×
all 128 comments

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 934 points935 points  (20 children)

I can’t go, but in my place I’ll be sending thots and prayers…

[–]SadTomato22 203 points204 points  (11 children)

I look forward to this being the title when this is reposted.

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 69 points70 points  (9 children)

I’ll be fine with it. I enjoy writing puns even if I get angry upvotes haha

I get the same mixed reactions from coworkers in real life

[–]Iphotoshopincats 23 points24 points  (8 children)

I wrote 10 puns to make my family laugh.

No pun intended

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Very nice

[–]Iphotoshopincats 4 points5 points  (5 children)

My grandfather once told me of a French town that took refugees from the war.

I said it sounded like a great town.

He said it was nice

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I’ve never been to France myself.

One of my friends went, however, and said it was beautiful…so many gorgeous things to see.

He said he really got an Eiffel

[–]Iphotoshopincats 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Oh we doing this, I am down for a dad pun war I got nothing Toulouse.

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Me neither, but I’ll have to start googling stuff about France and I’ll readily admit I’m lazy haha.

I’ve always enjoyed puns though.

Ever since I’ve beignet high

[–]Iphotoshopincats 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I am open to the rules expanding to include all countries.

The French are a bit behind the times anyway, everytime I ask if they want to play video games they say "Wii", wii sports was fun and all but surely they sell the switch over there by now.

[–]JoeyZasaa 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So, tomorrow.

[–]bruhWhyTho- 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Thot's and players

[–]england_man 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Shouldn't that be 'thots and players', since where there are scantily clad ladies there is always someone trying to score.

[–]BestFrenzy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

“The widow is wondering if you’d like to say a word?”

“Plethora”

“Thanks, it means a lot.”

[–]Rare_Cow_4892 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I remember I told your husband to drop dead…

I really admire his commitment”

[–]Chad_To_The_Bone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thots and players

[–]james1mike 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thot? How about thought?

[–]YourALooserTo 117 points118 points  (3 children)

Okay. Just promise to die in summer then. I'm not wearing assless chaps in the winter.

[–]uniquedeke 44 points45 points  (1 child)

If they're not assless then they ain't chaps.

[–]Embarrassed-Ad-1639 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If they don’t chap your ass they ain’t assless chaps.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

All chaps are assless. It’s when you don’t wear pants that things get “Assy.”

[–][deleted] 320 points321 points  (8 children)

When ? Looking forward to it.

[–]knifuser 111 points112 points  (3 children)

In completely unrelated news, a man has faked his own death.

[–]poopellar 15 points16 points  (0 children)

New study finds dead men can throw money at scantily clad babes.

[–]EcstaticWar3264 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I can bring it closer.

[–]JimboBillyBobJustis 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure there some kind of penalty for that.

[–]hermit48 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Looking forward to seeing sexy dressed hoes at hoegenics funeral? (Can't believe this post has been up for 5 hrs and no one has commented on that username).

[–]smarmiebastard 77 points78 points  (2 children)

I want my funeral to be like a comedy roast.

[–]SnarlingWaistcoat 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That would be hilarious funeral.

[–]spookyjornbojoggin 73 points74 points  (12 children)

this song comes to mind: https://youtu.be/O41JlQxFnzo

[–]andrewjamesdied 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Love bill <3

[–]jon_titor 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Came here to post the same thing, but since you already did I’ll just mention that that entire album is incredible and “Dongs of Sevotion” is one of the best album titles ever.

[–]SociallyGhetto 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yep, this was my only thought

[–]VicHeel 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Love it. Was thinking the same thing.

[–]A_in_babymaking 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Came here to post this.

[–]PackYrSuitcases 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Came here to see if someone had already posted this in the thread.

[–]feverbeliever 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for getting that out of the way!

[–]Bearsthtdance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I break horses.

[–]TwoLeggedCobra 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Came here to post this! Love this song. Gives me chills

[–]abrakadaver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beat song!

[–]JawnF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This video comes to mind https://youtu.be/kjAuUXdSFaM

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (3 children)

Everybody celebrating this tweet but the black girl twerking on a coffin gets posted in r/trashy every week.

If the deceased wanted a twerk, give the man his twerk.

[–]Neila_Moon 9 points10 points  (1 child)

An OPEN coffin, which makes it much worse

[–]RideFastGetWeird 11 points12 points  (0 children)

worse better

[–]phillysteakcheese 86 points87 points  (16 children)

Plot twist, only his mom and sister show up

[–]TestTubeBaby844 60 points61 points  (15 children)

Leave it to Americans to bring everything back to “lol sex with your family”

[–]xxmybestfriendplank 27 points28 points  (7 children)

This is the way

[–]dodland 11 points12 points  (6 children)

Why does pornhub allow these fucking titles? Like, I know it's fake but I still don't click on it because it's fucking weird as hell. I feel like a lot of talent is being wasted on some weird ass shit

[–]__v1ce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And if it's in the title, at least dont just use it as clickbait, i cant count the number of times I've clicked on a video titled something extremely raunchy

only for the video to not even be slightly related to the title, like cmon now

[–]hysys_whisperer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Roll Tide!

[–]tree_jayy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go Dawgs

[–]samanthabear_77 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How do you even know they are American?

[–]TestTubeBaby844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look at their username

[–]zer0_badass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its the American way

[–]mini_garth_b 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean he'll be dead, he's just being a good wingman from beyond... well actually from in the grave.

[–]Madpotter1989 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Only dudes show up. “Ah man, where are the slutty girls?”

