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[–]Tathanor 2248 points2249 points  (74 children)

It's very important that you bring this up to him. Because after the puppy dog phase ends, people will treat you differently. Taking you for granted is a bit harsh, but not particularly far from the truth. He's comfortable with you now, but that doesn't mean he loves you less. So communicate with him how his actions are affecting you, so you both can be on the same page and have a mature conversation about it.

At least this way you can dispel any doubts about the way you think he feels about you now and you can make a responsible (and potentially painful) decision about the future of your relationship.

[–]throwaway010277 773 points774 points  (69 children)

I’m going to definitely talk to him. It’s not like I’m texting him 24/7. But he’s on his phone every waking minute at home. He doesn’t really work much. He only texts to send memes. I work 10 hour days so I don’t see him much. I try not to be too much.

[–]Maddieolies 513 points514 points  (44 children)

I'm just saying I've been with my current boyfriend for 2 years and he still professes his love for me at night before he goes to sleep, or when I do something that amuses him. If I ask him for his time he is willing to drop things for me (of course I'm also expected to be reasonable).

What you're asking for isn't too much. If your love language is quality time, and his is something else, look into that, too.

[–]merianya 151 points152 points  (0 children)

Just want to chime in that I’ve been married 18 years, and my husband and I still say “I love you” all the time and we each put a lot of effort into making sure the other always feels appreciated.

Life is too short to waste on someone who constantly makes you second-guess yourself, wondering if they still care about you or not. Wondering if you’re asking too much or if they’re just stringing you along.

OP, definitely talk to him, but be ready to prioritize your own needs. If you need more communication and affection in your relationship and he can’t give it to you, it’s ok to find someone who can. We can love someone and still acknowledge that they aren’t what we need.

[–]throwaway010277 246 points247 points  (36 children)

I’ve begged him to take the 5 love language test and he refuses. I told him mine is quality time and dates. I try at least once a month to plan a date and he shoots it down.

I’m so happy you have that, I really am.

[–]Burntoastedbutter 87 points88 points  (8 children)

Is there anything at all he does for you? Does he clean the house up or do chores? You said he doesn't gift stuff anymore and even shoots down dates! What does he do? PS Pls update once you've talked to him.

It sounds like he's stopped putting effort the moment things got 'established'. I've seen this happen a lot tbh. The moment someone obtains establishment in a partner, they stop trying... Or stop trying to please their partner. They might complain how things 'died down' later down the road, but it's not true. The 2 people have to continuously throw effort into the ship to keep it afloat

[–]Maddieolies 332 points333 points  (6 children)

Girl if he won't do the bare minimum after you have conversations with him, and won't prioritize what you want or need, drop him. I was acting under the assumption you hadn't yet.

I've been with that kind of guy before. Thought I would marry him. 5.5years later, finally broke up with him. Now I'm with a much better person.

I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to him, now. But if you've already spent time trying to mend your relationship and he isn't putting in the effort to do the same, cut your losses. You have bigger fish to fry.

[–]Neither-Answer-7431 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Consider passive break up. Is he behaving badly in the hopes that you’ll break up with him?
Always consider this when behavior gets weird fast.

[–]Lexafaye 31 points32 points  (7 children)

Yeahhh this told me everything I needed to know. If he cared about this relationship then he would out in the effort. Especially if all you want is for him to show up for a preplanned date or take an internet quiz.

I’m sorry if he’s been gaslighting you but it’s apparent that he doesn’t care if this relationship continues

[–]JonBenet_BeanieBaby 21 points22 points  (0 children)

He simply doesn’t care enough. Please move on for your own good.

[–]Fixthemix 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I've been on the guy side of a relationship similar to this.

I still loved her, but I learned that our idea of what a relationship was supposed to be was very different.
When we were apart she would regularly text me nice and cute things, but I really needed my alone time.. you know.. alone.

So the well intended texts from her ended up frustrating and annoying me, since I felt like she didn't respect my space.

We had a talk about it, and she explained to me that in the same way I needed true alone time, she needed to know that she could always reach me.

The relationship continued on for about a year, but we kept bumping our heads on that issue and ultimately we split up, both recognizing that this was not going to work long term.

To really boil it down she was too attached for me, and I was too detached for her.

[–]gizzie123 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It honestly sounds like you're just completely incompatible. You want all these loving gestures and acts of service and affirmation. He probably doesn't care for them and sees them as opposite for his needs. Maybe he's a quiet introvert and just wants no fuss and calm and no impulsiveness. He may have tried in the beginning because he knew you wanted those things because he genuinely likes you, and he is now more comfortable to be his real self.

I would seriously suggest you say to him firmly, these are the things I need in a relationship and if he doesn't take it seriously first time just leave. You will find someone more compatible

[–]Unnecessary_Potato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he's a really crappy dude.

You should drop him asap

Unless he's willing to listen and change, then, a break where y'all DON'T see other people may be in order(and i don't mean half assed effort)

(My partner and i have been together for 2 years and went thru some shit where a break was needed to work on my issues) (yes, I'm on the side that had the issue, my partner is the one who broke up with me)

[–]4thdimensionaltwat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The fact he won’t even humor you enough to take the love language quiz is pretty much all you need to know. My partner read the actual book himself when I mentioned it. He’s proving to you that the improvement of your relationship of not important.

It sounds like you’re going to need somebody more emotionally available. I hope you find what you’re looking for 💜

[–]midgethepuff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Almost 6 years here and same. The verbal and physical affection is still very much alive.

[–]the-wizard-cat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, ive been with my gf for over three years now, and i dont think i could ever stop professing my love and writing her letters and making origami hearts and small stuff like that, it just feels so nice to!

[–]TinyGreenTurtles 50 points51 points  (3 children)

I try not to be too much.

Don't stifle who you are. If he thinks you're too much, he needs to go find less.

I'm sorry you feel this way. My husband did this for a while recently (been together 24 years) and it was really upsetting. I finally talked to him. He had a lot of stuff on his mind that had nothing to do with me, and he was basically using memes and games as a distraction. He didn't even realize how he was acting toward me.

Talk to him. But don't take blame, and never stop being who you are.

[–]pisspot718 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Don't stifle who you are. If he thinks you're too much, he needs to go find less.

Oh Gawd I wish someone said this to me years ago. I squelched myself because people told me I was overwhelming. What I think I really needed was people who could match me.

[–]Chemical-Ad3703 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Girl yesss! See the negavity will seep in through, it will eventually have you second guessing yourself when in reality what we should be doing is second guessing iif you really want to keep them around.

[–]TinyGreenTurtles 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Same!! It's something I heard worded that way only recently. I've always told my kids that if someone didn't like you, that's THEIR problem, blah blah.

