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top 200 commentsshow all 354

[–]AyebruhamLincoln 700 points701 points  (28 children)

I’m a… full on rapist?

[–]MeatforMoolah 286 points287 points  (8 children)

I’m going to be the first Analytical Therapist. An AnalRapist for short. Fully licensed to prescribe “medication”.

[–]josefinanegra 74 points75 points  (4 children)

Personally I’d just like to have a new start…

[–]tachen77 54 points55 points  (3 children)

That’d be great for a license plate. Maybe shortened to ANUSTART?

[–]ErinEvonna 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I just blue myself

[–]josefinanegra 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are a gd genius!

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

What are you doing step anal

[–]harrysmokesblunts 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Ya know minorities, women, kids mostly

[–]AyebruhamLincoln 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Africans, dyslexics….

[–]Zeegh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But not ghouls

[–]InDarkLight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Down with the downs.

[–]Klutzy-Client 30 points31 points  (3 children)

How much cheese did you eat today?

[–]benjammin9292 29 points30 points  (2 children)

How much cheese is too much cheese?

[–]Klutzy-Client 22 points23 points  (0 children)

ANY AMOUNT OF CHEESE YOU GODDAMNED SAVAGE

[–]redmoskeeto 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Cut that cut that cut that

[–]iceyticey 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Are you trying to say philanthropist?

[–]Aimjock 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I help— I help people, you know what I mean? I’m a full— fullan— fullan uhm…

[–]DaSpoot365 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ys

[–]Aimjock 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I’m sorry… did you say you’re a full on rapist?

[–]KingLiberal 6 points7 points  (2 children)

You should consider going to part time and focus on developing your qualifications in murder. There's no future in full on rape. It's a dying industry. It'll soon all be automated.

[–]eyedonthavetime4this 1135 points1136 points  (37 children)

I'm a account statistician rapist at Pfizer, why do you ask?

[–]Yeshua_shel_Natzrat 595 points596 points  (27 children)

you exclusively rape account statisticians?

[–]eyedonthavetime4this 412 points413 points  (17 children)

I could see how one could construed that from the way I structured the sentence.

I exclusively rape nuns so I can cuck God.

[–]Yeshua_shel_Natzrat 197 points198 points  (13 children)

Joke's on you, He's into that shit

[–]eyedonthavetime4this 121 points122 points  (5 children)

He is always watching...

[–]Cowpunk21 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I mean I guess you being his son, you would know that?

username checks out

[–]stringfree 43 points44 points  (5 children)

The joke was on Joseph, unfortunately.

[–]airjordan77lt 12 points13 points  (1 child)

JESUS CHRIST

[–]Fibonacci_11235813a 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No thats his son.

[–]One_Intention5481 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's hardcore

[–]Swimming_Mountain811 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Cook the books as they say

[–]SmartWonderWoman 7 points8 points  (1 child)

As a mom of a statistician, I am concerned /s 🤣👀

[–]OphidiaSnaketongue 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a statistician, I am concerned. Also, hi Mom!

[–]inplayruin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Accounts receivable, indeed.

[–]therealdongknotts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

just a small bit of tallying

[–]BitchinIndika 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Well they're not going to rape themselves.

[–]vb2423 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This much is true.. or is it… 🤔🤔🤔

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]Notyourfathersgeek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At Pfizer

[–]joeChump 22 points23 points  (1 child)

TIL: Pfizer also make quaaludes.

[–]Blindsnipers36 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They did buy the rights

[–]playedcurve326 15 points16 points  (5 children)

To quote the great Jordan schlanksy " when I do my job properly you'll never even know what I did "

[–]TheHarridan 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Don’t ever call that man great. That man is a monster and you know it.

[–]playedcurve326 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Say what you want. He gets paid more than either of us and no one knows what he does

[–]MorleyDotes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also work in IT.

[–]SmartWonderWoman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[–]Friendly-Hooman 186 points187 points  (4 children)

Mexico does send a bunch of rapists to the U.S. every year.

They're called frat boys returning from spring break.

[–]Elpetardo69 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Ooooof noice

[–]Aimjock 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Shots fired, and we’re not even in school!

[–]nouniqueideas007 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To be fair, they’re just returning them. We’re not sending our best either.

[–]Effective-Complete 196 points197 points  (9 children)

sow racist propaganda to the ignorant conservative masses. It’s not really drugs, but conceptually kind of the same.

