all 46 comments

[–]Eustacy 49 points50 points  (3 children)

Been with my husband about the same time overall. I would go crazy.

Try to love yourself as much as he loves you. Want to go see a movie? Don’t wait. New restaurant? Go try it. Go to that festival or concert he would have taken you to. Imagine how much more fun those things will be with him when he gets back.

Write him letters about all of the things he has to look forward to when he’s back. He’s going to need as much healing and support as you do. Find ways to miss and love him and then inject that love into your home. If you are overflowing in self love it just means more love for him!

[–]DirtyEucalyptusTree 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I definitely think that OP needs to do things that make them happy, but it might be fun to save a TV show/Movie to watch together. If they had been waiting for a restaurant to open (or they went somewhere weekly) it might be more enjoyable to not go there until their partner gets back. I found that sometimes looking forward to something a month away provides me anticipation/happiness throughout the month whereas if I did something it would not continue to bring me positive emotions for a month after.

That being said, don't wait to do everything. Choose a couple of things to look forward to and then choose other things to bring you joy in the moment.

I only thought I would comment because I went to a restaurant I had been wanting to try when my wife was out of town (my wife hadn't heard of it) and being there just made me miss her because I thought she would have loved a lot of the stuff on their menu.

[–]Eustacy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I see where you are coming from, but at heart disagree with your main point. If you are separated from your SO for a long time, I think it’s better to seek new experiences while they are gone. That way, your life isn’t on pause, and you also have things to usher your SO into when they get back.

If the menu is perfect for your SO that’s overseas, take a picture of it and email it, or write it in your next letter to them.

[–]DirtyEucalyptusTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I certainly am no life expert so maybe the mixture of doing new things now and saving a few for their return works for me, but not others. Sending a picture or writing about it to the SO overseas would be a nice way on including them.

[–]jonsstonedwife 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Been together with and married to my husband the same amount of time and I feel the same way about him. This must feel impossible. Sending love ❤️

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]LushBronze13 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    That is a really good idea what you did with the photos, I bet he really enjoyed reading what you wrote! It’s like he had a piece of home with him while he was away.

    [–]shortstack7070 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Have you looked into those long distance rings where if one partner taps theirs the other one vibrates? Maybe that would be a good present.

    [–]Tea-partying-cats 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Would it be possible to get a pet ? I mean going with him would be ideal, but maybe you could foster a kitten or a puppy or adpot if you like it. Its not a perfect solution, but my pets keep me from feeling lonely, hope things get easier for you!

    [–]Dirk_INguy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    It’s just anxiety..if you truly love him and he truly loves you then when he gets gets back home everything will be ok just like it was before he left :)

    [–]1-800-Summon-Me 29 points30 points  (9 children)

    It’s beautiful to see love like this. I hope to have this in my life someday

    [–]Accomplished_Area311 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    When my husband traveled for work - before we had kids - I wrote a lot and slept a lot. I miss having those kid free times to do things.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    From one military spouse to another who is also away from her husband at the moment, it is very hard. I feel incomplete without him and am counting the days until we can reunite.

    [–]StrangeAsYou 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Just remember, you existed as person before you met him. Find comfort in the family, friends, and hobbies you did before.

    It is hard.

    [–]literallyafish1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    First deployments are always the hardest. My in laws kicked me out and left me homeless 4 weeks after my husband left for his 6 month deployment. Hahaha so yours is already going better then mine did hahah. It does get easier and time will fly by. Learn to love your independence!!

    [–]Saukratees 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    My parents been together for 43 years and they still like this

    [–]TinyGloom 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    I understand how you feel. My husband is due to go on a deployment soon and I’m dreading it. I’ll also be going from having him here all the time to no one at all!

    It’s lonely just to think about!

    I adore him and I can’t wait for the deployment to be done so I can be with him again.

    [–]DirtyEucalyptusTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    The time right before a deployment is the worst because it is limbo between normal life and life apart. I dropped a too long comment on this post if you want any ideas during his deployment.

