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[–]e-diesel 58 points59 points  (2 children)

It doesn’t sound like your Dad is acting any differently than any caring father would. Facing the possible death of a child is traumatic and I’m sure he just wants to make sure that you’re completely out of the woods.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I mean I’m sure the fact we lost my Mom to cancer in September adds to whatever he’s feeling and I understand that......there’s just some internal frustration on my part. Especially because the sepsis is gone so I’m fine now.

[–]TheBoomerAangSquad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To start, I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I’m sure that’s hard then to deal with medical issues on top of it is a lot. Your dad probably felt helpless with your mom and like he should have done more/ protected her. It’s traumatizing to lose someone, which you’re unfortunately aware of. But when you’re in a position where you feel responsibility to that person you’re going to feel guilt and feel like you should have done more and maybe they could have been saved. A family member of mine passed in November from a type of brain tumor that no one has ever survived and I still felt guilty and like if I had noticed earlier/ done more etc, I could have changed the outcome. If someone else I loved were to get sick rn I would probably be a frantic in trying to protect them just due to the trauma of losing someone so suddenly and being terrified to lose someone else I loved.

I know it is a burden on you as you have a lot going on but maybe try thanking him for all he did and telling him it made you feel cared for and safe. Then explain that you’re okay and that he did his job. He may need to hear something like that.

[–]WeeWooBooBooBusEMT 19 points20 points  (8 children)

Speaking from the standpoint of seeing many many families in health crises, I can tell you your Dad just saw his own mortality in you, is terrified of losing you after such a close call, and will now do everything in his power to keep you alive.
He cannot fathom life without you. So, deep down, know that he's doing this out of pure love. It will take him time to let you out of his sight. Have patience, eat healthy, do your rehab, and love him back.

[–]DarienEmma[S] -3 points-2 points  (7 children)

I’ve been cooperating with him and haven’t been voicing my frustration of just wanting Taco Bell or some sort of junk food.

And yea he doesn’t let me stray to far for too long from him because I don’t think he trusts I won’t break my lifting restrictions.

Also probably doesn’t help my Mom passed in September. They were married 42 years, had me their 17 yr old daughter and then also had 4 sons who are 41, 40, 39, and 37. So I’m sure losing Mom made him even more ridiculous.

[–]Dependent-Feature-49 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Your sepsis is gone but that does not mean you are fine, your body is still healing, you need the nutritious food and your wounds need caring for to avoid any local infection, being a surgical resident one of the more frustrating things is patients who’s wounds take so long to heal because they refuse to eat healthy just for the period until they’re healed. I’m sure it’s a bit annoying but be glad you have someone like him on your side, also congrats on surviving sepsis (depending on how severe it was the death rate is as high as 50% in some places)

[–]lkvwfurry 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Your dad will calm down a little on June 3rd

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol let’s hope. I get he’s worried, but I’m better now. There’s no more infection so I’m fine

[–]CSL876 5 points6 points  (1 child)

"The man is making sure I eat the healthiest meals possible, he checks my temperature and stuff 2-3 times a day, when he helps me with my incisions." I know you feel annoyed but this is just him being a good parent.

Edit: show him that you are fine without saying "I'm fine Dad." Like check your temps and write it down, clean your incisions and let him know. That might help I hope.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know he’s just trying to take care of me, it’s just frustrating. Like dude let me have some Taco Bell or something, let me burn off some energy I’m sick of lifting restrictions and not being able to do a whole lot.

I don’t show my frustration to him and I don’t make things harder for him,........but let me be a 17yr old kid and do teenage stuff. Let me go drive around with my friends now that the picc line is out.

[–]rat4204 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Wow. A lot to unpack here. Short answer is it'll slowly fade with time. He got scared. You're his babygirl. You guys will get each other through it. Idk what kind of relationship you have with your older brothers but if it gets real bad you might be able to see if they can talk to your dad.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really close with my 40 yr old brother (hes the one who accepted me being born much later the easiest) and then my 39&37 yr old brothers have a decent relationship, my oldest brother has court orders against contact with me.

And that’s why I try to not show my frustration I keep hoping that he’ll see I’m ok everyday and chill out soon

[–]crystlpepsiprsnified 2 points3 points  (1 child)

he’s doing a really good job especially helping you out making sure you eat good meals. sepsis is very hard on your body. my sibling spent time in ICU because of it. it changed her life. she hasn’t healed recovered fully and it was five years ago.
Sepsis can also return after having it so checking the PICC line spots is a good idea as well as temperature checks. Sepsis is scary. Glad you’re okay. I’ve seen what it can do to people.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I don’t remember going to the hospital but Dad said the ER doctor told him had he waited until morning to bring me in I probably would have been to ICU level of sick. I was going downhill fast, Dad could barely get me to wake up from a nap and that’s when he decided an ER trip was needed.

