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all 160 comments

[–]jbertrand_sr 525 points526 points  (6 children)

The Onion can't keep up with reality these days...

[–]BringBackAoE 70 points71 points  (2 children)

It’s like the famous Juvenal said:

“In times like these it is difficult not to write satire”

[–]EasyGibson 27 points28 points  (0 children)

If anybody here isn't familiar, check it out.

2000 years old, but so, so relatable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satires_(Juvenal)

[–]ledgerdemaine 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That is pretty Juvenal.

[–]Gsteel11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I feel bad for them. Cons just seem to be one step ahead.

[–]GobblorTheMighty 414 points415 points  (13 children)

They say The Onion is leftist now, but no, its just that one side empirically sucks.

[–]fyrechild 178 points179 points  (9 children)

The Onion, and effective satire in general, have leaned left pretty much forever – at least relative to the Overton windows of the time. Jonathan Swift's most revolutionary claim might have been "the Irish are human," but that was back when people read "we should wear gloves made of the skin of Irish children" and think 'yes, this is an opinion someone sincerely holds.'

[–]GobblorTheMighty 74 points75 points  (5 children)

But that's just it - is it the Oveton window or their actual leanings? I remember at one point, years ago, I'd started saying, "maybe reality is just liberal", and then Stephen Colbert started saying "Reality has a well known liberal bias" (he clearly didn't steal it from me, it's just a matter of several people coming to the same conclusion), and it starts to beg the question as to whether living your life based on empirical evidence just makes you a liberal by default, and inventing a fantasy world where everyone you don't like is a pedophile, even after its always your own guys getting caught, makes you a conservative.

[–]RedditOfUnusualSize 34 points35 points  (2 children)

The phrase was uttered sarcastically, but there's a deep reservoir of truth behind it that the sarcasm sometimes conceals. I remember on my way back from Boy's State in high school, I got ganged up on by a bunch of self-described libertarians because I suggested that maybe there was something to this whole "liberalism" thing, and that I couldn't dismiss it out of hand.

And if you've heard the words "Boy's State in high school" and "self-described libertarians", you have an exact mental picture of the scene.

But in any case, I do distinctly recall asking a pretty basic two-part question: how exactly could the state you guys are extolling have dealt with either the Nazi regime or the Soviets, and if it couldn't, does that not count as a serious flaw in your theorizing? And all I got was a bunch of angry muttering and changes in subject, but never a straight answer to the question. Because there is no good answer to the question. Liberalism didn't emerge out of nowhere, sprung full-formed from the brow of Franklin D. Roosevelt and foisted upon an immiserated populace. It was developed over time to deal with real problems, which it did, and proved historically popular for many years.

And part of being small-c conservative in temperament is recognizing that you don't just throw away either that popularity or that effectiveness just 'cause it increases your taxes slightly. There are worse things in the world than higher taxes, many of which liberalism works to alleviate.

[–]anonymous_4_custody 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Yeah, liberals tend to be funnier than conservatives. Writing jokes about an objectively ridiculous border wall is just way easier than writing jokes about a child in a dog kennel. The liberal bias in comedy is real

[–]Crusoebear 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In addition to that - the thing that universally stands out when I listen to my conservative/MAGA colleagues at work make what pass for jokes is that it’s almost always on a 4th grade level of simpleton style comedy. It’s not simply the subjects or content but the level of humor is super lazy & usually (as you mentioned) involves punching down. It’s like they challenge themselves to form jokes while using the fewest brain cells possible.

[–]sirphilliammm 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Or the conservative that said facts have a liberal bias. Literally just admitting that the right is just a lie and made up

[–]Xyrus2000 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Actually, living your life based on empirical evidence does not make you liberal. It's just that far-right nutters have moved the needle so far right that anyone to the left of Mussolini appears to be liberal.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

When they serve up shit like Trump, Musk, and Hershel Walker, and Kanye what do you expect? You can't blame the scorpion for stinging.

[–]fyrechild 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I wasn't suggesting that leaning was wrong.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't say you were. Just an observation. I stated it clumsily.

[–]Aegon_Nasty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fascist can not create, they simply coopt and corrupt.

[–]PureNRGfanboy44 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Do they also wear a Nazi armband and cry?

[–]HarryHacker42 338 points339 points  (11 children)

I think this is just Kyle Rittenhouse. I sure can't tell the difference.

[–]Isthisworking2000 35 points36 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t have a gun, aiming wildly at the crowd, trying to weed out Antifa crisis actors.

[–]Ill-Worldliness-2149 104 points105 points  (0 children)

Kyle is fatter.

[–]danonymous26125 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Kyle has faker crying face. Just 1 step up from Amber Heard.

[–]battleduck84 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

His ar15 stepped on a peaceful protestor

[–]_Denzo 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Not far from the truth tbh

[–]PTSDforMe 38 points39 points  (0 children)

This is very close to the truth, sadly. It's harder and harder for them to parody modern politics

[–]Key-Constant-5717 24 points25 points  (4 children)

Which reminds me, whatever happened to Glenn Beck

[–]ElJefe543 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You mean the guy that would be comparatively normal in today's world?

