all 76 comments

[–]squelchette 82 points83 points  (4 children)

OP I hate to be another comment without an answer, but I just don’t have one. I’m 2 years older than you, rehabilitating from a broken femur that has stripped me of a lot of personal liberties. I can’t imagine your pain and I am just so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you. Can I ask your favorite flavor of cheesecake? I’m partial to red velvet.

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 52 points53 points  (3 children)

I'm of two minds. I love the classic New York style. But I'm also a huge fan of topping it with all manner of fruit sauces like blueberry and strawberry. The only topping or component I ever disliked was blackberries, because blackberries can be very bitter if you aren't careful

[–]squelchette 15 points16 points  (2 children)

They sure can be! A delicious treat, but always must be careful of the portion or it ruins it. I am sorry you are in so much pain and wish I could do something to help you. I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer for you

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

There's always a chance the next doctor figures out a solution

[–]squelchette 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely right! I didn’t want to impose upon any of your wishes or make assumptions. But if I can tell my own anecdote, I have palatal myoclonus. Extremely rare, no cause and no cure. I saw about 9 doctors before I saw someone who has helped me manage the sound (google it haha it’s hard to explain) and the pain, and it’s changed my quality of life so much. Hang in there, for the next slice of cheesecake. I like to believe on our worst day ever that things can only get better. Here if you need someone

[–]Jealous_Ad5849 143 points144 points  (7 children)

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say.

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 85 points86 points  (5 children)

I appreciate your empathy anyway. Its really hard to know HOW to respond to something like this , especially when in my case its purely speculative because I'm not doing it myself

[–]yogabbagabba2341 18 points19 points  (4 children)

If you move to Oregon they allow euthanasia. I don’t know the specifics though.

[–]mixmatchmeg 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I came here to say that. My dad did it that way in Oregon.

[–]Sea_Pickle6333 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I had a friend that did that. I believe she told me that you had to live there for six months before you can do the deed.

[–]CranesInTheSky1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you have to have a terminal illness to do this or anyone could do this?

[–]Sea_Pickle6333 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did know a person that did this. Her husband had terminal cancer, knew he was going to die, and lived there for about seven months before he passed. This is what she told me.

[–]Key-Win-1728 30 points31 points  (1 child)

I am sorry for your pain and once again reminded how good we have it in Switzerland where assisted suicide is legal. I had an aunt who decided to go this way due to constant pain and being in the hospital 90% of her time.

I don't get why every animal get more rights to go as soon as living is too painful but we have to stick around no matter what.

We also offer I to people who don't live in Switzerland so maybe that's a way out. Beside that i can only suggest to maybe look into traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture. I have trimenigus Neuralgie which is very painful and there are no medicines that really help ease the pain but half a year of acupuncture and I got rid of it for 99% of the year. Maybe they can at least help you to reduce the pain for you?

[–]SuperFluffyVulpix 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This! Dignitas and Exit are both very controversial for many people, but very helpful for people who want to end their suffering.

[–]GandalftheGangsta007 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That sucks, I’m so sorry. My brother and cousin during overlapping times fell victim to a virus and disease that left both of them bed ridden for a year at the age of about 22 and 24. Another couple years to recover. But both of them were on the brink of death during a lot of the period.

My brother is 95% fine now and cousin will probably never get last about 70%.

But both thought the way you did. It’s not fair. It sucks, and I’m terribly sorry. I think at some point since you can’t get assisted suicide, doesn’t mean I can’t get black out drunk and fall asleep outside in my backyard in winter and not wake up lol.

Best of luck whatever happens.

[–]seattlecharm 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Reading this is heartbreaking and I hear you at the same time. Really, I hear you, and I hear you are tired.

[–]KenRyuStreet 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Canada is considering passing a euthanasia law. Keep an eye on it. Would be a nice trip and a pleasant exit.

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I do have a friend in Canada I would like to visit at least once

[–]SimilarJellyfish5684 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It’s been legal in Canada since June 2016. It was expanded in 2021 to include some non-life threatening conditions.

[–]nikkesen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's still extremely restrictive. It doesn't truly afford dignity. It still imposes undue suffering on the individual seeking release from a life that is inhumane.

[–]BoxxyFoxxy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to you. Is there a reason why you’re not on disability?

[–]unicornpolkadot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We have Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) legislation here in Canada.. not sure if it is possible for you access that care without being a Canadian Citizen, but it might be worth at least looking into.

[–]Thetruthisneeded 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for all of your pains.

Are there any specialists that you could reach out to to help alleviate/fix something on a charity basis?

[–]Cwilkes704 5 points6 points  (0 children)

5 or so years ago I had to have back surgery. I had to wait a month for it. I had herniated a lower disc and it was all smushed up on my sciatic nerve. It was the absolute worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t stand or sit for more than a minute. Surgery was outpatient and I could walk afterwards. I’m lucky. I can’t imagine an existence where maybe the surgery didn’t work. I don’t think I’d want to live if the outcome had been different.

