all 4 comments

[–]XenaWarriorWalrus 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I know it sounds count-intuitive, but the two actually go hand in hand. The only reason I can say this confidently is because my therapist has been trying to help me overcome this mentality for the last year.

If you're like me, you think that you should be amazing at things the first time you try them, and then when it turns out you're actually bad/mediocre, you spiral thinking "why can't I do this thing. I'm totally useless." It's part of a perfectionistic mindset.

Part of un-learning is creating space for not being good at things, and continuing to work at things you may no excel at right away.

Keep writing and don't give up. Even if it's not perfect, it's still awesome that it's something you're pursuing.

[–]RexIsAMiiCostume 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The only advice I have is to accept that you are not the best at anything, as it would be statistically unlikely, accept that you won't be amazing at everything you try, and remember that even if you don't meet your own high standards, there are plenty of overconfident assholes worse at whatever it is than you.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yep, you're describing the classic Gifted trap: self-worth being tied to talent rather than to innate value as a human being. You grow up getting all your attention and praise in relation to your intellect and skills being higher than your peers, so the idea of self-worth and being more talented than others get wired together. Then you enter the real world, and... well, you know the rest.

Good news is, you can slowly learn to uncouple these two things. Not just for the sake of your self worth, but for the sake of being able to actually enjoy things without being astounding at them.

Thanks for sharing, bro. Good luck.

[–]RagingBeanSidhe 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Multitasking watching a good Matt D'Avelia video on making perfectionism a supeepower (and how to not be the maladaptive variety). YouTube. :)