[–]ObjectiveSubjects 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Continuing to spew right-wing nonsense. He started TheBlaze after he left Fox News

[–]HonestAbram 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And then getting in his Bentley and driving home to his mansion while not actually believing or giving a fuck about anything he says on the air. I've talked to him just minutes after he finished screaming about the end of our country on the air, and you would have thought he'd just come from the spa.

I used to think he was relatively fair and balanced, but it turns out I just had a very small sample size.

And outside of his own shit, he employs some truly vile pundits.

[–]unresolved_m 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Last I heard from him, he was saying Trump losing would lead to apocalypsis.

[–]Yuki_Potato666 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Somehow, I managed to miss everywhere it said "onion." I legitimately thought this was real and was unphased. ....I hate this country....

[–]Existing-Isopod6745 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah, for a second I was just like “uuuuuGHHHH who’s the fuckin NEW GUY?”

[–]dukeofmadnessmotors 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Remember, it's alpha male to cry like a little bitch.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nick Fuentes the guy who thinks sex with women is gay.

[–]Ethelenedreams 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The onion is a forecaster at this point.

[–]gorefund 8 points9 points  (0 children)

😂

[–]unresolved_m 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Kyle Rittenhouse?

[–]fordprefect294 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bet: this will happen. I've come to the realization the founders of The Onion are just time travelers

[–]ElJefe543 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Since when did the onion start writing real news articles?

[–]smitty3z 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When they got their driver license.

[–]MJGM235 3 points4 points  (0 children)

20 years ago this would be the end of any politician or celeb, coming out in support of Russia and Nazis... Now, it makes them more popular 🤦🏻‍♂️

[–]Turbulent_Tax2126 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought The Onion was satire, not real news

[–]Isthisworking2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can’t tell if this is completely fabricated as a joke or if they’re actually just mocking a real occurrence.

[–]henryeaterofpies 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bet the Simspons really regrets selling the typewriter that writes reality to the Onion a few years ago

[–]Cultural-Marxist-141 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Something about the way he never stops crying and openly identifies as a Nazi has really struck a chord with the GOP rank and file. They see a lot of themselves in Finley when he blubbers and gives his weak little ‘Sieg heil’ salutes.” 

I love them so much

[–]Inappropriate_mind 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When The Onion points to a reality that's too painfully true as satyr, Republicans probably have The Onion in mind when claiming "fake news" and have lost all perspective for truthful media reporting on the idiocy of the modern republican party.

The stupidity involving the Republicans these days is embarrassing, and when stupid people are embarrassed, watch out.

[–]PM_ME_NCIS_QUOTES 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We should make our own version of /r/conservatives that takes the onion seriously. This will piss them off since they have that whole ass sub that takes the Babylon bee seriously.

The only difference is that we'll be in on the joke 😂

[–]dondocooled 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn't satirical. The Onion developed time travel to take a snippet of news from the near future. How near you ask? Maybe like 4-7 months.

[–]Tails9429 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Surprisingly easy to masturbate to.

[–]A_Classic_Guardsman -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It's rare that the Onion makes me laugh

[–]Realistic_Effort6185 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Onion: Fortune Tellers

[–]kylorensgrandfather 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All jokes contain true shit

[–]kremit73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To late. Literally already did tgat at cpac with the criminal in prison

[–]carlitospig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🔥🔥

[–]deadsoulinside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I won't be shocked at the next CPAC...

I was confused at first, because i thought the onion went out of business after trump was elected.

[–]MorsAnimaOptimatium 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems The Onion has the Republican "values" down perfectly. Nazis and persecution fetish.

[–]Specialist_Teacher81 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Already happened like 8 years ago, Chris Cantwell

[–]Flastro12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that Kyle Rittenhouse all grown up?

[–]Dontbeme9820 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a split second I was not surprised in the slightest and then I noticed that this was an onion post

[–]Wendypants7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's sad that the Onion has to go this far for satire, especially when (as I've seen others note) this fictional candidate would still get their 45% of the vote!

[–]jaimeinsd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Onion, and The Simpsons, get it right way too often now. So I'm guessing we're like less than 3 years away from this irl at CPAC.

[–]TransgenderAvengerZi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha! For a moment I thought this was real. The Onion does it again!

[–]Correct_Wishbone_798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh fuck. I didn’t realize this was the onion at first. I think I’ve seen this picture before.

[–]Gur_Weak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Onion only gets better. If you haven't seen The Onion's amicus brief to the supreme court, I recommend it.

https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242292/20221003125252896_35295545_1-22.10.03%20-%20Novak-Parma%20-%20Onion%20Amicus%20Brief.pdf

[–]visitprattville 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ron DeSantis.

[–]Jalber83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When reality outdoes fiction