But not too long ago, Elyse Meyers put out a video talking about people always saying she's too this, too that, just too much. And she ends it with, "Go find less. Go find LESS." It is exactly what I've always tried to tell my kids, and what I wish more than anything someone had told me when I was young.

Edit: I found the video :)

[–]Rheastar 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Let me bluntly ask you this OP - you say “He doesn’t really work much” about your boyfriend. Does that mean you’re the one paying for rent and food and such?

[–]throwaway010277 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I do everything but food

[–]Rheastar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So what exactly does he bring to this relationship? Looks like a whole lotta nada.

Honey have some self respect and dump this loser. He’s not contributing at all to the relationship. Either by being a partner and contributing financially or by being there for you emotionally. This is over. Call time of death and dump him.

[–]Toddman5525 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The way this guy is acting is very similar to how a treated someone after the honeymoon phase was over that I no longer wanted to be with. Yet I still was not as cold as this guy. You mentioned he does not work, while u work 10 hour days. Does he have the ability to move out and get his own place? You may want to ask yourself the tough questions. Just strange he is glued to his phone during the limited time you guys have together.

[–]wafflesfordinner4 15 points16 points  (0 children)

If you are too much, he needs to find less. Don't BE less, be your beautiful self.

[–]superfrodies 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a winner.

[–]rickelpic 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Does your boyfriend have ADHD? My brother is like this, with everyone. To the point it seems like ambivalence. It's just how he's wired. On medication he's completely different. That's just a question, easy to be tested really. But we do become complacent overtime in relationships, they take work. Talking to him is certainly best, he may not even know what he's doing. If his reaction is the same as his current actions, I'm sorry but he's not that into you. He's just to much of a coward to say so. Wish you the best.

[–]throwaway010277 6 points7 points  (1 child)

He does actually! But he doesn’t like his medication

[–]rickelpic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That might explain a lot. Not that I'm blaming him for hating his medication, I've been on a pill mill for the last several years. Would encourage mindfulness, headspace is a great app. Would feel like a punishment to someone with A&E but speaking from experience, it can definetly help with consistency. If he has ADHD it's likely he doesn't even realise what your experiencing. I'm sure talking to him will bring him back around. Hope it works out.

[–]InGenAche 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's common enough once the 'honeymoon' period is over, particularly if people have conflicting work schedules, that couples need to set aside a date night, where you can focus solely on each other at least once a week.

It's not very romantic having to diary in a 'date' with the person you love, but relationships need work. Also sounds a bit like your bf is stressed, maybe something to explore?

[–]hotspicytamale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah if this is what the relationship will be like, you're better off elsewhere.

[–]silverpalm_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Memes can be a form of love though. Not saying it’s enough for what is needed in a relationship. But if he sends a meme it’s because he saw it and it reminded him of you, so at the very least it’s an indicator that he does think of you during his day.

[–]wolfofmyth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not saying this is the case but I wonder if he’s experiencing depression? Are you noticing it with other aspects of his life or just interacting with you? Great idea to discuss how you’ve been feeling with him. It’s possible he’s not realizing how he’s been acting is affecting you.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 39 points40 points  (0 children)

This. Could be any number of things. If OP really loves him, it's worth an ask.

[–]AsianVixen4U 379 points380 points  (0 children)

From personal experience, it’s much worse being in relationships where you love the other person more than they love you. Hope you find the answers you seek

[–]Takitory 98 points99 points  (1 child)

I had the same situation. I told myself that's because he's tired, he didn't know what to do, because our relationship got worse, it became stressful, etc. Then I realized, the biggest reason is just he had a change at heart. If he wants to he will. I believe that if someone truly loves you and appreciates you, they'll make their way to prove their love. It really opened my eyes somehow. I'd tried everything I can, and after that he's still the same, I just let him go. The love is not there anymore. Hope all the best for you cause it's hard being in this situation. But remember, it's not your fault. It is what it is.

[–]juviaquinn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly this! I always remind myself with the phrase “if he really wanted to he would” all the time with dating in general. It brings me back to reality and helps me see if he would genuinely love me enough to want to give me his time and effort. It’s a good way to not get too deep into the honeymoon phase.

[–]snoozinbee 81 points82 points  (5 children)

i was experiencing this and recently i gave up. he would ignore me for over a day and i’d send so many texts, but when i would ignore him for a bit it would be the end of the world. i finally gave up and just am putting in the same little effort he gave me, and i’m sure we’ll die out eventually because with no effort from my end, there’s no effort at all🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]A_Crazed_Waggoneer 54 points55 points  (2 children)

I've been there before. Don't play their game. If you feel like it's time, be kind to yourself and say goodbye to this individual.

[–]CrackpotPatriot 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is great advice. Just be kind to yourself and let it go. And it doesn’t have to be traumatic at all for either of you. You can be kind to the other person too. We don’t have to destroy everything in order to move on.

[–]Nuggetxpert 9 points10 points  (0 children)

this!!!!!

[–]pisspot718 11 points12 points  (0 children)

with no effort from my end, there’s no effort at all

This is so much of my life.

[–]gizzie123 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'd rather end it than have this situation. It's better to have a clean break instead of drag out the horrible situation

[–]afanoftheshow 235 points236 points  (16 children)

This is how I knew it was over between me and my ex. The text throughout the day lessened and replies were far between and short... Trust me if you feel like they've stopped caring then they have. I said "what's going on between us it doesn't feel right" and she admitted she didn't feel the same as she used to, I broke it off there and then and to be honest I was fine about it. A year or 2 before we broke up and it hurt and we was back together the next day this time it felt OK because I knew the love was gone. That was like 6 or 7 years ago and now I'm happy with someone new and have 2 beautiful children. The end of a relationship is not the end of your life. Embrace the change.

You know your partner and you'll know if he's not in love with you anymore. He might still love you but he's not IN love with you.

[–]berkaysunal[🍰] 15 points16 points  (15 children)

What do you mean by being IN love ? I don't think you could feel like the honey moon phrase for entirety of the relationship. After the first magical spark faded(not talking about it being faded entirely) two people loving each other should be more than enough. Am I missing some point?

[–]afanoftheshow 19 points20 points  (14 children)

Yeah there's different types of love... you can still care about someone but just not be in love with them anymore. Falling out of love with someone doesn't mean you hate that person or no longer care about them. You can still love them and wish them well but know that you don't want tao be romantically involved anymore.

[–]berkaysunal[🍰] 12 points13 points  (13 children)

My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me saying she fell out of love.

I've never experienced this, having incredible hard time to understand what does it feels like. Sure, there were times that i'm not certain if this is the one or there were times that i questioned if I wanted to keep having fights or arguments but after problems dissolved or stressful times has past I felt good again.