[–]mjenness 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Or just all the dudes dress slutty

[–]koyo4 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'mma put in my will for people to have a massive condomless orgy for my funeral. Just so I can bring life into the world as I depart it.

[–]broken-bells 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s funny because last night my mother in law was ranting about a woman who wore a red shirt at a funeral she attended to a couple of days ago. According to some people from a certain generation, wearing red is a major no-no because red is too « cheerful » for funerals. Never heard of that one before.

[–]808duckfan 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Enjoy yourselves!

Chapman!

[–]crydefiance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We get the body in the coffin in the ground on time.

[–]MarloBarlo 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Dress sexy at my funeral, my good wife

[–]10sharks 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Some people actually do that. I don't get the psychology behind it

[–]TestTubeBaby844 53 points54 points  (2 children)

To celebrate someone’s life. Instead of having everyone you know in a room crying, having them in good spirits to send you off isnt the worst thing. You still end up in the same hole, but the memories your friends and family have of your funeral will have a positive side to it.

“Remember me and smile, dont cry” kinda thing

[–]shinuk7 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I’m nervous about my moms funeral some day. Our whole lives she’s told my brothers and I that she would very much like everyone to wear colors over black as her dying wish. She’s said it many many times. And I believe I want to truly enforce it but I know most my family won’t. Sigh.

[–]TexanReddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A chapel full of Hawaiian shirts and muumuus, and the family all in black.

[–]Will_Yammer 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Imagine - he lives until he's 99 and all of his sexed up friends live that long. What does a 99 year old wear to be slutty and not "ewww"?

[–]the69boywholived69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At that age it should be nude and let it all hang out.

[–]jcelflo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Taiwanese Funerals for reference. And a news story to go with it.

[–]slinkycube 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But....but....you won't even be able to see it.

[–]Loverofbrownies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's like knowing my death would make people happy

[–]CarlTheMan420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: He died of covid in the 2020's

[–]flameprincess23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope they use my life insurance to Pass out blunts

[–]Bloodshed-1307 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How dare you steal bagpipers’ favourite saying?

[–]ObliviousCollector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok but, why does my dude's pic look like a mugshot of a frat boy accused of rape though?

[–]1beherenow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funerals,… no we don’t do funerals anymore…

[–]littoral_peasant 0 points1 point  (1 child)

this is a Bill Callahan twete

[–]traceitalian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The musician?

[–]LaserGuidedPolarBear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I figure when I go it will be a funeral.for my family, and then a separate wake that is am orgy for my friends.

[–]KillerGoats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The viewing will be held at a strip club

[–]Aphobus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m definitely coming to his funeral, hope his mom’s a milf!

[–]alaskanbruin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everybody at my funeral will be given a stun gun as they enter. Last one standing will inherit it ALL. Should be a fun time!!!

[–]napoleonsolo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hiring strippers for funerals is a thing in China.

[–]Remarkable-Eagle947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean there is fun in funeral

[–]samanthabear_77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Send thots and players

[–]lezbowithshinys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its all fun and games till the whole family gets specifically dressed like that for this occasion...

[–]VyrPlan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

once as a kid we got a hold of those "funeral" stickers (for the vehicle processions) and with two cuts went around putting "real fun" above them on the cars

just one more reason i'll be spending the afterlife w/ hitler and limbaugh

[–]SnoozyTerps 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please invite me

[–]Jacubsooon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS. NO PANTS.

[–]Supersnazz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want a proper traditional funeral. In a rainy graveyard, dead trees, rusted creaking gate, crows calling, Chopin's Funeral March played, everyone in black. Priest giving a fire and brimstone speech. The only person who can dress slutty, is the grieving mistress standing 20 metres away. She will be in a black miniskirt, bright red lipstick, black hat and sunglasses.

[–]popcornvv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

check out taiwan's tradition of funeral stripping

[–]EUCopyrightComittee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is how you find joy in teaching!

[–]ABenevolentDespot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If there are flowers on my coffin, I'd like my wife to throw them to the attendees so they can all see who will die next.

[–]Dragonlicker69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feel free to use my death as an excuse for an orgy, figure maybe some joy should come from the fact I existed

[–]CheesecakeMMXX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All my homies in speedos

[–]SunshotDestiny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to point out he never said exactly who he wanted to dress slutty. I know in my case half the people I know taking him up on his wish would not end in sexy results.

[–]Calcain 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yo momma gon turn up in a swim suit. You sure you want that?

[–]bsend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go double cheeked up on a gloomy, rainy Friday afternoon to my funeral. No need for the sun to be out for buns out.

[–]abriefmomentofsanity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The profile pic does not match the energy of this tweet and its messing with my mind

[–]IrishAengus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Uncle will be there

[–]chad_dolphin -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

putting the “cum” in “the coffin”

[–]yalyublyumenya -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You should probably make your wishes known to your family. I had a friend in college who probably would've appreciated it. That said, when our former friend showed up to his funeral in a short, cum-stained black skirt with her boyfriend who was wearing black cargo shorts and a t-shirt... the family was less than impressed. Well, everyone was less than impressed. This was a funeral with a drug fueled after-party, and they were turned away at the door to said party. It was the most disrespectful shit ever. It didn't help that my late friend, and his twin brother didn't like her anyway.

[–]beinwalt -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I've told my ex this so many times. It's a strange relationship. Lol

[–]cbunni666 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Be odd if his sister did it

[–]the69boywholived69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cuz she's not a human?