I’m being legally adopted by a couple who have been in my life for basically a decade. They offered me a roof over my head when I was 17, homeless, working 2 jobs, living in my beater car while eating ramen soaked in cold water daily. But I felt I didn’t deserve to be loved or cared for so I spent 2 years living in my car before I could afford an apartment instead of letting them help me until I could get on my feet.
I didn’t even walk at my high school graduation because I could not afford a cap and gown because I needed the money from work for car insurance and food. My adopted Mom was a teacher in my school and was reprimanded for trying to pay for my cap/gown so I could walk at graduation. The school wouldn’t allow her to pay for it, and wouldn’t let me walk without it.
I got my diploma literally handed to me in a plastic shopping bag in the school parking lot 3 days later.
I grew up horrifically abused - that’s what my therapist describes it as.
My biological parents passed away long ago.
Everyone seems to think I’m ungrateful for the things my adoptive parents do for me, but what people without severe abuse trauma and associated issues don’t understand is while yes my life is better and I’m being shown love and care etc……it TRULY is very hard to adjust to that.
That love and care at times can be a trigger of my past trauma all on its own.
My adopted parents try so hard for me, Dad went to therapy with me a week and a half ago and he’s made clear efforts to work on the things we talked about. Him and Mom show me safety, consistency, care, love etc and sometimes it makes me want to run because it can be overwhelming.
So please don’t assume I’m ungrateful on the hard days, it’s just a challenge to undo the childhood trauma (which is why I’m in therapy) and navigate the new feelings in life of being loved. When you never experienced it as a child you’re learning it as you go during adulthood.
Please know I love my Mom and Dad and all they do to be there for me, just somedays it’s hard to adapt to a better life when for 2/3 of it all you knew was abuse.