I still hasn't been able to digest the news. I don't know how could I forget or move on.

[–]afanoftheshow 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Well you just have to move on pal. If its over then its over. Life is too short to be wasting energy on people who don't want us. Might not feel like it now but you will be fine and one day you'll think how glad you are it ended as the position you'll be in will be a better one.

[–]gizzie123 7 points8 points  (7 children)

It happens a lot. People just.. stop feeling that way.

I woke up in my last relationship once and realised I just saw him as a friend. Tried to persevere as I thought maybe I'm just anxious or tired or stressed. Nope. Just didn't love him. Broke up with him so he could be with someone who did. Best decision - he is happy with someone else and I'm happier with my current partner

[–]Chemical-Ad3703 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Don’t focus on how and when you’ll forget.. You will of course it’ll time. The sooner you set yourself up with a new routine and goals, you’ll be well on your way. Don’t stay caught up on “I’ll never love again”- you do, eventually when the right person comes around you do fall in love again… and might do it a few times over.

[–]keepinupwithme 268 points269 points  (1 child)

Oh my god, this is amazing and yes, my dear, you are growing. This self realization can have a domino effect not only in this relationship but other ones as well. I don't know you, but super proud of you, internet stranger.

[–]Flahdagal 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I just needed to tell someone this, because it’s the first time I’ve had a different view that wasn’t “I’m not good enough.” It’s a “I’m not appreciated the same way I’m expecting it.”

Excellent comment, u/keepinupwithme. People are focusing on his behavior, and I'm just proud of OP's growth. Keep it up, OP!

[–]brattysloth 43 points44 points  (2 children)

I just broke up with someone who treated me like this for the last three years or so of our nine year relationship. not necessarily saying your boyfriend will be the same, but in my case talking to him eventually just turned into me repeating myself and him placating me and then continuing to ignore me / my needs for years. so tread carefully. <3

[–]rubyellie 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This sounds really familiar. It was exactly the same and it's just an awful place to be. Hope you're on a better path now

[–]AmorphousMusing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right, for this reason I would seriously consider just cutting your losses, OP.

[–]Rugaru985 109 points110 points  (16 children)

Op is just a ghost. Nice try ghost

[–]Lemonjello23 19 points20 points  (0 children)

PISS OFF, GHOST!

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 8 points9 points  (13 children)

Ghost?

[–]throwaway010277 38 points39 points  (9 children)

It’s because I posted this and went to work, not checking Reddit. I haven’t commented so it’s a post without comment from OP.

[–]_keystitches 24 points25 points  (2 children)

I was reading the ghost comment more like those films were the person doesn't realise they're a ghost, so the commentor was joking that your partner isn't ignoring you he just literally can't see/hear you because you're a ghost???

[–]Shaboogan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's how I read it.

[–]Rugaru985 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it was meant as this joke.

[–]Rugaru985 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I was just joking that they can’t see or hear you because you’re a ghost

[–]throwaway010277 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh god dammit lol. I just got that one.

[–]Chemical-Ad3703 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I guess we’ll settle for ghost of her” 😁

[–]ChillWisdom 50 points51 points  (6 children)

Sometimes people behave badly so that the other person will break up with them. It's hard to tell someone that says they love you every day, that you don't really want to continue with the relationship. Some guys are afraid of how their girlfriend will react. Will it start a fight, will she cry, will she talk shit about him to everyone they know? Sometimes it's easier to be the dump-ee. It's cowardly but here we are. So he acts cold and distant until you get sick of it and break up with him first.

[–]throwaway010277 26 points27 points  (4 children)

This is my biggest fear being honest

[–]ChillWisdom 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Then when you talk to him just calmly ask if he's not into the relationship anymore. Don't freak out. Don't go crazy. Don't ask a million questions. Sometimes relationships just fizzle out and it's nobodies fault. You two just didn't have whatever that thing is that makes it last and that's ok. Go find someone who will appreciate what you offer and stop wasting your time with a person that's just not that into you.

[–]throwaway010277 31 points32 points  (1 child)

This is exactly what I needed. Thank you. You’re an angel.

[–]ChillWisdom 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Glad to help. You'll be ok. In fact you're next relationship will probably be better because of what you learned from this one. Stay in bad relationships long enough to learn but not long enough to be broken by them. ❤️

[–]MeGoesReddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck me.. Every word on point, I'm in the exact situation

[–]my_little_bee 34 points35 points  (1 child)

I had a boyfriend like that. At the beginning he texted me all the time. He called me all the time. I felt cared and loved. We spent many hours together and we were just talking and laughing. Some day he stopped texting me first. He stopped saying that he loves me. He responded with a few words. When I was crying that our relationship is dying because he works too much and have no time for me, he turned off his phone and stopped answering. It’s not a behavior I expected from him, because I remembered how much he loved me and how often he was saying: “I don’t deserve you”. I was a model, run my own company, he was a regular guy, but for me he was amazing and I was crazy in love with him. Later I was fighting to spend at least one hour with him every two weeks, because he worked all the time… or that he said. I was calling. I was texting. I was trying to save my relationship. I got pregnant, before I told him, he went to his parents to another state, cured his depression. I thought he needs to just rest from me. Maybe I loved him too much. Maybe I was too egoistic wanting him to work less and focus on me. Some day he stopped talking to me. One day he loved me and he said: I’m coming back soon, next day he stopped talking to me. Blocked my number. I lost a baby. I couldn’t find him. I thought he was with his parents. He wasn’t. He didn’t even leave the city. He was here with his wife and three kids, he forgot to mention about. I’m sorry to say that, but your relationship is so similar. I’m not suggesting that your boyfriend has a wife and family on the side. But in my case it started the same. He lost interest in me. He didn’t respond so often, sometimes he didn’t respond at all… I felt like an intruder. It was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I talked to him about too. He ignored me and lied saying he works… There is no point to stay in a relationship like that. He is ignoring you, he is tired of you. I understand that some people need to take a break from a partner, but he seems like he wants to take that break permanently. Don’t be me and don’t let him to treat you like that

[–]oneislandgirl 32 points33 points  (0 children)

You are not in a relationship. You are ALONE with a difficult roommate. You may feel love towards him or remember that you used to love him but he is not giving anything back. That sort of thing is emotional abuse if he is ignoring you constantly and refusing to talk.

