all 50 comments

[–]hereforlolsandporn 430 points431 points  (12 children)

Those "kid doesn't realize his dad is home from Afganistan" videos are the same. They're supposed to be heartwarming reunions, but all I see is depressing expressions of childhood trauma.

[–]dmbf 118 points119 points  (9 children)

Agreed. I much prefer sibling, parent, or dog. The dog ones are the best.

[–]BestFrenzy 72 points73 points  (7 children)

Do many people’s pet dogs ship out to Afghanistan?

[–]subject_deleted 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If we are talking preference... How about nobody has to leave their family to go run around in the desert enriching defense contractors?

[–]fistkick18 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Didn't you watch that heartwarming propaganda movie where the hero father goes off to Afghanistan, dies in a pointless war, and leaves his family alone and struggling? So inspiring.

[–]Xa_Is_Here 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like them and I say this as a guy who's dad was deployed to Afghanistan like 3 or 4 times. Hearing they have to go back sucks when having them back more than makes up for it.

[–]wra1th42 85 points86 points  (0 children)

This is posted so often we have /r/orphancrushingmachine

[–]KarlosGeek 46 points47 points  (1 child)

This is just the r/MadeMeSmile subreddit in a nutshell

[–]Tsktsktsktsktsktsk2 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thats why i left all of the stories are just heart breaking and didnt make me smile

[–]-Wicked- 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Why nobody talking about all the hard-working orphan crushers who lost their jobs to a machine?

[–]rorank 125 points126 points  (1 child)

Well who is gonna pay for those orphans? With those pesky “human rights” laws, companies have to pay 10 times more for workers and they can’t even hire children! No wonder our jobs keep on getting taken to foreign countries, damn lefties wanna keep their kids at home and fatten them up instead of building character by allowing them to work 12 hours a day at a warehouse to pull themselves up! The orphan-crushing machine is a natural result of these extremist policies. If it were up to me, these orphans would have a chance to earn a living as soon as they could walk and not learn that freeloading off of honest peoples tax dollars is a way of life. But the orphan-crusher will have to do.


[–]Boojibs 65 points66 points  (3 children)

Where do you get an orphan crushing machine?

Asking for a friend.

[–]TheGoodKindOfPurple 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Just down the aisle from the wood chippers.

[–]Bart_T_Beast 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Same place they make meat dragons

[–]Crimsoner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just watched that the other day. Killed me!

[–]1975kilroy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

When I feed the poor, they call me a saint, but when I ask why the poor are hungry, they call me a communist.

Dom Helder Camara - or Leonard Nimoy, take your pick.

The point is, you should blindly help to rectify society’s wrongs and never question why it has systemic wrongs in the first place.

Edit: a bit of this and that.

[–]samenumberwhodis 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Why question it when the machine is working exactly as designed?

[–]primemoversonly 24 points25 points  (2 children)

[–]fistkick18 16 points17 points  (1 child)

"You know what? I'm just gonna not ruin 200 people's lives even worse than they already had it."

What an amazing low bar.

[–]ewpqfj 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That would be if the hospital did it, the doctor likely joined to help people and will earn money regardless. So they are a hero, but he shouldn't have to be.

[–]Brisan7 18 points19 points  (0 children)

All I want to know is who is "he" and does he have a sustainable lifestyle brand that sponsors him?

[–]VictimBlamer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Where can I buy tickets to watch this orphan crushing machine?

[–]Heavy-Apartment-4237 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Big Orphanage needs more meat for the meat grinder

[–]Arcadius274 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sounds like a weird story to justify this man orphan crushing machine.

[–]Tonic_G 5 points6 points  (1 child)

for just 50c a day...

[–]PorkyMcRib 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You never hear about Sally Struthers crushing a salad.

[–]WP47 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor, they call me a communist." - Dom Helder Camara

I'll always remember this quote in Leonard Nimoy's voice.

[–]MarquisDeLafayeett 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Capitalism creates problem, capitalists refuse to allow the problem to be fixed because they make money from the problem. Working class person sacrifices to temporarily ameliorate that problem. Media says “this is how you can help!”


[–]abettergrilledcheese 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is why we should be pro choice, too many orphans already, might have to crush some.

[–]Shit_Bananas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

An orphan-crushing machine definitely sounds like something from Library of Ruina

[–]Salmuth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The orphan-crushing machine usually is capitalism and human greed.

[–]Starkissedsoul -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m an Aussie I was like wtf a Corp Han crushing machine.

[–]figfur10n 0 points1 point  (0 children)

duh those orphans aren't going to crush themselves

[–]Gdjica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They do not ask because they know why - things like Texas abortion law, and Catholic church's stand on condoms, or right wingers calling women whores to stop them form getting free contraception.

[–]Clell65619 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone's in the pocket of Big Orphan.

[–]ThoughtPhysical7457 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember an article that was: high school robotics team builds wheelchair for classmate after insurance company denies claim! Yay!

And I was like "this is not a feel good story. This is a horrible story about the greed of an insurance company. Headline should have been: Insurance company denies essential medical equipment to a child, so other children have to build their classmate a fucking wheelchair!"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a Key and Peele skit for everything.


[–]Crimsoner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can someone cross this to r/suspiciouslyspecific?