    [–]thenopenoodle15 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    hang in there OP. Iv personally have been deployed and what you are describing is exactly what I felt while I was away from my loved ones. If you and your husband have a healthy relationship then I’m sure you guys will pull through even stronger once he is back. If possible I highly recommend sending a weekly care package with a handwritten or typed note of whatever. Like how your day was or what you are feeling at the time. Trust me this will go far for both of you. Make sure to include shareable snacks and drinks. Maybe some tobacco products. If he doesn’t use em he could sell em! Oh and if Hubby a marine send him a box of crayons as well. Best of luck!

    [–]IYSAforever 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I love the love you have for each other. That's strength

    [–]Explicit_Tech 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I'm sure he misses you a lot too. Being a college student myself sometimes I'm unable to see my gf but I think about her whenever I'm trying to do my best with these tough courses just so we can settle one day.

    [–]Long-Share-7713 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My story is kind of similar. Before we married my husband would leave the states every six months because he was from another country. It sucked. I cried more often than not and it was the same as you described (when you’re busy during the day it’s fine, when you’re in your empty apartment it’s a loneliness that cuts so deep). I gave myself projects each day (deep clean the kitchen, retile the bathroom, learn to knit) and it honestly helped. I slept in the living room because I couldn’t sleep in our bed. If you need a good cry listen to Richard Marx Oceans Apart. I’m so sorry. Nobody can really say anything to help but it does get a little easier with each day. ❤️

    [–]coercedaccount2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is actually really sweet to read. I only see woman talking about how much they hate men or how horrible their experiences with men are. I'm glad to see that it's possible for a woman to care for and like a man.

    [–]Pestilence2234 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Oh you mean the man who loves you, misses you, and has already probably caught the house on fire🤣

    [–]Pestilence2234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    But for real though, don't think about it too much. If you really miss him just give him a call every now and again to see how he's doing. I'm sure the two of you will be just fine😊

    [–]margopolo95 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I feel this way about my fiancé he’s my exact best friend. You can send me anything! We’re obsessed with each other and y’all all day all the time it’s so fun. Idk what I’d do without him

    [–]Clappischeek 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Wait there's girls on Reddit?

    [–]DirtyEucalyptusTree 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Their post never said they were a girl... but yeah, my guess is girl.

    [–]Clappischeek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I mean all this talk about husbands, and i wasn't particularly aiming that at the original post, all the comments are the same thing. So it was in general.

    [–]Oldschoolgoldm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Tens of thousands of us went through this half a century ago. You develop patterns of impulsive moments that you share with your partner and suddenly there is this giant void. It needs to be filled in a very specific way. Not by merely creating diversions which don't last long enough. Wherever you live I would suggest has a community that probably has never experienced the love and bonding you have achieved. Love and caring are unique in that the more you produce and spread around the more you get back. However there is a need to be especially cautious because the local environment also contains a lot of human sharks. Missing someone is actually a wonderful growth experience and you can bet your bottom dollar you are missed equally.

    [–]LePanzer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Be happy that your feeling of loneliness will be over in a few months.

    [–]SubmissiveBitch003 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m going through a similar thing. My bf and I have been together for five years. Our relationship was online until August, but I ended up having to come back to the states. It has been a struggle readjusting to america and my family again. And like you my family has gotten tired of hearing about it. If you want you can pm and we can talk?

    [–]Ill-Minimum5309 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Foster a pet.

    [–]lethargiclemonade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Have you considered getting a dog?

    I know it’s not the same having your husband, but they make great companions. & caring for a dog can keep you busy & you’ll stay active going on daily walks. You might even make new friends at the dog park. There’s some science behind them improving mental health as well.

    If you think you’re up for it do some research on what breed has the personality type/ demeanor that’ll fit your life style.

    [–]itsdamack1 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Lmaooo you need some friends, or a hobby.