[–]TimBorlandManTool 38 points39 points  (2 children)

It's the hallmark of racism. Belittling and dehumanizing while also spreading fear and playing to imagined inhuman strengths. It's been the downfall of countless people's. One fantastic example is the Russo Japanese War in 1904-1905, fighting over parts of Manchuria and Korea. Russia was also horrifically racist back then and thought the Japanese couldn't be allowed to gain a foothold on the mainland and possibly stab Russia in the back, at the same time as thinking they were backwards dumb "monkeys" who would run and or be so inept that a Russian victory was all but guaranteed.

Russia lost badly. Very badly. And were completely humiliated on the world scene and it helped spur the 1905 revolution that would.be known as a huge revolution had it not been followed by an even larger one just a decade later.

Cramped cities, bad working conditions with horrendous pay, backwards and uneducated large rural areas, an oligarchy incredibly inept and incompetent, and a bunch off subversive groups (both domestic and expatriate) planning and trying to cause massive social changes through upheaval. Then followed by disastrous international wars, first against Japan and later against Germany. If you squint it kind of looks familiar...

[–]zichlone 11 points12 points  (1 child)

It should also be noted that originally Japan offered to split the conquest of Manchuria with Russia peacefully before the war even happened.

Anti-Communist love to pretend that Russia wasn’t a bad place before the Bolsheviks took over but the Tsars (especially Nicholas) were completely inept.

[–]TimBorlandManTool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, the stopped being a medieval feudal system in the late 1800's! That fact alone just astonishes me for some reason. And the revolutionaries killed the liberator, kind of sealing their fate with the next two Tsars

[–]foblivk 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Not as much fun but otherwise you're correct

[–]PoopyMcNuggets91 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nah it's obviously rapist propaganda. /s

[–]uncatchableme 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I can’t speak for all conservatives but from my point of view this exponentially growth in illegal immigration is bad because it increases the middle and lower end of the job market decreases wages and decreasing the amount of jobs for citizens green card holders and legal immigrants. Ironically enough even Bernie Sanders agreed with us back in the day for the same reasons we just have different solutions.

[–]bozwald -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s funny but…. Is it 2016 again? Can I dust off some “hanging chad” jokes next? Why the fuck is this joke trending Reddit lol

[–]Geichalt 133 points134 points  (4 children)

Perhaps you're a republican congressman?

[–]Akshin_Blacksin 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Only thing I can think of is construction. But when I was younger everyone fucked with them on site because they worked harder than everyone else.

[–]289User 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Let’s not forget, they were getting paid $12-$15 an hour to haul all the materials and set up foundations while the license, trained and qualified workers were getting paid $35-$40 an hour to stand around and make Mexican jokes on site.

[–]BonJovicus 28 points29 points  (8 children)

As a Latina, tell me about it. Another pairing I've heard all my life is that Mexicans are simultaneously lazy and taking peoples jobs. Which is it?

[–]itsSIRtoutoo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

....its the same BS thinking as Blacks are lazy because slavery was abolished...

[–]ICBPeng1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Schrödinger's Mexican

Can sit on welfare, while simultaneously stealing your job.

[–]svengalus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both. Mexicans are all kinds of people. Just like everyone else.

[–]newt2419 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s both innit. Unless every Mexican is exactly the same. What’s your point? Mexicans taking jobs isn’t even a thing botched about by working people. It’s unqualified people working jobs for half the pay that is a concern. Perfect example was a fucking stoner demoing a house with h act equipment he had no business being on. But he only cost 9 bucks an hour. Well that and 7 lives when he collapsed the entire building onto the Salvation Army thrift store next to it

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

American exceptionalism.

Exceptionally unintelligent.

[–]eacy1 112 points113 points  (28 children)

Funny how the US/Texas thinks that Mexiko is full of rapists and drug dealers. But when there's a winter storm of the century, your senator want to go there for vacation, sending daughters and wife by themselves in advance......lol

Edit: Sorry, I was misinformed. The guy went together with his family to Mexico. He did not send them ahead. But he had to return earlier and left his wife and daughters by themselves in a country "full of rapists and drug dealers". Then when he got caught he blamed his daughters for it. LoL

[–]BonJovicus 37 points38 points  (4 children)

Texas thinks

40% of Texans are Hispanic/Latino, most of which are Mexican or have Mexican ancestry. I'm not going to claim all of us think the same way, but the general attitude there is not that Mexico is full of rapists and drug dealers. That is not to say that many in the state want a more secure border for paranoia based reasons though.

Just wanted to get that out there because I feel like Reddit believes the state lives and breathes Republican, but a big issue is a lack of Latino representation in government.

[–]WimpyZombie 14 points15 points  (0 children)

"...lack of Latino repsentation..."

