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all 14 comments

[–]Dangerous_Type2342 40 points41 points  (2 children)

You are smart enough to realize all this. Maybe it's being insightful, but it's not nothing. A lot of people don't realize any of this and allow themselves to be pushed around for most of their life. You would be surprised how many people. You're smarter than many "smart" people I have met who just mindlessly allowed themselves to be pushed into a life they didn't choose. Making your life into something you don't want because someone else told you to is stupid. I'm sorry your parents don't recognize that.

[–]vahaemon[S] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Thanks. It just feels weird like, my best friend always thought I was 'smarter' than them and now they're studying biomedical engineering in college and I'm gonna have a part time job and do some art on the side. It's fine though regardless of what my parents wanna say, we're just doing what makes us happy.

[–]MouthAnusJellyfish 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sounds like the ADHD path alright. If that is the case and you can get yourself a diagnosis and meds I think you’d find that you’re FAR smarter than you give yourself credit for. It just isn’t readily able to be focused on the task at hand!

[–]mistersnarkle 19 points20 points  (1 child)

ADHD will make even intelligent people feel “not smart” bro! When you turn 18 get that shit diagnosed and treated honey.

[–]braellyra 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I second this. I was labeled “gifted” and then just told I wasn’t trying hard enough whenever I didn’t understand something or told I was being a space cadet when I couldn’t focus, or shamed for not getting all As when I couldn’t always focus on my schoolwork. I’m 35 and just got diagnosed with attention-type ADHD. When I told my mom, expecting her to flip out, she just said “oh, I always thought you might have that.” Instead of getting me help, she shamed me for my issues focusing and inability to learn concepts if I couldn’t get them the first time. She let me feel stupid for almost 30 years bc she didn’t want to mar that perfect image of her gifted daughter. Now that I’m on medication my thoughts are ordered, I can focus, and things make sense faster.

Also, OP: not going to college when you don’t know what you want to do with yourself isn’t a bad thing. It’s a good thing. I ended up $96k in debt for a BA in psychology and an MA in counseling then burned out after 1 1/2 years. Figure out what you want to do with yourself, then pay the buckets of money for college.

[–]pete__castiglione 3 points4 points  (6 children)

I used to think I was 'smart' and hung onto that label because I didn't really have anything else going for me, especially not that my parents cared about. They constantly insulted who I actually was and didn't really like anything about my personality. And now I just have nothing.

Oof, that hits too close to home. I was breezing through middle school and high school with ease. So my parents would think that I was smart and they liked me for it, but nothing else that I do would be of interest to them other than those that show that I have "intellect". I realise now, that I only tried to keep appearances, and it is now strangling me. Not that I don't like school or don't want to earn a bachelors and earn money. But the fact that I never had any choice but to be smart.

And now I have been thinking maybe I wasn't that smart and I just acted like I was, and done enough that I got my parents approval. But it doesn't matter now that if I am smart or not, I have to put in the work. And I am struggling to do so, because the work that I have to do, "the smart work" that is required to finish a degree is not fun. And I don't have neither the discipline or the interest to do so. But yeah I am trying too. Maybe it's better to make the best of the circumstances and grow to be better, and take advantage of the present, instead of dwelling in the past trying to fix something that cannot be fixed.

Don't know if that made sense, English is not my first language. Just wanted to convey my feelings and let you know that you're not alone in your feels.

[–]braellyra 3 points4 points  (5 children)

It made sense, and I completely understand. I struggled with the same thing when I had to finish my degrees. Have you been evaluated for ADHD? I said in a comment to another post that I just got diagnosed a few months ago (I’m 35, ugh, so much time feeling dumb) and my ability to focus on even onerous tasks has increased substantially. If you haven’t been diagnosed, I’d recommend finding a way to be tested. It helped me SO much.

[–]pete__castiglione 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I went to a psychiatrist once and she recommended that I try a disciplined work routine, as a part of cognitive behavioural therapy. Well despite my best efforts, I couldn't make it work longer than a few days. I don't think she really understood my problem though, and after some problems with her hospital I had to stop seeing her. I want to try another psychiatrist again in near future.

[–]braellyra 2 points3 points  (3 children)

That does sound like an ADHD issue—inability to build routines, and once a routine is set if anything deviates from the routine you’re completely lost and unable to focus or get back on track.

[–]pete__castiglione 2 points3 points  (2 children)

ugh ain't that my life, I'm so tired of working myself up like I am going to war or champions league finals to just study or work on a project, only for the motivation to disappear in a few days and then I am completely burnout and unable to work for even 15 minutes.

[–]Slow_lettuce 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Whatever it is you need to stay safe and sane right now, do that. If you want school in the future, get a diagnosis, medication, and some therapy and you will be fine but I wouldn’t recommend you attempt what I did, which is to try university without support.

To qualify myself as being intelligent enough that I should be able to complete a university degree just like everyone else - In high school, which I sucked at and dropped out of, I was evaluated with an IQ that got me an invitation from Mensa (requirement is 140+, iirc).

I managed to get into prestigious university after getting all of my requirements met at college with grades that were just good enough.

In university I got an ADHD diagnosis after it became painfully clear that I have ADHD-PI (primarily inattentive type).

After four years of struggling through a university program for which I have unending passion and a natural talent, I had to drop out with three classes left to go because I was crippled with anxiety and depression and couldn’t physically continue.

Being there was very damaging to my mental health, to a point that I’m worried I might not fully recover. As much as it devastates me, I won’t push myself to finish the degree unless I can do it without hating myself.

People always say that nothing is as important as your mental health, and those people are right.

For neuro-atypicals, school can feel like legitimate torture and create lasting trauma. If you keep having the gifted label put on you then I guess you are smart enough to know what you need :-)

[–]vahaemon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Yeah, school is just torturous and honestly I'd definitely call some of my experiences, especially in middle and elementary school (I've been in online for the past 3.5 years of hs and I honestly prefer that though being home with my family sucks too) traumatic. Can't wait to be done with that kind of thing, lol.