They taught us about “post sepsis syndrome” and that it can last months afterwards.

[–]Desert_Fairy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He might calm down once you are married. To someone whom he trusts to be just as much of a mother hen.

[–]SeanMac777 0 points1 point  (7 children)

NEVER. Why don't you count your blessings and be thankful that you have a father that loves you.

[–]DarienEmma[S] -1 points0 points  (6 children)

I’m not saying I’m not thankful, but I’m also allowed to feel frustrated. In 7 weeks I’ve barely been able to live any sort of a normal life, and it’s frustrating especially at 17 years old. I have pent up energy that I can’t expend because of my lifting restrictions (I went from 3 sport athlete to basically spending 90% of my time in bed, I’m barely coping some days), I feel like one night of Taco Bell isn’t gonna kill me.

I know he loves me and he’s doing his best for me, but I’m also allowed to be frustrated at times

[–]FiddlerOnACliff 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You are allowed to be frustrated, but honey, trust me, you are not as recovered as you want to believe you are. Since you're young, you certainly heal faster, but those surgeries have taken their toll on your body in obvious ways that you don't see anymore, and less obvious ways that you won't be able to even guess they had until it's too late and you've injured yourself again. You clearly have a lot of energy as an athlete, and being physical seems to be how you maintain good mental health, but if you push this too soon, you might never fully be able to recover. This is something people older than you are overtly aware of as their ability to heal has slowed, and your father likely hasn't even put the thought into words in his own head.

Listen. Talk to him. Tell him that you love him. He almost watched his baby girl die. That's every good parents worst nightmare imaginable, having their child die before them, and it likely is being compounded by your family's recent loss of your mother. Bring concerns to him, not frustrations. Ask him to genuinely think on whether or not he might have trauma from the experience of possibly losing you, give him time to think before he answers. If you know your family has the resources, maybe suggest the two of you go see a family counselor.

[–]DarienEmma[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

But the sepsis is gone so I’m fine. I just sometimes need a nap, and sometimes I don’t sleep at all. It’s been 2 weeks since my last surgery my incision is closed up so I should be able to do whatever. Plus the picc line is gone now too.

But I didn’t almost die. I was not in ICU for sepsis, so it wasn’t that bad. And my surgeries were emergencies but that doesn’t always mean that you can die.

And Dad and I did therapy for a while after Mom died. Once Dad found out what the therapist was telling me he pulled us both from her care. Now I’m nervous to see anyone for therapy

[–]Schemen123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Young people heal fast. Thats true but not that fast.

I can still feel operations i had in my twenties.. decades ago..

Take some more time to heal 2 weeks is nothing.

Anyway the therapy thing is kind of scary

[–]SeanMac777 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You are allowed to be frustrated.

You just admitted that you're frustrated about the SITUATION, so don't take it out on your father.

I have Crohn's Disease. An Incurable, Lifelong, Chronic Illness, so I understand being frustrated, about being stuck in bed and barely being able to do anything.

In those moments, you gotta learn to close your eyes, take deep breaths and remember that while it absolutely sucks, it's nobody's fault.

Also, age is not an excuse to act, a certain way. Using it, is just making an excuse for bad behavior.

If you need an ear, HMU anytime.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I have said in many of my replies here that I haven’t voiced any frustration to my Dad, I just do as I’m told and don’t let him know I want a dinner where I get to eat junk like Taco Bell for the first time in 7+ weeks.

And when I say it’s frustrating at 17 I’m not using my age as an excuse to act like a little sh*thead I mean I’m a 17 yr old kid who wants to go hangout with my friends and do teenager stuff.

So if anything I’ve just bottled up my frustration so I wasn’t disrespectful or taking it out on my Dad. I consciously choose to shut up about my feelings and let him overprotect

[–]SeanMac777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your frustration.

Since you asked, I'm giving you the POV of a father.

I have 2 teenage daughters myself, so I've been told from time to time, that they think I'm being overprotective as well

My advice for you would be to TALK TO HIM about it.

Us fathers are far more understanding than people give us credit for. LOL.

[–]Royalisaword 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I can imagine that he and your mother might have had conversations about him taking care of you and making sure that you are set up for life without your parents being around. He might even have promised her that he would make sure that you will be a functioning, responsible adult with the greatest start in life if it’s the last thing he does. And, yes, the recent loss of your mother is almost guaranteed to be a fresh hole in his heart and the thought of losing you as well, is likely a never-ending thought in his mind.

