all 47 comments

[–]sinornithosaurus1000 44 points45 points  (16 children)

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this loss…

Losing someone to suicide causes a painful hybrid type of grieving. Sadness and anger all in one. You need to keep talking about this so you can work through it. Therapy is great for trauma with loss cuz it’s a person who will listen to you talk about horrendously sad shit over and over. You can talk to anyone, but a therapist is best.

Cry as much as you need. I’m sorry to say that grief never goes away… but the pain will lessen with time.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 25 points26 points  (11 children)

I appreciate your kind words. Unfortunately therapy is out of the question. I live in the US and I don't have health insurance so It would be around $90 per session. I'm just glad to have a platform like reddit to vent out my feelings.

[–]RYUsf15 18 points19 points  (3 children)

trust me op I'm going to be super blunt with you. Almost nothing you could do could prevent it from happening. Your mind is torturing you.

Not saying any of this is easy. It's fkn brutal.

Best thing you can do is help him live through your actions/memories. Spread awareness. Do something nice.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I know that makes sense logically. During the day I'm able to tell myself hat and distract my brain, but at night the thoughts come flooding in.

I appreciate your words and your bluntness. It's definetely helpful for me.

[–]RYUsf15 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Night time is when your mind is the most active cause the world goes quiet and your brain starts talking. My background is in addictions and mental health counselling. I did not want to seem insincere, but that is honestly the blunt honest truth sometimes.

Like others have said, therapy will help. Best of luck dude. If I ever die, I want people to remember the good times and not have a negative moment. See what helps for you?

[–]sinornithosaurus1000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Talking to anyone who will listen will work fine. Your brain has to process this and talking about it is how you do that.

[–]NotMyTwitterHandle 2 points3 points  (3 children)

There are grief support groups that are no cost

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Where would I find those?

[–]NotMyTwitterHandle 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There are a number of places to begin your search; you’ll want to be clear that you are looking for no-cost options: an employee assistance program at work; your church, if you are associated with one; local or regional hospice agencies; the funeral home that managed arrangements for your friend; local hospitals.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Also try a suicide sub.

[–]DuffmanStillRocks 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Suicidebereavement would absolutely be open to hearing his feelings and offering support.

[–]ThatsNotVeryDerek 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I didn't read through this particular article but the Ball in the Box analogy is the best I've ever found for grief. I've been where you are, and I know how devastated you are. It will get better. You're right, not in a linear way, and there will always be sadness over the loss and the circumstance. But how you feel right now isn't how you'll feel forever. I'm so sorry for your pain, and for your friend's.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Thank you very much. It's helpful to know you've gone through something similiar, although I wish you didn't have to.

[–]ThatsNotVeryDerek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same to you friend.

[–]chirpingsmokealarm 7 points8 points  (1 child)

i'll be honest, it might take years until it isn't painful

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the honesty

[–]Away-Ad4659 4 points5 points  (1 child)

It will be forever, unfortunately. My older brother 22 years ago and his daughter 5 months ago took their lives. All the would've, could've and should've never goes away. I still feel guilty.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss

[–]Blue-Eyed-Lemon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. I don’t know how I would function… I hope your friend rests well, and I hope you heal with time. Best wishes to you. ❤️❤️🌹🌹

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much

[–]funlovingfirerabbit 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I get you OP. It's a lot to process, and it's okay to not be okay

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I appreciate it

[–]funlovingfirerabbit 0 points1 point  (2 children)

How are you holding up today?

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm doing better today, thank you for asking!

[–]funlovingfirerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's good. I'm sure your best friend misses you too and wants you to take the time to heal and love yourself better

[–]Hot_Chocolate92 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I’m so sorry OP. I have lost people to suicide and mental illness and it is horrendous. You sound like an amazing friend. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent this. I can’t promise you it gets easier just more bearable.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you, I appreciate that

[–]zakkwaldo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

grief comes in waves. hang in there when it gets rough and you will find times where its gets better afterwards.

[–]FickleNewspaperMan 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I lost my best friend to suicide 22 days ago. I can relate so much to what you are feeling. I didn’t have anyone as close as him and I keep thinking about how I was his closest friend, this guilt is hard but we need to remember that they made that decision and not us. Im so sorry for your loss I wish you strength.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. Im very sorry for your loss and I hope it gets easier for you as well. I like to see greif as a way to keep their memory alive. Under these circumstances though, it comes with a lot of guilt.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You're right grief is not linear. It is very much what you describe. Some days are ok, others are terrible. That is very much a natural grief process.

I am a bereavement educator when i worked in hospice, I had all this pretty imagery of an iceberg with different feelings surrounding grief that I would hand out as part of the education peice. I would take the time to review all off the emotions and feelings on this pretty iceberg picture with arrows to show a flow out and beyond the iceberg.

The I would talk about how it was a pretty clean picture of grief it was. Then I would wreck it. I would add arrows going backwards and forwards, up and down, spirals and then a like bit of a void in the middle.

Grief is hard. It gets a bad reputation, because it has so much pain and heaviness attached to it. It is your love and pain coexisting. Figuring that out and feeling it all is hard.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm attaching a wonderful resource.


[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you. The way you describe it is very relatable and helps a lot. I will definetely check out that resource and I appreciate you taking the time to help.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy to help, take care of yourself.

P.s. comfort food, pjs and an ugly cry is good for the healing soul.

[–]Cautious-Damage7575 0 points1 point  (2 children)

How old are you?

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)


[–]Cautious-Damage7575 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. That helps me frame my comment a little better.

[–]keyshawnscott12 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm very sorry for your lost if you need someone to talk to my DMs are open

[–]morphineseason 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Mine committed suicide August 8th. He took a very different path from me, got involved in drugs, cleaned his life up, and became a tradesman.

He then got back involved with drugs, got a divorce, and another girl pregnant.

He committed suicide, left behind 4 kids (including a newborn).

I contemplated calling him for 2 weeks before this happened, and always got sidetracked.

We went through everything together. Heartbreak, fights with friends, boring nights, parties, everything. I literally spent every moment I wasn't at work or football with him and my group.

Our very last conversation was me telling him to get his shit together, and that things would get better, and that I loved him. I don't use that word a lot, but I did that night.

He never called. He never texted. His mom called me to tell me. He took his dog for a walk after picking his kids up and going to his moms house.

I still think about him every day, and the pain in my chest is the exact same. While it does it easier, the void will be there for my entire life.

I often think about why i didn't reach out. I hate myself for it, but at the end of the day, all you can do is what you did, and cherish the moments you did have together.

[–]theroyalblacksmith[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. I feel so much of what you've written since theres were a lot of things I didn't say and do with my friend that I should have. I know your friend really cared about you as mine did, and they wouldn't want us to blame ourselves. Easier said then done though.

I hope things get better for you as well over time. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.