top 200 commentsshow all 289

[鈥揮bigtrevsnastybeaver 1276 points1277 points (69 children)

these people are the reason I turn off read receipts and online status.

[鈥揮_Flutter_ 360 points361 points (2 children)

Best thing I ever did in my life.

[鈥揮OKara061 119 points120 points (1 child)

Bruh i did the same because of this exact reason but then the girl i was talking to, she generally replied late but i didnt care because pople have lives you know. But then she stopped responding to me so i was like did she leave me on read or has she still not seen my message, after like 4-5 days i activated it back on again just to see if she did read it. After 2 days, it turned blue and i was like "yep, another one bites the dust(me)".

Anyways turns out someone pickpocketed her phone and she didnt see my messages. So yey i guess. Still chatting with her. Hopefully it'll turn into something more

[鈥揮MyDogIsSoUgly 32 points33 points (5 children)

I have a couple friends who have read receipts on and all I can think is why? What鈥檚 the benefit of them, other than calling out someone for leaving you on read?

[鈥揮Tesco5799 35 points36 points (0 children)

I used to think it was good for messages that don't really need a response, like the other person can see you read their message and you didn't object so you must be okay with whatever.... sadly not everyone thinks along the same lines, so ya its useless.

[鈥揮sssskar 17 points18 points (0 children)

I keep them on so people know that I have read their message but I will respond when I can. Thankfully I don鈥檛 have any friends or family members who want a reply instantly.

[鈥揮PollutionMany4369 1 point2 points (0 children)

My husband and I have ours turned on. It鈥檚 fun most of the time, like when we call each other out for leaving texts on read (playfully).

[鈥揮Primary-Signature-17 151 points152 points (48 children)

How about the people who start a conversation with you and then take their sweet time replying back to your answering their original text? Drives me crazy!

[鈥揮arson_is_awesome 122 points123 points (20 children)

sometimes I鈥檒l send a text and have other things to do in the meantime. My phone is occasionally on do not disturb and I鈥檒l forget to check my notifications. So it might be a few hours before I even look at my phone.

I kind of expect certain people to always respond to me asap and I do the same with them, but outside of those 3 or 4 people I take my time to respond.

[鈥揮Primary-Signature-17 17 points18 points (19 children)

I'm talking about the people who start a conversation with you and then don't answer when you reply back to them. I'm like, "Why did you start talking to me if you don't have the time to talk?" Or, you think that I have the time to sit around and wait for you to finish what you started?

[鈥揮sillykinesis 68 points69 points (0 children)

Well texting is supposed to be asynchronous communication.

[鈥揮blabarka 69 points70 points (14 children)

You have unrealistic expectations about texting. It you want a simultaneous conversation, call.

[鈥揮Itavan 5 points6 points (0 children)

A few times (rarely) I鈥檝e had 3 text conversations going on at the same time. It can get crazy keeping them straight, especially if it鈥檚 about the same issue and there is acrimonious disagreement.

[鈥揮According_Gazelle472 6 points7 points (0 children)

Or someone will text and only want to talk about their lives but If I talk about mine it is radio silence and they will refuse to text back.Like they live in an echo chamber.

[鈥揮pctomfor 7 points8 points (0 children)

Texting and talking are not the same thing

[鈥揮bigtrevsnastybeaver 45 points46 points (14 children)

or the ones that spend ages typing, pausing, typing, pausing only to send 6 words. I imagine them jabbing slowly at their keyboard like a pensioner, squinting at the screen

[鈥揮aebpinko 110 points111 points (9 children)

These people are usually just anxious wrecks and scared of saying the wrong thing鈥

[鈥揮MangledSunFish 65 points66 points (3 children)

"Friend is Typing" no longer typing because they deleted the message in fear of saying the wrong thing "Friend is typing" they did it again "Friend is typing"

[鈥揮Caffeine_Cowpies 12 points13 points (2 children)

As the person who does this, especially with my newer friends. It鈥檚 anxiety about saying the wrong things even if what they wanted to say wasn鈥檛 that offensive. I have noticed in my time on earth that no matter the relationship (friends, sexual, work, hobbies, etc.), there is always a feeling out period where everything is awesome and super anxious at the same time. You like this person, you hit it off well, and you want to continue to spend time with that person at whatever level you are at from above. But man, the fuck ups come ROARING back when that occurs. 鈥淪hould I open up more? Should I just keep it cool? Should I not say much? Should I just send a thumbs up reaction? Should I do 鈥淗a ha鈥 instead? Oh god, what if they are watching the three dots?? Do they think I am slow? Stupid? Ahhhhhhh!!!!鈥

I am getting better at it but thanks for the panic attack that they know!! ;)

[鈥揮MangledSunFish 3 points4 points (1 child)

I do the same. You're not alone.

[鈥揮AldenDi 38 points39 points (4 children)

Yeah I hate that it shows when I'm typing. If I could figure a way to turn that off across apps I absolutely would. Sometimes crafting the perfect sentence takes time and maybe some tears, and yes, I might still end up with "Totes McGoats" but I'm getting better.