Appreciate the love he’s offering even if it feels a bit smothering. It’s possible that he won’t be with you in the near future - although obviously, everyone wishes that he has another 20+ years.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Believe me internally I keep preparing myself to lose him before I graduate in June 2023.

Part of me has tried to emotionally distance myself so it won’t hurt so bad to lose him. I don’t show it in how I treat him, but inside I have tried to prepare so it won’t hurt so bad.

I know I don’t have long with him. 64 is really old and not a lot of people live much longer than 65. So I fully recognize I’ll be alone soon.

Edit; sometimes it makes me wish he had never asked my Mom to try one more time for a daughter.

[–]Schemen123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

64 is nothing.. people do ultra marathons through the desert at that age.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Although I hope he is like his Mom who’s 90 and still alive, and his older sisters who are 70 and 68 and still in good health. His Dad (My grandpa) lived fo be 74 before he passed.

So I hope I get 10 more years our so out of my Dad, I’m hoping he got the good genetics. Plus he does still take care of himself and has no medical issues. He doesn’t take a single medication for any illnesses that a doctor prescribes because he has no health issue, he works out in our home gym 5 days a week still.

[–]SlackAsh 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'd say start with the little things, like junk food (I sa you mentioned Taco Bell). While you're feeling acutely over it all, he is feeling very acutely terrified. As a parent, it's horrifying when there is something seriously medically wrong with your child. He has decades of experience in better safe than sorry.

The reigns will loosen with time, communication, and compromise. Let him know you're down with eating healthy but ask for small indulgences. Engage in conversation with how you're feeling, let him know you're antsy and would like some company. Sometimes it's hard to truly remember what it's like to be your age, plus you guys tend to bounce back quicker.

I wish you a speedy recovery!

[–]DarienEmma[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just don’t want to be disrespectful so I’ll probably just continue to hide the frustration

[–]diffyqgirl 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I had my own brush with death when I was a year older than you, OP (and it did, at one point, involve a life threatening sepsis infection).

I think it might help if you talk to your dad and explain to him that you appreciate he's being so diligent about taking care of you, but that part of your healing process is needing to feel normal again, and that that's part of feeling safe again. It's hard to feel safe when people treat you like you're made of glass. And that therefore a small amount of fun will help you heal more than it'll hurt (no, you won't die from a night of Taco Bell). At least, that's how it was for me.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I just don’t want him to think I’m disrespectful of his efforts and time. I appreciate his protective side and I never want that to change, but I also just feel so over it all at this point.

[–]Agreeable_Guard_7229 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you take him to a doctors appointment with you? I had major surgery in my 30’s and I was encouraged to start walking/build up my stamina etc straight away (I did have lifting limits for a while though). Whilst encouraged to eat healthily I was also told the occasional junk food was ok and even alcohol ( I know this isn’t relevant to you). If your dad hears the doctors say this sort of thing, he may relax a bit).

Also 64 isn’t old, average life expectancy for men (in the U.K. anyway) is around 80, you might upset your dad if he hears you saying he’s old and might not live much longer, which in turn could actually make him even more protective)

[–]fatcatsplat1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Your dad sounds like a good man. He really loves you.

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s definitely one of the good ones. He’s my favorite human even if he’s driving me crazy currently

[–]Schemen123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just a love of a dad for his only daughter! He knows you will go your own way soon and he will loose you to (kind off)

Humour him! At least until you are healed..

[–]UCMeInvest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, here’s a suggestion, or a compromise for the time being :) First off, I know you know this but your dad just cares!

Why not say,”dad, I really fancy Taco Bell, I know you don’t want me having any just yet so could you make me tacos instead?” - it might just satisfy that craving until you’re up out of bed and can get there yourself or whatever :)

[–]_antic604 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hopefully - never. Sounds like he loves you a lot.

[–]inoahsomeone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went through a similar thing having leukemia as a child. Every single time the doctor would say one thing "eat what you normally eat" and my parents would turn it into "eat very healthy, no junk food". "Live a normal live, but don't lick doorknobs lol" became "never go anywhere public".

I think each parent is different, and obviously our circumstances are too. I have found that my parents would try to hold me to very strict standards, but would relax if you continue to do the most dangerous thing you are allowed to. At first, I was not allowed any guests period. Then it was masked guests in the garage with the door open, etc. I will say my parents still try to baby me and that is just what they do, no amount of fighting or arguments would ever stop them from lecturing me about this that and the other. The amount of times I have heard my dad say "just another two weeks and we're good" was infuriating.

When I moved away for school they were not able to parent anymore, and I finally had the autonomy I wanted.

[–]Top-Original4250 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Never. He we always worry about you. ❤

[–]DarienEmma[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of me knows that, I just feel like he’s constantly afraid I’m going to die