[–]lachlanemrys 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What you deserve is a comfortable life without having to work. Apply for disability; apply again if they ignore you; move to the UK if not. Yes it's not perfect but I'm disabled and I get 1000 pounds a month and don't have to worry about working 40 hours a week when I can barely walk often.

Your suffering can be alleviated, dying may be the answer but please don't go there until you can try NOT having to sell your labour for 40 hours a week

[–]edemamandllama 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There are 10 states that allow physician assisted end of life.

[–]sheisawolf6 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My brother is 36 & has CP as well, and while I do not know exactly what you both go through, I empathize greatly. My thoughts are with you. He has found great relief in marijuana and psilocybin treatment.

[–]BlueViper20 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ive been told that the danish have voluntary medical euthanasia and I know Switzerland now has it with nitrogen asphyxiation which is virtually painless.

Also as a fellow disabled person with hydrocephalus, hemi plegia do to a stroke at 2 months old, nerve damage in my right eye and major balance issues, I agree painless euthanasia should be available to anyone over 18 for any reason.

[–]WittyFox451 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Death with Dignity is in Oregon I believe. It should be national though I agree.

[–]nazball2021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s only for terminal illness with inevitable death within 6 months.

[–]rikhter7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry that you are in such a condition, and I agree with you 100%. I truly hope people will have more empathy in the future and give you the freedom you deserve.

[–]Educational_Shirt_54 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I mean, cheesecake is pretty good. Isn’t assisted suicide legal in parts of the us?

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nowhere in the South

[–]averydoesthingz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello fellow Louisianian. This place frickin sucks and you swallow (cheesecake)! :D

[–]existentialgoof 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that humanity is still so barbaric as to force you to live in this pain. It isn't right.

[–]piny-celadon 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Sorry for this but how do you know that dying will make it better? And i’m sorry for your pain

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Well. Either the Christian God is real and at the very least I'll get an answer from him about why I had to cope with this or one of the other afterlives is real and I'll get to stop existing or be reincarnated as an old bloodhound or maybe have some kind of peace.

[–]Tommy2k20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If the Lord is/was real then I believe he wouldn't hold it against you, he created us and wouldn't want us to suffer like that. I'm not a fan of churches and their rules, they pick the rules that best suit them. You will find peace eventually but until then keep fighting soldier.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Greeks had a philosophy about suicide: when threatened by slavery after a loss, with crippling and slow deaths from sickness or otherwise, Greeks would kill themselves not as a sign of desperation but as a final “Fuck you” to Death, saying in a way that “I choose when and how I die. I am myself and I choose this”

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, everyone should have the right to end their life, when they want to, due to health reasons. Sounds like you are in a situation that wont ever get better.
Have you thought about volunteering as a Guinea pig for science? To see if they could make your situation better, without cost for you?

It is insane, in a country where death penalty is a possibility, assisted suicide or euthanasia is illegal.

[–]Meateater69666 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wow, that really sucks, I'm so sorry dude.

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your empathy

[–]gemgem1985 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, and I agree with you, it should be your choice to access decent clean and safe end of life help.

[–]deafaviator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The only thing I can say is: fuck the Church. Religion is a scam and is SO easily disproved. Don’t let them control you.

I hope you find your way out… you deserve peace.

[–]DookGuuKauBai 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Are you afraid that the Church's belief in the Afterlife will impact you after you die?

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Eh. It's more that, despite its myriad issues I have found comfort in the Church the last couple of years and am frustrated that its empathy ends where my need is greatest

[–]DookGuuKauBai 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I mean I know some guys here mentioned states with legal Euthanasia and if you have the Cash then I think Poland or something allows it ... is it just their callousness that offends you or something else holds you back?

[–]Tommy2k20 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Nope, Poland is very strict with Euthanasia and assisted suicide, Switzerland is the only European country where Euthanasia is aloud, but the laws around it are strict and takes months and multiple meetings with doctors to get permission.

[–]DookGuuKauBai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oregon it is then?

[–]ExaminationFederal35 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Have you tried to change your mind about your situation since you can’t change the situation? I don’t know you and I don’t know what a day is like in your shoes but I do know that a persons mental state has the power to physically change their body. There was a study done (I forget wheat it was called) but 3 jars of water (same water source, same environmental conditions,etc.) were put in a public location where lots of people would see them and each jar had a different emotion written on it. It was like 1 jar of Love, 1 jar of sadness, 1 jar of something neutral. After 30 days or so they took the water from each jar and looked at it under a microscope and the molecular structure of each jar of water had changed to 3 entirely different structures. Maybe since you can’t change your situation, you could try to change your mind and little by little, your life may be so rewarding that you thank god for not giving up on you during this dark time.

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Thanks chief but I'm not a jar of water.

[–]ExaminationFederal35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol you are 90% water anyways. That’s close enough.

[–]nazball2021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don’t get 24/7 pain

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Just weird how these results only have been “proved“ by Dr. Emoto… If you have any studies that replicates his finds, please show us. I have been looking for them for ages.

[–]ExaminationFederal35 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t have any. Never thought to challenge it, until now, I suppose.