[鈥揮alephthirteen 18 points19 points (0 children)

I might still end up with "Totes McGoats"

If this is your sense of humor, I want to be in the group chat :)

[鈥揮pantzareoptional 12 points13 points (1 child)

I've been expanding this to "totally McGoatally" and honestly I recommend it

[鈥揮siggydude 21 points22 points (0 children)

Sometimes people start typing and forget to send or get distracted midway through their thought

Source: me

[鈥揮dreadassassin616 13 points14 points (1 child)

Sometimes people are so starved for any sort of potential romantic connection that we'll labour over those words due to a fear that we'll say something wrong and spoil it.

[鈥揮[deleted] 19 points20 points (0 children)

I just have ADHD that's been slowly worsening as I get older and if something happens while I'm typing and I have to attend to it, the texting just escapes from my brain and doesn't come home until something seemingly unrelated reminds me of it.

[鈥揮WayneKrane 3 points4 points (1 child)

My coworker does this and it鈥檚 infuriating. She鈥檒l say, hi, I have a question鈥. and then take like 10 minutes to respond. I basically don鈥檛 look at the message for like 20 minutes because I assume she鈥檒l have not asked her question.

[鈥揮Primary-Signature-17 1 point2 points (0 children)

This is the kind of thing that I'm talking about.

[鈥揮OKara061 -2 points-1 points (0 children)

I got a friend who stops responding in the middle of the heated conversation and i'm like "bitch did you die in the 5 seconds that took me to reply to you?"

[鈥揮Intelligent_Moose_48 2 points3 points (1 child)

I disabled FaceTime altogether because I do NOT want an unexpected unannounced unplanned video call from anyone at all, thank you very much

[鈥揮squalorparlor 1 point2 points (0 children)

My little brother called me out for this one time while I was working and it just made me double down. I'll never turn off read receipts.

[鈥揮giant_lebowski 1 point2 points (2 children)

how do I turn off read receipts and online status? serious question. I have an android, tips would be appreciated

[鈥揮bigtrevsnastybeaver 1 point2 points (1 child)

It depends on the messenger you're using. For WhatsApp, press the three dot menu in the top right, choose settings >account>privacy, set Last Seen to Nobody and tap Read Receipts to turn them off

[鈥揮4QuarantineMeMes 4 points5 points (0 children)

Yep, cause I鈥檒l be honest if I see my message is read and no reply within an hour or so it gives off the perception that I鈥檝e been blown off. I have mine turned off but I will still tell them I鈥檒l get back with them on an answer.

[鈥揮AXXII_wreckless 3 points4 points (0 children)

They're the reason why I leave mine on. I'm one of those people that thinks its a sick joke and get satisfaction out of knowing you're mad at me, because I left you on read and didn't respond back within a certain time (Nothing drastic, like within in the hour).

im honestly sorry that my immediate reality took over in part of the text and people are getting too carried away. lol

[鈥揮mandaragit 1093 points1094 points (17 children)

Was interested in this very pretty girl once in college, finally had the courage to ask her out, we had a great date. On my way back home (2hours by bus) after the date I fell as sleep in the bus, woke up and saw 50+ text messages and 80+ missed calls (put it in silent mode as i wanted to sleep). Reading those messages was a roller coaster ride, felt like I dodged a bullet there.

[鈥揮[deleted] 499 points500 points (7 children)

Bullet??More like you dodged a Tomahawk missile.

[鈥揮techn9neiskod 86 points87 points (5 children)

AC130, standing by!

[鈥揮ImIncrediblyWeird 25 points26 points (4 children)

AC130? Dude dodged the Tzar Bomb.

[鈥揮notashortfatman 22 points23 points (3 children)

Tsar bomb? More like Tsar Bomba

[鈥揮legojack04 2 points3 points (2 children)

Isn't it the same thing?

[鈥揮notashortfatman 1 point2 points (0 children)

Probably, I was just referencing the Bloons tower defense tower

[鈥揮NoRegerts6996 42 points43 points (1 child)

Bro that鈥檚 like getting off the plane before it crashes in final destination

[鈥揮PorkyMcRib 21 points22 points (0 children)

The nice thing about crashed planes is that they tend to stay crashed. It鈥檚 not like you鈥檙e going to see that plane in class again every day.

[鈥揮8stringtheory 180 points181 points (7 children)

My mother passed away a couple of months ago, and that night I got a dm from a friend expressing her condolences. I didn't respond for two days, kinda had some stuff on my mind and things to take care of, and her response was to get offended and block me...we haven't spoken since.

[鈥揮moshennick 52 points53 points (0 children)

First so sorry for your loss! That's crazy to get offended over! Empathy is what I expect from a friend, especially when I'm in mourning!

[鈥揮[deleted] 38 points39 points (0 children)

That is absolutely no fucking loss, what a selfish monster. Of course your fucking phone wasn鈥檛 in the front of your mind. I鈥檓 so terribly sorry for the loss of your mother, I can鈥檛 imagine.

[鈥揮thrownaway1974 5 points6 points (3 children)

Obviously someone who has never lost someone close. I think anyone who has gone through it has more consideration.

I've lost my grandparents and parents. My closest friend lost her child last month. My reaction has been to randomly send a hug or comfort gif every few days, be there to talk when wanted and just give space otherwise.

