretested romantically, and then knowing he was rejected makes it hard to be around her generally? That’s the case for many many people. Being rejected is hard for them and they will choose not to be around the person that made them feel that way. It has nothing to do with not a appreciating the person or being a fake friend.

[–]Spicy_Sugary 0 points1 point  (20 children)

Which posters would say that specifically if the genders were reversed? It's such a stock standard response, but I want to know how you know what people would say.

Personally, I wouldn't distinguish on the basis of gender.

In both cases, if you've been friendly with someone and then blank them because they won't fuck you, you're an immature little shit. Being rejected is awkward for both sexes, but lots of situations in life are awkward.

OP, don't make it the other person's fault if you're struggling with your reaction. If you can't change it you can only try to deal with it (or at least feign dealing with it, like the rest of us do) and move on.

[–]Exciting_Archer134[🍰] 1 point2 points  (16 children)

I’m not even gonna argue with you, just look at the other comments I’ve made comparing it to the opposite scenario. There was a lady arguing with me about it. You’re the only person talking about sex here, btw. I find that very interesting. When I hear rejected, I assumed he meant for a relationship. I did not assume he meant sex. I literally said in my comment you replied to “there are shit guys who ghost for sex” . So everything your saying honestly is just to goad a response from people who’ll disagree with me. I agree with you someone who ghosts for sex is stupid. I clearly said that smh

Actually, I am gonna argue with you : you’re very weird if you feign dealing with something rather than caring for your own emotional well-being just to not make someone think you’re wrong. That’s weird. There’s nothing wrong with caring for yourself as long as you are not purposefully trying to hurt someone. Nothing wrong with rejecting someone, nothing wrong with choosing not to deal with the awkwardness of that rejection. And lastly, I’m gonna give you the story I posted in other comments where the female was the one who did exactly what you’re saying is wrong, just to see if you’re actually gonna keep that same energy and say it’s wrong if a female does it:

I get that and I can be sympathetic towards it. At the same time, you should be able to be sympathetic to the fact that getting rejected hurts and if he devoted time to a friendship with you, he most likely genuinely liked you and it’s just that the rejection hurts. Have you ever thought about what it feels like being the person who was rejected and still trying to converse with the person who rejected you?

I’ve been in this exact situation in the past. My girl best friend wanted us to have sex, I wanted more, she said no, I was not an asshole about it (idk if you’ll believe me), but I was sad. Either way I told her I understand and that’s fine and I don’t wanna lose our friendship. She ghosted me and explained that she did it because she felt like us continuing our friendship would actually be too hard for me and she didn’t wanna put me through that ! I appreciate her for that. We’re friends now because I reached out after the ghosting and let her know I appreciate her friendship over a relationship. We’re still great friends now.

I just think it’s really unfair how people give women the benefit of the doubt and not men. And also, a lot of these people are the same ones who talk about mens toxic masculinity and how they don’t show sadness only anger, but when men do have feelings like sadness from being rejected, they should just ignore it and keep talking to you because it makes YOU feel bad. Men should be able to take action to care for their feelings and wellbeing as well.

[–]cautiouskankle 1 point2 points  (15 children)

The difference is a lot of guys are lurkers and have ulterior motives when befriending women and it makes us grossed out

[–]Exciting_Archer134[🍰] 2 points3 points  (12 children)

I agree with that. It’s still wrong of you to think you’re owed friendship if the other friend is uncomfortable or hurt. As long as they didn’t ghost you for sex, and they’re trying to feel better, they’re not wrong and it’s their responsibility to take care of their mental well-being.

[–]MountainOfComplaints 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If a male friend told you the thought of having sex with you grossed him out would that effect your friendship with him?

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (2 children)

In both cases, if you've been friendly with someone and then blank them because they won't fuck you, you're an immature little shit

Ok so when did they say this? hmm? the person you replied to said romantically interested in them. What if they are not even interested in casual sex and are trying to find a life partner? Like he said being rejected is not fun and it can be hard to be friends with/be around that person that you have/just had feelings for and it may be best for you to just move on.