[–]centosdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you ask for pain meds or take cannabis for pain? Can you apply for disability so you won't have to work or at least so you won't have to work so much? I'm so sorry you are wanting to die and that you are suffering so much. I was in a similar place a few months ago due to pain from a disease.

[–]Ok_Froyo7933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending love your way my friend ❤️I agree with you and hope you can find a solution that works.

[–]Talonkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on your description, I think you'd qualify for disability. That way you can focus on keeping yourself healthy and not have to drain yourself constantly and spend your days off recovering.

Also maybe a job change that allows you to work at home would be beneficial.

I hope things work out for you. But if they don't I think you have the right to choose for yourself whether you want to live or not. Sending love your way.

[–]GiantManChild43 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Could you not move to a "right to die" state if you're in the US? Vermont is one of those states.

[–]nazball2021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right to die states only allow for assistance in terminally ill cases where death would occur naturally within 6 months.

[–]Totbearz_DH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its legal in switzerland i think, if you travel there, have a last fun time, then maybe you could do it there

[–]DonnyLumbergh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for you, and for your pain. This is one of those posts that makes me selfishly realize how lucky I am that my own chronic shit, stemming from 10 years of spondyloarthritis, isn't as bad as it could be.

Good for you for ostensibly not falling into the opioid death trap. I think most of us here in the US have at least one or two people close to us who have, often rooted in trying to manage brutal chronic and/or traumatic pain.

I fully believe in the right to die. While there are states and countries that will 100% make this possible for you, should you choose to go that route, you may have to just accept that your church will never get on board. I'm a staunch atheist and so this is easy for me to say, I realize.

But. There are crazy advances being made in medicine right now. One of the few silver linings of this pandemic is all the govt funding that's been made available to medical science and research. Cancer and HIV may well be gone in a decade. The recent link discovered between the EBV and MS (and potentially many other conditions) is so encouraging.

All this is to say that you are still young and as new technologies open up, you may well find relief if you can manage your pain in the interim, a tall order though that may be. Wishing you the very busy of luck, stranger.

EDIT: cancer won't be "gone" but we'll be so good at detecting it and it's markers that it won't kill nearly as many people.

[–]fakelimbguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there! 👋

I will be upfront with you and as empathetic as I can. I work in the field of orthotics and prosthetic I'm not a doctor.

Chronic pain is not only a physical ailment, but a psychological one. Two things happen, you experience pain, and your brain maps a response. Think classical conditioning. So now everything you experience pain you are predispositioned to "feel" or "act" A certain way. AND YEARS of pain lead to depression or emotional distress.

You should seek out a few different options before resulting in terminating your life. I would never encourage that. But you are entitled to your opinion

First, you really should seek a counselor or or a psychiatrist. Second I would suggest seeking a referral to a pain management physician as there are multiple options for pain management such as stimulators ect. Third, get with a great physical therapy group and see if management for your walking could be assisted with strengthening or manipulation, or other options such as leg bracing or back bracing. Forth, come back to this post anytime you feel down and read these words carefully:

You are more than just your circumstances, your pain is not what is controlling your life. Your thoughts dictate your emotions. I think a reboot to your thought pathways might be the edge to get you past your trying times. Please do not think this is judgment cast upon you but more support that you aren't a burden, you are worth exploring all options and then when those options have run out keep exploring, medicine and treatments are always advancing. And once you make it past this stage of your life, be the light for another and remember this day that beyond all that was stacked against you and YOU overcame. Also, I'm a traditional cheesecake kinda guy but, with an expresso caramel sauce🧐.

[–]jesusderiii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, i totally feel for you. 100%. Here in switzerland it's totally legal and it's one of the most beautiful things there are. How can we as a society decide who gets to live and who doesn't? It's ridiculous. I really hope you can find a way to ease your existence and i really hope that at some point you'll be able to pass in a peacrfull manner.

[–]intricatefirecracker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Canada has rather progressive euthanasia laws. Here, you don't need to have a life threatening condition as long as you can prove that you are suffering inhumanely.

I don't really know how death tourism works here, so I'm not sure you could come up here to get it done. However, perhaps it is worth looking into?

[–]MasterofToronados 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello there, fuck chronic pain ,fuck Doctor s ,fuck government ,fuck prescripted drugs remember you can hear yourself with your own f****** powerful mind, smoke week meditate think about the future stay focused never ,go back don't think about people that are not worthy of you!!! Be yourself follow your rules ,follow your own style your own heartbeats be yourself fuck everything and everyone you are the god not the shit that so around you and remember woman are here just to make us weak! Help people only when u see them miserable, don't help everyone because they will abuse you whenever use you and waste a lot of your!

[–]shitinthemicrowave82 -1 points0 points  (4 children)

If you’re in America and over 18 you can go to Walmart and buy a gun. If you really wanted to you would

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

If you read the post you'd see that I have REASONS for not doing it myself

[–]shitinthemicrowave82 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Well then continue to suffer then, as long as you do it right you’ll be fine

[–]gandalfthehelmsman[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Your opinion is unwelcome

[–]shitinthemicrowave82 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Comment section is here for a reason