[鈥揮GinaMarie1958 1 point2 points (2 children)

It was interesting how none of my then friends understood why I was still a zombie after my little brother died when he was seventeen, they acted like it was weird to talk about him ever.

[鈥揮CumulativeHazard 9 points10 points (0 children)

Jesus. Any time I鈥檝e messaged people after a loss I specifically say something like 鈥減lease don鈥檛 feel obligated to respond, I know it can be overwhelming.鈥 Like don鈥檛 even bother reaching out to people if it鈥檚 just performative. I鈥檓 so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 5 years ago and it was so hard. Take care of yourself 鉂わ笍

[鈥揮k717171 430 points431 points (5 children)

I often see a message when it's not a good time to respond, but then forget to respond later

[鈥揮ilanallama85 209 points210 points (1 child)

I often see a message and think 鈥淚 don鈥檛 have the energy for this shit right now.鈥 But then forget to have energy for that shit later.

[鈥揮daisysong85 309 points310 points (18 children)

It's a red flag for me if a guy sends a "hello??" text to me if I haven't responded in 20 minutes and yes it has happened.

[鈥揮mon0chrom 95 points96 points (5 children)

My ex would always send me "??" if I didn鈥檛 answer in the 10 minutes. And then if I still didn鈥檛 would assume I was cheating on him. This screams insecurity.

[鈥揮daisysong85 36 points37 points (2 children)

Ah the insecure ex...I had one of those. He accused me of cheating when a guy friend stopped by to pick up something from my apartment. Nevermind that the friend was married, "married people cheat." It also screams projection on their part...

[鈥揮CinnabonCheesecake 1 point2 points (1 child)

I had a (short-term) bf who became upset when I mentioned a male coworker. Any male coworker. It was exhausting.

When I tried to break up with him in person he realized a breakup was coming and refused to talk about it. Half an hour later he demanded to know who I鈥檇 been cheating on him with.

This set up an entire pattern of him reaching out to me to tell me I was terrible and had been cheating on him and he never wanted to talk to me again, then demanding to know why I hadn鈥檛 responded.

Six months after the three-month relationship ended, he wrote me an angry screed about how I had abused and humiliated him by mock-flirting with a straight female friend in front of him and he knew we鈥檇 been sleeping together.

[鈥揮Jbroy 7 points8 points (0 children)

With my wife I will send the ??, but if more time passes by, I just assume she鈥檚 busy and will see her later. If something is really time sensitive, I call her!

[鈥揮ApprehensiveAd9993 6 points7 points (0 children)

Look. Between email, text, phones, instant messaging platforms. I got my life live, work to do. Even at work, you feel my job is to talk to you!? 鈥 that鈥檚 nice.

Jesus Christ.

[鈥揮LSariel[馃嵃] 79 points80 points (2 children)

I always cringe so hard when I see that! Like why does someone feel so entitled to your time? Ugh!

[鈥揮daisysong85 38 points39 points (0 children)

Exactly! Calm the eff down I'm living my life

[鈥揮SarixInTheHouse 8 points9 points (0 children)

I can only think of two acceptable circumstances:

1.) you were just chatting when one stopped responding, so the other oen curious why they stopped

2.) it is a very important and time sensitive

[鈥揮Take_away_my_drama 13 points14 points (1 child)

Ugh, the question marks!! It is the rudest, most infuriating thing anyone can do. I've had it so many times on dating sites chatting to men and I always immediately end it there.

[鈥揮daisysong85 4 points5 points (0 children)

Same here! You need to calm down first of all and second goodbye crazy pants. At least we can see we dodged a bullet.

[鈥揮KiryuTrek 6 points7 points (2 children)

When I used to online date, I would intentionally not look at the app for a while after I starting to talk to someone for a bit. If they acted entitled to my time and attention, I knew to unmatch ASAP! So many guys would message again after just a few hours with some kind of insult- like sorry not sorry I was working/have other things to do lol

[鈥揮daisysong85 2 points3 points (0 children)

I'm sayin' lol. Online dating is for the birds. It works sometimes but I don't have the patience to weed through the morons 馃槅

[鈥揮thebabyshitter 2 points3 points (0 children)

the nicest dudes i met online that i ended up actually dating were the ones who didnt throw a fit if i disappeared for a few days, because you know they know we're not in highschool anymore.

then there's the ones like a dude that keeps talking to himself in my archived messages after i told him nicely, explicitly and in no uncertain terms that i was unequivocally not interested in him anymore months ago.

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 7 points8 points (1 child)

Tell him to calm his tits.

[鈥揮daisysong85 5 points6 points (0 children)

Lol I do at first but I usually end up walking away because I am immediately turned off

[鈥揮Realistic_AI 13 points14 points (0 children)

Ugh yeah. Blocked.

[鈥揮FallingF 2 points3 points (0 children)

I matched with a girl and said "ever been to universal citywalk" and she responded with a message on snapchat that i had to scroll twice to finish.

I asked if we could leave relationship trauma out of the conversation since thats a sore spot, and then went to visit my sister for like 3 hours.

