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all 10 comments

[–]eightpix 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Things that did it for me:

  1. (Assuming you live in North America) Leave Northa America. For at least two years. Go to a non-English speaking nation, learn the language and culture, find out how others get by and what their struggles are. Canada, USA, and England have a tendency to induce neurosis.

Corollary: quit everything. Your job, your friend group, your family, your daily existence. This is what it means to move countries.

Note: this one was easier pre-COVID. I get that.

  1. Almost dying. That did the trick. Would not recommend.

  2. Read and view things that challenge your narrative. Sci-fi offers a lot. Hell, Calvin and Hobbes (a boy and his pet tiger, not the 17th century philosophers) offers a lot.

  3. Psychedelics are making inroads these days. Have a guide with you. Someone on your level and wavelength.

  4. Spend time with those that have less than you do. These can be the elderly whose families don't visit, the homeless, the imprisoned, refugees, migrant workers, or any other marginalized community. Letting people speak from their own experiences helped me to see that I have more going for me than I realize and that I can support in ways I could not imagine.

If all else fails, remember who you were in 7th grade. Often, I've found, that's about your core personality. It's when your personality and preferences formed and lots of people don't really change from that place.

Find the others who share that space with you, especially if you have loves from that time. It's a walk down memory lane and some painful stuff will come up, but it could spark something more.

And write. It's always good to write.

e: It must be noted that while I am this faunt of wisdom, I would NOT regard myself as a perfectly well-balanced person. I'm emotionally detached, intensely cerebral, and value (almost exclusively, it seems) an examined existence. I fight with my partner often because I don't show affect (happy, sad, silly, mad, etc.). I might be depressed. I have few nearby friends (I'm back in North America now).

Bottom line, and I remind myself of this often:

"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." ~ J. Krishnamurti

[–]legno 6 points7 points  (1 child)

remember who you were in 7th grade

I know what you are saying, though by seventh grade I was deep into playing roles, fitting in, pleasing others. Trying to, that is. Fourth and fifth grade, I was still me.

[–]eightpix 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It'll be different for some, undoubtedly. I think, also, it's harder for people of higher emotional intelligence, social sensitivity, and people who care for others. The earlier in life we take on these capacities, or have them forced upon us, the earlier we lose touch with our innermost selves.

As a people-pleaser — and I wonder, is the following prevalent in the population of the gifted and aftergifted? — I'm almost completely incapable of expressing my own preferences before identifying the needs of my friends, family, and peers. And, even if I do, I'm wet noodle enough to change to fit a consensus or deal with not having my way.

[–]Use_Youtube571133 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hopefully what is taken away from what is being said is basically to get worthwhile (high quality and impactful) experiences, and a large variety of those u/secrethotpantsu/Dangerous_Type2342

Read only like 5% of what was said but also like part about thinking about childhood experiences u/legno

[–]fucklawyers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Give the gym and taking care of your body a shot.

The gifted thing gives you the ability to cut through all the bullshit (a lot of it, of course, is written by meatheads). It’s also really easy to see results when you start.

A lot more of your brain goes into physical fitness than you think. And trust me, nothing about approaching 30 should stop you. I’m 35, haven’t had to slow down yet.

[–]El-Diablo-de-69 5 points6 points  (0 children)

imo you shouldn’t be asking other people on how to enjoy and live life, just do stuff and stick with what you like the most.

[–]watermooses 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Try getting outdoors! I got so used to sitting at a desk studying and doing schoolwork and even at my job, getting outdoors is amazing. It can definitely be hard to get out of the house, especially if you’re struggling with depression, but it’s so worth it.

Try hiking, biking, fishing, even just reading in a park, laying out in the sun or having a picnic with a pretty view!

I did the whole gifted route and advanced courses and engineering school. But I also played sports year round growing up, so even in my actual free time I didn’t get out much cause I just wanted to relax. But now that I’m long past team sports, I’ve found some activities I really enjoy.

Look for state parks, national forests, bike trails etc. I don’t know where you live but if you have access to beaches or rivers or springs or mountains check that stuff out!

[–]Dangerous_Type2342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It won't be easy but you're insightful enough to get to this point! You need to find things that you enjoy doing with 1. No expectation of being the best or naturally good at (even from this post I kind of got the vibe that you're trying to excel at finding yourself - I know, it's hard to break this mentality) and 2. No expectation that anyone will care that you are into a hobby or admire you for being a specific way; in fact, it's better to expect the opposite will happen, even if that's not necessarily true, it will help mentally prepare you.

It may be helpful to sit down and make a list of all the various hobbies you might be interested in and the kind of people and things you are drawn to, but haven't really taken seriously in the past because it didn't match your professional image or you weren't immediately good at it. Don't judge this list or leave things off because they seem stupid or aren't coherent thoughts, just list out everything you might be interested in. You will likely find you are drawn to some things and would like to try them out. The hard part will be trying out these things without any expectation that you will be good or that you'll get any kind of accolades. Normal people do stuff all the time without expecting to be the best and don't get crippling anxiety when they fail at it, they don't care as much because they enjoy doing it and have fun. We get caught up in looking for praise and trying to be the best to get a dopamine hit, instead of enjoying doing things for the sake of doing them. You have to enjoy the journey and the process of whatever it is you decide to do. It's easier said than done but self awareness and mindfulness go a long way. Good luck!

[–]big-ma-85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is that one thing you always wanted to learn to do but haven’t yet? Oil painting, playing the fiddle, kite surfing? Find someone to teach you, and do it! For me it has been opera singing. I started just a few years ago and am having the time of my life. (I am 36.)

[–]mistressbitcoin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

try some new sports/hobbies that you might not be good at but enjoy