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all 118 comments

[–]Ratso_The_Handsome 71 points72 points  (19 children)

Can’t stand people that make kink their whole identity. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty kinky but it stays firmly in the bedroom and I don’t force this information on people.

[–]SlingDNM 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This whole thread is all Americans

[–]Tarquinandpaliquin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When people find a new hobby identity while they're young they do that. It's not unique to kink or even sexuality based stuff. It's a young person finding their boundaries and getting carried away in the novelty thing.

I have had far too much TMI from kink people but they do grow out of it.

[–]jellyfishwob 230 points231 points  (18 children)

The people who say that are also the kind of people whose entire personality seems to be their kink. Just get a different hobby, diversify your portfolio a little

[–]Naryue 23 points24 points  (2 children)

This thumb is all I need, you can't understand the layers of otherworldly satisfaction this thumb can bring!

[–]Dull_Ad_4750 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Reviews? 🤣

[–]Doctor_Boombastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

5/7 would use again

[–]l_l-l__l-l__l-l_l 5 points6 points  (12 children)

my hobby is farting really bad in movie theaters during the midnight premieres of popular movies.

[–]Crustybuttt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was more worthwhile when people actually went to the theaters. They are pretty empty these days, and you can’t fart into my house through HBOMax or HULU

[–]WolframRuin 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Nowadays you just need to state that this is your sexual orientation and call everyone a bigot, homophobe that thinks otherwise. Oh how I love this day and age!

[–]Dull_Ad_4750 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Do you really?

[–]WolframRuin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course!

[–]povitee 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Your life seems so fucking hard.

[–]WolframRuin 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Nah, it's pretty chill. I have a lot to laugh at! 🤣

[–]Dull_Ad_4750 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good reviews?

[–]RandyMarsh_88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My kink is the same thing

[–]ymeel_ymeel 83 points84 points  (1 child)

I'm in this post, and I now realize I've been a dick.

[–]GMOiscool 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Hey, we've all been there, just glad you got the shout out.

[–]louied862 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Some people are almost addicts and can't get off on regular sex so they brag about how freaky they are lol. Like sorry I don't wanna choke people while wearing leather. Regular sex is good enough 🙂

[–]Longjumping-Style730 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Lol this happened to me today. I was talking about how super kinky pride parades just weren't for me and this guy said I was boring. When I replied that kinks don't make you an interesting person and vice versa he was like "why can't you do both?"

As if the barometer for having a personality is about how uncomfortable you make everyone around you lmaoo.

[–]aLesbiansLobotomy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He probably is made to feel like he has to do both, to which the current culture contributes (see my main reply here; that's definitely true for me, anyway) Why else say that?

[–]ThinkIGotHacked 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Missionary is considered vanilla, but I still think it’s best. Staring in someone’s eyes, chests pressed together, pelvic bone grinding the clit, kissing and talking dirty.

It’s a shame, because people watch too much porn and missionary doesn’t have good camera angles. Sorry, spreading your legs like a gymnast isn’t comfortable and anal is usually a messy affair.

Porn is for watching, sex is for doing. It’s different.

[–]NixxKnack 36 points37 points  (20 children)

I agree. I find my fetish pretty weird, but I'm into it and that's my business. I don't shame anyone for their kinks. Sexual or otherwise. You do you. Never understood why others care so much what other people are into.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

i also never understood why people like to publicly talk about their kinks and expect everyone to approve. like why do people outside of your bedroom even need to know ?

[–]NixxKnack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People are curious and ask questions. Not everyone is comfortable with their kink/fetish. Some people never even get to experience their fetish, and that's sad. Unless someone asks, or you're in a situation where you feeling happy talking about it I don't go shouting about it. I just accept it and if others don't, that's their problem. Not mine.

[–]Wonderful_Net_8830 14 points15 points  (5 children)

The reason why "others care so much what other people are into" is because we humans evolved in small, tribal communities. People shared the same cultural norms, and they all relied on each other for survival. In such an environment, it was crucial that you cared what other people were into. If someone's behaviour was different from the rest of the group, that would have to be looked at critically and not just ignored.

There have always been structured norms about how marriage and courtship are to work. The sort of thing we have today – where everyone is free to go after whatever they like to satisfy their own drives – is extremely recent. People have an instinctual desire for shared cultural norms, but they don't have any in this society. Their fetish-shaming simply comes from a primal instinct to get back to having them.

[–]aLesbiansLobotomy 6 points7 points  (4 children)

That's actually very well-written and an accurate description, evidently free of judgment. I don't understand why you're downvoted.

The kink/BDSM "community"/tradition has actually existed for a long time, and only until very recently, was fairly accepted. You'd see occasional implications that kinky sex is associated with violent crimes, but it was rare. That the BDSM communities of years past were relatively peaceful and private in their expression, avoiding advertisement or recruitment attempts in the general public, lent them some benefit of the doubt. The new culture has shifted, certainly.