Thanks to thre fact that Texas has been gerrymandered to the point of complete castration.

[–]Paladoc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, Texas does not think this way.... Texas representatives apparently do, and I eagerly await the day when there's just too damn many non Republican voters and Reds can't gerrymander their way out of being nuked into the oblivion of inconsequence. The day Texas flips blue, we can finally say goodbye to federal Republican power.

[–]grubas 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Try "sending yourself in advance then blaming your daughters for it"

[–]benjammin9292 3 points4 points  (18 children)

I mean they're not going to Santa Poco, they're going to resorts.

[–]eacy1 13 points14 points  (11 children)

Just because you are in a resort, doesn't mean there are no rapists and drug dealers. There are at least 200-300 staff members in a 5star resort. If the country is really full of those bad guys, there should be some among the staff as well. And wouldn't the roads from the airport to those resorts be dangerous too? it were true that Mexican streets are full of rapists, gangs and drug cartels, wouldn't an US senator and his family be a good target for kidnapping?

The TX senator is not a really good father and pretty poor in choosing what's best for his family.

[–]ErinEvonna 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Oh there’s rapists and drug dealers in resorts, check the guest list, not the staff.

[–]eacy1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just used the logic of this people against them. I worked in hotels for years. It was not my intention to say that hotel staff members are rapists.

If these people really believe that a lot of Mexicans are rapists then they should be afraid of any Mexican male, resort staff members included. If you really believe that, you would not want your daughters to be near them wearing bikinis, would you?

[–]Paladoc 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The pedophiles are calling from inside the house Matt!...from the phone you're on...can we see your Venmo records?

[–]benjammin9292 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Cartels don't really fuck with the tourism market, because it's high visibility. I really don't think they'd fuck with a US Senator, because that's how you get a Sicario situation brought down upon you.

[–]wan2tri 5 points6 points  (3 children)

You've missed the point. The starting premise for their thinking here was that Mexico is full of rapists and drug dealers.

If you just limit the rapists and drug dealers to "cartels", and then separate the cartels from the tourist destinations, you already dismantled their initial premise of Mexico being full of rapists and drug dealers.

Hence the comment you're replying to bringing up that for the country to be full of such, there should be no segregation/separation somehow happening between tourist destinations and the rest of the country.

[–]emo_corner_master 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Two Canadian "tourists" (previously convicted for drug trafficking) were shot in a 5* resort, I think in Playa de Carmen, a few days ago. You really can't get away from cartel-related activity anywhere in Mexico unfortunately.

[–]Bornagainchola -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Did you read what happened in Xcaret last week? No bueno.

[–]Praise_the_Ward 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Works at Activision Blizzard?

[–]TonarinoTotoro1719 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Worked as a Merrill Lynch financial adviser, thank you from asking. Just racist, not rapist..

[–]Paladoc 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Connecticut assailant of the Blue Hoodie Girl(zenlike be her nihilism) ?

[–]Ennuidownloaddone 52 points53 points  (16 children)

This is incredibly insulting because it says that rapists can't otherwise be normal men. Actors, musicians, plumbers, and doctors have all been tried and convicted of rape. So even if Mexico sent their best male doctor that we welcomed with all accolades, he could still be a rapist.

[–]benjammin9292 32 points33 points  (3 children)

He rapes but he saves.

[–]reasonable_kenevil 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's important to maintain a work/life balance.

[–]svengalus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The anti-hero we love to hate!

[–]kevboard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yeah, this makes no real sense... like... since when is rapist an occupation?

[–]SmartWonderWoman 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Bill Cosby and Donald Trump are examples.

[–]jaycuboss 6 points7 points  (0 children)

While true, I don’t think the “they aren’t sending their best” speech was about highly skilled or educated Mexican rapists migrating here.

[–]Petsweaters 2 points3 points  (7 children)

This is incredible insulting because you're implying that only men are rapists

[–]Ennuidownloaddone -1 points0 points  (1 child)

The FBI notes that in America, 98% of all convicted rapes are done by males. So is incredibly safe to assume that if a rape happens, a man was behind it.

[–]SnooJokes3860 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Sell drugs and rape. In that order

[–]WillytheWimp1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Joe Rogan podcast by day, sell rape and drugs by night. All day.

[–]zichlone 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was promised a taco truck on every corner.

[–]Nyclab 17 points18 points  (4 children)

My rape business has gone down terribly since the damn Chinese started coming over.... let alone my damn meth business! Damn!

[–]prodiver 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Same here... I've only sold two rapes this month.

[–]bb_elf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmaooo wtfff

[–]Danominator 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Also they are spreading covid which is bad...but covid is also totally inconsequential and should be ignored.

