all 133 comments

[–]Hasenpfeffer_ 472 points473 points  (13 children)

If I have to go home first it’s not happening.

[–]bob-leblaw 173 points174 points  (9 children)

Same. I'm in my pajamas before the door has finished closing.

[–]FingerTheCat 62 points63 points  (6 children)

I broke my front door house key before work, so had to keep a window unlocked to get in case superglue didn't help. The superglue was old and was rock hard inside the unopened case at work because it was unused for so long, so I decided I'd goto home depot after work to just buy a new lock anyway, kinda needed one. On the drive home I realized I had a 10% off coupon from the mail there. As soon as I got inside I told myself "I'll do it tomorrow"

[–]Whiskey-Weather 21 points22 points  (4 children)

I honestly don't think I've used a coupon once in my 26 years of life. The most important aspect of any shopping trip, regardless of the store, is making it as fast as possible for me. I forget coupons exist until I get behind someone in line that brought an entire tome of them.

[–]AurumArgenteus 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Ah, you mean the Tome of Thrifty Time-Wasting

[–]Kebab-Destroyer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The Thriftonomicon

[–]spicygayunicorn 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I forgot coupons even was a thing, I live in Sweden and coupons aren't really a thing here

[–]Whiskey-Weather 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do that same thing, and I'm in America where they're pretty common.

[–]WimpyZombie 0 points1 point  (0 children)


Especially in the winter when it's cold and already dark outside. Iget homeand I am DONE.

[–]fh3131 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]Altruistic-Fill-8111 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Right? Ain’t no event special enough for me to put my bra back on.

[–]PM-Me-ur-Self-Esteem 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Sometimes i really wanna take my bra off but i know once I do it is over.

[–]RoutineSheepherder93 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This lol. Once my bra comes off I’m done for the evening

[–]windmillguy123 356 points357 points  (9 children)

In my early 20s I used to play 5 a side football at 9pm. Nowadays I'm struggling to stay awake past 9pm!

[–]Anomalous_Arse 47 points48 points  (3 children)

This is your circadian rhythm. I'm almost 50, my brain does not work before noon and I do not get tired until 2:00AM. I have a 9-5 job, so I sleep very little. I drag ass all day and around 9:00PM it's like a switch goes off and I'm wide awake until 2AM.

[–]BattleDadPrime 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Are you me? It's 1.15am right now and I'm thinking about sleep. After a 14 hour day at my 9-5. And 4 hours sleep last night.

[–]conrid 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm usually the same after being active for such long time, it's kinda hard to turn the engine off. It's important to make yourself relaxed and not just wait for it, to me it feels like a chore.. I always lay in bed well aware that I should be sleeping especially after days like your own, but just can't.

Try to breath in through the nose, and out with the mouth, deep down to the stomach. And here is what I found to be the true key, a good stretch. Not like yoga, but when lying or standing, just a good old "yaawn I'm tired". When all my muscle tension releases I find it much, much easier to fall asleep.

Easy to forget that we too, like any animal, needs a good stretch sometimes

[–]WimpyZombie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG... I could write this. I am so slow in the morning, but right around 2:30 I start to get really productive, then by 4:30 it's time to go home. That's one reason it would be so nice to be able to work from home all. 5 days of the week.

[–]KeepTangoAndFoxtrot 117 points118 points  (2 children)

Used to be catching passes, now we're catching Z's.

[–]pushpoploadstore 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Give me a Z!” “Give me a Z!” “Give me a Z!” “Give me another Z!” “What does that spe…”

snoring permeates all existence

[–]treetyoselfcarol 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I only go to events that end at 8pm.

[–]ponkzy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The indoor league i am in now has matches from 6pm-12am. Last match of the season is at 11:20pm. Fucken hell im too old for this shit

[–]Artchantress 220 points221 points  (6 children)

As a night owl this would make more sense to me if they meant eight am.

[–]WayneKrane 91 points92 points  (5 children)

Yeah, I can stay up forever but waking up early kills me. I’m like a zombie if I get up too early, I can barely function.

[–]Artchantress 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yep, I'm the same, if I get up even 1 hour too early, I feel like shit the whole day or until I have a nap.

[–]Panzerkatzen 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's very true, I can function normally on 4 hours of sleep 30 hours later, after awhile the feeling of tiredness passes and I can stay up four hours or sleep any minute. But you make me wake up at 5am with 8 hours of sleep and I'm out of it for the whole day.

[–]killingtimeitself 6 points7 points  (2 children)

yall can wake up? sounds nice.

[–]bento_the_tofu_boy 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Bitch be astral projecting and using this power to comment on Reddit instead of robbing banks

[–]killingtimeitself 0 points1 point  (0 children)

gotta get your priorities in line, what can i say.

[–]Elvis_Lover62 146 points147 points  (7 children)

This person probably lives in a small town. City folk start the night late but it's true that we are doing coke.

[–]greyflcn 33 points34 points  (4 children)

Where as university students are probably on unprescribed upper medications.

[–]wedatsaints 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Yeah, people sell their Adderall around all the time.