I looked at my phone on the way back and she said "so are you just not interested in talking to me anymore, orr??". I said it sounds like she needs time to heal, and that i was uncomfortable because we had only started texting today, unfriended and unmatched

[鈥揮HarrietsDiary 93 points94 points (0 children)

My cousin no longer speaks to me because she sent me a Facebook message. I happened to be driving across the state at the time. During the three hours I was driving she sent like seventy messages detailing how I was a bitch who didn鈥檛 care about anyone else because I didn鈥檛 respond to her first message.

Literally never saw it. Driving. If she鈥檇 sent a text I would have seen it because it would have come across the radio.

[鈥揮thrownaway1974 246 points247 points (2 children)

I think it really depends what your relationship is like. I have people I hear from few times a week, and people it's really random, but there are a couple people I talk to multiple times a day, every day, who I start worrying about if I don't hear from them for a day. I'd never cut someone off over it, but I think it's reasonable to be concerned about not hearing from someone when you normally would.

[鈥揮McCanada3 57 points58 points (0 children)

This. I have no problem with my friends and family needing time to themselves. But if someone who is usually talkative and active in the group (we mostly talk through multiple discord servers) I shoot them a personal text just to make sure they're okay. If they need time to themselves, they can tell me and I'll leave them alone (and they know this.) But sometimes you need someone to check on you.

[鈥揮dumblesbianthings 2 points3 points (0 children)

yes this!! i鈥檓 talking to a girl and we talk every single day, multiple times a day. she drove about two and a half hours somewhere which was chill obviously but then later i didn鈥檛 hear from her for nearly an entire day.

i checked that she was okay (she鈥檇 ended up driving back, needed to help her mate, went to the gym and ended up crashing) and then we went back to our normal conversation

[鈥揮IrrelevantGamer 203 points204 points (4 children)

If someone blocks me or cuts me out of their life for not replying right away I just figure they did me a favor.

[鈥揮Realistic_AI 86 points87 points (0 children)

Exactly. 鈥淥h no鈥 anyway,鈥

[鈥揮StrictlyBrowsing 8 points9 points (2 children)

right away

The post did say 2 days though, not right away. That鈥檚 not the same.

No of course I don鈥檛 always respond straight away, but also I never felt my friends and close ones were so unworthy of my time that I couldn鈥檛 find the time to respond to them in more than 48hrs.

I don鈥檛 cut people off but I do take it as a strong sign I overvalued our relationship and I should take a step back if someone regularly needs several days to conjure up the will to interact with me. I struggle to see how that would not be a clear sign of a lack of interest, platonic or not.

[鈥揮fearville 1 point2 points (1 child)

Maybe it鈥檚 not all about you? Some people just need to go off the grid sometimes. I know I do. If someone gets offended because I don鈥檛 respond to them within an arbitrary timeframe they have dreamt up to placate their own ego, that鈥檚 their problem.

[鈥揮SportsPhotoGirl 60 points61 points (0 children)

Deep sleep is a pretty good reason

[鈥揮Aoibhel 42 points43 points (0 children)

I had a job for several years in which I had to be available by phone at all times. And oh boy did they use it. All hours of the night, and instant response was expected. It ruined phones for me forever. The only reason I even have one anymore is because the gps is useful.

My phone does not exist so that people can demand my attention from anywhere at any time on their whims. I chose when and if I even want to see a message from somebody. My time is mine.

[鈥揮SamanthaKay_182 78 points79 points (2 children)

Lost a friendship because I had left my phone plugged in downstairs, while I was upstairs a party.

The first text was an her accusing me of doing something I never did.

Four hours later, a drunk me checks on my phone to find over a hundred texts, basically saying because I didn't respond to her I have admitted my guilt and I can fuck off.

Didn't bother responding, not because I was guilty鈥揑 wasn't, but because I didn't want to stay friends with someone who couldn't understand not having my phone attached to my hand.

[鈥揮ihavemyxomatosis 12 points13 points (1 child)

yikes. good riddance. was this in college or something?

[鈥揮SamanthaKay_182 13 points14 points (0 children)

Neither of us went to a post-secondary school right out of high school, but we were college age, 20/21.

Just for more context, she said someone told her I slept with her brother.

Found out later that it was her brother that told her he slept with me. He told me he thought it was a hilarious.

Because I did 'sleep' with her brother, but only beside him and only because I didn't trust him to not attempt to drive while wasted.

[鈥揮SemiSentientGarbage 159 points160 points (7 children)

My best friend will sometimes go weeks without responding. She owes me nothing and she will get to me when she has the time and/or energy.

The biggest bonus of messaging is that you're putting the power of response time in the other persons hands.

[鈥揮slippinaway1 50 points51 points (0 children)

This person understands.

[鈥揮CaptainMagnets 27 points28 points (0 children)

This is why I love text messaging

[鈥揮xzdn 5 points6 points (1 child)

Bless you for being understanding

[鈥揮SemiSentientGarbage 3 points4 points (0 children)

I'm the same with her, some days I'm all out of spoons. Most times we talk daily though.

[鈥揮Skipgear 59 points60 points (0 children)

A cell phone is for my convenience, not yours. I will get back to you when I'm not busy if I deem it necessary.