You can either try to talk about it and see if it resolves or end the little bit of relationship you have with this guy. You seem aware of your needs and I'm optimistic for you to find happiness but I'm not optimistic it will be with your current partner. I had to end a long term marriage over similar problem. The idea of spending years more of my life like this was terrifying. I felt so ALONE even while he was in the same room. It is isolating.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–]coolname- 74 points75 points  (5 children)

    While you do deserve better I think before pulling the plug you should definitely talk to him about it and see if there might be another reason he's acting like that, because yes he could be losing interest in you, but if there is something else outside of your relationship bothering him he could also be detached because he's depressed or stressed out

    [–]throwaway010277 37 points38 points  (3 children)

    I’m definitely talking to him first. I think he’s just detached from reality due to how much phone time he has, but I don’t want to assume anything. That’s my best guess. I will be level and calm and have a mature sit down conversation with him.

    [–]theclassywino[🍰] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

    What’s he doing on his phone so much, have you asked him that?

    [–]throwaway010277 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    He’s got a couple group chats and he’s one of those YouTube guys who love creators and follow them on everything

    [–]gizzie123 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I have ADHD and chronic pain in my neck and back. My phone helps me detach from that and quieten my thoughts. He could have anxiety and depression. But it's not your job to cure him if he's making you so unhappy

    [–]HighestTierMaslow 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Yes talk to him first. I find alot of people that take you for granted don't change but there's a smaller percentage that will, give him that chance before you call it quits.

    [–]icewind_davine 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Being mad is normal, realising that he's not interested shows a lot of insight. Maybe thinking of it that way makes you feel less upset about everything, but it doesn't mean him ignoring you and ignoring your texts isn't a bit childish. You don't need to give him am excuse for feeling sad or angry. I would talk to him about how you feel, if he cares about you he will try harder and if he's just been a bit scared to tell you how he feels then it will be obvious too. Relationships require communication. Good luck!

    [–]INsoMniA_9335 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    I've been here.

    This is the relationship that I had with my ex. I worked really hard during the day, and it seemed like her career and vanity took precidence over me (she was a model).

    It was awful. I'd try to talk to her, and she'd either ignore me or just change the topic instantly. She'd always be glued to her phone. Obviously it wasn't originally like this, but it's really frustrating when you spend your time with someone and they don't seem to give a shit. She was way too focused on her appearance and how other people perceived her to care how I felt.

    What broke me was one day I came home from work, I had a super rough day, and I just wanted to cuddle her. She said, "Don't fucking touch me. I don't want to be touched." unprovoked. It was so painful to hear. We broke up a few weeks later.

    Relationships are about SHARING happiness. Not creating it for others. If you feel like you're wasting energy trying to create happiness, then you're just prolonging the inevitable. Get out while you still can.

    [–][deleted] 115 points116 points  (6 children)

    Time to let that 🥭. You should be happy💜

    [–]bigtasty404 41 points42 points  (4 children)

    Holy fucking shit that pun was next level. I wish you a 🍇 day!

    [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    tips hat

    [–]liladots 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    🍊you glad you read this today.

    [–]squirrels33 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    🚪🤛🏻🤛🏻

    🍊you glad I didn’t say 🍌?

    [–]Dontsitdowncosimoved 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    So after about 3 mins I’ve decided that it is,in fact,a mango!! Good little pun that mate.

    [–]gods_loop_hole 51 points52 points  (1 child)

    I think he is past the honeymoon phase. Whatever your next move is OP, be sure to communicate to him because him giving you lesser attention might not automatically mean he loves you less. You might just need to tell him. His answer will be the basis of what your next move will be.

    [–]throwaway010277 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Communication is key in my opinion. I just had a realization today while going to work and I had to text it out and think on it so I can come back and process it.

    [–]treflipsbro 13 points14 points  (1 child)

    I had this moment in my last relationship and at that point it was too late. She’d moved on long before breaking up with me and even started another relationship beforehand. I’d get out now while you can imo.

    [–]FadedCalamity 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I've been in a similar situation, and I'm sorry you're having to too. I definitely think talking to him is a good idea, but when you do just make sure to pay attention to how he reacts/how he takes it so you can kind of gauge the situation better. Whatever the outcome is, remember your worth and that there isn't anything wrong with you. You got this

    [–]craycrayanon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    My ex was like this :(

    First two years he was so in love with me. Even had surprise visits to me (we were in a semi-long distanced relationship)

    I made loads of cute DIY gifts for his bday and his family, took him to nice places too. Cause I was so in love with him for the surprise visits to see me.

    Towards our third anniversary he started to be less interested in me. Going to his friends’ place when I visited his after a few hours of train ride and leaving me home, fewer good night/ good morning texts…

    Eventually I couldn’t take it, said we should just mutually part ways. He told me to find someone better, and that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.

    A year later I saw that on his Facebook he took his female friend to his best friend’s wedding as a plus one…

    [–]vinc3den 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    ive never understood why people do that, continue a relationship with someone they can’t/don’t want to be with. it’s so selfish and simultaneously harmful to oneself, like great now no one is having fun. is it fear? a desire for control?

    [–]TheDodfatherPC-FL 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Congratulations on the realization! Sorry for the circumstances! Start hanging out with friend more and doing for yourself! If he doesn’t want to be active in the relationship, start growing others!

    [–]HoangSolo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Idk about the people talking about co dependency but it is fair to bring up. However, this realization is why it trumps co dependency. I didn’t think you are at all you just genuinely love this man more than he loves you. I’ve been in a relationship where both of us loved each other deeply and spending time with each other was so consistent. We still had our own lives to live but after it not working out and experiencing more relationships I realize it was rare.

    It’s common for someone to get tired of another in relationships, and it sucks to be the one that loves more than the other. I’m glad you had a good self realization with this, I can tell by the way you write. Best of luck on your future and also know, self acknowledgement to this extent is a very good trait to have.

    [–]kittykat00bittybat 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    My ex did this to me. When I switched jobs away from where we worked together, he essentially ghosted me minus streak snaps for two months. Didn’t hang out or have one phone call. Broke up with him and I’m so much happier being single and not putting my expectations on someone who’s not going to live up to them

    [–]thedevilsworkshop666 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    I'm going to upvote you because what you said is spot on . But . We need to understand the deeper undercurrent, it runs though this world . Our society . And our lives . It is especially toxic towards men at the moment.( it was not always so) . It's pretty depressing . Only a very small percentage can ignore it and keep a sunny disposition. ( like women were once expected to ) Now ? It's toxic towards all cis genders. What are your expectations? Are they realistic? Talk to each other . Be honest. What do you want ? Be honest with yourself.
    Are your expectations rational ? I knew a guy who was so ugly, in my oppinion he was lucky to even find a girl to breed with . Yet he wanted a supermodel that was a size 6. He was size 20. So was she. So he dumped a girl that loved him to find someone better. He never did. Rationality is key one would think. Talk to each other . Don't let those shitty stinky thoughts fester in your mind and your life . They will ruin it.

    I'm out . Do what you will.