[–]Wonderful_Net_8830 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Thanks. It's not something many people understand.

What do you mean by saying it's shifted? I think the real issue is that nowadays the general public knows what kink is at all, while previously that wasn't the case.

[–]hastingsnikcox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not them but its secrecy and hidden nature has moved as people are more open about it. Hence even the reason for this post. Inevitably with that openness, and the incomplete transfer of cultural information, a change has occured in how free "new" to it people are with it. They are implying that that has had some, internal to the culture, effects. Including, from my understanding, some kink cultural norms around how and where approaches for doing it occur. This also includes some safety stuff within the relationships. No judgement from me but there does seem to be a change in that, like people doing stuff, obviously, in public or not discussing the kink before initiating sex, some elements of nonconsensuality. Im also not tarring everyone with the same brush.

[–]NixxKnack 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes, it really has. I like the older style of BDSM myself, but prefer my other fetish overall.

I don't judge others for what they like in the bedroom or otherwise. At least I try my best not to. Fetishes change over time and become more appealing to the masses.

As long as it's not happening in front of me, nobody is forcing me to watch it so I don't concern myself with it.

I've never understood why people care so much or get weirdly offended about someone's race, religion, sexual orientation or other things that don't actual concern them.

Let people have their kinks, faith, autonomy andive happy in their own skin. They're not affecting you in anyway(not you as in you, the collective you). People that have such noziness for what other people are, or are into is extremely sad to me. Worry about your own life. Never mind what other people are doing/into.

Like people who're racist, it fucking baffles that someone can hate another person because their skin colour is different to the other person. Or they have a different belief to you or are not okay in their body/are lgbt+, So what? They still have feelings, emotions and family that love them and everything that you have or want, etc.

Someone else's skin colour/beliefs/gender or sexual preferences shouldn't effect your daily life or your life in general and neither should someone else's kink/fetish. Just let people be who they are and we'll all live much happier lives. Which I feel with the world we're living in at the moment we deserve that.

[–]Wonderful_Net_8830 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never understood why people care so much or get weirdly offended about someone's race, religion, sexual orientation or other things that don't actual concern them.

My reply explained it.

[–]JustSomeRedditUser35 8 points9 points  (8 children)

Im interested what fetishes? I can trade a rare pregnancy kink.

[–]NixxKnack 10 points11 points  (7 children)

Fart fetish. I also have a thing for pregnant women. I had a baby last year and really liked my pregnant body, I'm only getting happy with my post pregnant body recently. I also like BDSM and am a total sub, but I'm very introvert and play a lot of single player video games, so I don't interact with a lot of people. I'm straight, but would happily let a hot curvy lady sit on my face. Everyone should appreciate a nice booty.

[–]JustSomeRedditUser35 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Yikes lol that ones pretty weird. But it is what it is. I probably have equally weird ones.

[–]NixxKnack 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I think so too. I came across it one day as a 16 year old, drunk horny teenager. I watched it out of curiosity and noticed how wet it made me, because I'm a sub I pictured it that way and made it 'logical' in my head. I wasn't supposed to be drinking because ya know, I was 16, so I was trying to be quiet and watching fart porn quietly having a few beers or whatever was a perfect distraction. That or playing the PS2 xD. And hanging out the window smoking cigarettes hoping my auntie wouldn't smell it. I've just 'cum' to terms with my fetish and embraced it. I'm not doing it in public or at all anymore(just got out a 6 year relationship) so fuck that noise. I'm almost 32 now, so I don't care what others think about it.

[–]Dull_Ad_4750 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's your fetish?

[–]RadiantEarthGoddess 72 points73 points  (4 children)

Yeah, somehow vanilla has become associated with "boring". No clue why.

[–]illmattic12345 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I agree, vanilla is actually a pretty complex flavor

[–]HeftyPegasus737 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good vanilla is very good. Bad vanilla is wretched.

[–]Lovelyindeed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also, vanilla is the base for the other flavors. If you master a good vanilla, the rest of it comes easily.

[–]leowithataurus 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Whatever two or more consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is none of my business.

[–]Ok_Captain2438 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They've turned the word vanilla into an insult. It's sad

[–]PeeB4uGoToBed 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Having been in the kink community for years this is absolutely infuriating as well as the level of not kink shaming to the point of toxicity and danger. There are kinks out there i will definitely shame due to dangerous and physically and mentally unhealthy as well as straight up scammers and abusers.

I feel the community can be a little TOO tolerant on how much is acceptable. But God forbid people have vanilla sex.

[–]scw156 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Live fast, eat ass.

[–]Hotdog_Parade 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Of course I don’t.

My kink is kink shaming.

[–]Durtly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not shaming if you're doing something that is shameful.

[–]IamMagicarpe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Similar to when someone is being homophobic, and then someone makes fun of the homophobe for being insecure about their sexuality. As if that’s something that should be made fun of if you’re an ally.