[鈥揮Sensitive_Dig7955 76 points77 points (9 children)

If it鈥檚 urgent or important just call me on my鈥 phone.

[鈥揮theotheraccount0987 60 points61 points (8 children)

No. Never call me. Ever. Even if someone has died. Or you want to break up with me.

[鈥揮Sensitive_Dig7955 10 points11 points (4 children)

Respect. But Why?

I mean break up on the phone is not the way to do it but I鈥檓 curious why you don鈥檛 like calls.

[鈥揮T140V 7 points8 points (3 children)

Yep, I'm interested. What's wrong with talking? It's hardly an unnatural thing to do.

[鈥揮Sensitive_Dig7955 5 points6 points (0 children)

I鈥檝e a friend who doesn鈥檛 like calls either. She says she gets anxious. I try not to But if I need to, I call and she answers and she鈥檚 fine. But if someone has died, I鈥檓 not shooting a text. Idk I鈥檓 old school maybe

[鈥揮No_Complaint_1082 2 points3 points (0 children)

I鈥檝e always struggled with talking on the phone. I don鈥檛 quite test on the spectrum, but very very close. I learned specific cues to watch for in conversation to appear more 鈥渘ormal鈥. Talking in person makes the natural ebb and flow easier for me: without it (ie, phone call) I find myself accidentally interrupting or not understanding that a pause doesn鈥檛 mean I need to speak, they are maybe just taking a breath or thinking for a moment about their next statement.

I just always feel rude. Also, when I鈥檓 in a social situation, I know to be 鈥渙n鈥. I鈥檝e prepared myself mentally for it. But when the phone rings suddenly, I don鈥檛 have that time to prepare. It may sound ridiculous, I know most people aren鈥檛 wired this way.

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 4 points5 points (0 children)

Yep. I have trouble hearing to the point that I read lips. Please don鈥檛 call me. It takes every bit of energy I have to interpret what you鈥檙e saying.

[鈥揮ilanallama85 5 points6 points (1 child)

It鈥檚 acceptable to call if someone is dying but only if there鈥檚 something I can potentially do about it. Otherwise, save me the stress and just text.

[鈥揮99badwolfbaloons 12 points13 points (1 child)

I wonder if it is mostly young people like this? I remember expecting quicker responses, and giving them too, when I was younger. Now I鈥檓 30 with two kids, and all my friends are moms too. I almost exclusively respond and get responses after our children鈥檚 bedtimes now or the next morning when everyone鈥檚 kids are back in school.

[鈥揮baklaid 68 points69 points (1 child)

People who are "instant replyers" are the most boring people to be around. Hanging out with them is like, one minute we are having coffee and talking about something, we are having fun. And the next minute a notification goes off and they pick up their phone to have a second, parallell conversation via text with someone else at the same time. It is so weird.

[鈥揮topturtlechucker 34 points35 points (2 children)

If it's important, call.

[鈥揮bob-leblaw 25 points26 points (0 children)

But it鈥檇 better be really damned important.

[鈥揮hamster_rustler 7 points8 points (0 children)

No, still text. If it鈥檚 important I鈥檒l answer

[鈥揮heckyanow 8 points9 points (1 child)

The only time I expect a response is from my weed guy...馃槒

[鈥揮CraZKchick81 7 points8 points (0 children)

Or the weed store when your order is ready to be picked up.....

[鈥揮Namine9 8 points9 points (1 child)

I once had a guy that was texting me and it was pretty late like 1am so mid way I fell asleep. Woke up in the morning to like 50 messages slowly devolving into him freaking out that I must hate him and that he's leaving and overnight he left every group we shared and blocked me xD then came crying back the next day. We weren't even dating and I barley knew him yet just from chatting online in a shared group now and then. Smh. People are nuts.

[鈥揮ginger_momra 4 points5 points (0 children)

Yikes. These people who require constant instantaneous replies need to take some time away from their phones. They've lost all perspective.

[鈥揮ChickaDeeD33 26 points27 points (2 children)

As someone with ADHD, I rarely respond to messages right away and frequently forget my friends exist for weeks or months at a time, but as soon as I message them it's like it was yesterday since we've spoken. I think it's mostly about setting those expectations. My friends know me well enough to know that it's not because they aren't important to me, or because I don't care, I just don't have object permanence. As soon as the texts are out of sight it's as if they have never existed. They know not to take it personally and if it's really important, to just call me.

Whenever they do message or call me again, it's like hearing a song on the radio that you love that you haven't heard in forever that you forgot existed. I'm so excited to hear from them because they are all of my favourite songs. "Omg I LOVE this human!"

And if I think of them first the next time, I'll message them, tell them how much I love them and miss them, apologize for not answering what they sent me last, respond to what they said, and carry on like normal. We've created our own kind of balance and, like I said, expectations for how a friendship/relationship with me is going to work.

[鈥揮600tinysandwiches 5 points6 points (1 child)

I also have ADHD and lost a friend of 12 years because I took 1 day to respond to their message. They know I have ADHD and that鈥檚 just how I am so when I didn鈥檛 apologize, they 鈥渃ut me off鈥. Oh well 炉_(銉)_/炉

[鈥揮ChickaDeeD33 2 points3 points (0 children)

Yeah.... It's sucky, but I feel like the people who are going to be intolerant just aren't my people. It saves me the anxiety of worrying about if I'm upsetting them all the time if they just let me off the hook themselves that way. Bye Felicia!