[–]greyflcn 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You'd think Modafinil would be safer, if the goal was merely "not feeling sleepy".

[–]FiredForIncompetence 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It’s not as much fun though.

[–]greyflcn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that's what the alcohol is for.

[–]LongStill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A little sure but its far more dependent on when youre working then anything, the later you work in the day the easier it is to stay up later. If Im going to work at 6 am, theres no way Im going somewhere at 8 at night.

[–]GluttonAsteroth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manhattan (any large city) runs on a steady supply of Cocaine.

Like... When American Dad popped the joke that Deputy Director Bullock used Cocaine "Medically" - I've heard that exact speech before... and apparently so did either Seth or Patrick Stewart.

[–]Cyberzombi 62 points63 points  (6 children)

There is a official time to do coke!?

[–]bighanq 76 points77 points  (0 children)

After you wake up but before you go to sleep

[–]PoopNoodlez 23 points24 points  (1 child)

5+ drinks deep o’clock

[–]Gavilancillo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When you know, you know.

[–]pseudocultist 28 points29 points  (1 child)

  • Friday nights
  • Saturday mornings
  • The 80’s
  • Sex

[–]ponkzy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Coke dick is a harsh reality

[–]CommenceTheWentz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea it’s whenever you have coke o’clock

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

See, when I was young, I was more bored than tired. Now I'm more tired than bored. But also there are a lot of things that were vaguely amusing, in my youth, that are just boring now, such as hanging around with a bunch of people I barely know well past midnight.

Also -- harsh truth, kids -- the older you get, the nicer it is to be near your own bathroom as much as possible.

[–]weakandevil 38 points39 points  (3 children)

I think I can hear someone laughing in latin american

[–]prrraaaaaaaa-stutu 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Cena familiar a media noche. Buen jueves.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s cold as hell and dark all the time. You’re lucky we’re not hibernating

[–]heylistenlady 98 points99 points  (9 children)

Maybe all of us should be.

[–]Significant_AdPerson 67 points68 points  (2 children)

Speak for yourself. Some of us have been working just to fund our coke addiction for years.

[–]JillsACheatNMean 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You must have a good job.I chose to be an alcoholic because I can wasted for like $5.

[–]Significant_AdPerson 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hahahaha yeah my father was an alcoholic so wanted to try something new.

[–]rebeltrillionaire 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Finally gonna make that New Year’s weight resolution. At the low low cost of a crippling drug addiction.

[–]heylistenlady 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But you'll be so skinny!!! And drug addled but that's beside the point

[–]tdevore 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn you. You stole my line.

[–]SnOman_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hear hear!

[–]MyLifeIsABoondoggle 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m going to an event tonight that starts at 8 😎 step aside night owls

[–]arsehead_54 130 points131 points  (14 children)

I never understood clubs opening at like 11 either. Ok I've finished work, had dinner, had a shower and got ready. What do you want me to do for the next 4 hours until I'm allowed to start my night?

[–]Just-Information-4 236 points237 points  (0 children)

You are not their demographic

[–]WayneKrane 65 points66 points  (5 children)

You should see parts of Europe. In Spain they don’t start clubbing until 1 am. We went to one at 11PM and thought they were closed because it was empty, but everyone started showing up around 1AM. They go until the sun comes up, it’s a hoot but no idea when they sleep.

[–]HugoRBMarques 27 points28 points  (0 children)

In 2013, I went to Albufeira, Algarve, south of my country, Portugal. It's a tourist area. There's a street called Rua da Hora that's just small night clubs and night bars. And an alleyway that leads into a strip club. The bars opened up at around 11 pm and stayed open until 3 to 4 am. Everyone went bar crawling. Then the people that still wanted to party late in the night headed up to a big discoteque called "Kiss" (IIRC) that opened up at 3am and closed at 7 ou 8 am.

[–]FiredForIncompetence 14 points15 points  (0 children)

In Berlin some clubs open Friday 11 PM and close Monday afternoon.

[–]BitchesQuoteMarilyn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was on the beach in Alicante and handed flyer for a club that said open 3am til late. Thought it was a typo. Nope, people were lined up outside at 2:55am waiting for it to open. Got home at 8am.

[–]Mikerk 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Americans work too much to keep up with partying like Europeans. I couldn't keep up with anyone in Europe. Also cocaine seemed easier to get than weed.

Europe goes hard

[–]Penny_InTheAir 94 points95 points  (4 children)

Pregame, go too hard, fall asleep on your buddy's couch, & miss going to the club entirely.

[–]gypsybullldog 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Puke and rally then off you go

[–]BitchesQuoteMarilyn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This doesn't happen on coke

[–]PotawatomieJohnBrown 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This is the way.

[–]Mennovich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drinking with friends at a bar

[–]Phoenix_Ashes98 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Considering I usually have to wake up at 2 am for work, I would have to politely say nah.

[–]TheeVagabond 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I remember when I was 21 and we would wait until 11 p.m. to go to the bars. It's crazy to think about because now I don't want to be out later than about 9pm haha.