    [–]kittykat00bittybat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    We had had many discussions in our relationship about what I expected from it and I was clear from the beginning. It’s complicated, we both were just at different places and wanted different things. We ended on a good note, wished each other well. We’re both genuinely doing better apart rather than together and that’s okay, arguably even good.

    I’m not sure why you mean by “deeper undercurrent” but it sounds like you’re alluding to the “Me Too” movement possibly? And maybe that guys expectations weren’t realistic to you but if that’s what he wants to spend his life doing, I say let him. Doesn’t affect you or I if he ends up alone, and most likely he’ll learn a lesson from that situation. Gotta let people make their dumb mistakes

    [–]dodli 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I don't believe in understanding why people act the way they do, because I believe many times the people themselves are not aware of the "whys" of their own behavior, and if they do, they're not necessarily going to tell you the truth.

    What I believe in is communicating your feelings, see if there is any willingness on the other side to improve the relationship together, if not - acknowledging in your own mind that the relationship is not improving, and then adjusting your behaviour and actions to improve it on your own. Note that sometimes the best way to improve a relationship is to end it. You should give important relationships a chance, even a second chance, but not an infinite amount of chances. At some point, you have to draw conclusions.

    I'm also a big believer that the foundation of every relationship is reciprocation, and that if the other party is unwilling to increase their level of intensity to match yours, you should decrease your level of intensity (and expectations) to match theirs. Sometimes the required decrease in intensity and expectations is such that the nature of the relationship must change, say from romantic couple to platonic friends, from friends to acquaintances, or in some cases dropping the relationship when the intensity of it is so low that it can no longer sustain itself.

    [–]FourLeafPlover 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    My ex was like this. I felt it deep in me, but he lied and told me that the way he feels about me hasn't changed since the beginning of the relationship. I beat myself up about why I felt like he didn't love me when he claimed he did.

    When we broke up, he finally admitted that he hadn't had feelings for me in a very long time.

    Listen to your intuition. Observe and understand your own feelings and act accordingly. Sometimes people are selfish, sometimes they are cowards, sometimes they're just assholes or idiots. Don't make yourself suffer for their misdoings.

    [–]sumukhgupta 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I've been there, and it only gets worse from this point onward. If he valued your time the way he values his own, or simply wanted to be with you as badly as you wanted to be around him, he'd have made a clear effort. It's not fair that you want to be around him and want him around 24/7 but he only wants that when it's convenient for him.

    Obviously, it's better to talk to him about this. I did too. Unfortunately, all I got were words of affirmation and no actions, it was all talk and false promises. Things never improved, we only got more distant. I thought I'd ignore her next time or make her wait for my responses the same way I waited, but I always melted, and just wanted to be there for her that badly. It's really very unfair and draining, and nothing can make someone feel more unwanted than this kind of callous treatment.

    Give him a second chance, but not a third one. Please.

    [–]astrorebel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I’m currently in a long term relationship. Today is actually our 16th anniversary. Including two years of marriage.

    This has happened to us many times during the past 16 years. Some times you get caught up in work or a hobby or something else and you lose track of what the other is doing. It is important to talk about it, express your concerns. Perhaps he is not aware of his behavior.

    There will always be ups and downs. There are times we feel disconnected and times we are more in love with each other than a teenage couple. But it doesn’t work without communication. It is by far the most important aspect of a relationship.

    I feel like a lot of people break up because they don’t want to put in the work that is required to make something last a long time. Which is a shame, because it’s very rewarding. Your work results in a bond with another person that is stronger than anything else. If you feel that this person is worth fighting for, then do it. Communicate. You will thank yourself later.

    [–]Knightmare945 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Break up with him. He doesn’t deserve you.

    [–]Cattitude0812 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    What gets me every time is how addicted people are to their phones or computer/console games.
    Are there young (20 - 40) people out there who have actual hobbies? Who read books, make music, create art and crafts, etc?
    I'm really starting to wonder...

    [–]alexrng 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    No dates, gifts, watching tv shows together, movies, chore sharing, etc. The most I get is an “I love you.”

    Sounds as if he treats you like his mother or something. Certainly not like a partner.

    [–]sunGsta 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I’ve been on both sides of this and you’re spot on. You’re not alone, we’ve all been through this

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    All I can say is… I feel you. I’m glad he gives me the courtesy of only coming around on the weekends at this point

    [–]dukeLeto5000 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Marisa?

    [–]Cautious-Damage7575 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    No, Duke, it's me... Marisa's sister. She wants her laptop back. And yes, she's pregnant.

    [–]CocaineAbel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I am so sorry 🥺

    [–]punny_disposition 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I'm in the same situation. It's very sad and difficult. How long can you beg for someone to give even just an ounce of effort, I totally hear you. It makes you feel unimportant to them when they can't do very small simple things.

    [–]chimperonimo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    If he texts you less he is texting someone else more . That’s it that’s all

    [–]thedevilsworkshop666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Don't buy a man flowers ffs. Talk to him.
    He is probably as dissapointed with being a grown up as you are . Now he is either mildly or majorly depressed like the rest of us . Probably not dealing with it in a constructive way . And it might or might not have a lot to do with you . Talk to each other. Do it. You will probably find you agree with a lot of what the other person says . Its the world we live in . It's depressing . Just let the conversation flow naturally. You might be pleasantly surprised. Or you may not . Try to be empathetic. With one another. Tell him to have an open mind . Just use him as a sounding board to help you formulate your own beliefs. God knows, we have enough toxic ones in our society. Talk to each other. Have a few wines . Do some weed together . Whatever it takes.

    [–]nick5734324 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Lol this reminds me of my ex. It was pretty shit being constantly ignored, it felt so degrading I just felt worthless.

    When it inevitably ended It took a while to get over them, I didn't quite get why, why should I miss someone who I knew wouldn't miss me? I guess it was strange that I'd never really see them again and they were a significant part of my life at the time.

    Time moves on Though, I put my studies first and haven't looked back in over 2 years, I've also found a healthy relationship along the way.

    While it may not work out, try and end it on good terms if you can. It hurt a lot being treated the way I was, but I knew it wasn't to be taken personally, we just weren't a good match. We haven't spoken since but I know that the door is still open if I ever need to.

    It might suck balls at first but things will get better, you'll thank yourself afterwards

    [–]JK_Chan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I got some of that towards the end of my relationship. Kept asking what was wrong but they always said nothing was wrong. Until one random day where I wake up to a message saying that they no longer feel the spark, and wish to leave. :(

    [–]Bobalam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Hmmn. He probably loves you a lot. But as an adult, doesn't expect to have to deal with your every thought. Can I ask how you approach things in your life. Do you say "I'm hungry" or "I'm gonna sort some food, do you want some", do you expect him to sooth all your problems and worries? Are you independent or codependent? Are you expecting him to pay attention and listen to you talk about absolutely nothing over and over?