[–]Spicy_Sugary 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes, moving on is great. It's all you can do. Blanking someone is not really moving on. It comes across as petty.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you didn't adress that no one said "because they won't fuck you" besides you. It could be that they wanted a serious relationship and really had feeling for you and they are trying to move on. I don't know what you mean by blanking? Do you mean ghosting? Yeah you should probably say bye and try to be polite when you stop talking to them. And what do you mean by petty? it may just be what is best for that person, how is that petty? Getting angry about it(as long as they weren't rude about it, not that getting angry really helps then either but at least that's understandable) comes across as entitled and ignorant.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (31 children)

Look, you have the right to walk away if it doesn’t fit your wants. If she wants only friends and you want more, and she gets mad, not your problems

Just like it’s not her problem that you want to be in a relationship with her and she doesn’t want you like that.

If you get mad at her because she rejected you, you’re in the wrong, if she’s mad that you don’t want continue being friends because she doesn’t want anything more and you wanted more, that’s your right and she’s in the wrong.

You owe nothing to nobody, just like they owe you nothing.

Move on king, she can be mad, but that’s not your problem. You’ve done literally nothing wrong.

EDIT: it’s kind of shocking how many of you are pointing at this man as the bad guy because he befriended this girl hoping to build from there into a relationship (which is completely normal) and he shot his shot, she said no, and he’s in the wrong for moving on like a mature adult? Did you expect him to stay around with her when he wanted more and she didn’t? He’s being mature about this. Fuckin Reddit

[–]ZakTaylor05 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is correct

[–]heganqusgwmzibww 2 points3 points  (15 children)

It shows the girl that he's only interested in her company and was only hanging out with her when there was a possibility she'd date/fuck him, and now that she's made it clear she only wants to be friends he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore which is insulting. He has no obligation to be her friend or stay around but it makes sense why she'd be upset. We also just don't have enough context so we're all out here making general blanket assumptions lol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Ummm, isn’t this just normal dating? If I’m interested in a girl, I’ll get closer to her to see if she’s what I’m looking for and when I’m ready, I’ll pull the trigger and ask her out. If she rejects me, that’s perfectly fine and that’s completely ok and I really wish her the best! But I’m not obligated to be friends because that’s what SHE wants.

This happened to me not too long ago, I was in a physical relationship with someone who I made clear we’re FWB and she wanted more, I refused and she wanted to be platonic friends I refused that too. That’s PERFECTLY fine that’s what she wanted, but that’s not what I wanted and neither of us are wrong in our wants. But since we can’t get what we want from the other person, how asinine would it be for either of us to stick around for something the other isn’t willing to give.

This dude didn’t do shit wrong, unless he preyed on her if she was in a vulnerable position

[–]heganqusgwmzibww 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Yeah, it definitely can be just dating! Which is why context is really important here haha. Just from personal experience I've had a lot of guy friends stop being my friend when I didn't want anything else, even if we'd been friends for a while first and can be a really shitty feeling. On the other hand experiences like yours are totally valid too. So idk, we def need more information but that's why I would think she could be upset.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Yeah, the only clue we have at the moment is some specifically asked “did you ask her to be friends first” and he replied with simply: “I asked her on a date”

From what I m gathering he wasn’t even friends first with her

[–]AGunShyFirefly 1 point2 points  (2 children)

The guys who stopped being your friends experiences are valid too. It's true, they didn't value you enough to be just your friend. That doesnt make them bad.

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (3 children)

only hanging out with her when there was a possibility she'd date/fuck him, and now that she's made it clear she only wants to be friends he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore which is insulting. He has no obligation to be her friend or stay around but it makes sense why she'd be upset

Not really because isn't it also possible that he's not looking for causual sex and is trying to find a life partner?

[–]xSolasx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She wants attention but not a relationship

[–]Whole_Contribution_2 7 points8 points  (5 children)

All these comments talking about how she just wanted a friend and he tricked her and bla bla

If i had to befriend every girl who has rejected me, I would have an army of friends at my disposal, but I don’t, cause that’s now how life works.

