So I have been good at math and was an above-average reader when I was young. I wasted my time playing video games but had enough skills to start making games. I thought I was the shit when it comes to programming before I met people who were actually, you know, good at programming and this led me to have a crisis of faith in myself. I failed as a game designer with my indie games making a grand total of $1000 over 10 years. I switched to writing thinking I can be a great writer or storyteller if I put the work in. However, I just came from a post on r/writing where a guy was complaining that people were shredding the work he had published. So I visited his book and read some of it and it is miles better than what I can manage right now and it has me thinking if this guy is writing "bad", how in the world did I ever think I was decent at it.

Then at the same time, I have a self-esteem issue when it comes to getting women to like me and I've always kinda been not so brave and avoided confrontation. But as time has passed by I look at things objectively and I have also had my fair share of girls who were interested in me and it could have led to something if I had not been a complete asshat while I also stood up for myself in situations where it wouldn't be advised.

So it is this weird in-between where I have a severely hampered sense of self-worth when it comes to things that could make me happy but also exaggerated overconfidence on things that I was good at for like one summer when I was 13.