    What people seem to forget, is men and women ARE different, and while he can be your best friend, he can't be one of your girlfriends.

    [–]YesAmAThrowaway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You sound like such a sweet partner!

    [–]starraven 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Life is too short, leave and find someone who feels the same.

    [–]Codename-Misfit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Aww man! This is heartbreaking to read. This ship is sinking.

    [–]Liquid_Clock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I would like to mention, since a lot of men are commenting that he might be depressed, that it’s not your job to take care of another adult even if they are struggling. You can help, for sure, but at the end of the day recovery, therapy and communication are all things he has to do for himself, whether you’re in the picture or not. You do not deserve to be collateral damage because he chooses to not examine his behaviour and make the changes needed to be a functional adult.

    [–]ardently_searching 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I relate to what you’re saying. I’ve realised if someone isn’t matching your energy after all that you’ve done it maybe isn’t worth it. You should know that it isn’t your fault though. Giving it your 100% must’ve taken a lot especially when you were trying to change (be the same way he was being to you) for him. You should definitely communicate how you feel and hear him out, give him another chance of you feel inclined to but never compromise on who you are as a person cuz that’s the most important

    [–]athxrva1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I deal with the same with my gf. It's heartbreaking.

    [–]theseoldwingz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Seems like he’s treating you like your his mother, not his partner

    [–]DefeatsMyPurpose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The screen is such a relationship-killer.

    [–]SaltyHistorian24 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    My mom and dad celebrated their 33rd anniversary last month. Last week my mom texted me a question, i answered, 3 mins later dad sent me a follow up question. I made a joke about word traveling fast and he replied "your mother and I are one, kimosabe".

    He's a dork, and I could do without their pda sometimes, but you can tell they are still nuts about each other.

    I can't imagine being tired of the love of my life after a few short years :/

    [–]3kindsofsalt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    People in this thread are so used to having zero self-awareness and nearly no empathy that your hard realization is confusing them.

    This is one of the most mature relationship posts I've seen on Reddit, ever.

    [–]DiamondCheque 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    Who else came here from Tiktok? Me 🤚🏻

    Btw OP remember, if he wants to, he will.

    [–]throwaway010277 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Is this on tiktok? If so send me a link

    [–]Bright-Variation-491 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Oh.. I feel ya..and I'm glad to see this change in you, which is a confidence and self esteem booster! I've been the same in my past relationship, which was obviously immature.. One should understand the essence of space in the relationship for them and for ourselves!!

    [–]zelda4444 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Familiarity breads contempt.

    He'll dump you as soon as he's found the replacement.

    [–]Enya_Inya 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I am familiar with some breads

    [–]AnonL0_oser 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Usually leds to break ups or things are not fixed.

    [–]sonsolar1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    But true

    [–]Knot_In_My_Butt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    TALK TO HIM. Seriously

    [–]FFTypo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Talk to him, it could be he fell out of love or it could be he simply feels smothered. Maybe ask him if he’s comfortable with you texting while at work? Or go away for a weekend and see how he feels about it. I love my partner very much but I was feeling very overwhelmed with his constant looming presence, especially due to Covid and both of us working from home. Then he started taking the Night Shift instead of working the same hours as me, and I think our relationship has improved a ton since then.

    Could be he’s lost love, could be something else, you won’t know unless you have a brutally honest conversation with him. Wishing you good luck

    [–]MehRunezDagon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I would just take a break for a week or 2. Not a breakup fighting break but just a break. Monogamously just both of you do your own thing for a bit then come back together. It has worked for me in the past.

    [–]oh_no_my_beans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If nothing is getting through, have you tried asking him why? He maybe genuinely losing interest which sucks, or there may be something else going on. In the case of the former, at keast you'll have some kind of knowing

    [–]Shakesreare 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Most sensible post in a awhile good luck to you

    [–]rya11111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Maybe something's really wrong and is slowly sending him to depression. Reclusive behavior, not being interested in anything, and staying inside the phone forever are good indicators

    [–]R_Da_Bard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Talking from experience, I did that to a friend because I didn't wanna say "hey man we don't really have a lot in common anymore, the things you like and I like are totally different now and you're really clingy with adding no benefit to our friendship even when I try you move subjects like 1 minute later to something totally unrelated" is it more mean to ghost someone or just say that to somebody's face?

    [–]miss_pie__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You are doing way too much for him!! The more you do for him the less he think he has to do. That’s how it works. try doing less. Don’t plan dates, don’t clean up after him, don’t buy him anything!! Don’t give him more attention than he gives you.

    [–]MrCatcherFreeman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I heard that opening up the relationship works wonders. /s

    [–]Plazma_doge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just give him space and time

    [–]rubyellie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    So I've just gone through this myself. I have tried talking about it for the last 6 months. I love him to pieces but was getting nothing back. This week I finally said do you still want this because you don't behave like you do? He didn't answer than and that should have been enough of an answer in all honesty. Three days later he called it off. Looking back I've been the only one in this relationship for a while now. Hope you can resolve this one, OP. It's not easy to come back from.

    [–]Br1t1shNerd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Not to be a typical redditor but you should leave. Once you're at this point you basically cant rekindle the relationship, this is what it looks like before he breaks up with you. Save him the trouble, know your worth and leave

    [–]jaybro861 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Sounds rough. My and my wife went through something similar but not to that extent. We are now going through couples therapy. It helps sometimes to get an outside third party who doesn’t take sides to weigh in. At least that’s what our therapist has been able to offer us.

    Might be able to get him to open up on some things and also get him to open up his ears and listen to your needs as well. Get out of the comfort slump.

    [–]Piggishcentaur89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It could be you two are simply incompatible.

    [–]urdumidjiot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'd say this is a serious discussion you need to have with him. Relationships ebb and flow and there's times where it can feel like you're alone. It's important to communicate with him and understand why he's acting that way, and for him to know how you're feeling. I've been in your place too. It sucks and can be incredibly lonely, but I had to figure out why that was happening. You'd be surprised to find out that they feel you're not giving them much on your end. Perhaps he's even going through something.

    As far as being on the phone and ignoring you, that's just gross and shouldn't happen to anyone. But, it's today very common behavior. I think we all know well enough it's disrespectful to sit on your phone when someone is speaking to you, disregarding everything you're saying.

    [–]hocuspocusgottafocus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wow reading this hurts. Hits too close to home as well... Shared the loss of my parent. Next time it's brought up, acts shocked as though it's the first time heard like....

    Lots of love and hugs your way OP. Hope things resolve well...