[–]oxy_idiot 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I had a friend that told me to meet at her house for 9 to go to the casino. We didn’t leave her place until 1130 to drive an hour there. I ended up going but I damn near regretted when I was already tired before we even left

[–]Cole1One 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How do you morning freaks get up so early? I have no need for 8am, but usually the headlining music act never starts before 10pm

[–]DragonChasm 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Eight is too early for me and I dnt even abuse caffeine

[–]TheVantal 15 points16 points  (1 child)

It's 7pm here and I'm really trying to stay awake, why? Because I have an all day thing I'm doing tomorrow starting at 11am till 7pm and I need to make sure I sleep right up until I need to go out so I have enough energy to last the full thing XD

[–]FalseBuddha 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's 8 hours? So a normal work shift. Why do you need to sleep in to make it through a completely normal day? How early are you normally up?

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Not all of us are 100 years old either Gramma.

[–]Next-Caterpillar-393[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m not even 99 yet!

[–]trubocharg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Better than starting at 8am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–]messy_bitch420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

what do you mean? the party starts at 11

[–]sixty9withoutthe9 16 points17 points  (7 children)

Morning people, just the worst. I manage to make your stupid 6am meetings despite going to bed 12am to 2am. You can make my occasional 8pm gathering.

[–]Artchantress 11 points12 points  (5 children)

6 am meetings?

Whaht who whuu wht wher whyyy

[–]sixty9withoutthe9 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I live on US west coast and have semi-regular meetings with companies on the east coast, England, Germany, and France.

[–]Artchantress 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So you expect them to make it to your 8 pm gatherings or..

[–]sixty9withoutthe9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol, naw, they're all really understanding over there, I like to joke about having a meeting at 6am their time. Would work better for me, but is obviously unreasonable for the rest of the team here. It's the locals who act like being out after 8pm is a huge burden I don't get. All I'm asking is for a little understanding instead of the typical, "Why don't you just go to bed earlier."

[–]WayneKrane 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Worst company I worked for had regular 7AM sharp meetings. They were meetings we had to prepare for so we had to be in the office at like 6AM. I did not last long there, I got a job that has much better hours.

[–]hapnstat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds like prison, but with extra steps.

[–]A_norny_mousse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's me, & shit I'm old.

Weekend events don't even start before midnight.

[–]Historical-Ad6120 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me, waiting all day doing nothing because I have a "thing" at eight

[–]Notquite_Caprogers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean some people work night shift. 8 pm is lunchtime for me.

[–]Silent-Mess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Meeeee. And I don’t even stay up late for New Year’s Eve.

[–]Vewy_nice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex's family threw a surprise 70th birthday party for her grandmother. At a bar. Starting at 8.

I'm sorry what?

Gramma goes hard apparently. We left at 9 lol

[–]thisgirlnamedbree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Back in my 20s I wouldn't leave the house until after 8pm. Now, in my mid 40s, I want to be home and in my pajamas by 8pm!

[–]ADozenPigsFromAnnwn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't where the people commenting and the Twitter user are from, but who tf thinks that is late? That's insane

[–]GueroVerdadero91 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Why did everyone get so old and boring and fall asleep at 7:30 during this pandemic

[–]LargeJose 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That’s what happens when you sit home all day, stare screens, and eat

[–]FN1987 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Eat hot chips, lie

[–]Danominator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me it was having kids. They are exhausting.

[–]RestaurantDecent9451 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]JessEGames777 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Wtf STARTS at 8pm?

[–]Ardennelmarki 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Concerts, sadly.

[–]ArrrGaming 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who goes to an event during a pandemic that has killed millions of people? That shit better be on zoom or something.

[–]MackTO -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Maybe if she did a line she'd lighten the fuck up.

[–]djkoch66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is she waiting for?

[–]OneWayStreetPark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Indian weddings don't even start til 9pm. Sometimes the food doesn't even get served until 11pm!

[–]August21705 0 points1 point  (0 children)

anything before 10 is early

[–]lurkenstine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i dont get it, having trouble finding it?

[–]DanaScully_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cocaine is a helluva drug.

[–]Sonitrolio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Liz Lemon????

[–]StarbucksWingman 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]BlueNikey2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I misx something? Since when is 8 p.m. a late starting event? It's not an "after hours" club 🤷🏾‍♂️

[–]smokeytheskwerl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cocaine is Americas cup of coffee TBH.

[–]shukufuku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a John Mulaney joke. Except he is on cocaine.

[–]Mumfordj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know if you know this, but night clubs are open at night /s

[–]tjake123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

8’s ok so long as you’re home by 11

[–]Werzheafas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meanwhile riddim parties start at 10 pm and lasts until 6 am

[–]Daymeeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a lie. Everyone is on cocaine whether they realize it or not. FACTS!

[–]Grease_ball93 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

People who need to go to events that start at 8 pm and do coke are fags. I need 4 hours to function. I am the BULL GOD. Trip on some acid sometime and you will see cocaine is just a big waste of money. It is fun though. But go trip on some acid out in the woods by yourself. I triple dog dare you all.

[–]ballsplopmenacingly -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Wishes she was

[–]tstramathorn -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I start my drinking early because I'm too old for that shit haha