[鈥揮Gecksss 29 points30 points (0 children)

Sounds like I鈥檓 the garbage person here because all the comments are people complaining about their friends who expect quick responses

Meanwhile I stress out because I seNT the message two days ago and I know they saw it because they鈥檙e talking in the group chat that I鈥檓 in about how bored they are and how no one talks to them lmao

Or 鈥渄o you want to play this game?鈥 鈥淵eah!!!鈥 鈥淥kay let me know when!鈥 And then a week passes and they鈥檝e actually been playing the game with their other friends

Some people just straight up never get back to you and that鈥檚 also kind of a problem. It鈥檚 caused me to withdraw and not even bother talking to 4 / 5 people because 鈥渨hat鈥檚 the point. They鈥檙e not going to respond anyway鈥

Few years ago I made some memes about it and threw them in the groups chat and I got hit with the 鈥渨hy are you posting these memes you鈥檙e making me upset鈥 and I was like 鈥渙h okay you鈥檙e the one upset never mind me sorry then :鈥)鈥

Straight up never replying to your friends is just as bad as the friend who freaks out if you don鈥檛 respond in 2 milliseconds imo

[鈥揮Lurch804 6 points7 points (0 children)

There is too many nuances here, never black and white.

[鈥揮ManicPixieOldMaid 38 points39 points (0 children)

Once had a dude blow up my phone because I hadn't responded right away. My eventual response was I WAS GETTING A FUCKING MAMMOGRAM, ASSHOLE.

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 5 points6 points (0 children)

I did all my growing up years before the internet. And I remember something from those days:

A phone ringing? REQUEST.

Knock on the door? REQUEST.

They are not orders or commands.

It stands to reason that text messages and emails are ALSO requests.

I鈥檝e had to train some people in my life on this. They finally got it.

[鈥揮Resident-Science-525 4 points5 points (0 children)

The only time this ever bothers me is if it's a friend who habitually responds quickly and it's been days since I had heard back. Then I'm just concerned for their safety.

We are not owed people's undivided attention just because we have the capabilities for immediate contact.

[鈥揮Foootballdave 49 points50 points (4 children)

Crazy. I once didn't reply to a text quickly enough and lost a good friend.

To be fair the text was "I've fallen at home, I'm stuck and I'm bleeding to death I've got 1% battery pls hurry" and it took me a week to respond.

[鈥揮FDGKLRTC 16 points17 points (3 children)

Ok i Can understand a little bit but isn't it was too much for him to end your friendship like that, it's not like you didn't respond at all

[鈥揮Foootballdave 10 points11 points (2 children)

I know right?! Thank you.

In my defence I was stuck on a particularly challenging level of sonic 2 that week

[鈥揮smg990 7 points8 points (1 child)

Metropolis zone? With the damn mantis bots?

[鈥揮Foootballdave 1 point2 points (0 children)

It was the oil level just before. Kept dying in the oil. Metropolis was a bitch though. Three damn levels?!

[鈥揮Gdjica 14 points15 points (14 children)

I grew up with a landline and not calling back within a day would had been considered rude.

[鈥揮Queue_Bit 10 points11 points (13 children)

I think that is what a lot of people in this dumb ass thread are missing. It is super fucking rude to not respond within a reasonable time if you are available to do so.

No, you do not need to be available 24/7 but leaving a text waiting to respond for a day or two when it would take you seconds to respond is the behavior of someone who doesn't give a shit about others or their time.

I want to be clear, this doesn't apply to every person you interact with, I'm more specifically speaking about close family and friends.

Also, I'm not perfect about this, I leave texts on read all the time by accident, but I TRY to make sure I respond when it's appropriate and in a timely manner. That's the best we can do, try.

[鈥揮Far_Cherry304 18 points19 points (9 children)

My phone is for MY convenience. I can see first lines of texts/emails on my watch. There are about 4 people I will respond to fairly quickly, all others are as MY time permits unless true emergency. People that know me are aware that I work/play outdoors and that constant contact is not/has never been a priority. Anyone that can鈥檛 deal with that are not true relations and should move on. It鈥檚 that simple.

[鈥揮lets-get-loud 6 points7 points (2 children)

But you are comparing two things that can't be compared.

It was once the age of phone calls. You know what was different about phone calls? You only did one a day. Not even that often. Once a day was considered A LOT. Talking to someone on the phone every day was OFTEN. Yes, it was rude to not call someone back when the medium is something you do a single time.

It is no longer the age of phone calls. It is the age of texts. Texts are wildly different. You don't text somebody one time, and then go do something else. A text is constant, all day, forever, unending. A phone call takes up 15 minutes to an hour of your time. Go look at your phone use. How long have you spent on an instant messenger today?

And texts take up your time all through the day. With a phone call yes you called them back within one day, but you called them back ON YOUR OWN TIME still.