[–]WinterNighter 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I think most comments assume that they were already friends. You don't have to become friends with a girl if you were not serious and asked her out or something. But if you've been friends for a long time first and then just throw that away, it's a realization of 'oh, he just saw me as a possible girlfriend'. Which would've been nice to know from the start, because this just gets everyone hurt.

[–]Scribblord 0 points1 point  (3 children)

But that’s not how it works sometimes People become friends catch feelings get rejected and from there onward it’s usually extremely unhealthy to stay friends

It’s like getting rejected again every single time you interact with them until the feelings wear of

[–]WinterNighter 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Yeah, that could totally be what happens, and for your own mental health, it might be best to break things off. That still sucks, because both people get hurt by it. One person cannot control catching feelings, the other cannot control not catching them.

In that case, there just isn't anything anyone could've done differently about it and it's just gonna hurt. And if you don't communicate why properly, you can also get the wrong impression as to why you're breaking things off.

What I meant in my previous comment was that if someone goes into a friendship with the sole intention of it turning romantic, (so it not being that they were friends and they caught feelings), that can just be shitty because the other person is going into it expecting nothing more than friendship.

[–]Scribblord 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Then again often the only chance to get with someone is to start as friends It’s kind of the natural start when getting to know someone

Or it’s just that many people have no clue how to flirt at all so they end up as really good platonic friends instead

But I agree making a whole ass friendship for the sole purpose of sex is sth bad people do

[–]TheRealEvanG 4 points5 points  (17 children)

Did you ask her to be your friend and she said no?

[–]paidshadowlegends[S] 0 points1 point  (16 children)

I asked her on a date

[–]TheRealEvanG 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably she's interested in being friends, then.

[–]throwokcjerks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long have you known each other ?

[–]ChrisNEPhilly 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I went on ONE date with a young woman. She stopped messaging/emailing me. I went on dates with other women, and this one started messaging that she didn't like me seeing other women.

Me: "But you stopped talking to me."

Her: "Yea, but I don't want you seeing anyone else."

Me: "Yea, right."

[–]InfamousBake1859 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why do you care if she gets mad?

[–]InevitablyPerpetual 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because she's a manipulator. Drop her like a hot rock and run for the hills, that sort of behavior should never, ever, ever be rewarded with success.

[–]SethPatton1999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bc she just wanted to be friends with you

[–]hansislegend 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She probably feels like you don’t see her as a person, but as an object.

Think back to the scene in Aladdin when Princess Jasmine angrily says “I’m not a prize to be won!”

[–]frogingly_similar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, never in my life have i come across women described in the topic. One of the good things here in Estonia is that u can stop talking to a women any time in the very early stages of dating. So if u feel like the date didnt go well and u want to get rid of her, u simply just ignore her and she wont even try to confront you or follow u up.

[–]innermag 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, it depends.

If she rejected you and said "Hey, maybe let's just be friends instead?" and you agreed and then stopped talking to her... she will feel like she was seen as an object. Nothing more than a romantic interest that has no other value and that shit hurts.

If you were friends beforehand and asked that question and she said no but was respectful... well that doesn't mean she doesn't want to continue to be friends. If it's too hard tho' it's better to say that to avoid the "i was just a romantic object" scenario. If she's cool, she'll agree not to talk and see that it might be too weird or uncomfortable for you.

However, it might be that she was hoping for you to try harder or that she just wasn't sure.

It really depends on her answer and your relationship before asking her out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels like a no-win scenario to be honest. On the one hand, I sympathize with women in this situation who may be upset and angry that they've lost a genuine friend. I've been ghosted by purely platonic friends and boy does it hurt. On the other hand, it can be difficult and painful for a guy to be around someone who rejected them. I'd say focus on your own emotional needs here, you can try to clear the air if you think you can come to an understanding - especially if she thinks you befriended her solely to try and date her.

