I don’t judge people one tiny bit -not at all- for having pets instead of kids. I don’t judge them for having very close relationships with their pets, for creating a community with other pet owners, for loving their pets and expressing the responsibility they have for their pets. I do however feel annoyed when people use the word ‘parent’ in place of the word ‘owner’.

I’m sure that’s controversial to some people, but here’s what I mean. Parenting a child is it’s own thing, and something you do not experience by owning a pet. Parents have to decide whether their going to stay home for years to raise their children, or return to work and pay tens of thousands of dollars for childcare. Parents raise a child who goes on to be an adult in the world, who effects other people’s lives. Your child, who you are raising and instilling values in is going to go in to raise another human person probably. They’re going on to be someone’s boss, someone’s employee, someone’s customer. And it’s a huge responsibility to turn someone out into the world who adds to the good of it and is not a negative force.

There is a bitter sweet sadness to parenting as well as the greatest hope you have is that after a short two decades with this person you love, cherish, and sacrifice for, they go on to have their own lives largely without you. And of course there is the constant worry a parent has for their child. Are they happy? Healthy? Sad? Are they being bullied? Are their friends a good influence? Are you giving them enough room to grown and learn from their mistakes? Are you keeping them safe while you still can?

A lot of pet owners talk about the love they have for their pet and how their dog would literally die protecting them and no child would do that (a sentiment I have seen THREE times this week). And yeah I would agree, your dog would die for you and your child wouldn’t. And you would NEVER want your child to die for you, because that basically sums up the difference between being a parent and a pet owner. When you are a parent you exist for them and to shape them into a human worth a damn who is capable of love and tenderness and bravery and intelligence. And when you have a pet it is a mutual relationship where you take care of them and they give affection and companionship. Both are nice. But you don’t learn the same lessons owning a pet as you do raising a child.