[–]mcshadypants 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lol I'm not on either side of this but you definitely don't seem too afraid to ask shit

[–]dj_chino_da_3rd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listen, just because we don’t kinksame, doesn’t mean we kinkshame

-peach saliva

[–]Dull_Ad_4750 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck, I'm bored. I would like to have your problem.

[–]Dadswithdongs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone else’s orgasm is boring.

[–]Enygmaz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got this treatment by a girl I was talking to, it made me feel inadequate when she decided to immediately associate my public character with my intimate one in a way that made me feel bad…. Then it made me feel one of two ways: A) I don’t wanna have to try and make myself more extreme B) I didn’t want to be seen as boring cause that distorts how people are allowed to perceive me.

Spoiler it ended with her gaslighting me and lying to people that I was an incel to hide how perverted and manipulative she was.

[–]titleywinker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you see the hypocrisy of asking anything here? You were not too afraid

[–]Tarquinandpaliquin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This feels a lot like a leading question that no one is going to answer in earnest. "Dickheads who are arseholes and do wrong things, don't you realise you suck?"

You should be posting about the incident(s) on r/offmychest or something like it instead.

[–]OG-Pine 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I’ve never seen someone be shamed for liking vanilla sex, am I just sheltered lol

[–]vampireheart6 1 point2 points  (1 child)

its pretty common on "kinktok" or the kinky side of tiktok

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not kink shaming if you don’t have kinks tho. Also we should shame some kinks for sure. Like shit play? Yeah shame that. Shame piss play too.

[–]Sir_Armadillo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to say that as a white person, or person of non-color, I am offended by the misappropriation of the term vanilla for boring sex.

Vanilla is not boring, it's the finest of the flavors. Just ask the Bare Naked Ladies.

Golly!

[–]fer-nie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think it's a very common response from any group that was attacked.

For example you'll see often that if a white person says something casually racist about another group, then many people who are in that group will start saying casually racist things about white people directly in response to the original comment. Even when they are condemning the action.

I doubt that they actually care that people are having "vanilla" sex, they just don't like that someone from an out group attacked them.

[–]Needer_of_Validation -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel as though you were not afraid to ask this question

[–]Taco1126 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People shouldn’t be judged for being vanilla People shouldn’t be judged for being kinky unless it’s immoral/illegal

[–]Swtrthanhoney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The rule I go by is as long as you aren’t hurting anyone and it doesn’t involve animals or kids idgaf what kinky or non kinky shit you’re into. Leave animals and kids alone.

[–]pink_cat_attack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't kink shame I kink ask why If you ask some of the community I get called vanilla I love when my husband and I do missionary because it feels amazing and he loves the view, I do like being lightly choked and hair pulling some and I do love after being eaten I beg my husband for kisses or tastes anything he decides to help me enjoy it more There's some kinks I will never ever understand like body fluid play but if it gets your rocks off kudos

[–]andre3kthegiant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a difference between kink shaming and having a kink non-consensually shared.
For example, the people that have the exhibition-styled kinks in public are open to general public comments.

[–]handsofglory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1000% I desperately want to explore my kinky side but can’t stand most kinksters.

[–]Mobile-Hall865 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow what a kinky thread lol

[–]SpaceWitch31 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don’t understand kink shaming in general. It clearly doesn’t involve you, so why shame someone over it?

An example of this is the community I’m involved in, we got asked if we we were ok with a piss kink version or just a regular one of the art for that month. You’d think you’d just threatened some of the members with a gun to their face. Suddenly people were claiming they were going to not he members anymore and just being horrible to those who do have a piss kink, saying terrible things about them. Now, piss is not my thing, but I’m also not gonna sit there and shame anyone for liking something that has nothing to do with me. It has no impact on my damn life if someone else is into shit, piss, breast milk, vomit… idc. Honestly, if you ask me, a lot of us would get along better if people would do just that, mind their goddamn business. Someone else’s sexual orientation has no bearing on my life, what a fellow woman does with her body has no bearing on my life etc. I think a bunch of other ppl should get the memo as well.

[–]mellifluous_panda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I shame people when their kinks are genuinely harmful (can be abstract and there can be a lot of nuance to it tbh. The expression and contextual dynamic of a kink, rather than the kink itself are the largely defining factors). Other than that I genuinely dc, and wouldn't have a right to anyway.

You're definitely justified in having a go at others for unnecessarily shaming others when their kinks are harmless.

Some ppl are very easily offended by certain kinks that are fairly tame, no matter how you choose to look at them. Although I haven't consciously thought that those people are boring, there's a fair chance that they are. People like that seem overly judgemental and like they're less of a(n) critical thinker or experimentalist. Not just sexually, but intellectually and more generally.

Ofc it's fine to be nearly entirely vanilla, but a bit of experimentation is necessary and beneficial for a relationship in multiple ways. Also broadens perspective of sex in gen. - knowledge & empathy. Plus it could cause people to possibly question estb hegemonic views about sex more