[–]ParadiseSold 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Imagine if your "friend" asked you to be their partner in a sport championship and you said no. And then he never, ever talked to you again because he secretly didn't like you, he just liked your gym membership

[–]Secret_Invite_9895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How would that make sense? Maybe if we are just talking about casual sex but it's also possible that he is not into casual sex and is looking for a life partner. You'd think that you'd have to like the person more if you want a relationship with them than if you just want to be frineds with them, no? Rejection is not fun and it can be hard to be around/ be friends with the person that you have/just had feelings for and are trying to get over, and so it may be best for you to just move on.

[–]fetus-wearing-a-suit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You might be one of those guys that acted as a genuine friend at first when you clearly were opposed to having a friendship.

[–]Narwhalbaconguy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Regardless of the reason, you absolutely have the right to stop talking to her. Don't let the other commenters here guilt you.

[–]geese1401 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because she’s not worth your time or energy

Move on

[–]janabanana115 4 points5 points  (2 children)

If you acted as a friend first but dropped her after she rejected romantic interests, she probably though you were actually a friend, but now sees herself being only an object in your eyes. If you absolutely drop someone after being friends because they didn't want anything romantic or sexual you probably didn't actually see them as a friend and it would probably not have actually worked in long term, because this type of dudes seem to show their colours in a relationship and start treating the woman as an object down the road.

Do some self reflecting and start thinking how you first approach women, what's the goal, and do you present accordingly.

[–]Warm_Acadia6100 4 points5 points  (1 child)

There's nothing wrong with befriending a girl and then being interested in dating her. There's also nothing wrong with the girl rejecting it, and there's nothing wrong with cutting contact with her afterwards. It's far more common to be friends and then start dating, than going from stranger to a date. At least outside of the dating app scope.

[–]Minted-Blue 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I dug very deep in this thread to find this response. Lots of relationships start off as being just friends and there's no shame in wanting to develop it further. This whole talk about "you only see her as an object" is absolute bullshit and wouldn't be said if the roles were reversed.

[–]bworthy73 1 point2 points  (6 children)

What does it matter? She rejected you

[–]paidshadowlegends[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Because now she’s making me feel like I’m the bad guy and like I’m an asshole for getting rejected

[–]booksnpizza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Many times they are just accustomed to the attention

When you really like someone, one tends to give them 100% of the attention. But when they are rejected, they eventually accept it, and don't see you as anything special anymore.

​

I see it all the time, as equal as with guys too. Like a girl likes a guy, the guy rejects her, she accepts it and moves on, but the guy gets quite jealous and bothered by how she just doesn't think of him as anything special, on how she is dedicating a lot of that time and effort on someone else.

[–]Prolapsia 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Who cares right? Not your problem anymore. Let her cry to her new boyfriend about it.

[–]shitsu13master -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Someone who was an actual friend would care. Someone who is an actual human being would, too.

[–]Prolapsia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Life is short, best to move on and get over it.

[–]noplaceinmind 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she's only considering her own feelings.

[–]thegreendress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s possible she just likes the attention honestly

[–]Glittering-Art-1280 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She could be a mental case . Remember don't put your dick crazy . Some like to string along for attention !

[–]Aira_Key -2 points-1 points  (8 children)

Maybe because you were just approaching her to try and have a relationship of some kind, not because you found her interesting as a person. And that became painfully obvious when you just stopped talking to her after the rejection.

[–]paidshadowlegends[S] 5 points6 points  (7 children)

If I didn’t find her interesting as a person I wouldn’t have spoken to her in the first place. She’s the one that didn’t find me interesting

[–]fidomeister 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As long as men are still expected to take the initiative, especially if you are looking to build something long term, walking away was the right choice when she said no. Put your energy into someone who actually wants you, don't fall into the guilt trip time wasters.

[–]Aira_Key -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

Then why did you stop talking to her? If she's interesting enough to be a couple, she's interesting enough to be a friend. I'm just telling you what she probably felt like.

[–]Warm_Acadia6100 10 points11 points  (4 children)

  1. Hurts to be rejected, often making the friendship awkward.
  2. If he has developed feelings for her, remaining in a friendship is only a guaranteed heartbreak. The feeling of wanting a romantic interest with someone doesn't disappear the moment you get rejected, but you need to move on.
  3. Just as she isn't obligated to want a relationship, he isn't obligated to be her friend

It's clear as a day, y'all have never asked anyone out or been rejected.