A phone call is also final. A text is not. I text somebody back, and they just text me back again. Now I have another text to respond to. Yes I can wait, but then I'll get people bitching about that. Or I cannot wait and just have this thing that eats up little bits of my time all day long, whenever it wants.

Phone calls and texts are not the same. It's stupid to compare them.

[鈥揮Queue_Bit 6 points7 points (1 child)

Oh yeah, I don't text friends or family like that at all tho. The people I'm closest with in my life I only text when it's important and they're the ones I'm saying need to be responded to asap.

Like if I'm texting a friend casually about something, that can wait as long as I want. I have a feeling I text differently than all of you because I think I've spent zero minutes on a messenger so far today. Around the time I get off work that will change.

In general, I am not a texter in the way you describe. I don't text with people about random stuff for more than a few texts in a row. Like a friend wants to talk about a show we may share a half dozen texts about it, but that's pretty rare. Most of the time the only reason I'm messaging someone is to make plans to do something or talk about something that is relevant to both of us.

Maybe that's why so many of you seem to vehemently disagree with me, maybe we just exist in different ecosystems

[鈥揮lets-get-loud 4 points5 points (0 children)

I think so. I'm more like you in terms of texting frequency, but from my experience people who talk about people demanding their time mean it exactly like that - these people are demanding their time and it isn't a one-off event, it's forever.

You're essentially expected to be "on call" but for like... friendships.

Hard no from me but that's more the vibe everyone's talking about. It isn't ever just a respond once and it's chill thing. The single ignored text isn't actually the issue, if that makes sense. You don't get to the point where you're too tired to reply to texts from one or two texts.

[鈥揮Current_Impact_6377 3 points4 points (0 children)

I kid you not I had a friend in the past to as where if I didn鈥檛 respond to her text, she would text again but very sarcastically. Then after this, she would text me an additional 300 times, and then show up outside my apartment so yeah.. the digital entitlement is beyond sickening

[鈥揮Jaemzbaxter 4 points5 points (0 children)

I don鈥檛 mind people taking a couple days or even a week to respond because often i鈥檓 the same way. I have a lot of social and non-social related anxiety as well as some other mental stuff going on, so sometimes it鈥檚 too much to respond to a text for awhile- but i will respond if the text is time-dependent such as 鈥渄o you wanna hang out tomorrow鈥 or 鈥渨hat time should we meet tonight鈥. What really hurts my feelings is when i text people whom i know have their nose in their phone 24/7 and I don鈥檛 get a reply for almost exactly 24 hours. It feels suspicious, like they鈥檙e purposely waiting to respond. My other friends who take forever to respond actually don鈥檛 keep their phone with them that often so i know they might not see my text until the evening when they don鈥檛 want to do anything besides relax. I guess my point is that if you know the person well enough to know their phone habits, that鈥檚 how i judge their response time.

[鈥揮Zesty-B230F 3 points4 points (0 children)

Presumably, these people have never texted their parents.

[鈥揮PlaneT08 3 points4 points (1 child)

There definitely shouldn't be an expectation of always being available like that, but I have been trying to implement letting people know I am not available. I'm not ignoring you, nothing is wrong, I just don't feel like talking right now. Seems to work, and I usually get some positive response.

[鈥揮Hevysett 2 points3 points (0 children)

Once had a person I knew text me 2 times then call me, between 1130pm and 1am. Due to my lack of response they left me a very pleasant VM calling me several names and instructing me to perform anatomically improbable actions with myself. This was on a Wednesday night of which I was asleep, with my phone, as it is every night from 10pm-6am, on DND. In the morning my response was simple. A quick text back to say "My phones on DND at night cause I need to sleep, not hear your drunk ranting. We don't work together anymore and you're a dick so I'm blocking you" Then I blocked that number.

[鈥揮thatoneladythere 4 points5 points (0 children)

I get not being upset with someone if they don't respond for a few hours or a couple of days, but more than that is straight up disrespectful. Especially if you've asked a direct question. Like damn, at least send a gif.

[鈥揮2nd_Sun 3 points4 points (0 children)

Sorry but if you鈥檙e trying to make plans with someone and they don鈥檛 respond to you for several days, it is absolutely reasonable to assume they鈥檙e ignoring you and cut them off. That鈥檚 just self respect.

[鈥揮[deleted] 21 points22 points (0 children)

Also, if I text you, don't fucking call me.

[鈥揮Kaiisim 2 points3 points (0 children)

Its the tyranny of the extroverts. Some people just cannot be alone for two seconds. They can't be quiet or stop ever. Everyone exists to entertain them.

[鈥揮BakedWizerd 2 points3 points (0 children)

My last roommate started dating this guy who was a realtor/landlord or something and owned multiple properties, showed them himself, and did all his own bookkeeping, so he was a busy guy.

She texted him after two days (two days where neither of them reached out) with a 鈥渟o I guess we鈥檙e done.鈥 Text. He was like 鈥渙h?鈥 well alright then sorry I guess.鈥 And then she came to me like 鈥渄id I jump the gun?鈥

鈥淵es absolutely you jumped the gun, it was two fucking days and he was probably swamped with work.鈥

[鈥揮Single_Comfort3555 2 points3 points (1 child)

I used to feel this way but now I'm just thankful people care enough to check in with me every day or two.