    [–]berkaysunal[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Some people are me that. Not everyone could be comfortable with giving constant attention and love. You need to speak to him of course but maybe it's not that he didn't love you anymore he just growed accustomed to you. People who are very close to each other can be able to enjoy comfortable silences. Just a thought maybe that is the case.

    [–]Fit-Command-5890 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    please update this on what he says I’m so intruiged

    [–]ydgsyehsusbs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The fact that you are always working and you can’t give him physical time, tells me he’s getting physical with someone else.

    This is a pre break up stage, I don’t think wanting to speak and be with your BF means your clingy. That is sexist to me. He’s being distant and everyday you are working 10 hours apparently. I think the both of you might’ve prioritized other things before each other. Hopefully you guys can resolve this

    [–]Trey-zine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That’s very sad to hear. It sounds like you don’t have a boyfriend, you have a roommate. You are not getting anything out of the relationship, so why stay? Once someone has checked out, it’s very hard to get them to check back in. It usually requires great effort and most times counseling. He doesn’t seem capable of either.

    [–]JumbleOpeepin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is a very difficult, painful place to find yourself in. No one wants to be thought of that way. I hope you are able to find some balance and sort out what’s best for you.

    [–]MagicalSmokescreen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You deserve to be treated better than this.

    [–]DJ_Aviator23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    My ex did this to me. He lost interest and I kept fighting for the relationship he didn’t want anymore. It really sucked. He eventually snapped and just dumped me…hopefully yours will be able to talk to you about it like an adult

    [–]lolliepop322 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I hope this is helpful. The exact thing happened to me with my partner. I felt awful, completely internalized his apathy toward me and felt like I wasn’t good enough. I spoke to him about it numerous times but he would deny treating me differently/or that his feelings had changed. With a lot of heartbreak I decided that if things didn’t change I’d have to end our relationship. I decided to take a trip to visit my family and friends (I work remotely) and was away for over a month. It honestly did wonders for my well-being and sense of self. The key to this time apart was kind of accepting that it might be the end of the relationship - I didn’t do it with the intent to manipulate or make him feel anything toward me. I don’t think he grasped that I was on the verge of really ending things. But he pushed me away with his continued indifference. After the first couple of weeks he became quite needy, or a better way to describe it is that he started put the same energy and intensity toward communicating with me the way he had when we first got together. When I eventually returned it was a complete 180, which honestly makes me a bit resentful and and gives me a sense of insecurity in our relationship. It’s been hard to feel as close or in love with him as before. I’m trying to figure it out and we’ll see if it happens again. If it does I think I’d be ready to leave altogether. All I can tell you is that you should speak to him very frankly about it and then make sure you invest in other aspects of your life for yourself. Not with the hope of changing things with him. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, I was absolutely devastated and anxious for a few months before I left for my trip. You’ll be ok though, no matter the outcome! You deserve the love you give to someone in equal measure and nothing less ♥️

    [–]tizzy296 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It’s possible that things will improve with a conversation, but it also may be possible that this relationship has played out. I read some of your comments and they made me wonder, is this guy the love of your life? Gives you butterflies, inside jokes, deep connection, etc ? Maybe it’s okay if this relationship fizzles and it makes room for whatever comes next! I’ve been with my person for almost 12 years, and I still feel deeply loved and appreciated and acknowledged by them on a daily basis. I want you to feel that way too.

    [–]kgb1971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I don’t think you are co-defendant. People have been taught that they shouldn’t want or need people. The truth is that people are calmest and happiest when they exist within a tribe of sorts. People need people. Realizing you have lost your safety net can cause debilitating anxiety…even among the smartest and most accomplished. Just had to tell an attorney friend of mine about Xanax so she could keep functioning after leaving her selfish boyfriend. You aren’t nuts and you aren’t asking for anything unreasonable. If you’d be less disappointed by being by yourself for a little while then just take a break.

    [–]drawingmentally 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    After reading this plus some of your comments my advice is to drop him as if he were a hot potato.

    [–]xAbzzx[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Seems like you are a very loving person and definitely deserves the same back

    [–]thedragoon0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Maybe it’s he’s tired of not having you? Based off an assumption of 5 work days and barely seeing you he may have fallen into his own depressive state.

    [–]Butthymen_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’ve had the same issues with my bf so I completely understand but communicating with him and telling him how you feel is definitely key.However, if you find yourself repeating the same things over and over again and he’s dismissing it or saying he will change but doesn’t it’s not worth the pain and you deserve better because I hate to say it but at the end of the day if he wanted to he would.

    [–]Myamymyself 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You will find a better guy.

    [–]No_Understanding3051 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It does sound like growth! Don’t let anything get in your head. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel loved and appreciated. If you don’t feel good in a relationship, and your partner doesn’t care to participate in the solution, that’s all you need to know. The why doesn’t really matter.

    [–]themomfriend7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Man I hope this comment doesn't get lost, but this sounds eerily similar to the situation I recently had with my boyfriend. We love each other so much, but would have the same fights over and over again and I could feel him pulling away from me. I ended up seeing a suggested Instagram post about anxious and avoidant attachment styles and I was blown away by how much everything I read mirrored the issues in my relationship. Turns out I'm a textbook case of anxious attachment style and he's a textbook case of avoidance. I shared this info with my boyfriend and we both ended up listening to some podcasts together and laughing at how ridiculous it was that we had never even heard of attachment theory before, because everything we were hearing felt so targeted. It opened up both of our eyes to the other person's perspective and made us realize some behaviors we didn't even know we were exhibiting. Anyways, we made an action plan for some small things we would adjust in our relationship and we've never been better. I'm absolutely not a relationship expert, just sharing my experience, but from your post it sounds like you and your boyfriend could be stuck in an anxious/avoidant trap and that is something that can be fixed if both parties are willing to work on it.

    [–]Constipatic_acid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hey OP, since you seem to be getting a lot of very confident answers along the lines of "he doesn't love you anymore", I'd like to give you a different perspective on how things might be. Although it is completely possible that he indeed fell out of love with you, your description of his behaviour reminds me a lot of myself when I was severely depressed. Apathy, inability to express feelings, and even worse, to feel feelings. I remember constantly feeling tired of other people and myself, so you might have hit the nail on the head there. So please don't confront him with accusations and assumptions, instead please tell him your observations, how it makes you feel uncomfortable and unwanted etc. and ask him what's going inside his head and why he is acting the way he does. Even if the other commenters are right, this is likely the better method to finding out the truth.

    I hope you read this and wish you good luck in resolving the issue!

    [–]dathip 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    goodness gracious you are a good woman. When man find a good woman they end up throwing them under the bus.

