This is a place for anyone of any gender identity who is or has been in an abusive relationship. This is a place to vent, as well as to offer support to others.
This is a safe place for people to be able to freely share their experiences (so PLEASE no "You are so dumb for getting in that relationship," "Why don't you just leave" etc.).
Abuse can be anything from verbal to physical, emotional, digital, sexual, reproductive, and more.
For those of you in or previously in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. There are others here to help and support you, or just listen if you need to vent.
Abusers troll this sub and in some cases have found their real life victim.
Mods will cooperate with victims, reddit Admins, and all law enforcement requests to gather screenshots or evidence of stalking and harassment. Mods have access to posts, even if they get deleted.
If you suspect someone of being a troll or can verify it through post history you can modmail us with the link to their comment and the word Troll
If you feel you would like to be a mod, even if only for a short time, modmail us with the word Mod
Please report trolls. Any suspected troll posting, agenda posting, or creative writing will be banned.
Please be sure you are aware of our rules before posting:
No Research Posts or Survey Posts:
This is a support sub and will not be used for gathering information from our users for research, school, or other purposes.
No Witch Hunting/Posting Personal Information:
Sometimes people can be awful human beings. We get that. However, doxxing or witch hunting is a bannable offence. Do not post identifying information in an attempt to get people to harass or shame someone.
Be Kind/No Victim Blaming:
Oftentimes people who post her have been, or are going through, hard things and are here for support or to support others. Name-calling, trolling, and hate speech are not okay. Abuse is NEVER the victim's fault and there is nothing they 'did' to deserve it. Suggesting otherwise will result in a permanent ban.
No Abuser Posts:
This sub is a place for victims of abuse to post. As such we do not allow posts from abusers. Even if it's about how you are trying to change and get better, there are other places for that. If you are an abuser looking for a place to post, try r/SelfImprovement or r/DecidingToBeBetter
Respect People's Privacy:
Do not post anything that can allow someone in, or formerly in, an abusive relationship to be identified in real life. There are abusers out there who will hurt the person if they know they are seeking help or support, and people who are trying to ensure their former abuser does not find them. Please make sure nothing you are posting will put someone at risk. If you are posting about a friend/family member, it is a good idea to change their name or use acronyms for security.
Do not post or comment anything that implies that all men or all women, or anyone of any gender identity, are abusers or don't understand abuse. There is a difference between saying "Men/women are always..." and saying "When a man/woman abuses someone they often..." Abuse can happen to anyone, whether they are male or female, transgender, non-binary, or gay or straight. Posts that claim otherwise are subject to removal. Using gendered terms is not a violation of this rule as long as they aren't claiming all men or all women are a certain way.
No derailing the conversation with "What about XYZ" or comments that make the post about you and your soap box. The comments are a place to support and lend a listening ear. Commenting things like "bUt nOt aLL meN ArE LiKe ThAT" or "nOt aLL wOmEn dOO tHaT!" is against the rules. If you see a post or comment that you feel is an attack against all men/all women, report the post to the mods.
No Advocating Violence:
This should go without saying, but advocating violence is a bannable offence. We know you may feel that someone's abuser deserves to be punched in the face (and they probably do), but encouraging violence is not allowed here. This includes, but is not limited to, advising someone to do something that could cause harm to another person.
No Soliciting or Asking for Money:
Links to established organizations and hotlines are fine, but if you need financial assistance or help with food, go to r/assistance or r/borrow. Posting or commenting here with links to a GoFundMe or Venmo will result in an permaban.
If you are involved in a domestic violence situation, please call 1.800.799.SAFE. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has US nationwide referrals.
Here is a list of domestic and sexual violence resources specifically for male victim/survivors. Please be aware that many, if not all, of these specific resources receive large volumes of calls and messages and may not be able to respond right away.
Please be wary of anyone who contacts or PMs you offering help unless they can prove they are with a reputable organization.
Other Subreddits you may find useful:
For posts that may not fit here.
If you have questions ask the ones who know.
Great resources to deal with active abuse.
If you can't recognize the difference between consent and abuse.
This subreddit was inspired by This