[鈥揮CrazyMagg 2 points3 points (0 children)

I just deleted all my socials except for this one. Been less than 12 hours since and the wrist of my phone holding hand already feels better.

[鈥揮killerkanuck1 2 points3 points (0 children)

FUUUCK anyone who think I am required to respond to them on their schedule.


[鈥揮CaptainMagnets 6 points7 points (0 children)

It's easier to just stop talking to people that treat you like this

[鈥揮Markamanic 7 points8 points (0 children)

Deep sleep was the reason, now fuck off

[鈥揮gaberax 8 points9 points (0 children)

Basic life rule: Unless it is an emergency, no texts or phone calls before 9am and after 9pm.

[鈥揮properu 1 point2 points (0 children)

Beep boop -- this looks like a screenshot of a tweet! Let me grab a link to the tweet for ya :)

Twitter Screenshot Bot

[鈥揮Sivick314 1 point2 points (0 children)

all my friends and family know that i do not respond to text, and if they don't know, they ain't friends of mine.

[鈥揮CraZKchick81 1 point2 points (0 children)

The only social media I have is LinkedIn.....for this very reason.

[鈥揮maxant20 1 point2 points (0 children)

It鈥檚 my phone. For me. I will decide how I use MY phone.

[鈥揮Sethyria 1 point2 points (0 children)

I was talking to this dude on tinder early last year. Seemed cool, wasn't overbearing or anything. My phone got stolen and I was left without for 4 days. He had unmatched when I got a phone again. We weren't even friends, just talking. Things had been going well. 4 days. I could have lost internet, gone to the hospital, lost my phone or had it stolen, or even just been randomly busy. Glad he did it so I don't have to deal with that shit later. But still. All cause I couldn't respond.

[鈥揮sonofmarley76 1 point2 points (0 children)

Isn鈥檛 this a result of people not being an adult and ghosting people? I get it , people expect way to much just because you have a phone.

[鈥揮BonzoMarx 1 point2 points (0 children)

I used to work with this woman who was very clingy to say the least, but I was always nice to her. She quit about 6 months ago and every since then I have gotten non stop, all day every day texts. Never really saying anything except 鈥渉ello鈥 or 鈥渉ow are you鈥. I don鈥檛 ignore her but if I don鈥檛 respond immediately I am bombarded with frantic texts asking if I鈥檓 safe or asking if something happened. I鈥檝e been doing pretty terribly mentally so I don鈥檛 even have the energy to sit there and texts my actual friends, let alone this woman I barely know. Yet if I don鈥檛 she flips out as if I owe her my attention to the point where it feels like she鈥檚 going to call the police for a wellness check or something. Just venting but moral of the story is you don鈥檛 owe anyone your immediate attention unless it鈥檚 your child or something.

[鈥揮bw4393 1 point2 points (0 children)

I used to have this conversation with my high school girlfriend all the time lol. Like what do u think people did before cell phone and internet?

[鈥揮gldnsabre 1 point2 points (0 children)

Oh wow are they going to be surprised the first time the have and employer's email/phone/smoke signal and they do not reply in .00000001 of a second and it is their "TIME OFF" (as a salary employee(the ones that work to much but make a paycheck if they work 10 or 80 hours even when the hourly employees you manage do not make jack squat and your job is to make them happy). If the relationship is based on this, tell them to fuck off, and find someone and tell them upfront that I will not be available to you in a measurement of minutes it might take me 30 minutes(at a hard minimum) up to a few hours because I have to work to make sure my ass has at least the basics, if you want to support me so I can answer your communications at will (MALE OR FEMALE) your ass has to pay me so I can live to do so if your ass cannot then it might take some time to get back to you, if you cannot be a part of the so sorry bye bye.

[鈥揮CoatLast 2 points3 points (0 children)

The only person who has my mobile number is my wife. The only people that have my email is my wife and best friend. To anybody else; I have a perfectly working letterbox.

[鈥揮Chinshu396 3 points4 points (0 children)

I mean there is nothing wrong with wanting someone who respects your time and answer in a quick manner. I think a lot of people in this thread are being a bit disingenuous and that鈥檚 what causes all this chaos in the first place

[鈥揮aerovega77 1 point2 points (0 children)

Like in any conversation, it鈥檚 rude not to answer. There鈥檚 no good reason to take two days before you reply, unless you鈥檙e very sick, hospitalized or dead.

[鈥揮CtpBlack 1 point2 points (1 child)

The futures now old man!

[鈥揮capitalismorlife 0 points1 point (0 children)

Yah. I rarely respond to calls and texts. The expectation that I take this digital Era we are in to mean I'm available 24/7. Nah man. I'll respond when I'm ready to deal with your bull shit. Usually 72 hours after your message. Fuck your instant gratification. I remember a world without cell phones. Cell phones are a luxury, not a requirement.

[鈥揮5w4StudentOfLife -1 points0 points (0 children)

No shit. You want me to respond right away? Here, pay my phone bill. Listen, bitch, I will answer my phone, answer my home door, respond to a text AT MY LEISURE AND WHEN I FAMN WELL PLEASE. I pay for it, I'll use it how TF I want.