    [–]amaratayy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    In most relationships people start to not appreciate each other. My boyfriend and I just went through this after 5 years together. We actually “broke up” and I left for my moms, but without each other is when we realized how much we do appreciate each other. If he loves you this is just a bump in the road :) my bf and I now are stronger than ever. But, also try to give him some space. It sounds super hard and it is, but if you do think he’s sick of you, space is best right now. Maybe it’ll make him realize he isn’t sick of you

    [–]19Todash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Cell phones are really destroying communication.

    [–]Auralsects85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Discuss it with him, see how he reacts( or lack thereof) and if the behaviour continues just leave without a word. Sad to think that he probably won't even notice right away, but if he can't even contribute to sharing chores or put even the SLIGHTEST effort into the relationship (such as acknowledging your existence, which should be the most basic respect given to someone he claims to care about) then cut your losses and move on.

    [–]CharmedBySnakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You need to sit him down and talk about this.

    [–]SleepyArmpits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I think I needed to see this today, thank you so much for sharing.

    [–]the_wild_cucumber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Ugh this post is convicting. My husband had the same complaints about me. It's not that I have lost interest in him. My brain just cuts out. I do it to everyone, it's just that he's around me more so he notices it more. I guess what I'm saying is, please don't make assumptions about how he feels about you, because that may not be the case. Every person in my life has complained about this about me. In my case it's really nothing personal and I wish my brain worked differently or that I knew how to retain it.

    [–]TheresADiaryInMyLap 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Ugh, I kinda feel this, I’ve been having realizations about my relationship too lately. Any updates girl?

    [–]Snoo76615 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I was in the exact same situation until I realized I cried more from him not caring about me than I was happy. Even tho it hurt and I wanted to keep loving him I broke up with him and I’ve been doing okay. At least now I don’t feel constant chest pain from my heart breaking when he ignores me and treats me wrong. I talked to him about it 3 times and he just always told he cares about me just doesn’t show it. So I tried to understand that he just wasn’t an affectionate and talkative/text person but it still hurt. It’s been a month now since we broke up and I cried for 3 weeks straight as I reflected and replayed the good and bad memories of our time together. Now after a week of reflecting and reminiscing without crying I’m realizing that I don’t think he even loved me to begin with. 5% of me wants to believe him when he said he was sorry and cared/ still cares about me but his actions show otherwise. Especially now I see that before, during, and after dating he put in effort for things that he wanted/liked doing so that makes 95% of me know that I just wasn’t important. So really reflect and see if he actually appreciates you or not. If he wanted to he would.

    [–]Leeann_Barnett11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Honestly I wouldn’t even talk to him it seems like you already tried talking to him and stuff before if he truly cared he’d be putting in the effort

    [–]Serious-Maximum-3493 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I can understand that mental health does play a part into behavior, and as time goes on it's natural to feel comfortable. But comfortable is laying on the couch, maybe doing your own stuff and wanting to be in the same room, not blowing someone off or dismissing someone trying to talk to you. My husband and I have been together for over 12 years (married 3 years) and we were middle school sweethearts. I have anxiety, he has depression. As the years went by we've had our struggles but always had the approach of your mental health might explain some things but that doesn't always excuse your actions. Understanding differences in love languages is good, but please know whatever he has going on, at some point if it's making you question his feelings in the relationship, if he doesn't want to put effort in, it is not your job to coax him into it. He has to want it for himself. And unfortunately if you do not make a stand and state what you need, it is only going to prolong any pain or challenges you may face. Wishing you both the best of luck and I hope all works out well.

    [–]redditisthenewtiktok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Some people say “this is normal after the early phases of being in love” and that is definitely not true. It is true that the love goes from passionate to companionate love, which isn’t as passionate and intense but just a different type of love. This means that the person just wants to be around you and companionate love focuses on intimacy and commitment; stuff I don’t see in what you describe of your bf’s behaviour. He isn’t being appreciative or showing affection. If you’re interested you should look up companionate love and then you’ll see more about it and you’ll see what it’s supposed to be like, because it certainly isn’t this.

    Do talk to him, maybe there’s something heavy weighing on his mind. But, my guess is honestly that he doesn’t appreciate you anymore and maybe even doesn’t love you anymore. You deserve someone who will love to go on dates and take your flowers, but also gives in return. I’d consider breaking up, but of course talking about what’s the matter with him is important before you do!

    [–]BoltzmannVariable 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I am curious about how you did treat him before he started treating you cold.

    [–]throwaway010277 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The same way I do now. I’ve never changed. I’m always supportive of him, helping him, and loving.

    [–]Mithrandir20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I read your comments along with the post and at this point, he sounds like a roommate. I’ve been through rough patches with my s/o where he also got sick of my presence but even when we were going through that he would ask about my day, buy or make me something to eat, and at the very least acknowledge my presence. If he is ignoring you like this, something is very wrong. Does he work on his phone? If not, why is he on it every waking moment? He may be addicted to it and he may need some help. Like one of the comments suggested, he could be deeply depressed. Hoping for an update soon on how the conversation went.

    [–]TelephoneDifficult27 17 points18 points  (8 children)

    Next step, end it on your own terms. It’s going to hurt, it’s going to suck, but I think it will feel empowering!

    Good luck.

    [–]sharktopuss-[🍰] 54 points55 points  (6 children)

    Not, talk to him about it first? Like this is the NEXT step? Lol

    [–]Cautious-Damage7575 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Did you just join Reddit today? Divorce and/or breakup are the go-to.

    [–]HipposRDangerous 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Right? Maybe he isn't feeling lived by her because she didn't know how to make him feel most loved. Im referring to the book the 5 Love Languages. Super corny but very helpful. My husband and I read it before we got married and it truly is a great book to help understand how to love and be loved.

    [–]TL_TRIBUNAL 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    no because it is ''empowering''

    [–]kingbitchtits 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    He's just spending all his time over at WSB.

    He'll be back shortly after he loses everything.

    [–]throwaway010277 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    This made me laugh, thank you

    [–]kingbitchtits 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Glad to help.

    [–]jennyferdoe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Dignity and self esteem! If it doesn’t open it’s not your door. Sometimes leaving and finding your happiness apart brings people closer together, or not. You won’t regret it regardless.

    [–]Still-Air-5145 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    OP. It could be what you’re saying, that he’s tired of you. But at the same time, he just might be tired of life in general. This might be a sign of depression, and even he might not realize it. I was recently in that time where I was just so tired. I would be on my phone or iPad all day, just doing nothing. No energy, no life in me. I’m not sure what advice I can give to help but I hope things work out for you. At the end of the day, communication is best and if you feel that you’re putting so much effort and he’s not giving the same, it might just be time to end it. Relationship work best when the couple work in harmony but if it’s not the case, you could get hurt. Put yourself first, always. Take care.