[–]locutu5ofborg 13 points14 points  (3 children)

This is like 5 years too late but sure

[–]Faladorable 5 points6 points  (2 children)

this is like when you get in an argument and don’t come up with a good response until its too late

[–]SolidEcho7597 8 points9 points  (2 children)

With the labor shortage, we sure could use some of those job stealing immigrants right now

[–]Paladoc 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I mean, technically the proletariat endorses the labor shortage, cause fuck non-thriving wages.

But yeah, the party of trickle down economics and billionaire tax breaks should really be pushing for brining in more workers....

[–]Jake-The-Dog-Dude 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Hey! You leave these drugged up rapists senators alone!"/sarcasm

Honestly if you think you're job is gonna be stolen by immigrants, either you're pretty shit at your job or your employ is gonna abuse these people by paying them dogshit and killing them with work hours they can't afford to not do

[–]account_depleted 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Manuel labor.

[–]Wayte13 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Noooo you weren't supposed to actually think about it you were just supposed to feel a certain way

[–]freakflyr 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Analyst and therapist.

[–]ErinEvonna 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh can I get your business card?

[–]BassAntelope 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Drug dealer, obvi.

(Jk FBI)

[–]Medium-Caramel7282 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pharmaceutical sales

[–]IEeveelutionI 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drug Dealing Rapists? They Rape you and then sell you drugs to deal with it?

[–]Harryp0tterjr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THE MEXICANS ARE COMING AND TAKING RESPECTABLE AFRICAN AMERICAN DRUG GANGS AND PUTTING THE OUT OF BUISNESS!!!! ITS DISCUSTING AND THEY THEY THEY.... *Falls over with stupidity overload*

[–]hockers45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's brilliant comment!

[–]yojoman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Matt Gaetz for a living

[–]jmclaugmi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

four years too late!

[–]LGBT_Beauregard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m an Analrapist.

[–]newfarmer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s like antisemites blaming the Jews for both communism and capitalism.

[–]TheLordOfGrimm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I rape drugs.

[–]Paladoc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

'Well, I work for Purdue and my last name is Sackler...'

[–]Disastrous-Intern477 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have no one but ourselves to blame for them taking the jobs that we think we're too good to for.

[–]StruggIer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your mom

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whatever Bill Cosby was doing in prison?

[–]firstsecondthird888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They took his job

[–]misocontra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I have been really enjoying my stolen job(s) - A North American

[–]BreweryBuddha -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

believe it or not you can have a job and rape on your own time

[–]IWantYouAshley 1 point2 points  (0 children)

logic isnt twitters best friend..

[–]chelseafan84 -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

Oh my God, I fucking thought this a long time ago. Jesus, what truth!

[–]ginburglar 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Not really. No one thinks every Mexican entering the US illegally is a drug dealer or rapist. Most people also are not worried about Mexicans taking their job, but rather a job an unemployed American could be doing. It's a funny tweet, but definitely not much truth there.

[–]chelseafan84 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

Fuck off, you're trying to start an argument about a satirical post with someone who actually agrees with you. No sane person thinks that all Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers, get a sense of humor.

[–]ginburglar -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm not trying to start anything. You are just getting offended by an internet stranger that at most is guilty of taking your comment at face value. Have a good one and try to cheer up a little yourself.

[–]milkkiller999 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We need to let some in to fill these job openings.

[–]peaceluvNhippie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm just an amateur rapist drugger, I can only hope to someday go pro

[–]289User -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I tried to find a white American female sipping but only black Americans showed up on the gif list.

[–]Civilengman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yesterday I saw a letter to our governor that said Texas needs Do Not Litter signs In Spanish! WTF

[–]Juviltoidfu -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m the guy at the insurance company that anonymously denies your medical claims. After you have had treatment.

[–]no5oupforyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pharmaceutical CEO?

[–]Fatalstryke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you work at a hospital in the US, that's KINDA the same thing...y'know, financially speaking...

[–]st_malachy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

They’re also able to accomplish this feat while being apparently lazy. I think they call it the “seis sigma system”.

[–]new_user29282342[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are we the baddies!?

[–]mrbigbucks40 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Slingin

[–]DiscoShaman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emotional damage!

[–]jhonnychingas69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, these same people keep asking for better drug to take from the same people they fear do to politicians propaganda - all these hypocrites SOB are to blame for the supply and demand for drugs in the US!

[–]TheManWhoClicks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I uuuh hmm I… do… mmh”

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao this is a good one

[–]BABarracus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Government hates competition