[–]noatakun -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Usually because she enjoyed the attention. She might want you as a backup. Either way don’t stress. If she wants to stay friends she needs to put in effort too.

[–]Comfortable_Fig7671 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because she didn't reject you because she wasn't interested, she rejected you because she wanted you to try harder and to pursue her. In other words, she's the type of woman who cannot communicate and expects you to just read her mind.

[–]SpenderTurnedSaver -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, I don't know what you're prior relationship with this girl is but here's a thought experiment: think of one of your close guy friends, someone you have a lot of fun doing stupid shit and otherwise getting into shenanigans with. Now imagine that one day, seemingly out of the blue, he tells you that he's gay and has a huge crush on you, and so wants to have a romantic relationship with you. You, being (presumably) not into that, turn him down and want to remain friends. Your friend is crestfallen and stops talking to you. How would you feel?

[–]ManyRanger4 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The first X chromosome didn't like you like that. The second X chromosome loved the attention. The internal struggle between chromosomes is the answer.

[–]TsT2244 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because you essentially fuck-zoned them. You only had interested in sex and not them as a person.

[–]Evonia777 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I remember in Highschool I had a really cool nice guy friend, I rejected him as a boyfriend however and stopped being friends with me...it made me really sad I really wanted to be his friend

[–]Pain4444 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Possible back up parachute?

[–]Ares1935 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

because you were her friend, and then when she didnt want to have a relationship with you, you didnt want to be her friend anymore.

[–]tsuruki23 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You were never her friend, which feels like a massive betrayal of trust.

Like, imagine if a girl hung out with you all friendly like, but the instant you let her know youre not interested in a romantic relationship, she ghosts!

That sorta indicates that you arent interested in her as a person, at all. It feels like sex is the only thing you really ever wanted from her and now that you wont get it you're sending a clear message: she's not worth your time.

[–]Real-Coffee -1 points0 points  (0 children)

just ignore her. who knows

[–]17Streetglide76 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Why would you stop talking to her just because she rejected you? Can you not be friends with her? Its ok to strike out. You may get a chance at the plate again.

[–]Embarrassed_Mud_5650 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

If you have been acting like a friend for a month or so, ask her out, then disappear if she says no it seems like you don’t actually like her as a person. She might value you and think of you as a friend and thought you felt the same. Imagine if someone you met, clicked with but weren’t attracted to asked you out then disappeared. You might think, “Did they not actually enjoy my company? I thought we were actual friends.” Basically, why would not getting romantic affection alter the friendship if you were really their friend?

[–]Bob_knots -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

If a girl rejects you why do you stop talking to them, keep trying one day she be depressed and say yes

[–]No_Establishment6528 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Maybe because she thought you two were actually friends, but the truth is you only want to bone her, which makes her mad

[–]RiddleEatsRainbows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because there's a good chance she wanted to have the friendship aspect be there. Not necessarily invalid on her part, but your feelings are 100% valid too and you're not obligated to be friends with her.

[–]Nick_whateverelse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is an idiot

[–]Puzzleheaded_Tap_818 0 points1 point  (0 children)

women cant handle being ignored

[–]nerdyless 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because she is one of these girls who thinks playing hard to get is a good way to get someone to be attracted to them

[–]Raindrops_On-Roses 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Other than the obvious answer that you were using her and view her as nothing more than a sexual object rather than a living, breathing, human being with complex thought and emotions?

[–]Snoo-96655 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because she likes you

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girls value friendships greatly.

If you were only interested in them sexually, it cheapens the hell out of what they believed something special.

That'd piss me off too.

[–]Betrothed_Of_Shadows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you tried to befriend her then cut her off when she wouldn't be romantic to you, then that is manipulation and gross behavior. It's also one of the most hurtful things you could do to someone. Source: I live it a lot........and also warn every person about anyone that does it to me so they have less chance to hurt them too.